Tag Archives: relationship blogger

support system

Life is Hard – Get Yourself A Support System

So many things happened to me today, I feel like I must share some of them with you. Early this morning, my supplier slammed me with a shocking news: “No more credit sales, henceforth, you must give me bank guarantee of…(A huge sum of money) before I release product to you.

I sat up straight on hearing the amount and began to quickly find a way around it. As my head was calculating and throbbing at the same time, my friend called.

“Ife can you talk?” She asked

“I can if it’s an emergency” I responded

“Well, it is. I want to run away. Would it be irresponsible if I just dropped everything and go away for a while? This responsibility is too much. I’m so tired. I need to go away. The burden is too heavy on me…” My friend’s voice was thin and tired. I felt her words deep in my soul and even though I had my own stuff going on, I had to make a short stop to check up on her in her office. I couldn’t stay long but I was able to make her laugh and we were able to reach a solution as to how she can take a break but not run away.

I went back to trying to find a solution to my own situation. Then, this evening another friend called to talk about some things she was going through. She was weak and tired of it all when she was done sharing all that she was going through she said to me “look, I’m going home. I’m shutting down this laptop and going home to take a walk or just chill, we’ll pick things up tomorrow”. I shared with her what had happened to me earlier in the day and we ended the conversation encouraging one another

This is the lesson I took from today’s situation: no man is an Island. You can’t hold everything in yourself, you will crush from the weight of it all if you don’t unburden to someone you trust.

My friends and I felt lighter today after we helped shoulder one another’s burden. That enough, made us want to try again tomorrow.

Life is hard. Please get a support system. Though they may not be able to solve all your problems, you’ll never lack practical and emotional support.

 

Marriages in Nigeria

Diary of a Naija Guy: Marriages in Nigeria and Most parts of Africa are sustained by women

Marriages in Nigeria and most parts of Africa are sustained by women. You can argue this with your village deity. Women in general, put up with a lot of bullshit just to make their marriages work. From childhood they have been taught that a wise woman keeps her home. In order to keep their homes, they end up enduring a lot of ill-treatment.

Find any woman who has been with a man for donkey years and ask her if she would love to marry that same man over again in her next life. Majority would say no. This brings us to the point that most marriages are endurance marriages not happy marriages. Unfortunately, we are told that marital success is about duration.

A successful marriage isn’t about duration but happiness. If two people spend five years together, happily and add immense value to each other; if they decide to break up without fighting about it, their marriage can be rated as successful. Spending eternity together in sorrow isn’t the idea of success to me. It is what you do in the marriage that counts not how long.

Scan through the length and breadth of marriages in Nigeria and see the things women endure. This is not to say that women are innocent. Marriages in Nigeria is quite disadvantageous to the women folk. Except you are lucky to have a man who has a good head. Infidelity, entitlement mentality, domestic violence, third party interference, patriarchal orientation etc are some of the things women bear up. How many women are willing to walk out of their marriages when they are abused? They want to keep their homes and status. They want to raise their kids. They don’t want to be seen as failures. The moment a marriage fails, everybody points at the woman. This in itself is psychologically abusive. What is Marriage Really About?Turning Your Wife into A Househelp?




When it comes to marriages in Nigeria, everything wrong with the marriage, is the woman’s fault. Bad children are her fault. Failed business, failure to have kids, crappy sex, the man’s infidelity, the man’s arrogance towards his family members, his stinginess to people in general, his lack of spirituality, his night crawling attitude, his poor dressing, everything is her fault.

After all these years of matrimonial slavery, women are beginning to set their priorities right. It is becoming clear to them that the quality of the marriage is what matters. They have come to agree that being single and happy is more important than being married and frustrated. But men won’t let them be. The same men would abuse a woman for opting to stay single. Isn’t this insane? You are not ready to treat somebody right, yet you won’t let them be. You tell them how stupid it is for a woman to be single, but your mouth won’t utter a word to tell men that they should treat women better. These things are worrisome to me.

The women who are standing out and demanding for their rights as humans are being tagged with all sorts of names. We say all manner of things to dampen their spirits. We are citing them as the reasons behind the failure of marriages. What we have failed to see is that marriages weren’t successful as we were told. It is just that the women were covering up our nakedness just to make everybody feel that their marriages were perfect. The burden of covering up our masculine insanity has increased and they can no longer handle it. Recently, they have chosen to unmask the matrimonial institution and show the world what they have been hiding for ages. We are scared that our little secrets are being revealed. We aren’t as powerful as people thought we are. We are just cowards hiding under patriarchal privileges.




So the question is, how many men are willing to put up with a woman who would give them the same dose of madness they have been giving to women? Exchange the roles and let the men be at the receiving end. Men are walking out of their marriages for little things as who cooked food, she starved me of sex for a week, she slapped me, she was flirting with my boss, I met the house dirty. Very insignificant, compared to what women have been putting up with.

I would like you to judge for yourself. When it comes to marriages in Nigeria,Who is sustaining it? Apart from a few reasonable men, most men marry without a sense of marital purpose, which is why they destroy their marriages themselves and blame their wives. Now you can see that we can’t even put up with marital challenges, yet we are always quick to say that women who walked out of abusive marriages were not willing to make their marriages work. If you are such a man, I wish you a very bad woman, and I hope you stick with her and make the marriage work.

I want a good woman. I cannot come and suffer for the sins of other men. Bad women should go and marry bad men. Let the good marry the good. I didn’t come this far to pay for the stupidity of other men. After abusing a woman I will now come to reap your madness from her.

I wish myself and all the responsible men out there, good women that would value us.

Copyright Victor Ibeh 2017

In-Laws

Do Not Act Like a Maid to Win Cool Points From Your In-Laws

So many ladies and some men are ready to do anything, including act like maids to win cool points from their in-laws. I believe most times, you help because you want to look good not because you’re showing respect to the elderly. Your intentions matter

One time I was invited to a Christmas party by a guy who was asking me out. I had nothing to do so I attended, hoping to make it brief. “Come and greet my mum” he said

We headed straight to the back of the house, where she was seated, giving orders to caterers and helps. Everyone was just going up and down acting busy. I greeted her, asked her if she needed help, she said “you want to join this circus?” I laughed, pulled a chair and sat with her anyway Read: When is a Relationship A Relationship?

I noticed she didn’t get up from her seat, just gave orders. I told myself to start a conversation with her instead of sitting there going through an awkward silence. So we struck up a conversation and it was one of the most intelligent and insightful conversations I had ever had. Turned out, my intelligence mattered more to her than my domestic skills

I didn’t lift a finger or go out of my way to help. But I was there anyway if there was something I could help with. That’s how my mama taught me, not to win cool points but to show respect by asking to help the elderly when I visit their home

Going to see your boyfriend, girlfriend or potential and helping his or her parents with chores should be a thing of respect, not because you want to win cool points. If you don’t have to do anything, sit down and be confident in who you are. Don’t run around trying to look domestic

If you do it for the wrong reasons, you’ll regret acting like a maid when you find out you did all that for nothing. Act normal, be nice and have no expectations

Those parents will see right through you anyway

itchy vagina

8 Possible Reasons Why Your Vagina Is So Itchy

Just in case women didn’t have enough to deal with down there, you can go ahead and add itchy vagina to the list of everything bad that can happen to woman’s pubic area.

Vaginal irritation is never a singular problem either.

Here are some of the possible reasons why your vagina is itchy, along with quick remedies to ease the itch ASAP.

1. Allergies
The fabric of your underwear may be irritating your vagina, or the type of fabric softener you’re using could be the culprit.

It could also be a chemical reaction to a specific kind of soap, shaving cream, or the like that you’ve started using.

Combat sensitive skin with hypoallergenic products.

2. Bad Bacteria
Yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis are among the most common causes of vaginal itchiness and develop when good bacteria goes bad.

Luckily, these types of infections are easily treatable with a topical cream or probiotic.

If itching doesn’t subside gradually, though, consult your doctor, as you may need to be prescribed a stronger balm.

3. STDs/STIs
An itchy vagina can be a symptom of an STI, such as herpes, chlamydia, or gonorrhea, as well as STDs like HPV and trichomoniasis.

All the more reason to use protection, people.

4. Hormones
Hormones are such a hassle.One minute they make you crave ungodly amounts of dark chocolate and cheese fries, and the next you’re huddled in a corner crying for absolutely no reason at all, other than good ol’ female genetics.

During your period, pregnancy, menopause, or even when taking birth control, hormones are imbalanced, which can lead to dryness, irritation, and itching.

5. Feminine Products
There’s a reason you were taught to switch tampons and pads every few hours (aside from the obvious reason being that it’s just gross not to).

Wearing these feminine products hours longer than recommended can result in bacteria build-up, irritation, and itching.

Always carry multiples of these products when you’re on-the-go during menstruation for a quick change.

6. Condoms
Condoms are great for preventing pregnancy and all, but latex sure can be a pain (literally, in this case).

You may have an allergic reaction to the condoms you’re using, in which case it’s suggested you either switch brands, or find an alternative form of contraception.

7. Stress
When my aunt gets anxious, her arms get itchy, forcing her to scratch incessantly.

It’s not uncommon for the body to react to stress by forcing you to scratch here, there, and everywhere – including the vagina.

What’s interesting about stressful scratching is that, more often than not, the need to scratch is completely mental and self-inflicted.

This kind of self-soothing mechanism can turn into a habitual occurrence that creates microtears, leading to more scratching, and potential long-term harm for your body.

Though uncomfortable to discuss, it may be worth talking about the issue with a mental health expert to find an alternative solution.

8. Cancer
Little Things You Can Do To Lower Your Risk Of Breast Cancer

Vulvar cancer is the worst case scenario, and rest assured, it’s extremely unlikely that women under 65 will develop the disease.

However, if the itching persists in combination with burning, and/or extreme discomfort, it is definitely worth seeing a doctor to make sure all is well down there.

Culled from Elitedaily.com

Lessons from dad

“Respect All, Fear No One”- Lessons From Dad

“Respect All, Fear No One”. This was one of the lessons from dad as I grew older

Every time there was an altercation and no one wanted to speak up, he would say this repeatedly. One day, I turned it on him

My dad refused for my sisters to wear shorts, I didn’t think that was okay as other kids wore shorts to the beach and we had to wear skirts. Also, it was cute and I liked to wear cute things. So when I was 14 and could save enough money to go to Katangora to buy “trending clothes”, I bought a denim short and a blue top with shoulder pads and ruffles.

During environmental sanitation which was observed on the last Saturday of the month, everyone on the street stepped out of their compounds to jointly clean the drainage. On one of those days, I also stepped out in my shorts and blue top

It was time to ‘pepper’ everyone on the street and also to make a statement to my dad

I remember him standing by the drainage resting on the rake, watching me walk up to him. Forcing a smile and twirling, “do you like my shorts?” I asked him. Even though I was shaking inside, I presented a bold front. He said calmly, “what did I tell you about wearing shorts?” “You told my sisters, not me. I’ve been saving up for a long time to buy this” I said to him…

At this point, my bravado was waning. “So you’re not afraid to walk up to me like this?” He said, now adjusting his stance, the rake on one hand and his other hand firmly on his hips. “But daddy you said we should fear no one” At this time, my voice was already shaking and I was about to cry. Even though he didn’t smile, as I write this I can still see the twinkle in his eyes as he looked at me, paused for a bit and said “Go and take it off so it won’t get dirty, you can wear it after environmental”

I could have hugged him if we had that kind of relationship. Instead, I ran straight to my sisters to brag. They were so jealous

I am the fearless woman I am today, because my dad taught me and then led by example

What lessons did you learn from your dad?

Diary of A Naija Guy: What is Marriage Really About?Turning Your Wife into A Househelp?

What is marriage really about?

There’s a married couple staying close to my apartment and they quarrel almost everyday. When they start fighting, you will hardly hear the woman’s voice but the man is always at the top of his. What they fight about are really unnecessary but what do I know?

Either the man gets angry that the woman didn’t greet him well or she didn’t serve his food well enough because she forgot to add toothpick. The other morning, it was about the woman not making the bed after they woke up. I heard her saying she stood up first to prepare breakfast while the man was still sleeping

In all honesty, this isn’t suppose to cause any wahala but then, the man started shouting again… “You are stupid, you are mad, idiot, you lack manners, you are proud, I’ll slap you…” and many more hurtful words.

I just kept wondering whether making bed was such a big deal. I would hear the woman in a low tone say things like “I’m not mad…I’m not stupid…”

Now, I just wanna know what marriage is about. Because as a bachelor, you do your chores without any help, you cook your food, make your bed, serve yourself without worrying about toothpicks and all. Is marriage suppose to change all these?

Is marriage about giving all your responsibilities to another? Telling your partner to do everything you can do by yourself? My neighbour and his wife both work. The woman is a medical practitioner. Yet she finds time to do everything and is still bashed for it

I’m a young man and I know this is wrong. In my opinion, this is matrimonial slavery and I don’t agree with it. By the way, I’m still learning about life. Everyday I work to kill my pride but one day, I’m gonna make someone’s daughter the happiest woman alive.

Written For Diaryofanaijagirl by KayKross

Nice Girl

Being A Nice Girl Doesn’t Get You Ahead

Here are 5 symptoms of you being a too nice girl, which will never get you ahead at your company.

The actions that won your praise as a little girl now probably won’t help you get ahead at your company.

Here’s how to find out if you’re too eager to please. There’s surely nothing wrong with being a girl. Nor do most people think being nice is a problem. So here it is: what’s wrong with being a “nice girl”?

As many of psychologists and authors have pointed out over the years, the qualities we value and praise in little girls being generous to everyone, friendly, quiet and contented at school, etc. rarely translate well when those girls grow up and go looking for professional success. Women who excelled in education find themselves too eager to please, they are too afraid of ruffling feathers, and too unfamiliar to failure and struggle to initially handle the rough business world.




So how will you find out if you’re a nice person in the healthy sense or a nice girl in the problematic sense?

1. Thinking you can be loved by being nice
Stop thinking you have to be kind and nice to everyone in order to be loved and accepted. Which is basically a ‘mission impossible’. This idea is based on a deeper one that says ‘you are not good enough’. So you have to do things and be in certain ways to be loved. So moving on can be a challenge.

2. Struggling to say no
Yes, don’t be that girl who will do anything for another at the office, or wherever you work. What can you do about it? Start practicing with what you consider being a small ‘no’ whenever you feel like. Be aware and take a few seconds before rushing to say ‘yes’ as you usually do. Then slowly you will gain confidence to add more ‘no’s’. More practical advice is on offer here, here and here.

3. Being scared of upsetting people
You’re scared of upsetting people because you feel responsible for other people’s feelings. And you treat them as if they were fragile glasses. Start small again and build your way up to greater authenticity.




4. Wearing a 24/7-smile
Honestly, no one really feels like smiling ALL the time. That means nor should you be too happy and cheerful all the time. Smiling even when you feel like crying, that’s a little bit crazy.

5. Feeling like criticism or disapproval is the end of the world
Of course, we don’t enjoy criticism. But those for sufferers of Nice Girl Syndrome hearing negative feedback feels like the end of the world. To overcome your fear start looking honestly at your so called negative qualities. They are all parts of you. Admit that every now and then it’s useful to be bitchy, and bossy to get things done. Accept and embrace them. And then you can choose to change. Or not.

From: womenontopp.com

Nkechinyere Chidi-Ogbolu

She’s 18, Nigerian, A College Graduate and Already Has Plans For Her Doctorate Degree- Meet Nkechinyere Chidi-Ogbolu

Meet Nkechinyere Chidi-Ogbolu

“My name is Nkechinyere Chidi-Ogbolu and I am 18 years old. I recently graduated magna cum laude from Howard University with a bachelor’s degree in Chemical Engineering. I am planning to continue my studies with a Ph.D at UC Davis

My academic journey started quickly I guess, because I was double promoted in my primary school in Nigeria. I graduated from the British school system where the highest level of education was the 11th grade, and then went on to start at Howard at the tender age of 14 after studying for the SAT

I’m overwhelmed with emotions, it was just a happy day for me. I came into college for Chemical Engineering because I wanted a really broad field and I liked the idea of engineering, because its basically just solving problems Read: Work in Your Time Zone

I studied every day, Monday through Sunday, every day for four hours. My mum says it’s the best Mother’s Day gift she could ask for. She always pushed me. I would say she’s my biggest motivation. In my first test, I made 87/89, which is a ‘B’. My mom would tell me, “Nkechinyere, you are not a ‘B’.”

However, I don’t think graduating at 18 is a big deal, because it is common for children in Nigeria to graduate from High school at 16 years of age. But when everyone else said they were proud of me, I felt emotional to get recognition from so many people

I’ve never felt that learning was age related. If you were taught the material and are serious about learning, you’ll be fine- regardless of your age. I didn’t find courses any more difficult than the typical college student. I think I just had a really good support system

I want to help fix illnesses like Ebola and other diseases- major or minor. I want to help people in Nigeria”

family

Find Your Kind. Stay with Your kind

Find Your Kind. Stay with Your kind

I am a “relationship” person. I don’t do casual anything. I love deeply and with everything in me. I have only ever enjoyed sex within the deepest of bonds. I crave an unusual level of intimacy.. Physical, mental, emotional, with the people I am with

It doesn’t make me superior or better than anyone different. People have beautiful and fulfilling relationships without that level of depth. I respect this. Totally..

But what I do, is I leave those people alone. People who swim in the shallows.. Who believe in many humans connections,which make for a richer life experience.. I am friends with them. They are amazing, beautiful people. But I never make the mistake of trying to explore anything deeper with them. There is a beauty to their simplicity, the uncomplicated connections and disengagement. The ease of it.

But I recognise that I am different. And a pairing with them will leave both of us gasping. Them for air.. I will suffocate them. Me ,for the depth I need to thrive…the looseness of their bonds will leave me constantly insecure. Read: Love is Not Complicated

I will forcibly try to drag them to the depths so that I can survive. They will constantly struggle to keep me in the shallows so that they can breathe.

I’ve realised how much we hurt people by ignoring this and just going into the relationship regardless. Find your kind. Stay with your kind.

Sometimes The other person is as magnetic and attractive as hell. Know what you are getting into. And if you decide to enter anyway.. Don’t force the other person to change to suit you. It’s the recipe to unhappiness.

And be open about who you are, up front. It doesn’t mean introducing yourself with “hi, I’m tamedun and I believe in casual relationships.. ” but don’t pretend to be anything but what you are

We know it’s “nigerian” to be looking for commitment everywhere. But I think we have all been there,suffered through it, and bought the t shirt. We are tired. It’s okay to tire quickly. It’s okay to have a short attention span. It’s okay to crave the excitement of many. Don’t force yourself to comform.

Find. Your. Kind.

Written By:Yetunde Odugbesan Enendu

Hello Bae

Love is Not Complicated.

Love is not Complicated.

Anytime you’re trying to explain, to others or to yourself, why the relationship you’re in really is love, stop right there. Because if it really is love, there would be no explaining needed. You’ll know. In your heart. Love really is simple. It follows a simple formula: he’s available + you’re available + he wants to be with you + you want to be with him + you’re both open to a relationship with each other and seeing where it takes you. That’s it. There are no games, no drama, no tension. I told you it was simple.

Note that I said it was simple, I didn’t say it was easy. If you don’t get it right away, it’s okay. Be gentle with yourself here. If you’re used to seeing complicated as the norm for love, it will take some time before you can see how simple it really is. And it will take some real soul-searching to understand why you continue to find yourself in these dramatic relationships, and why you continue to hang on to them.Read: One Thing real Love Never Does to You

There is no perfect mate, no amount of drugs, sex, or money that will make you feel complete. You and only you have the tools and power to do that for yourself. We must allow love to take its natural course in order for our lives and relationships to reach its full potential. The reason some of us accept complications is because we have not searched our souls enough to know that we are enough. When we understand this, we will understand that peace of mind outweighs drama.

I have been in complicated relationships, I look back now and I know it shouldn’t have been so. Someone didn’t love the other enough to simplify things, someone didn’t understand the concept of sacrifice, someone wasn’t patient enough to try harder and both were not in love enough to respect promises made. I know this now and I cannot for the life of me go back to such tumultuous life.

The love I want now is the type I have with my friends -but with sex-. Easy, real, loyal, letting each other be who we are, never asking anyone to change for you, no crazy demands, we laugh and we cry together, when times are tough, I know without a doubt they’ll be there for me. We don’t have to talk every minute to know we care about each other, no insecurities…just love…Simple. Real

Did I digress a little? Forgive me. Living on the fence is not love, wondering what other drama may erupt tomorrow is not love, sleeping with one eye open in your relationship is not love

Love isn’t complicated, people are!

That Time of The Month

Yes, It’s That Time of The Month

Aha! That time of the month when everything and everyone seems doubly annoying. I stepped in an awkward situation

Yesterday I got home and found out the construction going on next to my house had tampered with our power and the owner of the building was dragging his feet about doing something about it

In my annoyance without thinking things through, I marched over to the construction site, where I noticed countless shirtless men working and some well dressed men standing around. I walked up to the group of well dressed men and asked one of them “Good evening, do you work here?” He shook his head and pointed at a young man. I walked up to the young man and before I said anything, he said with a smile “Madam we’re working on fixing the wire. Nepa people are on their way here. So sorry”

Shouldn’t I have just turned around and walked home? It was the time of the month, when hormones were everywhere. “So why are you now smiling?” I asked the poor guy irritably “you tamper with my light and you’re smiling?” Now he looked pissed “what do you want me to do now? I should cry?”

The man who shook his head at me earlier then decided to wade in “Just go back home. Nepa is 5 minutes away” I don’t even know why that got me more upset “please I wasn’t talking to you. I came to you first and you refused to answer me so stay out of this” I said . From nowhere one of the shirtless guys jumped down from whatever he was doing and walked up to me shouting “I will slap you if you talk to my boss like that again”…Ah! Wahala. Why didn’t I bring back-up? Why didn’t I just leave after the first apology? But as a voltron that my brain was convincing me that I was, I said to myself, “no retreat no surrender”

I stood up to the shirtless sweaty guy and said “You don’t dare! If your saliva as much as touches my skin, mobile police will pick you up in minutes” (Note: I DO NOT know ONE mobile police) “I am going to get my phone, if you say another word when I get back you will be picked up” I said this while walking away in fake anger. In my mind I was pushing my legs to walk faster, I didn’t bargain for slap please

I blame everything on “the time of the month!” Did I go back to the Lion’s den? If you ask me this question in the comment section, you’re a wicked somebody!

Chigul

“When my Marriage Fell apart, I Felt Like I Had Failed at Something” – Chigul

Read below an excerpt from the interview with Chigul with KemiAdetiba’s KingWoman on Accelerate Tv

“I married at 33 and married a virgin.

My husband and I had our happy times. We were married for about a year. We just got to a point where we both didn’t care anymore. It just sort of fizzled. I’ve been made to believe it was my job to keep the marriage afloat and the fact that it sank, I take on my head. It was supposed to be easy. I had the Indian theme of roses in mind. I didn’t understand how no one cared. Except for my brother. I was depressed.

When my marriage fell apart, I felt like I had failed at something and I had nowhere to land… I felt like I disappointed my dad. But no one was there for me. And I wanted to be able to go to my mum and cry and tell her ” I am tired” but she was just always saying “go back to your husband”. The worst was when I found out my husband has a child with someone else and I found out my mum knew. Read: Chigul, on the pressure to get married

My mum and I, clash of titans. We clashed over everything. My mum and I quarrelled over my grades, my relationships, my marriage…I resented her.




There were days I would get back home on Friday and wouldn’t get up till Monday except go to the bathroom or kitchen. It was one of the worst things that happened to me but also one of the best because it taught me a lot. I am now more responsible. I’m learning how to deal with men folk.

Would I have changed anything about it? No. Because it happened for a reason. I’m happy it happened at one year with no children, no attachments.

I have come across people that have told me I was no good and I would never make it and I was ugly. My self- esteem was literally in the out. I had little or no self-esteem and it affected me in a way that I saw myself become quite a people pleaser…

My weight has always been a sore spot. Always. My mum was worried because she had a brother who was big and had diabetic and eventually passed away. The worst thing someone ever said to me was on Instagram. It was a picture with a friend of mine and somebody said, despite the heavy make up “it is finally good to see Fiona from Shrek in person”. It hurt me so deep. Now I do work out everyday. I have a very good teacher and a supportive group.”

sextuplets

Nigerian Couple Who Tried To Get Pregnant For 17 Years Welcomes Sextuplets

On May 11 Ajibola Taiwo gave birth to sextuplets. Three boys and three girls—by cesarean section at the Children’s Hospital of Richmond at VCU, United States. Taiwo was 30 weeks pregnant when she gave birth to her bundles of joy whose weight ranged from 1 pound, 10 ounces to 2 pounds, 15 ounces. While their mother was discharged on discharged her babies are still in the hospital’s neonatal intensive care unit, but are doing well.

“I hope for the smallest of my six children to grow up and say,‘I was so small, and look at me now,’” said Taiwo, according to the hospital’s press release. “I want my kids [to] come back to VCU to study and learn to care for others with the same people who cared for me and my family.”

This is the first sextuplet delivery in VCU Medical Center’s history. My Prayer for Mothers Who Have Said Child Birth is Not That Painful

The hospital stressed that these types of deliveries are complicated and require a serious team effort in order to ensure a safe birth for both mother and babies.

“The team quickly assembled to begin prenatal management and delivery planning including pre-delivery drills and resuscitation exercises,” said Susan Lanni, M.D., medical director of labor and delivery and maternal-fetal specialist at VCU Medical Center.

“A typical labor and delivery shift includes one, perhaps two premature births, usually with time in between. We had to coordinate with our colleagues in the NICU for six premature babies to be delivered simultaneously.”

Hospital officials stress that Mrs. Taiwo and her husband Adeboye Taiwo worked hard with their doctors during her pregnancy.

“We’re going through this extraordinary journey together with the family,” said Ronald Ramus, M.D., director of the Division of Maternal-Fetal Medicine at VCU Medical Center.

“It’s not every day that parents bring home sextuplets. Mrs. Taiwo was eating, sleeping and breathing for seven. A lot of the support and encouragement we gave her to make it as far as she did was important, and one of the biggest contributions we made as a team.”

Mr. Taiwo praised the VCU Medical Center for all of their help and professionalism.

“The medical team is excellent in medicine and hospitality,” he said. “We are far from home but the medical team is our family. That is what got us this far.”

Congrats to the Taiwo family!

fake orgasm

Women fake Orgasm: I’m 42 Years Old, How come I’m just Knowing This? – Diary of A Naija Guy

Women fake Orgasm: I’m 42 Years Old, How come I’m just Knowing This?

Dear DANG

I must tell you that I feel like an absolute klutz. I am a 42 year old recently divorced man and my ex wife told me last week, she faked a lot of her orgasm with me. I thought she was lying to get at me or make me feel like a loser so I shrugged it off . You see, we had an awesome sexual relationship. Even before we were married, it was really hot between us and we could never get enough of each other. After our child was born, she wanted sex more, I didn’t mind at all. We could be fighting but she’d never turn away my advances. Do you see what I’m saying? How can such a woman tell me she faked most of her orgasm with me?




On this day, she asked me about the girl I have recently started seeing. She especially wanted to know if our sex life was as hot with the lady as it was with her. I told my ex- wife I didn’t want to discuss my sex life. She then said “ Just make sure she’s not faking orgasm like I did”. That shook me for some seconds but she was laughing so I tried not to to take her seriously. However, she repeated it again, this time with a serious face and instances. That is impossible! I remember those instances and she looked like she was having the best of times. She told me, “ask other females”

My ex-wife was not my first sexual encounter, so when I couldn’t get over it, I started asking my old girlfriends and some of my female friends. I was scared to ask my girlfriend because I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the truth from her. They all said, “yes, sometimes we faked orgasm”. So, yesterday I told my girlfriend “I know you sometimes fake orgasm, I don’t think you should do that anymore” Her response was “But it’s not every time…” Ah!!!!! Jesuuuuu

This may have damaged my ego a little bit…But I feel a little better, at least they said it wasn’t every time… Or, who knows if they were lying?




You women folk should be feared. Henceforth, I will not take you folks at face value again. In fact, if you don’t orgasm during sex and you can’t tell me, that’s your problem. A man cannot kill himself because you lots refuse to be truthful and demand what is rightfully yours

Written by CY For Diaryofanaijagirl.com

Virgin

“Being A Virgin at 35 is Hard But It is Worth The Wait” – Alicia Smith

“Being A Virgin at 35 is Hard But I’m Worth The Wait”- ALICIA SMITH

I’ll be honest with you. One of the reasons why I’m still a virgin is because I know once I start, it’s going to happen constantly. I want it to be with one person because personally I don’t want to be with multiple people, but I know if I had started, that would be the case

There have been people that I thought were friends that could not handle the fact that I chose not to do certain things. When it comes to something like virginity or not drinking, I am not a judge of anyone. I want people to choose whatever they want to do and personal choice is a beautiful thing. But if you don’t want to be my friend because of the choices that I make, I can’t really complain about it because you weren’t really a friend in the first place

People think [virgins] aren’t sexual people at all and that we don’t like sex and that is not true at all. I just want to do it with one person. It’s another filter to find who he is,” she says. “If someone can’t handle confidence and they can’t handle me waiting for them, they’re not the person that I’m supposed to be with. I’m a firm believer that God leads him to you.




But to keep it real, it gets hard. There are moments of impatience and questioning as to when my Boaz will come, especially since motherhood is something that I desire. I’m imperfect, but at the end of the day, God does have everything planned out even before we’re thought of. So all of these tests and trials are there to prepare me for what He has planned for me in the future.

For now though, I’m walking in my purpose as a voice for those who need to be reminded of the beauty in their individuality, regardless of body type, race, or religious beliefs.”

It is okay to show the world who you are. It is okay to want to be something that isn’t the societal norm. Overcoming the fear of being bold, you have to say “NO” to that insecure voice. That has helped me become the strong woman that I am

Excerpt from Interview with XONecole.com. Alicia is the owner of tallswag.com

Taraji P Henson

At The Age Of 26, Taraji P. Henson Ran Off To Hollywood With $700 And A Baby, Here’s How She Made It

At The Age Of 26, Taraji P Henson Ran Off To Hollywood With $700 And A Baby, Here’s How She Made It

1) You are the sum of your work and effort, not other people’s opinions.

“We went to Paris and screened the pilot [of Empire] for a thousand people. Lee Daniels [the series’ co-creator] brought me onstage. The audience stood up on their feet and clapped. I cried because, for so long in Hollywood, I’ve been told that black women don’t do well overseas, that they can’t open a film overseas. That moment for me was the best moment of my life. That’s better than any trophy, any award, any nomination. You know how they say music can heal the world? I feel that way about art in general.”

2) Trust your journey, avoid looking in the rearview.

“I don’t think about other people. They are not walking in my shoes. They are not paying my bills. What makes me happy is when I do what I like to do, for me.” Read: I Disguised as a Man To Work in The Mines

3) Your obstacles are only as big as the power you give them.

“When I got pregnant in college, people said, ‘This is it for her.’ But I did not stop. I never missed a class. I was in the school musical when I was six months pregnant—we just made the character pregnant. When I graduated, I carried my son across the stage. I wanted to be an actress; I moved out to L.A. with him. People were like, “Are you crazy, moving to California with your son?” My father was like, ‘Leave him home.’ I said, ‘I can’t leave my son at home.’ [And eventually] my father said, ‘That’s your baby. That’s your blessing. He’s going to be your strength.’ And you know what? He was. I didn’t have time to go to the club to “network.” That’s B.S. No business deals go down at the club. So I didn’t get caught up in that. I had a mission. I had to make my dream come true. If I didn’t, what was I proving to my son?”

4) Avoid Situationships! Develop Relationships with partners who are willing to grow with you

“I’m a mother first. I’m not trying to bring this guy and this guy around. I’m raising my son, and he’s gonna respect women, and that starts with me. [Dating] in the spotlight—I have to consider my son. I don’t want to make it uncomfortable for him when he goes to school with his peers. And I have to answer to my mom too.

I’m not twenty-something. I’m not trying to find myself—I know exactly who I am and exactly what I want. And I don’t want a fan. I want a man who understands me, who challenges me, who calls me on my sh-t instead of letting me get away with it because I’m supposed to be a star. I want a best friend.”

5) Fear is a Jedi mind trick that can cripple you if you aren’t careful

“Fear will cripple you, fear will kill you, fear will make you believe you’re not worthy. After 17 years in prison, Cookie feels there is nothing to fear. She made it out alive. In her mind that’s how strong she is. We all have that strength inside us. We just have to choose it.”

Via: Glamour Magazine

Love is not enough

“Love is Not Enough But It is Key”: Mr and Mrs Sunday Oladimeji, Married for 41 Years

Love is not Enough But It is Key

My name is Sunday Oladimeji. This is my wife, Mrs Titilayo Oladimeji

We got married in 1976. The moment I saw her at a party in Ogbomosho in 1975 I knew she would be my wife. She was sitting by herself, but smiling. When I walked up to her, she was very respectful but it still took a while for her to agree to marry me. She made me travel to Ogbomosho to see her every weekend

Mrs Oladimeji (cuts in): But you didn’t mind now. You were afraid someone else will marry me that’s why you came to mark register every weekend

Mr Oladimeji (Smiling now): But you still married me despite all your “shakara”

Mrs Oladimeji: Sunday is a great man, he gave me all I wanted from the very first day I saw him. If he has 1naira he would share it with me

Mr Oladimeji: But she spent the 1naira like it was 1k. It still amazes me how she can buy a lot with the small money I give her

Mrs Oladimeji (Laughs out loud): It’s a secret. A woman should know how to manage the home, to make sure little is spent wisely so it can look like much. When you marry a man you love, you thank God every day. Sunday treats everyone like they are important, this makes me see God in him, so he is my second god. Even my children know they cannot compete with my husband

DANG: Is love enough in a marriage

Mrs Oladimeji: It is not but it is key. After we got married, I moved in with him in Lagos. We were managing one room with some of his brothers, he was the one training them. Things were really hard. Sometimes I got frustrated but Sunday was working so hard doing his trailer work and sometimes assistant driver. The man was doing his best, so I decided to help too, that way, I didn’t have to wait at home feeling bad

Mr Oladimeji: Yes. She helped and I am very proud of her. After driving trailer for days, all I want to do is come home. Even till now, she looks at me with so much love when I get back from tour, like a child. We are happy, our children have graduated and they are building a house for us. All our hard work has paid off. A man who cherishes peace and long life will marry the right woman. This way, life’s problems will reduce by 70%

Living together before marriage

Living Together Before Marriage: Would You Do it?

On living together before marriage

“Sooooo, we moved in together

I made a big fuss of it early on, worried really about the stigma of shacking up, and what my family would think

Come to find out, my parents lived together before they were married. Pshh. Who knew.

Funny how we make a big deal out of things when they don’t deserve the time and attention. Besides, why was public opinion more important than my own wants and decisions in the first place?
Perhaps what was most important to me was God’s opinion Read: One Thing Love Never Does To You

What does God say about shacking up? I did a couple of internet searches to see what the Bible says. Turns out, there are no scriptures that speak directly against it. Sex before marriage is frowned upon, but living together is not really mentioned. This was a great relief for me, and helped with my comfortability in our decision-making

Sooooo… what have we learned about each other since moving in? I am clean and he is moderately clean. Our standards are simply different. Agreeing on chores and a cleaning system that works for both of us has required honest communication and compromise. Bae came up with the great idea of splitting up chores by the rooms in the house. On Sunday, my pastor recommended that women not tell their men what to do AND how to do things

So I am trying not to boss HOW he cleans.The closeness of living together makes it all worth it though. I LOVE being in close contact with him. Before moving in together, we had to make a 45 minute drive to see each other. And before then, it was an hour and fifteen minutes. Before then, it was a 2 hour plane ride. So needless to say we are VERY grateful to see each other more regularly. The close proximity also makes us more playful, flirtatious and loving toward each other. It feels good

If you are thinking about moving in with Bae…here are a few things to consider:
1) Why do you want to move in together?
Take time to really think about it.  

2) How does your decision align with your personal values? 

3) If not already engaged, create a deadline for how long you are willing to live together before engagement. Then, write it down! *baby girl/boy you, ever, get too, comfortable (comfortable)…#thanksWeezy*

4) How will you split household expenses and how will you communicate about them? 

5) What will happen when you fight? The “run away” conflict resolution method isn’t always the best when living with someone

Give this some thought.

Shannon Graham
blackyounglove.com

quitter

I am a Quitter, I have Records to Show For it

I know some who know me would say I am very hardworking, which I am, when I want to be, while I’m at it.. but then I quit… a lot. And since my record of being a quitter has become so long, it is now staring at me in the face like a long rap sheet; evidence I cannot deny. And being that smart girl that I am, I have chosen to face it squarely. Not an easy feat as confronting this also means I have to confront the real issue, which is my fear of failure and my fear of mediocrity

Yes I give up because I am afraid to fail. I have always believed that anything worth doing is worth doing well and that basically has been my reasoning when I give up on things. I tell myself it is best not to be involved at all, than to be in it half heartedly. I tell myself instead of failing at this, instead of being medicore, let me just leave. The only problem with that is, by quitting I set myself up for certain failure in that thing because I give myself no other option.Read: “Don’t give up” Tyler Perry

I have always chosen the path of least resistance, being an ‘I cannot come and go and die’ chick even before the savvy millenials came up with the phrase. One of my most common phrases was ‘I am tired’. My sister had to point it out when I repeated it over some simple issue, she said “you are always tired over little things!’”. Even then it didn’t hit me that I was a quitter. I just made a mental note not to say it out loud anywhere near her, but I continued to repeat it to myself in difficult situations.

I don’t want to start listing all the projects, groups, relationships and dreams I have quit on. If you are a quitter you will have your long list, and possibly some of these traits:
* You tend to be very analytical, especially in seeing possible challenges that could arise
* You are very sensitive
* You internalise a lot of things
* You tend not to share your concerns with people hence lack encouragement to keep going
* challenges overwhelm you and your first reaction is to withdraw and remove the source of the challenge from your life IMMEDIATELY
* you like to have a lot of free time doing nothing, or having very little to do

I am in the process of turning a new leaf. Still not there yet, especially considering the fact that I started drafting this write up months ago. But guess what? I came back and now finishing it while waiting for a meeting to start. Talk about seizing a moment! Makes me proud I can make use of time so wisely. However it takes more than this to get out of it. I need to:
1. Take conscious actions
2. Push myself more
3. Do more and think less
4. Turn my negative thoughts to thoughts of possibilities when confronted with a new challenge
5. Speak out more

And when I fail, I have to push myself up and continue.

I hope for someone reading this, this sparks some thoughts in you, makes you take a step back and analyse yourself. I sincerely hope you decide here and now to do something about that quitting spirit so you can truly begin to soar, achieve more and fulfil purpose.

Written by Miss Oyind for Diaryofanaijagirl.com