Tag Archives: nigeria

Childhood

Childhood Shenanigans: The Story of My Broken Bum Bum

Childhood Shenanigans: The Story of My Broken Bum Bum

One of the things that caused me acute heartbreak when I was young was sitting down by our balcony, grounded, while I watched other kids play outside. It drove me to tears and made me wish I could be adopted by those other parents who allowed their kids run free on the street. We lived on the first floor, in a house by the T-Junction. This meant I had a perfect view of our street and two connecting streets. I could see EVERYTHING and EVERYONE

As I may have mentioned in previous posts, when I was young, I reigned supreme as the organiser of street fights, no one could sit with my crew. We picked fights, caused fights, cheated in football games, stormed parties and performed folk songs in expectation of getting paid… And Yes, we did get paid. It was fun for us, but worrisome for my parents. On this day especially, I was grounded for stealing my mum’s Aso-Oke to go perform- Unsolicited- at a birthday party down the road. What angered me most was that I made N10 that day, what parent would ground a child for going out and making N10 on a Saturday?!

So there I was sitting by the balcony, complaining about my mum to my sister. The other kids playing soccer downstairs saw my dejected look, couldn’t take it anymore and so found a solution for my escape- JUMP. They gathered below the balcony and told me “e no too far, you fit jump downstairs na” One of the kids from the next house said to me “I day do am well, that time wey…” This seemed like a good idea, not once did I wonder how I would get back in the house.

I ran inside to change into my soccer jeans and “canvas”. Checked my mum real quick to find her sleeping soundly on the couch by the door.I prepared myself, and jumped Read: Children’s Day: “I Want to be The best Electrical Engineer in The World”- 13 Year Old Lekan.

I landed on my bum and felt a sharp pain. It felt like there was something going on inside my bum but I couldn’t figure it out. Immediately, I knew I had messed up, so I started crying. My sister looked downstairs from the balcony and laughed so much I could see tears in her eyes. Determined to make her look like a fool, I stood, felt the sharp pain in my butt crack and immediately sat back down. “My yansh don breeeeeak” I wailed repeatedly. Our landlady’s son who was a teenager rushed to my side and tried to lift me up. I held on to him as he made me walk around so I could feel what was broken. Nothing hurt at all except somewhere around my butt crack.

I therefore took the walk of shame upstairs, knocked on the door and there I was, face to face with the woman who made me. She was shocked! “Where are you coming from, how did you get downstairs?”. “I sneaked out the door while you were asleep”. She looked confused but pulled me in by my ear and twisted it in warning. “Go and wash the plates!”. I tried not to limp to the kitchen, I paused by the sink, shuffled my feet around to check if my “yansh” had repaired itself. Nah, it still hurt like crazy.

I jumped when I heard, “Tell me, I won’t beat you, how did you get downstairs?”. Who knew where she came from? “Have you been crying? did someone beat you? tell me now, what happened? I won’t beat you”. Awww, she looked so concerned, so I fell for the trap. “I jumped from the balcony but it wasn’t that far” The look of shock on her face sent me backing up on the sink. “You did what? Is that why you can’t walk well…” Before I knew it, she had pulled me towards her and gave me a double slap. (using both hands at the dame time).

Everything else was a blur after that -The trip to the hospital, the scan and my mum’s conversation with the doctor- All I heard was “Nothing is broken, she’s fine”. I braced myself for another set of punishment on my way home. That was the day I learnt never to admit to any wrong just because my mum said with a straight face “ Tell me, I won’t beat you”.

Orphaned at 17, I Automatically Became a Mother of Four to My Siblings: Here is How We Survived

Hello DANG, I’m not a writer but I feel an urge to share this

Today makes it 15 years I’ve been an orphan. My parents were decent civil Servants: Mum a teacher and jack of any trade she was interested in, and dad an Engineer. We all fought for daddy’s approval. If you did well in school you were a favorite. Me? I was never close to first or second place in class. Rarely 3rd and mostly between 4th-10th place.

Life was comfortable and good…then, the worst day of my life happens. Both of my parents died on the same day!!! I still remember where I was when I heard…. I was in the house in Lagos where my family stayed anytime we come around. I was standing outside while my brother was in he bathroom while my aunt walked into the compound. I was not surprised to see her since she didn’t stay far away and would sometimes come around unannounced.

“There has been an accident, there was a plane crash and your parents were on it”. She said. I remember seeing the news of the plane crash shortly before then but it didn’t occur to me that was the flight my parents were on. Still standing as I stared at her in shock, I began to shake uncontrollably, everything became blurry as I felt like my body was no longer present in the physical

I snapped out of it quickly. “Oh Lord, my baby brother is about to turn 5. Will my sisters be ok?”. I couldn’t reach them immediately, they were in Warri at the time while I was in Lagos with my brother studying for our A-levels. I could hear my aunt’s voice, “We don’t know anything now, there may be survivors…”. I wasn’t listening, I also didn’t really believe her, I had quickly moved on to survival mode. At this time, I had not cried. We were taken to my Uncles house, where we found so many people crying and looking sober

I was thinking to myself, Why? What next ? What should I do mummy? How do I take care of 4 people?

I quickly realised, when you lose someone, theres nothing anyone can do or say to make you feel better NOTHING!!! I didn’t cry when anyone was around, I only cried from my sleep because in my sleep, I wasn’t thinking about how my siblings would survive. But my subconscious knew I had suffered a loss, so therein, I mourned. So many promises were made by uncles and parents’ friends but I think the most honest people said to me “All you have is one another”.

How true! Days and months and years ahead revealed the truth in that statement. I was scared my siblings would grow up without guidance. I wasn’t an academic genius so all I thought was how to find something to do to take care of my siblings. Help did not come where we expected but help came from people we had never even seen and never heard of. They knew my parents and came forward at the exact point we needed something to happen

I know not many people may have had their stories turn out this way, I can say that God truly is the father to the orphan. Today and at every memorial, I look back in gratitude. My lessons learnt;

– God always has a plan. You just need to trust and believe.
-The power of a praying mother never goes to waste

I have grown from being a scared, confused young Lady with so much uncertainty, to an executive in a multinational company and a very happy and fulfilled mother of 5 (My siblings and a beautiful baby girl). All lines have fallen in pleasant places and my gratitude to God and the people who came out of nowhere to help, knows no bounds

Written by Anonymous for diaryofanaijagirl.com

6 Things You Should Stop Expecting from Others

Don’t Quit Your Day Job…Yet!

Don’t Quit Your Day Job…Yet!

As attractive and exciting as the jump from employee to business owner is, it’s far from easy and absolutely not for the faint of heart. Among the biggest and most intimidating aspects of the transition is the shock to your personal finances. It’s not a matter of if it will happen (it is all but unavoidable), but how well you prepare for it. With this in mind, here are some steps you should take as soon as you even think you want to quit your day job:

Start saving to fund your business as soon as you get that entrepreneurial itch: I would go as far as to say that, as soon as you get full-time employment out of high school or college, start a savings account earmarked specifically to put money aside to launch your start-up (separate and apart from your emergency savings account and accounts you might have for other financial goals), even if you’re not sure when you’ll do it or even exactly what kind of business you want to start. And if you already have a business idea or even an active side-hustle, it’s even more important for you to put aside income to feed and nurture the launch and operation of the business, until it is generating enough revenue to get past break-even and support itself.

Keep your day job for as long as you can: First, the savings you need to fund your business (see previous point) will be drawn from your current income. Second, especially if your business is in the same industry where you’ve pursued your career, excelling in the latter can result in key networking contacts, support and maybe even your first customers. (At the same time, be careful to avoid conflicts of interest and other issues that can cause your employer to question your focus, performance and commitment to your job.) Third, and perhaps most important: Don’t quit your day job yet if you have health insurance and other benefits from your job. You want to keep them as long as you can, especially if it will be a minute before your new business generates enough profit to both replace your salary and to fund your health insurance, retirement savings and other needs currently being fulfilled (and far more cheaply) through your employer.

Dump your debt: You need to pay down your loans as quickly as possible, as well as car loans and other sources of high interest debt. Your goal is to free up money that can be used to support your business

Totally blow up and recreate your household budget: Take into account the new expenses (as well as those that might go away, such as commuting costs if your business is home-based) and possible lost income that will result from the launch of your business and your eventual transition out of your job. Approach this just as you should if you were about to bring a newborn baby into the family, because that is exactly what you’re doing when you launch a business that will need to be constantly fed and nurtured in order to survive, stay healthy and grow. Just as your entire lifestyle would change as a new parent, it will absolutely require adjustments and sacrifices to accommodate your business. Which brings me to perhaps my most important piece of advice:

Cut your living expenses: Then cut them again. Then once more for good measure. Don’t quit your day job if you cannot responsibly cut your expenses. The transition from steady paycheck to the fluctuating cash flow of entrepreneurship is all but impossible if you cannot control spending and keep your debt under control. Often, people tell me they can’t find the money to fund their business. I tell them exactly where it is: In their closets. In their garage. On the walls of their living rooms, kitchens, dens and practically every bedroom. (How many flat-screens do we really need?) The money to fund and operate your business has to come from somewhere, so you will likely have to stop adding to your collections of designer shoes, give up the gym membership and exercise at home, seriously cut back on dining out, mani-pedis and other nice-to-haves-but-not-need-to-haves.

Foregoing instant gratification in favor of long-term gains is not only a cardinal rule of successful entrepreneurship, but of all wealth-building endeavors. There’s no way around this:

Don’t quit your day job just yet. Understand that to fund your business, you must stop funding many (if not all) of your other habits, at least until you’re successful enough as an entrepreneur to finance both your company’s needs as well as the lifestyle you desire.

Move out of your parents' house

When is A Good Time To Move Out of Your Parents’ House?

When is A Good Time To Move Out of Your Parents’ House?

I moved out at the age of 27. I lived with my dad then I later had to move in with my sister due to work proximity. Living with my sister was fun as I got to hang out with my nephews. My sister never bothered me and made me feel at home the best she could, it felt like I was living at home

Suddenly I started to feel uneasy, I was 27 years old, I could afford to get a place, why was I holding back? I remember my colleagues and I had this discussion and most of them said, “who will marry a single girl living by herself?”. So I stayed back.Even though I could come and go as I pleased, I felt like my sister’s young family needed their privacy

When I decided I didn’t care what anyone thought and it was time to become responsible for myself and my living situation, I didn’t give anyone a choice. I told my dad that I had gotten a place of my own and it would be nice if he could help me move as well. He looked at me like I was about to commit murder, then he asked me, “why?”. He looked so disappointed but I was ready for him, so I said “because I want to be able to eat the last meat in the pot without feeling terrible”. He knew I was messing with him so he shook his head and proceeded to lecture me on how to stay safe Read: Building our kids’ self esteem: A lesson from my mama

About the meat, I wasn’t really messing with him. It’s rude to eat the last meat in the pot when you have older people living with you or in my case, when you’re a guest. So imagine this: during my mid night munch I find that there’s only one meat left and I had already cooked noodles! It was time to move mehn, it’s time for me to eat the last piece of protein in the pot without worrying about decorum

Signing my first lease brought out a rush of emotions…I was scared, hopeful, excited and angry that I was scared. I was angry at myself because at 27, I was scared of being responsible for myself? I quickly signed the lease and gave my sister a hug. It was done, I really did it. Did I feel any different after I moved out? Not immediately. I missed home so much, I would go back to spend weekends with my nephews. Gradually, my home started feeling comfortable and I began to crave the comfort of my space, the freedom to move around in the house clad, semi clad or totally nude.

There are of course more responsibilities. Such as, paying utilities yourself, cleaning by yourself, doing laundry by yourself, shopping by yourself and sometimes having to stop by a fast food restaurant after work, knowing there’s no prepared meal waiting for you at home. These and more toughened me up in a hurry and it sure did me a world of good

You may not know exactly where leaving the nest will lead, but I promise you, you will forge your own path and learn a great deal about yourself and others along the way.

Diary of A Naija Guy: What is Marriage Really About?Turning Your Wife into A Househelp?

What is marriage really about?

There’s a married couple staying close to my apartment and they quarrel almost everyday. When they start fighting, you will hardly hear the woman’s voice but the man is always at the top of his. What they fight about are really unnecessary but what do I know?

Either the man gets angry that the woman didn’t greet him well or she didn’t serve his food well enough because she forgot to add toothpick. The other morning, it was about the woman not making the bed after they woke up. I heard her saying she stood up first to prepare breakfast while the man was still sleeping

In all honesty, this isn’t suppose to cause any wahala but then, the man started shouting again… “You are stupid, you are mad, idiot, you lack manners, you are proud, I’ll slap you…” and many more hurtful words.

I just kept wondering whether making bed was such a big deal. I would hear the woman in a low tone say things like “I’m not mad…I’m not stupid…”

Now, I just wanna know what marriage is about. Because as a bachelor, you do your chores without any help, you cook your food, make your bed, serve yourself without worrying about toothpicks and all. Is marriage suppose to change all these?

Is marriage about giving all your responsibilities to another? Telling your partner to do everything you can do by yourself? My neighbour and his wife both work. The woman is a medical practitioner. Yet she finds time to do everything and is still bashed for it

I’m a young man and I know this is wrong. In my opinion, this is matrimonial slavery and I don’t agree with it. By the way, I’m still learning about life. Everyday I work to kill my pride but one day, I’m gonna make someone’s daughter the happiest woman alive.

Written For Diaryofanaijagirl by KayKross

Nice Girl

Being A Nice Girl Doesn’t Get You Ahead

Here are 5 symptoms of you being a too nice girl, which will never get you ahead at your company.

The actions that won your praise as a little girl now probably won’t help you get ahead at your company.

Here’s how to find out if you’re too eager to please. There’s surely nothing wrong with being a girl. Nor do most people think being nice is a problem. So here it is: what’s wrong with being a “nice girl”?

As many of psychologists and authors have pointed out over the years, the qualities we value and praise in little girls being generous to everyone, friendly, quiet and contented at school, etc. rarely translate well when those girls grow up and go looking for professional success. Women who excelled in education find themselves too eager to please, they are too afraid of ruffling feathers, and too unfamiliar to failure and struggle to initially handle the rough business world.




So how will you find out if you’re a nice person in the healthy sense or a nice girl in the problematic sense?

1. Thinking you can be loved by being nice
Stop thinking you have to be kind and nice to everyone in order to be loved and accepted. Which is basically a ‘mission impossible’. This idea is based on a deeper one that says ‘you are not good enough’. So you have to do things and be in certain ways to be loved. So moving on can be a challenge.

2. Struggling to say no
Yes, don’t be that girl who will do anything for another at the office, or wherever you work. What can you do about it? Start practicing with what you consider being a small ‘no’ whenever you feel like. Be aware and take a few seconds before rushing to say ‘yes’ as you usually do. Then slowly you will gain confidence to add more ‘no’s’. More practical advice is on offer here, here and here.

3. Being scared of upsetting people
You’re scared of upsetting people because you feel responsible for other people’s feelings. And you treat them as if they were fragile glasses. Start small again and build your way up to greater authenticity.




4. Wearing a 24/7-smile
Honestly, no one really feels like smiling ALL the time. That means nor should you be too happy and cheerful all the time. Smiling even when you feel like crying, that’s a little bit crazy.

5. Feeling like criticism or disapproval is the end of the world
Of course, we don’t enjoy criticism. But those for sufferers of Nice Girl Syndrome hearing negative feedback feels like the end of the world. To overcome your fear start looking honestly at your so called negative qualities. They are all parts of you. Admit that every now and then it’s useful to be bitchy, and bossy to get things done. Accept and embrace them. And then you can choose to change. Or not.

From: womenontopp.com

Rejection

My Real Life Definition of Pain

Pain.

A dictionary defines it as a highly unpleasant physical sensation caused by a wound or injury.

Me, I say pain is more than a physical sensation. It’s more than a throbbing that comes from a wound. Pain is more than an ache a drug prescription can heal or an x-ray can see

The tears of a broken heart. The groan of a disturbed mind. The screams of a crushed soul. The wails of a drained brain. That’s pain. The kind I feel. That which comes from my heart, mind and soul.

A mind burnt by failure. A heart broken by society. A soul crushed by life. Read: Tales From Biafra

Life gives more than joy and laughter all year round. Sorrows and tears creep in when least expected. Yet we smile for that’s what the world wishes to see.

Physical pain lingers only for a while..as an awareness that it was indeed at one time painful.

This pain has the unique ability to come back over and over again.. No one can see it, no one can feel it, just me

Heavens be thanked for the skin that covers the soul. Nature be thanked for its beauty that radiates the earth even in the dark. Grateful are we for scars that do not show on our skins.

In all, I await the new dawn. The dawn that brings happy songs to the lips. The dawn that brings sincere smile to the mouth. The dawn where I shall live again. Let the dusk pass for I weary in its darkness. The shine of the dawn I want to bask in.

For in the depth of my soul is a glow. In the innermost part of my heart is a light. In my mind, is a girl who wishes not to hide.

Let my glow shine. Let my light be bright. Let my mind be free. Let my ache be eased. And my pain be ceased

Written by: Zaynab Yusuf

Biafra

Tales From Biafra By Yvonne Nwanyibuife Ada Chu-Ejikeme

Tales From Biafra

I was not born during the Nigerian Biafrian war. My mum was a little girl when the war broke out. She hates to relieve the memories of war but a few times she talked about the war she tells tales of hardship, hunger, fear, bunkers, air raids and the smell of death

One account that rings true is the tale of kwashiorkor suffered by the Biafrian children. She tells of an evening she returned from gathering leaves from the bush to prepare soup for dinner with her grandmother. They get home only to discover that her younger brother, my uncle who was suffering from kwashiorkor was missing. Inquiry from neighbours hinted that he may have been taken to the truck going to Gabon which was filled with Biafrian children suffering from kwashiorkor

They were going to Gabon to get relief

Her grandmother ran as fast as her legs could carry her towards the direction of the truck. It was already making its way out of their hometown. She kept screaming and running towards the truck in hot pursuit. Her hysteria made the truck driver pay her attention and finally stopped. She took my uncle from the midst of a lot of whimpering, frightened, hungry, potbellied, Biafrian children.

Imagine the number of our brothers and sisters who were forced to flee from their motherland as a result of war

Did they ever return? Your guess is as good as mine.

DANG NOTES

The war was bad. No one wishes war upon themselves or a nation. Why is it that some Igbos cannot forget and forgive what their ancestors do not wish to happen again? I spoke to a man who fought in the civil war, he told me he wishes the war had never happened. In his words, “it was senseless”.

Nigeria’s problem is corruption, lack of leadership, application of law and good governance. not segregation. If Igbos get their wish and are given their own republic, they will afce the same problems. I wish though, that the Biafrian agitators know that their leaders just want to amass wealth and power. Now that the noise is getting louder, their thirst for power becomes more potent…and deadly

Virgin

“Being A Virgin at 35 is Hard But It is Worth The Wait” – Alicia Smith

“Being A Virgin at 35 is Hard But I’m Worth The Wait”- ALICIA SMITH

I’ll be honest with you. One of the reasons why I’m still a virgin is because I know once I start, it’s going to happen constantly. I want it to be with one person because personally I don’t want to be with multiple people, but I know if I had started, that would be the case

There have been people that I thought were friends that could not handle the fact that I chose not to do certain things. When it comes to something like virginity or not drinking, I am not a judge of anyone. I want people to choose whatever they want to do and personal choice is a beautiful thing. But if you don’t want to be my friend because of the choices that I make, I can’t really complain about it because you weren’t really a friend in the first place

People think [virgins] aren’t sexual people at all and that we don’t like sex and that is not true at all. I just want to do it with one person. It’s another filter to find who he is,” she says. “If someone can’t handle confidence and they can’t handle me waiting for them, they’re not the person that I’m supposed to be with. I’m a firm believer that God leads him to you.




But to keep it real, it gets hard. There are moments of impatience and questioning as to when my Boaz will come, especially since motherhood is something that I desire. I’m imperfect, but at the end of the day, God does have everything planned out even before we’re thought of. So all of these tests and trials are there to prepare me for what He has planned for me in the future.

For now though, I’m walking in my purpose as a voice for those who need to be reminded of the beauty in their individuality, regardless of body type, race, or religious beliefs.”

It is okay to show the world who you are. It is okay to want to be something that isn’t the societal norm. Overcoming the fear of being bold, you have to say “NO” to that insecure voice. That has helped me become the strong woman that I am

Excerpt from Interview with XONecole.com. Alicia is the owner of tallswag.com

Do not Shrink To Fit

I Found Out My Friends Were My Biggest Haters

I Found Out My Friends Were My Biggest Haters

A few months ago, a friend of mine who I met through work invited me to come with her on a trip with two of her girlfriends. I was desperately wanting to get away so I jumped at the opportunity. However, three days into the trip, I had experienced a rude awakening where I came across a conversation on her phone as I was sending group photos from her phone to my number. My name popped up at the top of the screen from another co-worker (God’s intervention) and I found a conversation where she was talking about me behind my back.

As I read the conversation, I felt my body flashback to middle school, a time where I often found myself in the middle of catty situations. Yet, this time I was dealing with a 28- and 31-year-old. Two women I somewhat looked up to at my job and spent happy hours over drinks and talking about life, love, and all in between. Two people I naively trusted and I felt blind-sighted by it all.

In the conversation, I saw a screenshot of a photo that I posted to my Instagram the day before of me in a bikini on the beach and under I saw mean comments like, “Killing me softly.” As I continued to read the conversation, I instantly thought to hours earlier when I asked my friend to take a photo of me, she said in a snarky tone, “No, you have enough photos of yourself.” I took her response as her sarcasm and did not think twice about it

I felt angry, hurt, and betrayed. At first, I did not want to confront her about it. Yet, I figured that if I didn’t say anything, it’d probably eat me alive, cause me to act resentfully, and ruin my trip so I gathered the courage to pull her aside and tell her everything I saw and ask her what is going on. As I spoke I had to fight back tears because I felt vulnerable and hurt, especially being in another country, which was suppose to be a fun girl’s trip. She ended up apologizing and spent the rest of the trip acting really nice to me, which part of me knew she was only acting this way because she had been caught. I don’t believe in burning bridges so I decided to remain cordial and respectful, but I knew from then on that I could not trust her and had to distance myself.

I was always made fun of for being tall, skinny, lanky and not having any of the features “black girls are suppose to have” (big booty and boobs) as seen on music videos and throughout the media. I had extremely low self esteem and man it took so much internal work for me to be here. To be in a place where I unapologetically love myself within and without. To not compare myself or want to be anyone else.

Often we forget that most of the things that people do to us have nothing to do with us, but more about them. Your confidence, self-esteem, and happiness may cause other people to feel uncomfortable because they are not happy or confident in themselves

Yet nothing they can say or do will ever take away from this light of mine that I have found within myself. I have definitely learned a lesson about being more mindful about who I go on trips with and more importantly, watching who I call my friends, especially outside of my “day-one” circle of true friends.

Written By: Maritza
For: XOnecole.com

Body Image

Body Image:”I Compared Myself to Others and Became Focused on What I Saw in the Mirror” Nicola King

“My name is Nicola King, I’m 24 years old. When I was 16, I became obsessed with my weight (Body Image) and started counting calories which led me to become sick. Shortly after, I was diagnosed with anorexia (an obsessive desire to lose weight by refusing to eat)

Growing up, I always had a healthy appetite, but when I got to my teens, I started having mood and anger issues. I became more aware of my looks and began obsessing over my weight. I always wanted to be slimmer or a different shape or size. I compared myself to others and became focused on what I saw in the mirror. The illness slowly crept into my head. It started with chocolate, and then I kept cutting out food and calories until I wasn’t eating anything at all. Read: Building Our Kids’ Self Esteem. A Lesson From my Mama

I could refuse to eat for six weeks straight or even drink water because I was scared of adding weight. A few years ago, it got so bad that I had to be admitted into intensive care. The doctors told my parents to say goodbye to me because my organs were shutting down. My hair was falling out, my periods stopped and I was in constant agony.

At my worst, I weighed four stone (25 Kilograms), had a BMI of eight and I felt dead. Some how I survived, because the doctors sedated me and kept me tube fed. Six months after, I was discharged from the hospital. I channeled that negative obsession towards weight building and started going to the gym

Going to the gym has given me focus and something I can get up for in the morning. It’s my therapy and escape and it’s a liberating feeling to push your body to the extreme but in a positive and healthy way. Its been a very long road since then but for the first time, I am proud of myself

I never thought I would get to this point. I didn’t even think I would still be here. Its surreal to have come this far- its overwhelming. When I look at the photos from when I was ill, it hurts, but I feel like I have come so far. If it wasn’t for my family and bodybuilding, I don’t know if I would still be here.”.

Linda Ikeji marriage

Linda Ikeji, Chigul, Betty Irabor On the Pressure To Marry Before 30

“But don’t you want to get married soon?” This question comes up a lot in your thirties because at that age the traditional mindset is that that you’ve had plenty of time to date, and you should be settling down and starting a family by now. Linda Ikeji, Betty Irabor and Chigul talk to Genevieve Magazine about the pressure to get married at a certain age and how they handle it

Linda Ikeji

“Marriage is not an achievement. There is so much more to life than being someone’s wife. Get married please, but don’t be pressured into it. I don’t know how many of you single girls are under pressure to get married but I am. Pressure from family, friends and people who just can’t mind their business. Read: That time I called off my wedding

The pressure is so intense right now I feel like going to husband market – if there is any such thing- to buy myself some breathing space. Give me a break you people.



Chigurl

linda ikeji Chigul

“In my opinion, the pressure is not a fabrication. It is very real ! After you have won asoebi about a million times, you begin to wonder when it is going to be your turn to sell asoebi too ! And when you factor in mums and aunties constantly reminding you about the shelf life of women. It gets to you, even if it is just a bit.

People may even suggest some very strange things to you to do to ‘earn’ marriage. Well, I have come to realise that we allow ourselves to be pressured. The decision to get married should not be taken because you are being pressured, that could lead to a disaster. Don’t let anyone make you go into anything you are not ready for or your joy may be shortlived. And to those mounting pressure on others to go and get married, there is simply no justification for your behaviour





Betty Irabor

linda ikeji

“I don’t think women should be worried about being married before 30 because many women before that age have not yet gone through the school of life which prepares them for marriage”.

Millionaire

7 Signs You’ll Never Be a Millionaire

Almost anyone has what it takes to become a millionaire. Are you on your way to striking it rich? Or does your behavior shoot up red flags? To help you figure it out, we’ve rounded up 7 Signs to watch out for. Of course, everyone’s situation is different, but if you’re routinely making these mistakes, it may be time to make some changes when it comes to managing your money.

You put too much emphasis on saving
Every rich person knows the advantage of saving, but they also know that saving will not earn you money. So, while they do not disregard saving, they focus their energy more on earning. Saving is going to prevent you from running out of money, but continuous earning will ensure you become a millionaire. Change your main goal from savings alone, to earning income too. Read:Choices I hope You don’t regret in 10 years

You don’t have future plans for your money
What do you want your money to do for you? What do you want to do with your money? If you want to build wealth, you have to have a clear goal, specific plan and hard deadlines. And when you’re setting goals, don’t be afraid to think big. For example, by 2018 December, I want to have made a certain amount money from blogging. For that to happen, I have to invest a certain amount of money on adverts.

You don’t work on your goals
After I have set money asides for adverts, the next thing for me is to work towards making sure there’s readable content on my blog. I have spent some money so I can earn more money, but I will lose that money if I do not put in the work. The rich set their expectations exceptionally high and are up for any challenge so when you set that money goal, be ready to work to achieve it

You haven’t started investing
Investing is one of the simplest, most effective ways to build wealth, and the sooner you start, the easier it will be to reach seven figures.
“On average, millionaires invest 20 percent of their household income each year. Their wealth isn’t measured by the amount they make each year, but by how they’ve invested over time,” writes personal finance expert Ramit Sethi in his bestseller “I Will Teach You to Be Rich.” . Money sitting in the bank is worthless

You have only one source of income
Sure, you can get rich on one stream of income, but your chances aren’t great. As author Thomas C. Corley found in his five-year study of self-made millionaires, the rich “do not rely on one singular source of income,” he writes in “Change Your Habits, Change Your Life.”
“Sixty-five percent had at least three streams of income that they created prior to making their first million dollars.”
These additional streams could be real-estate rentals, a side hustle or a part-time job.

You rarely step outside of your comfort zone
The average person wants to be comfortable. Rich people, on the other hand, are stimulated by uncertainty. World class thinkers learn early on that becoming a millionaire isn’t easy and the need for comfort can be devastating. If you like to sleep and wake up at your own time, disregard what you have to do because you “don’t feel like it”….then you may be stuck in mediocrity

You think being rich is reserved for a lucky few
If you think getting rich is out of your reach, you’re probably not going to make millions. The masses think they aren’t worthy of great wealth. “Who am I to become a millionaire?” they ask themselves. The truth is, in a capitalist country, you have every right to be rich if you’re willing to create massive value for others. Start asking yourself, “Why not me?” After all, that’s what the millionaires and billionaires do.

“If Your Husband is ‘Naturally’ A wife Beater, You need To Help Him Mange It”- Empress Njamah On Domestic Violence

“If Your Husband is ‘Naturally’ A wife Beater, You need To Help Him Manage It”- Empress Njamah On Domestic Violence

“If Your Husband is ‘Naturally’ A wife Beater, You need To Help Him Manage It”- Empress Njamah On Domestic Violence

“I will say this on domestic violence, when a man hits a women, it’s domestic violence but when a woman does it what is it called? The truth is some women are headstrong and they can traumatise their partners mentally and drive them mad. You need to work together with the man, if he is naturally a wife/woman better…” – Empress Njamah tells broadwaytv

Dear Empress Njamah,

In the US alone, it’s estimated by The Huffington Post that at least 3 women are killed by intimate partners each day in the US – over 1 thousand per year. This is in the US alone not to talk of Nigeria where there are hardly laws to protect the victim. Then you say, “women should work with their husbands to avoid being bashed?”

I am Sentimental towards the victim, not the gender so let’s be clear here. There’s nothing called “a natural beater”. Everyone has a responsibility to control their anger, except ofcourse we’re animals. In which case you’re saying we should train snakes to become friendly pets? Read: Mercy Aigbe’s Domestic Violence Experience

There is no excuse for DV. Anyone should walk away from situations that are unhealthy and go find a solution from afar. A man who is being nagged continuously by his wife or whose wife’s character he detests should step away from the marriage until they can both amicably learn to respect each other. Hitting anyone into submission or acting right is barbaric, it is time we all must unanimously say “No” to Domestic Violence

We have laws for a reason, anyone who flouts them should be treated to its wrath. Madam, it is not okay, let it not be heard from people like you that “instead of walking away, manage it”. It is because of statements like yours that people die untimely while trying to “manage it”

The other man who lodged in Kirikiri for 7 days will think twice before hitting any woman again. People are beginning to take this seriously, this is how it should be

Pastor Eaten By 3 crocodiles as he tries to walk on water like Jesus

Pastor Eaten by 3 Crocodiles as He Tries to Walk on Water Like Jesus

Pastor Eaten by 3 Crocodiles as He Tries to Walk on Water Like Jesus. In short, Pastor tries to walk on Water like Jesus, 3 Crocodiles Said “NO”

Pastor Jonathon Mthethwa of the Saint of the Last Days Church chose the ominous ‘Crocodile River’ as the place for attempting to walk on water, a stunt that would inevitably lead to his death. With a name like ‘Crocodile River’ you can’t help but wonder what this man really thought was going to happen?

Mthethwa, from a local church in White River Mpumalanga, Zimbabwe died Saturday morning trying to demonstrate the biblical miracle to his congregants.

Pastor Mthethwa was said to have walked into the water and when he was 30 meters inside the river, attempted to ascend above the water so he can start walking, but the 3 crocodiles appeared from nowhere and started feasting on him.

According to Deacon Nkosi, a member of the church, “The pastor taught us about faith on Sunday last week.
“He promised he would demonstrate his faith to us today, but he unfortunately ended up drowning and getting eaten by 3 large crocodiles in front of us.

“We still don’t understand how this happened because he fasted and prayed the whole week.” Says Deacon Nkosi

Really? You don’t understand how it happened because he fasted and prayed? This is how it happened Deacon, your pastor walked into a crocodile infested river and naturally, he was made a feast of. My theory is, the crocs were fasting too and pastor was just in time as they were about to break their fast

We’ll file this under “ridiculousness!”, because this is the only word that describes this situation. How do we sleep at night, knowing there’s someone out there who would pull this kind of stunt?

Story Source: Herald Zimbabwe

hiring domestic help in Nigeria

Diary of A Nigerian Girl: This is My Reality as a HouseWife

My reality as a housewife has been far from the dream. The day I danced out of my father’s arms into that of my husband, was the day I danced from freedom to societal imprisonment

Many females dream of the day they leave the house of their parents for that of their husband; the day they transition from Miss to Mrs; the day they no longer have to live by the rules of their parents, but by their own rules – the day they are ‘free’. Did I have similar dreams? Ofcourse!

This is what a typical day for me is like. My alarm goes off at 6:30am. I wake up and turn to my husband who doesn’t even stir (alarms don’t wake him). My first move is to clean up the house. He had ‘suggested’ that since I wake up early to get him ready for work anyway, I ‘might as well do some cleaning here and there’. Cleaning doesn’t involve much, it’s a two-bedroom bungalow and few minutes of dusting, sweeping the corners and mopping parts of the house do the trick

After cleaning I see that it’s a minute past 7

After a minute of calling out his name and nudging him around, my husband is finally up and he proceeds to brush his teeth.

My next move is to prepare his breakfast because God forbid he goes to work on an empty stomach. Bread is the breakfast choice. He eats his bread with either eggs or stew. He says butter should be reserved for baking and nobody above 18 should have jam in his diet.

I fry two eggs and serve it with six slices of bread in hopes that he would be out of the bathroom soon. He emerges shortly after, dressed for work, jacket in hand (the jacket is worn after breakfast). He places his free hand on his waist and does his usual silent, one minute inspection of the house (to ensure it’s well cleaned), then hangs his jacket on the dining chair, gobbles down his breakfast, picks up his jacket and dashes out the house.Read: I am Strong but I am Tired

I go back to the bedroom and sleep till 11am. When I wake up, I’m immediately bored. I don’t have many friends in the neighbourhood because we are new and most of my other friends have jobs or businesses, none of which I have. Did I mention I have a degree in International Relations? But according to my husband, of what use is my working when he can conveniently fend for us.

After taking a bath and having breakfast, I watch TV till 2pm. Still bored, I consider calling my mum but immediately change my mind. In her world, I’m living ‘the perfect life’. I got married at an early age, my husband has a good job, he takes care of me, doesn’t beat me up or cheat on me. As a matter of fact, it’s about time I started having kids so I can ‘lock this marriage’.

I watch TV for another three hours, after which I start cooking beans (he closes at 6pm and always returns ‘famished’).Dinner is right on time as I hear the blaring of his horn right after turning off the gas. After opening the gate and ushering him in, he declares his hunger, reminding me he hasn’t eaten since ‘that small bread of this morning.’ He quickly removes his shoes, discards his jacket and tie, unbuttons his shirt and sprawls on the sofa to await his meal.

Immediately after the meal, he stumbles into the bedroom, leaving his jacket, tie and shoes behind.
After placing our dishes in the sink, I take his clothes and shoes to the bedroom, where he reminds me he would have ‘something small’ before bed. Fried yam and eggs are what I serve him a few minutes past 9

“Egg again?” He remarks.

I ignore him and shortly after, he dozes off on the sofa. I wash the plates, then wake him and we go to the bedroom.

I drift off thinking of the three meals I would cook the next day.

Noya Sadi

Acute Sense of Helplessness and Hopelessness: This is The Nigerian Disease

Acute Sense of Helplessness and Hopelessness: This is The Nigerian Disease

Today, I heard about a lady who I just met and was in a bad situation. She has no job, recently fell in the bathroom and broke her hip, to make matters worse, she has a sick mother as well

Not a lot of Nigerians think deep into the consequences of the actions of our leaders. If we did, Nigeria would be desolate by now. Most people would have applied as a refugee in other countries, even neighbouring countries would do. The alternative would have been a civil war, for those who insist on staying here and fighting for their lives and the future of their generation.

If this country was inhabited by white people, the suicide rate would have skyrocketed. But we are used to blending in, accepting all that is thrown at us, protesting for entertainment sake and moving on from issues because they have died down Efcc should be under the management of The Senate- Atiku

My hip is not broken, my mum is not sick, I am not jobless, I am not poor. I can afford healthcare and I can decide to pack my bags today to go settle in another country and start over. However, today, I still felt an overwhelming and deep sense of hopelessness and helplessness. It felt like I swallowed a stone that wouldn’t go past my chest and my wig felt like a heavy load I couldn’t get rid of. So I wept. Not only for the lady who broke her hip, but also out of frustration

I wondered to myself, “If I feel like this, how does that lady feel?” The one whose hip is broken, who has no job, whose mother is sick and has no way to get healthcare since there’s no free healthcare for senior citizens. For those going through life like this with a sense of awareness, how do they put one foot in front of the other, considering this heavy baggage of helplessness that they must carry?

This has become our mantra, “Nigerians are strong”. Are we? Or we have just given in to this feeling of helplessness and allowed the leaders to take advantage of the “E go better” approach…

There is a disease in Nigeria that is not going away , it is called “acute sense of hopelessness and helplessness”

Sadly, I have no cure…

From Hardship to Inspiration: Nnamdi Ezeigbo, Slot MD

“My name is Nnamdi Ezeigbo, and I started SLOT SYSTEMS by accident. Immediately after NYSC, I applied to work with Exxon Mobil. Like many graduates of my era, it was a dream to work for an oil company. Unfortunately or fortunately, whichever way you chose to look at it, I failed the final interview because I falsified my age and state of origin

It was then that I promised my self that I would always live a life of integrity.”

“I became jobless for two years. Since I studied Computer Engineering, I decided to take up the practical aspects of my passion. This led me to squat with a friend in Computer village where I learnt how to repair computers and phones. The arrangement was to be for six months; I told him not to bother paying me any stipend because I was just all about learning. It was here that I first got exposed to the Nigerian business environment and realized a serious lack of value creation.

Customers were being cheated massively because they could be charged as much as N50,000 for a repair of N500. It was then that the opportunity for SLOT was born.

“Though I later fell out with my friend as a result of this same misunderstanding, I think that was the best thing to happen to me. I started out on my own, developing my own customers, working from a small corner in a bookshop. When GSM came into Nigeria, I saw the opportunity and grabbed it…that was how I began selling phones with warranty. I have come a long way from the days when I had no office, when I was just squatting. I would go to customers homes or offices to repair their gadgets

Today, we have outlets in every region of the country. In some states like Lagos, I have as many as four outlets, all because I was able to see an opportunity and keep at it. I did not back down.”

This is My Story: One Girl’s Victory Over Molestation

THIS IS MY STORY: ONE GIRL’S VICTORY OVER MOLESTATION

Although I went to a good primary school, i was definitely one of those kids who couldn’t wait to get home to cartoon channels. When I was age 6, my elder brothers moved on to boarding houses for their high school education leaving me alone in the big house. I came back from school every day to a house without my parents as my dad was a busy banker and my mom a retail business owner, therefore no one came home till past 6

I had an uncle (Uncle k). I can’t remember what he was doing at that time but he was always home when I came from school. I would always dash into the house to watch my cartoons after he opened the front gate for me. He was always gentle and quiet

NEPA now known as PHCN decided that kids shouldn’t watch tv after school as they started withholding electricity shortly after I would get home. The house would get really hot and I would be forced to come out to our compound

Uncle K would take a mat and lay it outside and say, “Come and join me”. What did I know? I would run towards him with my teddy bear, sit down beside him and chatter away about school. Nothing ever happened
 
Till one fateful evening. He invited me to lie down beside him as usual. Naïve as I was, I did just that chatting away. Then I felt his hands go into my pants past my underwear. I wiggled away and said “Uncle, what are you doing?” He quickly covered my mouth and growled “Shut up!” I knew something was wrong. He put his fingers down there and it was so uncomfortable. It was painful

I struggled, but what could a 6 year old with a tiny stature possibly do? “Stop moving or I slap you”, he hissed at me. I didn’t know what this was but it felt wrong. His fingers were doing things I didn’t understand

I can’t remember how long the molestation went on that evening but I know I was crying because it just hurt. He finally stopped, removed his hand over my mouth and warned me, “You had better not tell mommy.” Then I ran into my room crying

I remember standing by the curtain, looking into the compound and watching him still on the mat; I remember cursing him the only way I could curse then. I remember wondering to myself, “What just happened?” That was when my hatred for boys began

I hated boys for so long till my fourth year in high school when I decided to face my hate. I knew I had to find it somewhere to forgive myself in order to move on. It was hard to be honest. I buried the thought for so long and bringing it back up was not the easiest thing to do, but it was the best decision in my life
 
I talked to God; asking Him to give me that inner peace to move on. I remember telling myself that I would not permit what happened to define me and that I was better and stronger than that. Yes, it took time but I overcame

I am a survivor 

From: Olayinka A.