Tag Archives: naija single girl

strangers' conversations

#ThrowbackThursday I Listen to Strangers’ Conversations and Give my Opinon…In My Mind

Remember how one time I told you I listen in to strangers’ conversations and give my opinion in my mind? You also remember how we all agreed it is only human? Ehen…

So, yesterday, I went to see Heartbeat the Musical (It was fantastic), I sat behind a couple and heard them arguing before the show started. Here is “our” conversation below:

Male: You don’t hug someone you don’t know that well like that is what I’m saying.

Female: (cuts in) How do I hug him? Side hug? C’mon nowwwww.

Me in my mind: Yea, me too. I hate side hugs. It’s childish.

Male: But I’m telling you I didn’t like something and you’re telling me to “c’mon now”. Are you for real?

Female: I don’t see any reason for you to be uncomfortable. When I give your friends full hugs, you don’t complain.

Male: My friends don’t squeeze your boobs tight when you hug them.

Me in my mind: LMAOOOO. Jealousy oshi.

Female: (Laughs out loud)

Me in my mind: Exactly. Very funny.

Female: Okay I’m sorry. Ma bi nu (I’m sorry). (She pulls his head closer to hers and gives him a forehead rub.)

Me in my mind: Awwwwwww!

Female: I won’t hug someone I don’t know that well like that again.

Male: You should have just said that instead of arguing.

Me in my mind: SMH!!! Babies!

Female: (Rubs his head more and gives him a peck) I’m sorry oooooo.

Male: (Shakes his head and Smiles)

Female: (Brings out her phone to take a selfie)

Me in my mind: Awwwwwwwww!

Male and Female start talking about snapchat.

I lose interest.

Musical begins.

This is my public opinion on the matter. I hate half hugs, I feel like half hugs are childish. Like why hug from the side? Can everyone hug like adults?

The only thing is, I worry about some men and their pervasive ways. Even though I give full hugs, I try not to hug some men too tight. Why? Some men hug you so tight and spend far too long pushing against your boobies. I find this really classless and extremely inappropriate. Anyone who has tried this with me never gets a hug again, just handshakes and a very nasty side eye…for being a creepy worm!

This post was first published on the 4th of September 2017.

Childhood

Childhood Shenanigans: The Story of My Broken Bum Bum

Childhood Shenanigans: The Story of My Broken Bum Bum

One of the things that caused me acute heartbreak when I was young was sitting down by our balcony, grounded, while I watched other kids play outside. It drove me to tears and made me wish I could be adopted by those other parents who allowed their kids run free on the street. We lived on the first floor, in a house by the T-Junction. This meant I had a perfect view of our street and two connecting streets. I could see EVERYTHING and EVERYONE

As I may have mentioned in previous posts, when I was young, I reigned supreme as the organiser of street fights, no one could sit with my crew. We picked fights, caused fights, cheated in football games, stormed parties and performed folk songs in expectation of getting paid… And Yes, we did get paid. It was fun for us, but worrisome for my parents. On this day especially, I was grounded for stealing my mum’s Aso-Oke to go perform- Unsolicited- at a birthday party down the road. What angered me most was that I made N10 that day, what parent would ground a child for going out and making N10 on a Saturday?!

So there I was sitting by the balcony, complaining about my mum to my sister. The other kids playing soccer downstairs saw my dejected look, couldn’t take it anymore and so found a solution for my escape- JUMP. They gathered below the balcony and told me “e no too far, you fit jump downstairs na” One of the kids from the next house said to me “I day do am well, that time wey…” This seemed like a good idea, not once did I wonder how I would get back in the house.

I ran inside to change into my soccer jeans and “canvas”. Checked my mum real quick to find her sleeping soundly on the couch by the door.I prepared myself, and jumped Read: Children’s Day: “I Want to be The best Electrical Engineer in The World”- 13 Year Old Lekan.

I landed on my bum and felt a sharp pain. It felt like there was something going on inside my bum but I couldn’t figure it out. Immediately, I knew I had messed up, so I started crying. My sister looked downstairs from the balcony and laughed so much I could see tears in her eyes. Determined to make her look like a fool, I stood, felt the sharp pain in my butt crack and immediately sat back down. “My yansh don breeeeeak” I wailed repeatedly. Our landlady’s son who was a teenager rushed to my side and tried to lift me up. I held on to him as he made me walk around so I could feel what was broken. Nothing hurt at all except somewhere around my butt crack.

I therefore took the walk of shame upstairs, knocked on the door and there I was, face to face with the woman who made me. She was shocked! “Where are you coming from, how did you get downstairs?”. “I sneaked out the door while you were asleep”. She looked confused but pulled me in by my ear and twisted it in warning. “Go and wash the plates!”. I tried not to limp to the kitchen, I paused by the sink, shuffled my feet around to check if my “yansh” had repaired itself. Nah, it still hurt like crazy.

I jumped when I heard, “Tell me, I won’t beat you, how did you get downstairs?”. Who knew where she came from? “Have you been crying? did someone beat you? tell me now, what happened? I won’t beat you”. Awww, she looked so concerned, so I fell for the trap. “I jumped from the balcony but it wasn’t that far” The look of shock on her face sent me backing up on the sink. “You did what? Is that why you can’t walk well…” Before I knew it, she had pulled me towards her and gave me a double slap. (using both hands at the dame time).

Everything else was a blur after that -The trip to the hospital, the scan and my mum’s conversation with the doctor- All I heard was “Nothing is broken, she’s fine”. I braced myself for another set of punishment on my way home. That was the day I learnt never to admit to any wrong just because my mum said with a straight face “ Tell me, I won’t beat you”.

10 days in sun city

Movie Review: 10 Days In Sun City

10 Days in Sun City is an action comedy about the adventures of Akpos (Ayo’AY’Makun), who took his beautiful girlfriend (Adesua Etomi) from Warri to Lagos to contest in the “Queen of Nigeria” pageant. Monique (Mercy Johnson) who Akpos knew from way back in Warri hosted them but soon sent them packing since they refused to live by her terms. Akpos gets into trouble with Otunba Ayoola Williams (RMD), a wealthy CEO of a cosmetic company as he tries to bully Akpos into letting go of his girlfriend… A series of action comedy ensues…

Most of the movie was shot in Sun City Resort,South Africa. If AY was not paid to promote this resort, he needs to send them an invoice because the visuals/scenery in the movie was beautiful. I want to see that place for myself. Cinematography was top notch, even an outsider could see there was a lot of hard work put into the production of 10 Days in Sun City. Read:Movie Review: “Isoken” AKA Oyibo No Dey Give Up

However, we can’t say the same for some the acting and Akpos’ dialogue. I laughed at some but some of the jokes gave me neck pain from cringing too much. There were so many repeated jokes from AY live, so apart from the fact that I had heard them before, some jokes also fell flat

I am so disappointed that Adesua Etomi was seriously under utilised in this movie. She is a good actress but was demeaned to the status of a beautiful couch.

Miguel Núñez’ character was funny and believable,Mercy Johnson exaggerated her role but Falz and RMD as expected, gave a stellar performance. If you’re going to see the movie because of Falz,know that he didn’t appear in more than 3 scenes even though his name was in the first set of the credits. I assumed he was a major character

Whoever edited 10 Days in Sun City needs to go back to film school.If you get to watch the movie, you’ll understand why…

10 days in Sun City is okay. I did laugh but I left the cinema feeling flat. AY should keep this production crew, fire the editor, stop being lazy and write new jokes for Akpos.

Body Image

Body Image: Daughter Calls Her Mom “Fat”, And Mother’s Viral Response Sparks Heated Discussions

Body Image: Daughter Calls Her Mom “Fat”, And Mother’s Viral Response Sparks Heated Discussions

When Allison Kimmey told her kids playtime was over, her daughter got so upset she said ‘mama is fat’. So Kimmey decided to teach her kids a lesson about body image and the right use of the word “fat”

“My daughter called me fat today.

She was upset I made them get out of the pool and she told her brother that “mama is fat”.
I told her to meet me upstairs so we could chat.
Me: “what did you say about me?”
Her: “I said you were fat, mama, I’m sorry”
Me: “let’s talk about it. The truth is, I am not fat. No one IS fat. It’s not something you can BE. But I do HAVE fat. We ALL have fat. It protects our muscles and our bones and keeps our bodies going by providing us energy. Do you have fat?”
Her: “yes! I have some here on my tummy”
Me: “that’s right! So do I and so does your brother!”
Her brother: “I don’t have any fat, I’m the skinniest, I just have muscles”
Me: “actually everyone, every single person in the world has fat. But each of us has different amounts.”
Her brother: ” oh right! I have some to protect my big muscles! But you have more than me”
Me: “Yes, that’s true. Some people have a lot, and others don’t have very much. But that doesn’t mean that one person is better than the other, do you both understand?
Both: “yes, mama”
Me: “so can you repeat what I said”
Them: “yes! I shouldn’t say someone is fat because you can’t be just fat, but everyone HAS fat and it’s okay to have different fat”
Me: “exactly right!”
Them: “can we go back to the pool now?”
Me: no ??
__________________
Each moment these topics come up I have to choose how I’m going to handle them. Fat is not a bad word in our house. If I shame my children for saying it then I am proving that it is an insulting word and I continue the stigma that being fat is unworthy, gross, comical and undesirable.

Since we don’t call people fat as an insult in my household, I have to assume she internalized this idea from somewhere or someone else. Our children are fed ideas from every angle, you have to understand that that WILL happen: at a friends house whose parents have different values, watching a tv show or movie, overhearing someone at school- ideas about body image are already filtering through their minds. It is our job to continue to be the loudest, most accepting, positive and CONSISTENT voice they hear. So that it can rise above the rest.

Just do you!
Xoxo
Allie”

6 Things You Should Stop Expecting from Others

Don’t Quit Your Day Job…Yet!

Don’t Quit Your Day Job…Yet!

As attractive and exciting as the jump from employee to business owner is, it’s far from easy and absolutely not for the faint of heart. Among the biggest and most intimidating aspects of the transition is the shock to your personal finances. It’s not a matter of if it will happen (it is all but unavoidable), but how well you prepare for it. With this in mind, here are some steps you should take as soon as you even think you want to quit your day job:

Start saving to fund your business as soon as you get that entrepreneurial itch: I would go as far as to say that, as soon as you get full-time employment out of high school or college, start a savings account earmarked specifically to put money aside to launch your start-up (separate and apart from your emergency savings account and accounts you might have for other financial goals), even if you’re not sure when you’ll do it or even exactly what kind of business you want to start. And if you already have a business idea or even an active side-hustle, it’s even more important for you to put aside income to feed and nurture the launch and operation of the business, until it is generating enough revenue to get past break-even and support itself.

Keep your day job for as long as you can: First, the savings you need to fund your business (see previous point) will be drawn from your current income. Second, especially if your business is in the same industry where you’ve pursued your career, excelling in the latter can result in key networking contacts, support and maybe even your first customers. (At the same time, be careful to avoid conflicts of interest and other issues that can cause your employer to question your focus, performance and commitment to your job.) Third, and perhaps most important: Don’t quit your day job yet if you have health insurance and other benefits from your job. You want to keep them as long as you can, especially if it will be a minute before your new business generates enough profit to both replace your salary and to fund your health insurance, retirement savings and other needs currently being fulfilled (and far more cheaply) through your employer.

Dump your debt: You need to pay down your loans as quickly as possible, as well as car loans and other sources of high interest debt. Your goal is to free up money that can be used to support your business

Totally blow up and recreate your household budget: Take into account the new expenses (as well as those that might go away, such as commuting costs if your business is home-based) and possible lost income that will result from the launch of your business and your eventual transition out of your job. Approach this just as you should if you were about to bring a newborn baby into the family, because that is exactly what you’re doing when you launch a business that will need to be constantly fed and nurtured in order to survive, stay healthy and grow. Just as your entire lifestyle would change as a new parent, it will absolutely require adjustments and sacrifices to accommodate your business. Which brings me to perhaps my most important piece of advice:

Cut your living expenses: Then cut them again. Then once more for good measure. Don’t quit your day job if you cannot responsibly cut your expenses. The transition from steady paycheck to the fluctuating cash flow of entrepreneurship is all but impossible if you cannot control spending and keep your debt under control. Often, people tell me they can’t find the money to fund their business. I tell them exactly where it is: In their closets. In their garage. On the walls of their living rooms, kitchens, dens and practically every bedroom. (How many flat-screens do we really need?) The money to fund and operate your business has to come from somewhere, so you will likely have to stop adding to your collections of designer shoes, give up the gym membership and exercise at home, seriously cut back on dining out, mani-pedis and other nice-to-haves-but-not-need-to-haves.

Foregoing instant gratification in favor of long-term gains is not only a cardinal rule of successful entrepreneurship, but of all wealth-building endeavors. There’s no way around this:

Don’t quit your day job just yet. Understand that to fund your business, you must stop funding many (if not all) of your other habits, at least until you’re successful enough as an entrepreneur to finance both your company’s needs as well as the lifestyle you desire.

Why Do Men and Women Prefer Male Bosses?

Why Do Men and Women Prefer Male Bosses?

Why Do Men and Women Prefer Male Bosses?

Having asked a lot of people questions and done some online research, I found out men and women alike would rather NOT work with female bosses. See their reasons below

1. Incapable of leaving their personal lives at home
2. Women are petty
3. Too happy to gossip about their colleagues
4. Feel threatened by colleagues.
5. Form cliques
6. Quite unreasonable
7. Clamour too much for respect
8. Too competitive and participate in office politics
9. Less approachable

Some women prefer male bosses because they can flirt their way to a promotion and get away with extra curricular activities. Some men say they would rather want to drink and hang out with their male bosses to form a bond which is unlikely to happen if their boss is female

The above list irks me because I have worked with men who have the above attributes. I believe women in leadership or management positions are judged unfairly because they act the same way as men which some people find off-putting. When women are firm and assertive she’s seen as aggressive . When a man does the same thing, he seen as strong and in control

I know it has been deeply instilled in us to see leadership as a male role, presided by a dominant figure, completive and in charge. The expectation of women is that they’re supposed to be gentle, nurturing and nice. However, I wonder why people assume that a boss lady cannot be in charge and nurturing at the same time.

I agree that there are women who could be difficult bosses but I ascribe this to them being under pressure to meet up to standard. Women leaders also owe it to ourselves to change this bias by helping more women instead of seeing them as useless or competition. We should also not be quick to judge one another rather give enough room to prove ourselves to one another

On the other hand, lets all (male and female) try to be fair in our assumptions about how men or women should ‘behave’. A boss should be seen as such and treated as such despite their gender.

For me, The bottom line is women don’t necessarily make worse bosses. They are just perceived as such

Be honest: do you have a preference for a male or female boss? Why?

children

Don’t Give Children Food or Drink Without Their Parent’s Permission

During NYSC, one of my neighbours had a small son, he wasn’t up to a year old then. His name was Nat. One day, we heard a quarrel in the compound and it was between Nat’s mum and another neighbour. Nat’s mum wasn’t really a troublesome person, in fact she was quiet and kept to herself most of the time. So everyone was surprised and wanted to know what caused her to be that angry.

We found out that the other neighbour had gone into her flat to visit. While she was in the bathroom, the neighbour had given Nat biscuit and a drink. Of course, we all wondered why that had gotten her so angry until she said “I do not eat or drink anything that comes from a party, either a child’s naming or birthday and neither does my child.”

It was then we all remembered that she attended The Jehovah Witness Church and it was a core part of the church’s doctrine.

The other neighbour however saw no wrong in what she had done. She kept shouting at the top of her lungs that she had done no wrong, and was not to blame.

Her refusal to see things from the point of view of Nat’s mum was what led to the quarrel.

A few days ago, I was at a store when I overheard a conservation between two women, obviously sisters.

One of them held a toddler by his hand and she was telling the other woman how offended she had been by what her mother in-law had done the previous day.

Apparently, mother in-law while eating had called the little girl to her side. She took half a spoon of rice, chewed it for a few seconds and then fed it to the child. The woman said she had immediately made her displeasure known to her mother in-law but the woman refused to apologise and even wanted to do it the second time, before she quickly dragged her daughter out of her way.

The sister had her opinion. She tried to reason with her, telling her that she should have employed more patience and wisdom in her outburst but the other woman was having none of it. She also asked her how should have known if the mother in-law had done that secretly. She said something like “Do you know the number of unhealthy things she eats at school?” “Just trust God to care for these little ones abeg.”

This statement got the other lady more angry. She turned to her sister, eyes blazing and said:

“She is my child, I bore her and I will give her only what I feel is good for her. How could she give my daughter food from her mouth? Sister, can’t Ada chew anymore? I just don’t understand the motive behind her actions. Don’t you see that it is so wrong? It is very gross! ”

I quickly caught myself before I opened my mouth to volunteer opinion no one asked me.

I can say it here though. I believe that she really should have employed more tact in dealing with the situation, but really, I think the mother in-law was wrong. They don’t bring children up like that anymore or do they?

I also know children will always be children. They eat and drink anything whenever their parents are not there to monitor them. But people, ask a parent for permission before you give their children food. Children these days react to just about everything. ASK o! You can never say.

Written by Ayo Al for Diaryofanaijagirl.com

Move out of your parents' house

When is A Good Time To Move Out of Your Parents’ House?

When is A Good Time To Move Out of Your Parents’ House?

I moved out at the age of 27. I lived with my dad then I later had to move in with my sister due to work proximity. Living with my sister was fun as I got to hang out with my nephews. My sister never bothered me and made me feel at home the best she could, it felt like I was living at home

Suddenly I started to feel uneasy, I was 27 years old, I could afford to get a place, why was I holding back? I remember my colleagues and I had this discussion and most of them said, “who will marry a single girl living by herself?”. So I stayed back.Even though I could come and go as I pleased, I felt like my sister’s young family needed their privacy

When I decided I didn’t care what anyone thought and it was time to become responsible for myself and my living situation, I didn’t give anyone a choice. I told my dad that I had gotten a place of my own and it would be nice if he could help me move as well. He looked at me like I was about to commit murder, then he asked me, “why?”. He looked so disappointed but I was ready for him, so I said “because I want to be able to eat the last meat in the pot without feeling terrible”. He knew I was messing with him so he shook his head and proceeded to lecture me on how to stay safe Read: Building our kids’ self esteem: A lesson from my mama

About the meat, I wasn’t really messing with him. It’s rude to eat the last meat in the pot when you have older people living with you or in my case, when you’re a guest. So imagine this: during my mid night munch I find that there’s only one meat left and I had already cooked noodles! It was time to move mehn, it’s time for me to eat the last piece of protein in the pot without worrying about decorum

Signing my first lease brought out a rush of emotions…I was scared, hopeful, excited and angry that I was scared. I was angry at myself because at 27, I was scared of being responsible for myself? I quickly signed the lease and gave my sister a hug. It was done, I really did it. Did I feel any different after I moved out? Not immediately. I missed home so much, I would go back to spend weekends with my nephews. Gradually, my home started feeling comfortable and I began to crave the comfort of my space, the freedom to move around in the house clad, semi clad or totally nude.

There are of course more responsibilities. Such as, paying utilities yourself, cleaning by yourself, doing laundry by yourself, shopping by yourself and sometimes having to stop by a fast food restaurant after work, knowing there’s no prepared meal waiting for you at home. These and more toughened me up in a hurry and it sure did me a world of good

You may not know exactly where leaving the nest will lead, but I promise you, you will forge your own path and learn a great deal about yourself and others along the way.

Diary of A Naija Guy: What is Marriage Really About?Turning Your Wife into A Househelp?

What is marriage really about?

There’s a married couple staying close to my apartment and they quarrel almost everyday. When they start fighting, you will hardly hear the woman’s voice but the man is always at the top of his. What they fight about are really unnecessary but what do I know?

Either the man gets angry that the woman didn’t greet him well or she didn’t serve his food well enough because she forgot to add toothpick. The other morning, it was about the woman not making the bed after they woke up. I heard her saying she stood up first to prepare breakfast while the man was still sleeping

In all honesty, this isn’t suppose to cause any wahala but then, the man started shouting again… “You are stupid, you are mad, idiot, you lack manners, you are proud, I’ll slap you…” and many more hurtful words.

I just kept wondering whether making bed was such a big deal. I would hear the woman in a low tone say things like “I’m not mad…I’m not stupid…”

Now, I just wanna know what marriage is about. Because as a bachelor, you do your chores without any help, you cook your food, make your bed, serve yourself without worrying about toothpicks and all. Is marriage suppose to change all these?

Is marriage about giving all your responsibilities to another? Telling your partner to do everything you can do by yourself? My neighbour and his wife both work. The woman is a medical practitioner. Yet she finds time to do everything and is still bashed for it

I’m a young man and I know this is wrong. In my opinion, this is matrimonial slavery and I don’t agree with it. By the way, I’m still learning about life. Everyday I work to kill my pride but one day, I’m gonna make someone’s daughter the happiest woman alive.

Written For Diaryofanaijagirl by KayKross

Nice Girl

Being A Nice Girl Doesn’t Get You Ahead

Here are 5 symptoms of you being a too nice girl, which will never get you ahead at your company.

The actions that won your praise as a little girl now probably won’t help you get ahead at your company.

Here’s how to find out if you’re too eager to please. There’s surely nothing wrong with being a girl. Nor do most people think being nice is a problem. So here it is: what’s wrong with being a “nice girl”?

As many of psychologists and authors have pointed out over the years, the qualities we value and praise in little girls being generous to everyone, friendly, quiet and contented at school, etc. rarely translate well when those girls grow up and go looking for professional success. Women who excelled in education find themselves too eager to please, they are too afraid of ruffling feathers, and too unfamiliar to failure and struggle to initially handle the rough business world.




So how will you find out if you’re a nice person in the healthy sense or a nice girl in the problematic sense?

1. Thinking you can be loved by being nice
Stop thinking you have to be kind and nice to everyone in order to be loved and accepted. Which is basically a ‘mission impossible’. This idea is based on a deeper one that says ‘you are not good enough’. So you have to do things and be in certain ways to be loved. So moving on can be a challenge.

2. Struggling to say no
Yes, don’t be that girl who will do anything for another at the office, or wherever you work. What can you do about it? Start practicing with what you consider being a small ‘no’ whenever you feel like. Be aware and take a few seconds before rushing to say ‘yes’ as you usually do. Then slowly you will gain confidence to add more ‘no’s’. More practical advice is on offer here, here and here.

3. Being scared of upsetting people
You’re scared of upsetting people because you feel responsible for other people’s feelings. And you treat them as if they were fragile glasses. Start small again and build your way up to greater authenticity.




4. Wearing a 24/7-smile
Honestly, no one really feels like smiling ALL the time. That means nor should you be too happy and cheerful all the time. Smiling even when you feel like crying, that’s a little bit crazy.

5. Feeling like criticism or disapproval is the end of the world
Of course, we don’t enjoy criticism. But those for sufferers of Nice Girl Syndrome hearing negative feedback feels like the end of the world. To overcome your fear start looking honestly at your so called negative qualities. They are all parts of you. Admit that every now and then it’s useful to be bitchy, and bossy to get things done. Accept and embrace them. And then you can choose to change. Or not.

From: womenontopp.com

Chigul

“When my Marriage Fell apart, I Felt Like I Had Failed at Something” – Chigul

Read below an excerpt from the interview with Chigul with KemiAdetiba’s KingWoman on Accelerate Tv

“I married at 33 and married a virgin.

My husband and I had our happy times. We were married for about a year. We just got to a point where we both didn’t care anymore. It just sort of fizzled. I’ve been made to believe it was my job to keep the marriage afloat and the fact that it sank, I take on my head. It was supposed to be easy. I had the Indian theme of roses in mind. I didn’t understand how no one cared. Except for my brother. I was depressed.

When my marriage fell apart, I felt like I had failed at something and I had nowhere to land… I felt like I disappointed my dad. But no one was there for me. And I wanted to be able to go to my mum and cry and tell her ” I am tired” but she was just always saying “go back to your husband”. The worst was when I found out my husband has a child with someone else and I found out my mum knew. Read: Chigul, on the pressure to get married

My mum and I, clash of titans. We clashed over everything. My mum and I quarrelled over my grades, my relationships, my marriage…I resented her.




There were days I would get back home on Friday and wouldn’t get up till Monday except go to the bathroom or kitchen. It was one of the worst things that happened to me but also one of the best because it taught me a lot. I am now more responsible. I’m learning how to deal with men folk.

Would I have changed anything about it? No. Because it happened for a reason. I’m happy it happened at one year with no children, no attachments.

I have come across people that have told me I was no good and I would never make it and I was ugly. My self- esteem was literally in the out. I had little or no self-esteem and it affected me in a way that I saw myself become quite a people pleaser…

My weight has always been a sore spot. Always. My mum was worried because she had a brother who was big and had diabetic and eventually passed away. The worst thing someone ever said to me was on Instagram. It was a picture with a friend of mine and somebody said, despite the heavy make up “it is finally good to see Fiona from Shrek in person”. It hurt me so deep. Now I do work out everyday. I have a very good teacher and a supportive group.”

Rejection

My Real Life Definition of Pain

Pain.

A dictionary defines it as a highly unpleasant physical sensation caused by a wound or injury.

Me, I say pain is more than a physical sensation. It’s more than a throbbing that comes from a wound. Pain is more than an ache a drug prescription can heal or an x-ray can see

The tears of a broken heart. The groan of a disturbed mind. The screams of a crushed soul. The wails of a drained brain. That’s pain. The kind I feel. That which comes from my heart, mind and soul.

A mind burnt by failure. A heart broken by society. A soul crushed by life. Read: Tales From Biafra

Life gives more than joy and laughter all year round. Sorrows and tears creep in when least expected. Yet we smile for that’s what the world wishes to see.

Physical pain lingers only for a while..as an awareness that it was indeed at one time painful.

This pain has the unique ability to come back over and over again.. No one can see it, no one can feel it, just me

Heavens be thanked for the skin that covers the soul. Nature be thanked for its beauty that radiates the earth even in the dark. Grateful are we for scars that do not show on our skins.

In all, I await the new dawn. The dawn that brings happy songs to the lips. The dawn that brings sincere smile to the mouth. The dawn where I shall live again. Let the dusk pass for I weary in its darkness. The shine of the dawn I want to bask in.

For in the depth of my soul is a glow. In the innermost part of my heart is a light. In my mind, is a girl who wishes not to hide.

Let my glow shine. Let my light be bright. Let my mind be free. Let my ache be eased. And my pain be ceased

Written by: Zaynab Yusuf

Amitabh Bachchan

“Every Single Reason I’ve Been Rejected Has Become My Success Factor”- Amitabh Bachchan

“Every Single Reason I’ve Been Rejected Has Become My Success Factor”- Amitabh Bachchan

The journey to the top wasn’t a piece of cake for me. I’ve had my share of failures, rejections, losses and low moments

I’ve been rejected for several reasons. One time, I was once rejected by movie producers for being too tall, they said I was too dark skinned to be put on film. Another time I applied for a role on radio and I was rejected because of my baritone voice. But every single reason I’ve been rejected before now has become my success factor today

I constantly have to reinvent myself. When I was starting out as a young man, my movie career seemed like it was going nowhere. I had to reinvent myself in the movie ‘Zanier’. All of a sudden I had fans and a large followership. Producers began to call me for roles, they knew that once I appeared in their film, it would be a hit. They forgot that they had once called me ‘unfit’ for film. Read: “All You Can Do is Plant Your Seed in the Ground, Water it and Believe”- Tyler Perry

I once got injured on set of a film-Coolie; it was the beginning of health challenges. I had an intestinal injury and it [my stomach] has troubled me ever since. I’ve had to undergo several operations to deal with it. And each one has not been easy on my family. I was later diagnosed with myasthenia gravis [illness that causes weakness in muscles] and I thought of leaving the industry altogether

The amount of things I’ve been through and the way my body reacted has been phenomenal.No wonder I became religious, because you don’t know why something’s happening to you and you don’t know how you bounced back.

Another trying moment was when my production company went bankrupt. I almost lost everything. I thought to myself, ‘At this age, where would I start from? How would I support my family?’ I had put in so much into it, so much energy and love and passion, and here it was all crashing down around me. I couldn’t bear it.

Without a doubt that was one of the drakest moments in my 44-year professional career. It made me sit and think, I looked at the options before me and evaluated different scenarios. I got up and walked to Yashji (film director), who stayed behind my house. I implored him to give me work. That is when the worm turned.

Soon, I was able to pay back one and all. When they asked for the interest component, I did commercials in lieu for them.

“Koi bhi insaan chhota nah hota”. No man is small/insignificant. Here I am today, Amitabh Bachchan, not the actor, but the person. I overcame it all, and I’m not done.

Amitabh bachan is 74 Years Old.

National best friend day

5 Types Of People You Should Kick Out Of Your Life

5 Types Of People You Should Kick Out Of Your Life

As you go through changes in life, the reality is that there are some people you have to leave behind. The following list describes five types of people who should become irrelevant to your life:

1. The people from your past you’re still trying to impress.

You don’t always outgrow feelings of inadequacy about certain people – usually from your past – that make you feel less than. Even if you haven’t talked to people in years, it can feel like that they still have a stronghold on your life. But you need to ask: Are you better or worse off by their perceptions of you? Once you know the answer, take steps to get to the fundamental root of why they make you feel inadequate. And leave them and their perceptions in the past.

2. Toxic exes that won’t let go (or don’t want you to let go).

For the record, you can be friends with your ex. But sometimes the question boils down to: Should you? There are certain exes who are toxic and who always find their way to you when you are feeling vulnerable. And although you might be tempted to fall for their antics in a moment of weakness, don’t fall for your short-term memory. Usually exes who are toxic are miserable, and misery loves company. It’s better to be content and alone, than in such terrible company.

3. The financially incompetent people whose habits you’re tempted to pick up.

It may seem silly to refuse to be around people because of their financial habits, but it is of utmost importance to your mental health and well-being. Yes, you can have friends of varying financial earnings. But it is to your benefit to make sure all your friends are financially competent. Whatever end of financial incompetence they might be on – spending what they don’t have, or spending recklessly – we tend to pick up the habits of those we’re around.

4. People whose friendship you have to beg for.

Friendships matter. And how tragic we would be to think that we can go through life without having at least a few good friends? But friendship, as we should know by the time we get into early adulthood, is a two-way street. And you should never have to feel like you’re chasing down someone and begging them to be your friend. Not only will that sort of friendship weigh on you in the long-run, it won’t bring you the love and trust that genuine friends do.

5. People who belittle you and your goals.

It’s true that some of the direction of your dreams will change in your twenties. You’ll deal with disappointments and failures probably more than you think – hang in there, get up, and regroup. Failure is better than not trying, any day. And you don’t need people around you who are going to belittle your efforts – life is hard enough without them. You’ll often find that those who belittle your dreams, don’t even have any of their own. Surprise, surprise. Surround yourself with people who do the opposite.

God-fearing man

Just Because He’s A Christian Does Not Mean He is A “God-Fearing Man”

Just Because He’s A Christian Does Not Mean He is A God-Fearing Man

He would “hallelujah” with her like a passionate pastor on Friday, pipe her down like Ray J did Kim on Saturday, then run back to his wife no one knew about on Sunday.

Then repent and repeat, of course.

But my best friend, a Christian, couldn’t fathom that he could possibly be doing her dirty – he was a man of God. I mean, he would never… right?

She was, by the way, abstaining from sex because of her devotion to God. And yeah, he’s Christian, too, but we all know that not even the words of Jesus Christ himself, etched inside the Holy Bible for centuries, can tame a man’s serpent from slithering out for a little temptation.

“But God wants us to have sex,” he’d tell her manipulatively. “He wants us to do this! As long as we have an intent on getting married, God’s all for it.” Spoiler alert – he didn’t give a flying fart about marrying her. Naïve and impressionable, my best friend succumbed to his wily advances.

Of course, she was devastated when she found out he was a compulsive liar – he was married to a woman he said was his sister and fathered kids he said were his nieces and nephews.

“How?” my BFF lamented. “He went to church with me, prayed with me, yet he lied straight to my face! How could he do this me?”

Simple, I thought. Just because someone is sweating bullets up on the pulpit, spewing out powerful proverbs at the top of his lungs does not mean a damn thing about how “virtuous” he is. Saying “I’m a man of faith” doesn’t insulate one from being a scumbag – I thought that was common sense, no? It’s painfully cliché, but it’s true: actions speak louder than words.

For years, as a celibate Seventh Day Adventist, she thought she would be able to find a man in church who shared her values: slapping sloppies is for after marriage, she always said. But instead, she said she found a lot of men who “pick and choose” which pages of the Bible to follow; unsurprisingly, the “pre-marital sex is sinful” stuff are verses they often tried to re-interpret or ignore.

One Christian man, she said, felt offended – yeah, you read correctly – offended by her celibacy. He said, “Well, you already gave up what was supposed to be for me to some other man, so what’s the point?”

“It’s not about you!” she told him. “It’s about me trying to focus on the more important aspects of the relationship – the core parts that would make it long lasting. God forbid, if sex isn’t part of the equation anymore because of illness or otherwise, I’ll know there is something greater than just that that’s keeping us together.”

But he fought her hard on this. “You already messed up. Might as well keep on keepin’ on,” he reasoned. He was a Christian, but he f***ed. And that’s final.

She didn’t bother, though. She realized one of the pros of being celibate is that the “Christian” wolves in sheep’s clothing revealed themselves faster than you can say, “no sex ‘til marriage?!” So she just threw these men by the wayside and kept looking for “the one.”

Just when she started to fall in a state of despair, she finally ended up finding her match.

He was a man who followed a straight and narrow path and respected her celibacy. Through his own experience, he, too, felt that sex clouded his judgment in finding the right partner, so he was on board with her even though he knew it’d be challenging AF.

But he’s not Christian – not even a little bit. He’s an atheist who often wonders if there truly is an omnipotent, divine being watching over us.

He doesn’t mind coming along with her to church on Saturdays because he loves seeing her in “her element” and enjoys being in her company. (Won’t he do it!)

“Whatever happened to being with a ‘God-fearing’ man?” I said to my friend, somewhat mockingly. By the way, I never really got the phrase “God fearing” – seems so ominous and sinister instead of being lovingly devout and worshipful, but I digress.

“Sometimes you find exactly what you want in the strangest places,” she said.

It just proved what I always knew – just because someone says they’re Christian, that don’t mean a damn thing. Observe their character and you’ll see how moral they truly are.

Written by: Kimberly Gideon for madamnoire.com God Fearing Man

Biafra

Tales From Biafra By Yvonne Nwanyibuife Ada Chu-Ejikeme

Tales From Biafra

I was not born during the Nigerian Biafrian war. My mum was a little girl when the war broke out. She hates to relieve the memories of war but a few times she talked about the war she tells tales of hardship, hunger, fear, bunkers, air raids and the smell of death

One account that rings true is the tale of kwashiorkor suffered by the Biafrian children. She tells of an evening she returned from gathering leaves from the bush to prepare soup for dinner with her grandmother. They get home only to discover that her younger brother, my uncle who was suffering from kwashiorkor was missing. Inquiry from neighbours hinted that he may have been taken to the truck going to Gabon which was filled with Biafrian children suffering from kwashiorkor

They were going to Gabon to get relief

Her grandmother ran as fast as her legs could carry her towards the direction of the truck. It was already making its way out of their hometown. She kept screaming and running towards the truck in hot pursuit. Her hysteria made the truck driver pay her attention and finally stopped. She took my uncle from the midst of a lot of whimpering, frightened, hungry, potbellied, Biafrian children.

Imagine the number of our brothers and sisters who were forced to flee from their motherland as a result of war

Did they ever return? Your guess is as good as mine.

DANG NOTES

The war was bad. No one wishes war upon themselves or a nation. Why is it that some Igbos cannot forget and forgive what their ancestors do not wish to happen again? I spoke to a man who fought in the civil war, he told me he wishes the war had never happened. In his words, “it was senseless”.

Nigeria’s problem is corruption, lack of leadership, application of law and good governance. not segregation. If Igbos get their wish and are given their own republic, they will afce the same problems. I wish though, that the Biafrian agitators know that their leaders just want to amass wealth and power. Now that the noise is getting louder, their thirst for power becomes more potent…and deadly

Red flags

Forget What People Want. It’s Your Life. What Do You Want?

Everyone is quick to tell you what to do and how to do it. Admittedly, their advice is coming from a good place, It’s Your Life. What Do You Want?

When I wanted to resign from employment, no one, not even my dad encouraged me initially. Everyone was afraid for me, they wanted to keep me safe and secure in employment. But I was miserable, I wanted to do better, even though there was no assurance of success, I had confidence in God and myself. What did I want? I wanted to own my own business and find fulfilment in working tirelessly for myself.

What did I do? I prayed, felt peace in my heart and resigned. No one was happy, I was. Those who asked me not to resign, are quick to tell everyone today how proud they are of me

I remember when I almost got married to the wrong person. I had collected money for Aso-Ebi, MC had been paid, sugar band had been paid, hall was paid for but I knew deep in my heart If I went along with it, I would regret it. What did everyone else want? They wanted me to worry about my age, to try it and see if love will come later, some of my friends wanted to wear aso-ebi

What did I want? I wanted out, I wanted to stop choking in my sleep knowing the magnitude of mistake I was about to make. I wanted to marry for love. I wanted to stop crying every day. What did I do? I called it off. No amount of money was worth my happiness. Today, I couldn’t be more proud of myself

I started this blog to tell my story, and hoped that in time, people would trust me enough to tell theirs too. My very dear friend told me, “no one will pay attention to your blog if you don’t include gossip. Just mix things up a little”. That wasn’t what I wanted but I was almost tempted to do it. My friend didn’t mean any harm, he just wanted to stop seeing me write everyday and only my friends noticing the hard work.

Then, I asked myself, “Is this who you are? Is this what you want?” I hate gossip, I believe only small minds indulge so I stuck to what I wanted: To portray myself, as I was, and as I wanted to be. Today, my friend couldn’t agree more that that was bad advice

What do you want? Not what others want. You. Who are you deep in your heart? Life isn’t an exam, there are no model answers but what you must understand is that doing what is right for you is a definite pathway to getting the answers you want. For the rest of your life, you will continue to feel more inadequate and unsure of yourself until you step into your own.

Don’t be deceived, life sucks! The path you know in your heart is right for you may not be easy or smooth, or both. But this is the path you have chosen, if you ride the waves, I can assure you, you will arrive at shore in victory

“I had no idea that being your authentic self could make me as rich as I’ve become. If I had, I’d have done it a lot earlier” —Oprah Winfrey

Virgin

“Being A Virgin at 35 is Hard But It is Worth The Wait” – Alicia Smith

“Being A Virgin at 35 is Hard But I’m Worth The Wait”- ALICIA SMITH

I’ll be honest with you. One of the reasons why I’m still a virgin is because I know once I start, it’s going to happen constantly. I want it to be with one person because personally I don’t want to be with multiple people, but I know if I had started, that would be the case

There have been people that I thought were friends that could not handle the fact that I chose not to do certain things. When it comes to something like virginity or not drinking, I am not a judge of anyone. I want people to choose whatever they want to do and personal choice is a beautiful thing. But if you don’t want to be my friend because of the choices that I make, I can’t really complain about it because you weren’t really a friend in the first place

People think [virgins] aren’t sexual people at all and that we don’t like sex and that is not true at all. I just want to do it with one person. It’s another filter to find who he is,” she says. “If someone can’t handle confidence and they can’t handle me waiting for them, they’re not the person that I’m supposed to be with. I’m a firm believer that God leads him to you.




But to keep it real, it gets hard. There are moments of impatience and questioning as to when my Boaz will come, especially since motherhood is something that I desire. I’m imperfect, but at the end of the day, God does have everything planned out even before we’re thought of. So all of these tests and trials are there to prepare me for what He has planned for me in the future.

For now though, I’m walking in my purpose as a voice for those who need to be reminded of the beauty in their individuality, regardless of body type, race, or religious beliefs.”

It is okay to show the world who you are. It is okay to want to be something that isn’t the societal norm. Overcoming the fear of being bold, you have to say “NO” to that insecure voice. That has helped me become the strong woman that I am

Excerpt from Interview with XONecole.com. Alicia is the owner of tallswag.com

Dignity in labour

Dignity in Labour: “This is my job and I have no shame”, Vulcaniser, Abiodun Mana

Dignity in Labour

“My name is Abiodun Mana. This is my job and I have no shame. I have been a vulcaniser for 21 years. For me it is not about the job you do. It is how committed you are to the job you do

For years I have been saving every week. I bought my first motorcycle, then second and now 9th. Saving was not easy because it meant I could not buy clothes and shoes or go to beer parlour to buy alcohol. Even for my wedding I couldn’t buy a lot of things for my wife’s bride price. I told her, “we need to save for our future” Read: Iya Noah builds a bakery and her own house from selling Akara

With this Vulcaniser job, I also consider myself a transporter. Because I now own 9 motorcycles that I maintain and get money from everyday. My 3 children go to private schools. Even though some parents in that school don’t want to associate themselves with me, I am okay. As long as my family is happy, I am okay

There is no shame in my work, I am a happy man and in my own way, I am successful”.