Tag Archives: Mother’s love

Childhood Memories: Mamu Tutu Vs Mama Wale cross daggers

I may have told you about Mama Tutu, if you haven’t read about her in any of my previous stories, let me re-introduce her.

We lived in a compound with a story building of four flats Mama Tutu and Mama Ngozi lived on the ground floor while Sisi Mi, our landlady and Mama Bimbo (My mama) lived on the first floor. Mama Tutu’s flat was below ours while Mama Ngozi’s flat was below Simi Mi’s.

Mama Tutu was the only university graduate in our compound and she never hesitated to let the mothers know, and the kids too. This was why we spoke very little vernacular and zero pidgin around her because she would come down on you like a hammer.

Mama Tutu was a bit haughty but beneath all of her haughtiness, she was a good woman. It was environmental sanitation Saturday, which meant the whole street came out to jointly clean our environs.

The men mostly manned the drainages, raking dirt out and piling them in a neat stack while the women shovelled the refuse up in old rice sacs, dumping the sacs at the edge of the street where the Mallam in a large wheelbarrow would clear them up before mid-day.

Environmental sanitation Saturdays were mostly playing time for kids, as we weren’t involved in much except inconsequential errands. On this day, Mama Tutu asked Onyinye, one of Mama Ngozi’s daughters to watch her shovel as she pulled a sack of refuse to the edge of the street.

Onyinye and I were friends, which meant we rolled together at all times. So, when Mama Wale from down the road comes to snatch the shovel from Onyinye, I was right there by her side. “Onyinye give me that shovel, I go return am na na.” Said Mama Wale, the sun had made her bleached skin turn crimson, her brows were bare. During the day when Mama Wale had showered and dressed up, she would draw an arch to replace her brows, beginning at the top of her nose, ascending towards her hairline and suddenly drops very close to her ear.

I thought she looked ridiculous but this was the style in 1992, everyone did it, so I had no say in the matter. “Na Mama Tutu shovel ma. I no fit give you, she never pack the dirty finish” Onyinye said, securing her position as guardian of the shovel.

Mama Wale’s bare brows furrowed, her skin turned redder as she looked at Onyinye in shock for daring to refuse her. “My friend will you give me that shovel! Tell Mama Tutu say na me take am,” She snatched the shovel from Onyinye who looked on helplessly and in fear.

Onyinye knew not to challenge adults so we decided to let Mama Tutu know her shovel had been forcefully taken. “Excuse me ma,”Onyinye called Mama Tutu’s attention as she walked past us. “Yes?” She responded, she seemed to be in a hurry. I noticed Onyinye had gone mute.

“Mama Wale has taken your shovel, she said we should tell you that she took it,” I spoke up for my friend. “Ahn! Ahn! She did what? Why is this woman such a trouble maker?” Mama Tutu turned around towards Mama Wale’s house and off she went, screaming Mama Wale’s name,

Onyinye and I stayed put. We weren’t really ‘arand’ for adult squabbles. “Mama Wale… Mama Wale…” the rest of Mama Tutu’s words had become inaudible but we could see both adults pointing fingers at each other in anger. Soon, Mama Tutu waved at us to come over.

“Ngbo, Onyinye, wetin I tell you say make you tell this woman?” Mama Wale turns her red face on us. Before we could respond, Mama Tutu cut in, “Who is ‘this woman’? I don’t want to believe I’m being referred to as ‘this woman’. Mama Wale address me by name, show some respect.

You can’t bully me like you bully your husband! I will not allow it. Give me my shovel please!” ‘WAWU! This is news. First of all, Baba Wale was nice, so his wife bullies him? Na wa!’ I thought to myself. “Ah!“ Mama Wale scoffs at Mama Tutu,

“Your grammar no mean Shigbain! Don’t insult my husband Mama Tutu, face me, face meeeee” Mama Wale was screaming at Mama Tutu at this time. Me in my mind, ‘But she didn’t insult your husband now. Abi?’ Onyinye and I looked on, ready to pounce if Mama Tutu was losing the battle.

Mama Wale unties her wrapper and reties it, making it shorter so she could spread her legs wider, ready for battle. Mama Tutu had on knicker burger, she was good to go. “And I go make sure say I no give you that shovel today, oya come collect am now… “

Mama Wale stood at ease, hands behind her back, shovel held firmly. Mama Tutu tried to get behind her, but she is shouldered off by the bigger Mama Wale. Onyinye and I took over, we grabbed Mama Wale by the waist, held on tight, she tried to shake us off but we refused to let go.

Mama Tutu then gets behind us, bites Mama wale’s hand which made her yelp and immediately release the shovel. “Ife, Onyinye, run inside, now!” Mama Tutu instructed us as she held the shovel up, ready for war. We released Mama Wale and made a run for it, scared but happy.

Both women’s scream became less audible. As it was the tradition, after environmental sanitation, we would play competitive football in the compound, Boys vs Girls. On this day, as we played, I noticed all the mothers in the compound sat by their balcony, all four of them.

When Mama Wale came into the compound to look for Onyinye and I, they all stood by their territories and asked her to leave. They let her know if she ever touched us, the street would be too hot for her. Us children paused, it was like we were watching Voltron in real life.

Mama Wale turned around and left in shame. Our mothers watched her leave and only then, did they leave their positions at the balconies. I knew then, Mama Wale was a wise woman because how could you not be afraid of such force?!


Childhood Shenanigans: The Story of My Broken Bum Bum

Childhood Shenanigans: The Story of My Broken Bum Bum

One of the things that caused me acute heartbreak when I was young was sitting down by our balcony, grounded, while I watched other kids play outside. It drove me to tears and made me wish I could be adopted by those other parents who allowed their kids run free on the street. We lived on the first floor, in a house by the T-Junction. This meant I had a perfect view of our street and two connecting streets. I could see EVERYTHING and EVERYONE

As I may have mentioned in previous posts, when I was young, I reigned supreme as the organiser of street fights, no one could sit with my crew. We picked fights, caused fights, cheated in football games, stormed parties and performed folk songs in expectation of getting paid… And Yes, we did get paid. It was fun for us, but worrisome for my parents. On this day especially, I was grounded for stealing my mum’s Aso-Oke to go perform- Unsolicited- at a birthday party down the road. What angered me most was that I made N10 that day, what parent would ground a child for going out and making N10 on a Saturday?!

So there I was sitting by the balcony, complaining about my mum to my sister. The other kids playing soccer downstairs saw my dejected look, couldn’t take it anymore and so found a solution for my escape- JUMP. They gathered below the balcony and told me “e no too far, you fit jump downstairs na” One of the kids from the next house said to me “I day do am well, that time wey…” This seemed like a good idea, not once did I wonder how I would get back in the house.

I ran inside to change into my soccer jeans and “canvas”. Checked my mum real quick to find her sleeping soundly on the couch by the door.I prepared myself, and jumped Read: Children’s Day: “I Want to be The best Electrical Engineer in The World”- 13 Year Old Lekan.

I landed on my bum and felt a sharp pain. It felt like there was something going on inside my bum but I couldn’t figure it out. Immediately, I knew I had messed up, so I started crying. My sister looked downstairs from the balcony and laughed so much I could see tears in her eyes. Determined to make her look like a fool, I stood, felt the sharp pain in my butt crack and immediately sat back down. “My yansh don breeeeeak” I wailed repeatedly. Our landlady’s son who was a teenager rushed to my side and tried to lift me up. I held on to him as he made me walk around so I could feel what was broken. Nothing hurt at all except somewhere around my butt crack.

I therefore took the walk of shame upstairs, knocked on the door and there I was, face to face with the woman who made me. She was shocked! “Where are you coming from, how did you get downstairs?”. “I sneaked out the door while you were asleep”. She looked confused but pulled me in by my ear and twisted it in warning. “Go and wash the plates!”. I tried not to limp to the kitchen, I paused by the sink, shuffled my feet around to check if my “yansh” had repaired itself. Nah, it still hurt like crazy.

I jumped when I heard, “Tell me, I won’t beat you, how did you get downstairs?”. Who knew where she came from? “Have you been crying? did someone beat you? tell me now, what happened? I won’t beat you”. Awww, she looked so concerned, so I fell for the trap. “I jumped from the balcony but it wasn’t that far” The look of shock on her face sent me backing up on the sink. “You did what? Is that why you can’t walk well…” Before I knew it, she had pulled me towards her and gave me a double slap. (using both hands at the dame time).

Everything else was a blur after that -The trip to the hospital, the scan and my mum’s conversation with the doctor- All I heard was “Nothing is broken, she’s fine”. I braced myself for another set of punishment on my way home. That was the day I learnt never to admit to any wrong just because my mum said with a straight face “ Tell me, I won’t beat you”.

Taraji P Henson

At The Age Of 26, Taraji P. Henson Ran Off To Hollywood With $700 And A Baby, Here’s How She Made It

At The Age Of 26, Taraji P Henson Ran Off To Hollywood With $700 And A Baby, Here’s How She Made It

1) You are the sum of your work and effort, not other people’s opinions.

“We went to Paris and screened the pilot [of Empire] for a thousand people. Lee Daniels [the series’ co-creator] brought me onstage. The audience stood up on their feet and clapped. I cried because, for so long in Hollywood, I’ve been told that black women don’t do well overseas, that they can’t open a film overseas. That moment for me was the best moment of my life. That’s better than any trophy, any award, any nomination. You know how they say music can heal the world? I feel that way about art in general.”

2) Trust your journey, avoid looking in the rearview.

“I don’t think about other people. They are not walking in my shoes. They are not paying my bills. What makes me happy is when I do what I like to do, for me.” Read: I Disguised as a Man To Work in The Mines

3) Your obstacles are only as big as the power you give them.

“When I got pregnant in college, people said, ‘This is it for her.’ But I did not stop. I never missed a class. I was in the school musical when I was six months pregnant—we just made the character pregnant. When I graduated, I carried my son across the stage. I wanted to be an actress; I moved out to L.A. with him. People were like, “Are you crazy, moving to California with your son?” My father was like, ‘Leave him home.’ I said, ‘I can’t leave my son at home.’ [And eventually] my father said, ‘That’s your baby. That’s your blessing. He’s going to be your strength.’ And you know what? He was. I didn’t have time to go to the club to “network.” That’s B.S. No business deals go down at the club. So I didn’t get caught up in that. I had a mission. I had to make my dream come true. If I didn’t, what was I proving to my son?”

4) Avoid Situationships! Develop Relationships with partners who are willing to grow with you

“I’m a mother first. I’m not trying to bring this guy and this guy around. I’m raising my son, and he’s gonna respect women, and that starts with me. [Dating] in the spotlight—I have to consider my son. I don’t want to make it uncomfortable for him when he goes to school with his peers. And I have to answer to my mom too.

I’m not twenty-something. I’m not trying to find myself—I know exactly who I am and exactly what I want. And I don’t want a fan. I want a man who understands me, who challenges me, who calls me on my sh-t instead of letting me get away with it because I’m supposed to be a star. I want a best friend.”

5) Fear is a Jedi mind trick that can cripple you if you aren’t careful

“Fear will cripple you, fear will kill you, fear will make you believe you’re not worthy. After 17 years in prison, Cookie feels there is nothing to fear. She made it out alive. In her mind that’s how strong she is. We all have that strength inside us. We just have to choose it.”

Via: Glamour Magazine

Sexual Abuse

Teaching Kids How to Defend Themselves From Sexual Abuse

Teaching Kids How to Defend Themselves From Sexual Abuse

I am Njideka Obi, founder and CEO of Safer Smarter Children Inc. I’m a mother to three amazing children aged 6, 4 and 2, a girl and two boys, and wife to a loving and supportive husband. I had an amazing childhood. My dad was a disciplinarian who doted on his kids but was quite strict. In fact, his disciplinary measures shaped me into the strong, confident woman that I am today and I will forever remain grateful to him for that

I studied law at the University of Nigeria, although I enjoyed working at a corporate job, I discovered I wasn’t fulfilled. I knew something was missing. I have always been passionate about children, and I love writing inspiring children’s stories that impact positively on their lives. My passion grew stronger as the years went by, and coupled with the alarming rate of child molestation, kidnap and other forms of violence against children, I made a decision to become a child safety advocate. As a child safety advocate I felt the need to teach children effective body safety rules and skills to keep them safe through my education and awareness initiatives. Today, that passion has taken the form of Funbug, a magazine publication targeted at children, and the Safer Smarter Children initiative Read: Letter To My Sisters

Up to 95 percent of child sexual abuse and other forms of violence against children is preventable through education and awareness. So, I felt a huge responsibility to apply my knowledge and passion to help as many children as possible

Lately, there has been so much talk in the media about child molestation. Child sexual abuse is increasing at an alarming rate and there is an urgent need to put a stop to it. We educate children on how to recognize sexual abuse, how to react to it and how to report it. We also educate them on how to avoid being kidnapped and what to do if they find themselves grabbed forcefully. They also learn how to avoid getting lost and what to do if they are lost

The funds realized from sale of the Funbug magazines is used to finance our child body safety trainings. All the training and awareness programs we have done so far have been for free.”

The feedback has been awesome! In fact, the magazine has surpassed our expectations, as more schools are subscribing to the Magazine. Parents have been piling the pressure to release more editions of the magazine; and the kids tell me how much they love it. Actually, I marvel at the reception and goodwill the magazine has earned so far.

Oh God of Adesua…Fasting and Prayer ‘Continua’

On thursday I got a fish bone stuck in my throat. On saturday, it became unbearable so I decided to go to an ENT (Ear, Nose snd Throat) specialist.
When i got to the hospital, I told the lady at the front desk it was an emergency. I told her what the problem was and she immediately arranged for me to see the doctor as soon as he became available. I was in the process of replying some messages when the nurse came to call me, I told her to give me 2 minutes because I was sending an email. I had been called in to see the Doctor but I didn’t stand up immediately because I was sending an email. Some seconds later, I heard the Doctor’s loud voice:

“How can she say she has an emergency but she’s on the phone. If she’s not ready send in someone else”.

Huh? That’s rude. What doctor talks like that to his patients? I looked at the nurse and said..

“Thats a very rude doctor, I don’t want to see him. I’ll wait to see someone else.”

“No he meant no harm, he was just worried about you” she tried to placate me.

My mind was made up, I was going to wait to see another Doctor. I heard the same Doctor’s voice again but this time, it was inching closer.

“Where is miss…. Doesn’t she have an emergency?”

The doctor had walked into the reception, I deliberately refused to look up but someone must have pointed me out to him. He stood right in front of me and said..

“Ma’am, what’s wrong? I thought this was an Emergency.”

I looked up from my phone, ready to rant “yes it is but…”

I paused for 2 seconds..

“But it’s fine we can go. I was just upset you were yelling”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know I was yelling, could I take a look at you please?”

I stood up and followed him to his consultation room.

You may wonder why I changed my mind? This Doctor was so fine, he would make anyone pause in their tracks. Dark, clean shaven, tall, gap tooth… then when he smiled at me while apologising, he had a dimple on one side. In my heart I was already singing “I will follow youuuuuuuu, wherever you may gooooo”. So I followed.

“I’ll check your nose, throat and ear now then we’ll see what exactly is wrong.” Doctor Dimple said politely .

While I did as he instructed, I was giving God all the glory in my mind.

“Oh God of Adesua, you are awesome. Ordinary one day of fasting and prayer you have answered me quickly”.

After some prodding, he found the bone, removed it then pressed gently around my throat.

“Tell me if you feel any pain now” He said.

Sigh…What pain? Pain that I stopped feeling as soon as I saw him. Instead I said “It feels much better. Thank you”. He gave me some antibiotics and sent me on my way.

There was no excuse for me to stay anymore so I bid him farewell. I had to rush anyway, I needed to get home quickly to swallow another fish bone. While I was paying, the receptionist asked me if I felt better, I told her:

“Yes o. as soon as I saw the fine Doctor I was already okay”.

She bursted out laughing “That fine doctor is my husband o”.

I didn’t miss a beat.. “He is still fine jor. I was going to go home to swallow another bone but I’ve changed my mind”.

We both laughed, talked about how she must get that a lot and how much fun she has while at it. She was a good sport.

Oh God of Adesua, fasting and praying continua…

Pregnancy and Childbirth

My Prayer for Mothers Who have Said Childbirth is ‘not that painful’: May The Lord Forgive You

Recently I went to see a friend who just had a baby. As I hugged her, she whispered in my ear dramatically “don’t do it. I’m serious. Don’t”. She said before she was given epidural, the pain hurt so bad, her brain almost exploded. She mentioned that the child wasn’t coming out of her anus but while she pushed, that hurt too

Speaking of anus, she said “do you know I pooped a little while pushing?” After a day or two of giving birth, “I still had mucus coming out of my jajaina”

Euwwww…mucus ke? She gave me the “side eye”. “See this one” she said to me as I grabbed my head trying to stop myself from imagining the situation. She then made matters worse…”Shebi you’re always trying to protect your jajaina, the stitches from my episiotomy itches and hurts like crazy. The pain does not end after baby pops out o”

Oh my Chisosssss…why did you people tight all these information to your chest? Not one person, even my sister and best friends have given me vivid details like this

So I had imagined I would glam up during child birth because there’ll be a professional photographer taking pictures and maybe my sister would do a video. But how is my make up and nice hair going to stay in place when I’m pooping and my brain is exploding from pain?

After scaring my socks off, she looked at her baby, smiled fondly and said “trust me though, it’s all worth it”. This time, I was the one who gave her the “side eye!”

A Mother’s Love: This 101 Year- Old Mother Cared for Her 63-Year-Old Disabled Son Until Her Death

Meliah Md Diah was 101 years old. Despite her age, she was one tough cookie, going by her mission, so late in life.

She was determined to continue taking care of her youngest son, Abdul Rahman Saud, 63, who is physically challenged.

In fact, according to the centenarian from Kampung Bukit Nambua here, as long as she lived, she gave her best to Abdul Rahman who has not been able to speak, walk or lead a normal life.

“My son has never been a burden. Since he was a baby, I had bathed, fed and put on his clothes for him.

“I will take care of him forever. I love him, I only want to be with him,” she said.

According to Meliah, she has accepted her fate and never once regretted having a physically challenged child like Abdul Rahman.

She said she always prayed for good health and long life so that she could continue caring for her son.

Meliah’s grand-niece, Siti Jaleha Yunus, 59, said her grandmother’s life story was a good example of a mother’s sacrifice towards her child.

She said although Meliah’s memory was deteriorating due to aging, she would never forget her son’s name and the daily chores she had to do for him.

“She would carry on her daily rituals dutifully, calling her son when it was time for meals or for a bath,” she added.

Siti Jaleha said, together with her relatives they would take turns to check on Meliah and help her out with her cooking, including managing Abdul Rahman.

She said Meliah’s husband, Saud, died more than 20 years ago and her three other children – two boys and a girl – died at a young age.

She said her grand-aunt had no income and depended entirely on the monthly assistance of RM450 ($103) from the Kedah Tithe Department and RM300 ($70) from the Social Welfare Department

Meliah, 101, who had no record of any chronic illness, later died at her niece’s home. Her son Abdul Rahman Saud was by her side.

Read more at http://www.thestar.com.my/news/nation/2015/08/08/101yearold-who-cared-for-disabled-son-dies/#DCDHuli3gMJfEmTy.99