Tag Archives: love

That Time A Married Woman Tried To Hustle A Single Man With Me

Yesterday, around 10:20 pm my gas finished while I was boiling rice. Please focus on the topic at hand, stop wondering “Ife, why eat so late?” What to do? No way I going to buy gas at that time of the night, so, I decided to call my neighbour, Chi

“Hi Mama, I hope I did not wake you?”

she replied, “Noo, we still get visitors for house, What’s up?”

“Well, I was cooking and my gas finished. Can I come through the back door to finish boiling my rice at yours?” I asked with no shame. It was payback time because one morning at 4:30 am she called me non-stop to ask for toothpaste so…….yea.

I picked up my pot of half cooked rice and went through the back door which was the entrance to her kitchen. My dear neighbour had turned on her gas cooker for me, I simply placed the pot on the burner and waited.

I asked her where her husband was and she informed me he was entertaining guests but I could peek my head out and say a quick “Hello”. I stepped out of the kitchen to a room full of 4 men in my pyjamas and a week old cornrows. I scanned the room quickly for Emeka (my neighbour’s husband) but my eyes landed on Idris Elba mixed Mbaku with a slight Micheal B. Jordan as an ingredient. Oh, let me clarify, this is one with all those people’s features. I don’t know who did it but something pulled my brows up, widened my eyes and I instinctively took a step back.

I bumped into Chi and I wondered what she was doing behind me. My brain soon kicked in and I smiled at the chocolate mixed with honey. He smiled back, full teeth, Jesuuu! Ekis sir put all your teeth back, I can’t breathe. Emeka then said, “Hey Ife how now?” Emeka had been beside me all along but teeth so bright, I lost focus. We exchanged pleasantries and I did a quick about turn into the kitchen, with Chi on my heels.

“Why are you following me so closely?” I asked Chi as soon as we got into the Kitchen. She said, “Shebi you saw that fine man. Hay God! He’s so cute. I knew you’d notice him. Let’s go back out again as if we’re going to the room, to take another look”


“Ekis ma your husband is right there. Control yourself” I laughed out loud. She looked quite excited like she had found an accomplice. “What’s his name?” I asked Chi

“I can’t remember, everything stopped when were being introduced. And I can’t sit there, they’re talking business” she replied

Not that I didn’t want to see Captain America plus Black Panther again, I just wasn’t going to roam around the house aimlessly. When I told Chi this, her shoulders slumped and she called me a killjoy.

Just about then, Emeka came into the Kitchen to announce their departure, in an unspoke request for his wife to bid their guests’ bye. Shortly after, I heard the kitchen door open, I did not bother to look up from what I was doing on my phone thinking it was Chi. Then I heard an unfamiliar voice say “I had to come to say goodbye since you didn’t come out to bid us farewell”

“Bid us farewell” who says that? I thought to myself as I scanned the features of his face with a smile

In a flash, Chi was by my side, smiling foolishly, looking silly with no care in the world. I found my voice and  said to him “Oh sorry about that” I did not know what more to say, however, Chi took over in split seconds and said, “You must come back to visit, we will be glad to have you?”

Mr Caramel nodded, bid us farewell again and off he went. I told Chi “Could your lust be more obvious?” She planted her heavy behind beside me on the kitchen Island and gave me a side hug saying “Oh Ife, what a fine man. I hope he comes back.”

Oh wow! None of this was about me or how he came back to the kitchen to look for me”  SMH.


Ex Girlfriend

That Time I Tried on Love That Wasn’t Mine

I remember that time I tried on love that wasn’t mine. I convinced myself that it fit. The owner wore it without discomfort but love itself told me it belonged to me. I’d watch the owner wear it, and I’ll wait for my turn to try it on. But I had only a short time to try it on because it wasn’t mine. Then I’d pray to God, ‘let this love fit me. My heart wants it. Even love wants me’.

But it wasn’t mine.

So, I took it to a seamstress, “fix love for me”. I said. The seamstress turned it inside out, looked at me with pitiful eyes and said, “The owner has stretched it. There’s no space left to adjust for you.” I looked at love, it said, “maybe both of you can fit into me” I stamped my feet, pouted and put my arms akimbo “you’re mine, I don’t share”. Love said, “but you’re already sharing”.

Wow. Love was wrong, I wasn’t already sharing, I was borrowing. Even when I did borrow, it didn’t fit. The owner of love was living in ignorance, which was bliss. I, who tried on love that wasn’t mine lived in tears because of open wounds I had sustained.

From trying on love that wasn’t mine. In trying to forcefully fit it on, it tore at every corner of my heart, it hurt but I didn’t notice because I was focused on making a borrowed item permanently mine.

But then, the heart began to bleed. I eventually had to take care of my wound, so I stopped trying “IT” on. Love had No time for drama anyway. I was damaged, its owner was living la vi da loca. Love went back to where it fits.

I know now if love doesn’t fit, don’t forcefully try it on. Love looked beautiful and perfect but it wasn’t for me. Now, I choose Love that only fits without me having to squeeze myself in. Love that calms my heart, not the one that tears it apart.#Most importantly, I know now, love doesn’t have to be beautiful and perfect but it has to NOT have an owner. Then, I’ll try it on.

Hello Bae

Love is Not Complicated.

Love is not Complicated.

Anytime you’re trying to explain, to others or to yourself, why the relationship you’re in really is love, stop right there. Because if it really is love, there would be no explaining needed. You’ll know. In your heart. Love really is simple. It follows a simple formula: he’s available + you’re available + he wants to be with you + you want to be with him + you’re both open to a relationship with each other and seeing where it takes you. That’s it. There are no games, no drama, no tension. I told you it was simple.

Note that I said it was simple, I didn’t say it was easy. If you don’t get it right away, it’s okay. Be gentle with yourself here. If you’re used to seeing complicated as the norm for love, it will take some time before you can see how simple it really is. And it will take some real soul-searching to understand why you continue to find yourself in these dramatic relationships, and why you continue to hang on to them.Read: One Thing real Love Never Does to You

There is no perfect mate, no amount of drugs, sex, or money that will make you feel complete. You and only you have the tools and power to do that for yourself. We must allow love to take its natural course in order for our lives and relationships to reach its full potential. The reason some of us accept complications is because we have not searched our souls enough to know that we are enough. When we understand this, we will understand that peace of mind outweighs drama.

I have been in complicated relationships, I look back now and I know it shouldn’t have been so. Someone didn’t love the other enough to simplify things, someone didn’t understand the concept of sacrifice, someone wasn’t patient enough to try harder and both were not in love enough to respect promises made. I know this now and I cannot for the life of me go back to such tumultuous life.

The love I want now is the type I have with my friends -but with sex-. Easy, real, loyal, letting each other be who we are, never asking anyone to change for you, no crazy demands, we laugh and we cry together, when times are tough, I know without a doubt they’ll be there for me. We don’t have to talk every minute to know we care about each other, no insecurities…just love…Simple. Real

Did I digress a little? Forgive me. Living on the fence is not love, wondering what other drama may erupt tomorrow is not love, sleeping with one eye open in your relationship is not love

Love isn’t complicated, people are!


“When my Marriage Fell apart, I Felt Like I Had Failed at Something” – Chigul

Read below an excerpt from the interview with Chigul with KemiAdetiba’s KingWoman on Accelerate Tv

“I married at 33 and married a virgin.

My husband and I had our happy times. We were married for about a year. We just got to a point where we both didn’t care anymore. It just sort of fizzled. I’ve been made to believe it was my job to keep the marriage afloat and the fact that it sank, I take on my head. It was supposed to be easy. I had the Indian theme of roses in mind. I didn’t understand how no one cared. Except for my brother. I was depressed.

When my marriage fell apart, I felt like I had failed at something and I had nowhere to land… I felt like I disappointed my dad. But no one was there for me. And I wanted to be able to go to my mum and cry and tell her ” I am tired” but she was just always saying “go back to your husband”. The worst was when I found out my husband has a child with someone else and I found out my mum knew. Read: Chigul, on the pressure to get married

My mum and I, clash of titans. We clashed over everything. My mum and I quarrelled over my grades, my relationships, my marriage…I resented her.

There were days I would get back home on Friday and wouldn’t get up till Monday except go to the bathroom or kitchen. It was one of the worst things that happened to me but also one of the best because it taught me a lot. I am now more responsible. I’m learning how to deal with men folk.

Would I have changed anything about it? No. Because it happened for a reason. I’m happy it happened at one year with no children, no attachments.

I have come across people that have told me I was no good and I would never make it and I was ugly. My self- esteem was literally in the out. I had little or no self-esteem and it affected me in a way that I saw myself become quite a people pleaser…

My weight has always been a sore spot. Always. My mum was worried because she had a brother who was big and had diabetic and eventually passed away. The worst thing someone ever said to me was on Instagram. It was a picture with a friend of mine and somebody said, despite the heavy make up “it is finally good to see Fiona from Shrek in person”. It hurt me so deep. Now I do work out everyday. I have a very good teacher and a supportive group.”

fiance younger brother

My Fiance’s Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First…But Why Should I?

My Fiance’s Younger Brother Wants Me To Greet Him First…But Why Should I?

Yesterday evening, a friend of my fiance whom I shall refer to as O, told me he would like to speak with me on a certain issue. I was deeply curious. Although we are both on good terms, our conversations revolve round how to download free movies or which network currently has the cheapest data plan. So of course, permit my curiousity. O began a long sermon on how he had the best interests of my fiancé and I at heart and wanted desperately for us to succeed in our chosen endeavor. I thanked him. He continued saying that so far we have made him and his ancestors proud by how well we have both been conducting ourselves with maturity and purpose. I thanked him once again. Then he got to the crux of the matter. He said that he heard that I had an altercation with my fiancé’s younger brother over who should greet whom first. He looked like he had more to say on his mind, but at this point in the conversation he felt he should proceed only with a denial from me.. I smiled. Read also: Marriages in Nigeria are sustained by women

What had happened was simple. I was older than this brother by several significant years. I’d noticed after several occasions that the fellow never greeted me. He would walk right into a room where I was seated and plant himself comfortably in a chair without so much as a “Hi.” After greeting him once or twice, I made excuses for him. ‘I have a small stature, he probably thinks he is older.’ ‘ He wasn’t in a good mood.’ ‘ He was hungry.’ Etc…The situation however persisted so I decided to woman up and handle it. I called bobo’s attention to it and he called him out immediately.

Now this brother’s defense stupefied me. He said that “1, I was a woman and as such should greet him first out of respect. 2, I should have come to tell him myself instead of reporting to my bae.” At this statement, I realized his IQ was below par, so I decided never to bother my pretty head over that again. At this point in my narration, I expected to hear a firm approval of my behaviour from O who had been listening carefully. I was to be disappointed.

O clapped back stating that in his culture [Yoruba] the iyawo was expected to treat everyone from domestic fowl to ancient deity with deep respect, curtseying and genuflecting even in her sleep and woe onto her if the husband’s family greets her first. What a wawu! This would be the first I would hear of such a ridiculous culture. So, there is a problem if both men and women need respect?

It has become a very popular saying by family coaches, marriage counsellors and religious leaders. Every marriage seminar, handbook, relationship video or whatnot lists the number one rule as Respect your man. That’s all fine and good, I have no problems with that. However, I have come to discover that the basis for a large hunk of our ‘must-do’ rules in the area of relationships have hidden roots in our culture.

That’s right. No matter how enlightened we claim to have gotten, we seem unable to escape that chain round our neck, that brass clanging band round our waist that we have termed ‘culture’. Culture in its essence is not entirely bad, but neither is it entirely good. History has shown us that culture + relationships are a toxic cocktail for womenfolk as a large number of cultural do’s and don’ts have been oppressive to us. For instance, the cultural do of ‘Do everything to make your marriage work as a woman’ not only excuses the onus from the man but effectively ties the woman down in abusive situations.

Now, culture is defined as a ‘way of life of a people at a given point and time.’ What this simply means is that culture is progressive and can actually change totally depending on the age we live in. So, back to the question above, Is the number one need of a man respect? I proffer that the number one need of ANY MAN- male or female, child or adult is respect. I’m sorry I do not think that respect should be the prerogative of the male gender only.

A lot of the current brutality and terrorism in relationships we see today has its root in a lack of respect for humanity. Rape, domestic violence, abuse and a host of other vices has at its roots a deep void of respect. Everyone deserves to be respected. We should promote that the first and basic need of any human being is simply that the dignity of his person be respected. Simple.

NB: After being called out, Bobo’s brother has received sense and has started greeting me. Now, what would have happened if I had chosen the non-confrontational route instead? I would have had to endure a lifetime of disrespect even or especially in my marital home.
O’s status as official downloader of free movies has been reinforced. He tried and failed to escape the zone. I simply cannot take marital or relationship advice from the buffoon.

Written by whitemosquito for Diary of a Naija girl.

God-fearing man

Just Because He’s A Christian Does Not Mean He is A “God-Fearing Man”

Just Because He’s A Christian Does Not Mean He is A God-Fearing Man

He would “hallelujah” with her like a passionate pastor on Friday, pipe her down like Ray J did Kim on Saturday, then run back to his wife no one knew about on Sunday.

Then repent and repeat, of course.

But my best friend, a Christian, couldn’t fathom that he could possibly be doing her dirty – he was a man of God. I mean, he would never… right?

She was, by the way, abstaining from sex because of her devotion to God. And yeah, he’s Christian, too, but we all know that not even the words of Jesus Christ himself, etched inside the Holy Bible for centuries, can tame a man’s serpent from slithering out for a little temptation.

“But God wants us to have sex,” he’d tell her manipulatively. “He wants us to do this! As long as we have an intent on getting married, God’s all for it.” Spoiler alert – he didn’t give a flying fart about marrying her. Naïve and impressionable, my best friend succumbed to his wily advances.

Of course, she was devastated when she found out he was a compulsive liar – he was married to a woman he said was his sister and fathered kids he said were his nieces and nephews.

“How?” my BFF lamented. “He went to church with me, prayed with me, yet he lied straight to my face! How could he do this me?”

Simple, I thought. Just because someone is sweating bullets up on the pulpit, spewing out powerful proverbs at the top of his lungs does not mean a damn thing about how “virtuous” he is. Saying “I’m a man of faith” doesn’t insulate one from being a scumbag – I thought that was common sense, no? It’s painfully cliché, but it’s true: actions speak louder than words.

For years, as a celibate Seventh Day Adventist, she thought she would be able to find a man in church who shared her values: slapping sloppies is for after marriage, she always said. But instead, she said she found a lot of men who “pick and choose” which pages of the Bible to follow; unsurprisingly, the “pre-marital sex is sinful” stuff are verses they often tried to re-interpret or ignore.

One Christian man, she said, felt offended – yeah, you read correctly – offended by her celibacy. He said, “Well, you already gave up what was supposed to be for me to some other man, so what’s the point?”

“It’s not about you!” she told him. “It’s about me trying to focus on the more important aspects of the relationship – the core parts that would make it long lasting. God forbid, if sex isn’t part of the equation anymore because of illness or otherwise, I’ll know there is something greater than just that that’s keeping us together.”

But he fought her hard on this. “You already messed up. Might as well keep on keepin’ on,” he reasoned. He was a Christian, but he f***ed. And that’s final.

She didn’t bother, though. She realized one of the pros of being celibate is that the “Christian” wolves in sheep’s clothing revealed themselves faster than you can say, “no sex ‘til marriage?!” So she just threw these men by the wayside and kept looking for “the one.”

Just when she started to fall in a state of despair, she finally ended up finding her match.

He was a man who followed a straight and narrow path and respected her celibacy. Through his own experience, he, too, felt that sex clouded his judgment in finding the right partner, so he was on board with her even though he knew it’d be challenging AF.

But he’s not Christian – not even a little bit. He’s an atheist who often wonders if there truly is an omnipotent, divine being watching over us.

He doesn’t mind coming along with her to church on Saturdays because he loves seeing her in “her element” and enjoys being in her company. (Won’t he do it!)

“Whatever happened to being with a ‘God-fearing’ man?” I said to my friend, somewhat mockingly. By the way, I never really got the phrase “God fearing” – seems so ominous and sinister instead of being lovingly devout and worshipful, but I digress.

“Sometimes you find exactly what you want in the strangest places,” she said.

It just proved what I always knew – just because someone says they’re Christian, that don’t mean a damn thing. Observe their character and you’ll see how moral they truly are.

Written by: Kimberly Gideon for madamnoire.com God Fearing Man

Love is not enough

“Love is Not Enough But It is Key”: Mr and Mrs Sunday Oladimeji, Married for 41 Years

Love is not Enough But It is Key

My name is Sunday Oladimeji. This is my wife, Mrs Titilayo Oladimeji

We got married in 1976. The moment I saw her at a party in Ogbomosho in 1975 I knew she would be my wife. She was sitting by herself, but smiling. When I walked up to her, she was very respectful but it still took a while for her to agree to marry me. She made me travel to Ogbomosho to see her every weekend

Mrs Oladimeji (cuts in): But you didn’t mind now. You were afraid someone else will marry me that’s why you came to mark register every weekend

Mr Oladimeji (Smiling now): But you still married me despite all your “shakara”

Mrs Oladimeji: Sunday is a great man, he gave me all I wanted from the very first day I saw him. If he has 1naira he would share it with me

Mr Oladimeji: But she spent the 1naira like it was 1k. It still amazes me how she can buy a lot with the small money I give her

Mrs Oladimeji (Laughs out loud): It’s a secret. A woman should know how to manage the home, to make sure little is spent wisely so it can look like much. When you marry a man you love, you thank God every day. Sunday treats everyone like they are important, this makes me see God in him, so he is my second god. Even my children know they cannot compete with my husband

DANG: Is love enough in a marriage

Mrs Oladimeji: It is not but it is key. After we got married, I moved in with him in Lagos. We were managing one room with some of his brothers, he was the one training them. Things were really hard. Sometimes I got frustrated but Sunday was working so hard doing his trailer work and sometimes assistant driver. The man was doing his best, so I decided to help too, that way, I didn’t have to wait at home feeling bad

Mr Oladimeji: Yes. She helped and I am very proud of her. After driving trailer for days, all I want to do is come home. Even till now, she looks at me with so much love when I get back from tour, like a child. We are happy, our children have graduated and they are building a house for us. All our hard work has paid off. A man who cherishes peace and long life will marry the right woman. This way, life’s problems will reduce by 70%

Being faithful

One Thing Real Love Never Does to You

Real love never limits you… it doesn’t restrict you… it doesn’t try to change you… it doesn’t entitle you, or anyone, to anything.

People are sometimes led to have a sense of entitlement because they mistakenly believe they are owed something based solely on the social role they have chosen.  For example, if someone has accepted the role of being a person’s friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband, they feel entitled to get certain ‘favors’ from this person.  If someone has accepted the role of being a parent, they feel entitled to being respected by their children.  If someone has accepted the role of being a customer, they feel entitled to be served to their unique needs.

But, as it turns out, there are no hard-wired entitlements in life.  And this is especially true of love.
Too often we associate love with limitations…

* “If he loves me, he will change.”
* “If she loves me, she will do what I say.” Read: Banky W and Adesua Etomi Love Story: Lesson Learnt

But that’s not real love.  Not even close.

Real love is un-limited.

In this freedom, you choose to find divine perfection in each other’s humanness.

In this freedom, your happiness is vital to each other, and sacrifices are made

And, that may not always mean you are part of the equation.

And that’s perfectly OK.

Because real love gives you that choice.

You both know deep down that to bind each other or tie each other or try to own each other in any way would be to minimize – to even kill – something within yourselves that is divine, and human, and soars and sings and keeps you both alive and free… and asks for nothing, yet gives everything.

You both know that the moment you try to own each other is the moment you both become something else, other than what was sought, and desired, and loved in the first place.

So you choose to set each other free – completely unattached – even when you’re deeply connected.

This form of non-attachment does not mean not caring.  On the contrary, it means, among other things, caring so deeply that you both honor each other’s space and freedom… to simply BE. 

The foundation of love is to let people be unapologetically themselves, and to not distort them to fit our own egotistical ideas of who they “should” be.  Otherwise we fall in love only with our own senseless fantasies, and thus miss out entirely on their true beauty.  So save your relationships from needless stress.  Instead of trying to change the people you care about, give them your support and grow together.

Truth be told, some couples (and friends and family too) waste years trying to change each other, but this can’t always be done, because many of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of opinion, personality, or values based on their upbringing or distant past experiences.  By fighting over these deep seeded differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and running their relationship into the ground.

So how do two people in a relatively healthy relationship deal with the disagreements and differences that can’t be resolved?

They accept each other as is.  These couples understand that problems are an inevitable part of any long-term relationship…Psychologist Dan Wile said it best in his book After the Honeymoon: “When choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you’ll be grappling with for the next 10, 20 or 50 years.”

Bottom line: Acceptance of one another is of vital importance to every relationship – it is a big part of the foundation – the freedom – from which real love grows.

EXCERPTS FROM marcandangel.com

Single and Happy

Our Generation Has Ruined Being Single and Happy

Our generation has ruined being Single and happy

We are told that if we are not in a relationship, we are not wanted. They have told us that in order to be accepted, we need to receive love from someone other than ourselves.?But that is so wrong, because at the end of the day — our self-worth has absolutely nothing to do with what other people think of us and everything to do with what we think of ourselves

To be happy and with somebody else requires you to be happy by yourself first. Date yourself. Get to know yourself. Love yourself. Enjoy this time in your life because the only obligations you have are to yourself Read: Don’t be that girl: over 30, desperate and worried

This is the time to truly explore and discover things.?What good is being in a relationship if it isn’t right for you? So often we are in a rush to be in a relationship that we will settle for the first person that shows an interest in us. Not only is it not fair to the other person you are in the relationship with, you are taking away somebody else’ opportunity to be with you

Trust me — don’t worry about being single right now. Build your career. Pay off debt. Have fun. Explore your passions. Explore the world. Learn new things. Figure your shit out. Figure yourself out. Enjoy every second of this life. Don’t ever settle.

?Being single doesn’t mean that you are not wanted. It doesn’t mean that you are too picky. It simply means that you put a lot of thought into your choices and you’re going to make sure everything is right before you jump into something. Don’t let our generation tell you that what you want or need is wrong.?Learning to be single is an important part of growing. Be single. Be happy. Be you. It’s possible, I promise

Words: Jules Martin

Banky W and Adesua Etomi are Engaged. This is not A Movie


I was working when I heard this news. My friend who knew Banky and I had a past, called me to tell me. I stopped for a minute, checked to see it was true and then I asked my colleague “What is this life?” “It is just a pot of beans, and not even Ewa Aganyin” I answered myself before he could say anything

Banky is such a player! Men are scums! All that virtual relationship we had, all the while he was scoping someone else? Adesua and I look alike though, no, seriously. the only difference is I’m not yellow, I don’t have a gap tooth and I don’t have natural hair. It’s all my fault, I was posing, I should have slid into his DM


What will I do now? Banks is gone, RMD is gone… It’s time for me to focus on real people in real life. It’s too hard. So harddddd. My heart is broken, I need champagne (I only drink Rosè) to wash away this pain

When a man knows what he wants, he goes after it, and keeps pushing until he gets it. Girls I hope you can see, all those chocomilo boys that try for one/two weeks and complain to their friends that you’re posing; here is Banky, who could have had any girl he wanted but focused on this one because he knew he had found what he wanted. He waited a year and a half y’all. A man who think’s you’re worth it will not give up at the slightest chance, that kind of man is the only one that’s worth it.

Congratulations Banky and Adesua. The Bible says we should pray for our enemies. So I pray this union brings absolute joy and progress for both of you. I’m a die hard romantic, so this made me super happy

6 Things You Should Stop Expecting from Others

I am Strong; But I am Tired

I am strong…But, I am Tired

I am tired of wiping my own tears

I am tired of being responsible for everyone. I want someone to tell me “relax, I got you”

I am tired of changing my own bulbs

I am tired of being there for everyone while I get half the effort in return

I am tired

The other day, I got back home from vacation and everything was as I left it. Plus, the gas had finished and my help was waiting for me to get back before she could refill. I got in my car to go find gas at 9pm. On my way, it just felt a little too much so I cried to God. “Lord I’m tired of doing everything myself…I need support”

And I heard a voice in my head “I have not made you a weakling. This is one of my gifts to you, your strong-will”. I was at the traffic light at this time so I pressed down my horn in frustration…”commonnnnnn. I don’t want to be strong all the time” I screamed at God “I am tired now. I want to rely on someone…sometimes”



I bought the gas, got home, had dinner and showered

I AM TIRED. BUT, I AM STRONG. So, I’ll sleep, get my strength back and tomorrow, I’ll wake up with a tremendous will to fight. I will stay the path, keep my head high and keep going