See below pictures of Russian small chops I had today.
DANG: YOU SAID BEFORE YOU GOT INTO PHOTOGRAPHY, YOU WERE MANY THINGS, YOU WERE KEKE MARUWA OWNER, OWNED A RECORDING ALL THAT. COULD YOU TELL US HOW YOU TRANSITION FROM ALL OF THAT AND WHY YOU DECIDED YOU WEREN’T GOING TO WORK FOR ANYONE?
TIMI: During my third year, we were expected to do industrial training and I was opportune to work at Reddington Hospital, I spent 6months there and I learned a lot. The experience also made me realize that I have no interest in a 9-5 job in the long run.
After school, I bought a Keke plying Ajah to Badore, I opened a recording studio and a barbing salon. Also, I invested in a friend’s pure water business and I ventured into making class frames. It was then photography came to light. I did not quit the recording studio when I began photography, I just divided the apartment in two. In whatever I was doing then, I looked the part and it was hard to say no to my offer.
I took photography classes from Youtube and partnered with event planners. I will go to weddings to take pictures. That period was the beginning of the revolution of weddings in Nigeria and security wasn’t a top priority as it is now, making it easy for me to sneak in to take several pictures. I grew from there and with time every other business dropped.
DANG: WHEN DID YOU GET YOUR OFFICIAL FIRST SHOOT?
TIMI: I can’t remember the date exactly but it was in the year 2014. I can remember the details, they were twins and I charged them 50k with albums. I think I gave the money to the church because I was so excited.
DANG: WHAT EXACTLY WAS IT THAT CAPTIVATED YOU ABOUT PHOTOGRAPHY
TIMI: It was the fact that I could work with people. Over time I’ve come to realize that I am an ambivert. As much as I like to stay at home a lot, am actually like a people’s person, I love to have a good conversation, I like to talk, and I love to rub minds. You know being a photographer makes you meet a lot of people and it’s so much fun when you discuss, how did you guys meet, and they tell you crazy stories, it’s very interactive and that’s one thing I love about it.
DANG: WHEN DID YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS IT FOR ME
TIMI: It was when I started looking at other reputable photographers wedding pictures. Aside from YouTube or Google, I was checking out blogs and websites of photographers that had one. I got fascinated by their works, looking at what they were doing differently. The beauty in their works made me hunger for more and it was then I felt it.
DANG: HOW DOES PHOTOGRAPHY INFLUENCE YOUR THINKING IN THE WAY OF LIFE?
TIMI: Photography has redefined my definition of beauty, it has made me realize that there is beauty in everything and everywhere. When I shoot I don’t go for someone who the society terms as perfect, I go for who I can connect with. As a photographer, you need to connect with people to tell their stories through the lens of a camera. Photography has made me appreciate the beauty in people’s stories and it has helped me see the world because travelling the world isn’t only luxurious, it’s educating.
DANG: AT WHAT POINT DID YOU REALIZE PHOTOGRAPHY WASN’T A PROFESSION OR PASSION BUT ALSO A CASH COW FOR YOU?
TIMI: It wasn’t a cash cow initially or rather, that wasn’t my motive when I started. I took on a lot of free jobs when I started. It was a new rave for me and I had no idea where it was going to lead to. I just felt this is my new craze and after a year I would just dive into something else. However, my mantra then was, find a man who’s passionate about what he does, and he will stand amongst kings. I just feel at some point there will be a breaking point where, my hard work, my passion, and my desire is going to bring financial returns.
DANG: WHEN OR WHAT JOB CLICKED?
TIMI: It was a job I did which wasn’t my job directly. I posted it online and it got a lot of reposts. Everyone wanted to know who Akintayo is. And about a week after, I got an email from Bellanaija saying they want me to be part of the photographers to shoot for Psquare’s wedding and from there, my status transformed from photographer to celebrity photographer and I tried my best to maximize my new celebrity status.
DANG: HOW DID YOU MAXIMIZE IT?
TIMI: Well to an extent I was already in the public light, I had to push harder for people to realize I was a working photographer. The harder I worked the higher my services were demanded and then I began to reflect on my prices. That was when I realize I could earn a living from this and live a decent life at least more than my bosses were living at the hospital.
DANG: WHAT WOULD YOU SAY HAS BROUGHT YOU SUCCESS MORE, GRACE, EDUCATION, LUCK, NETWORKING OR PERSEVERANCE?
TIMI: You know your work has to speak for itself for you to be flown to any part of the world for a shoot even when there are amazing photographers in those countries. All I will say is, it is grace. Education to me is not what you studied, it is having a general knowledge of how things work, interacting with people. I didn’t finish school with the best result, but I dabble in different things.
DANG: YOU KNOW EDUCATION HELPS YOU SELL ALL OF THESE THINGS
TIMI: Yea, it helps you package yourself better. I don’t like the fact that people could call me paparazzi or oluya. I have come to realise that most times you are addressed as you have dressed. And if I am dressed accordingly it’s in high terms you will not call me paparazzi. To an extent, it is because of education I’ve been able to see a loophole. I’ve been able to find a way to work around it.
Perseverance is key, you just have to keep going even when it doesn’t seem like. Although the story I just gave you now makes it look like a sweet sailing process, I’ve had to do free jobs, I’ve had to be patient, I have had to learn to focus on my lane and believe in myself and time.
There was a time I was with my colleagues who relocated from foreign countries, we were having a discussion about what the various thing we were all dealing with and they will say things like they are working for this big company and they’re making $5000 per month. They will stop amidst conversations and to say TY, what’s up with you? I tell them I’m a photographer and it looks like, dude but we went to the same school, where did it all go wrong exactly?
For me, what was even more challenging was the fact that my parents weren’t over pintable notion of primary school, secondary school as well. So, if I had it up to here, there was a job for me, waiting for me, I will just walk into administrative because there will always be something, but I knew what I wanted to persevere and then luck, let’s replace luck with taking opportunities or discerning the opportunities and just taking it and grabbing it.
A lot of people see opportunities and they are probably too slow or they procrastinate or they are not just fast enough to decipher opportunities that are staring at them in the eyes. It’s something that I’ve picked up over time. It’s not luck per say, it’s just discerning there is an opportunity in front of me and doing it. Even though it may seem like a stupid decision now, there is a bigger picture coming and that’s it.
DANG: IS THERE A PARTICULAR TIME FOR YOU TO GET THE PERFECT PICTURE, RIGHT ANGLE, SHADOW BLEND AND ALL?
TIMI: Those that are into photography come into it for different reasons and we all have different styles. For me, as a wordy photographer, I am more of a storyteller. I like to document the days as it goes by. I barely alter anything so, I’m the least photoshop guru. However, if I were to be a portrait photographer, I’m not documenting anything I’m not telling any story, I’m just taking a flattering picture of a subject. Then, Photoshop will be one of my mantras but I can adjust because I want to get the best.
That said, for me, it’s not really a function of a good time to take a picture or a bad time to take a picture. As a wedding photographer, I’m always at alert you never want to miss a moment. Once you’re always alert even if you’re a bad photographer, you’re bound to get something. The concentration level I have, differentiate me from than other wedding photographers. I’m not technical when it comes to pictures, it’s not a sport, there are no rules even if there are rules, you break them.
DANG: WHAT MAKES YOU DIFFERENT FROM AND OTHER WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHERS?
TIMI: The value I add to myself is what differentiates me. And a couple of other things. My personality I honestly feel my personality goes a long way. My ability to switch from my serious side to a playful side and from a playful side to serious side. My personality shines through my work.
DANG: WHO DO YOU LOOK UP TO RIGHT NOW?
TIMI: I’ve always liked Jide Alakija, I love his works. Another person I like his works is Joshua Dwayne. Both photographers are based in New York
DANG: WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU WISH YOU KNEW WHEN YOU STARTED TAKING PHOTOS?
TIMI: Hmmm, I guess I eventually knew that with time everything will fall into place. I was too worried asking myself if I really wanted to be a photographer, can I have a life, can I marry, can I have kids? They were doubts, let’s be honest but if I had known that if you persevere for a long time you can have it all. If I had known this back then, the time I spent worrying, I would have used it to do other things.
DANG: WHAT GIVES YOU CONFIDENCE NOW?
TIMI: Experience. I’ve done so many projects, which has given me the opportunity to practice, learn, and grow. Experience has made me confident but then, also investing in myself has really made me confident. I do a lot of investment in myself and that’s why, when I pull my records for the end of last year, I realized that I spent $5270 on learning something new. Only when I do that can I have confidence because I knew I’ve learnt something. But if you’re not learning anything, you will keep getting the same results.
DANG: TO A BEGINNER, HOW DO YOU BUILD A PORTFOLIO?
TIMI: First of all, don’t crash weddings like I did. Try to network and associate yourself with a lot of people you admire. It may be a painful task but trust me it works. I do get a lot of messages from people saying; I want to come intern with you. Just keep trying, the guy I work with now, is a product of perseverance. I got tired, I blocked him on all social media platforms, but he kept coming and then I called him in, he worked fantastically well and that was it.
Don’t have that hammered mentality, don’t be in hurry for that, let’s the passion led you and then the funds will come in eventually. Be consistent, improve in yourself, don’t squander that money. Put back into what has given you this, so that you can get more. I think that’s really it. Peer pressure can be really horrible. Don’t associate yourself with people that make you feel you’re making the wrong decision or don’t see the value in you. In my first two years, I made a decision that 3 sets of people that I don’t work for; I don’t work for an extended family member, church, and I don’t work for friends who don’t value me.
At the Airport in Istanbul, while we waited at the gate to board our flight to Russia, Nigerians and Argentines argued about football technicalities and how one will whoop the other tomorrow.
The banter continued until someone mentioned club football. In minutes, sides changed. Nigerians and Argentines were no longer grouped as countries but as fellow club fans. The change was amazing because those who had just trashed each other as patriots have now become team members. Fellow countrymen no longer took sides with one another. This is football, the love for it seemed to be beyond what country they’re from.
Nigerians and Argentines were no more threatening to score a dozen goals against each other, citizens of both counties seated by that airport departure gate, wearing different jerseys had become fast friends as they discussed international club football.
When the time came for us to board, these strangers walked into the plane together, laughing out loud, leading one another, and exchanging hotel addresses.
I smiled. This was good to see. Football, uniting the world and breaking down barriers.
This trip is sponsored by Visa. They’re everywhere I want to be.
When relocating to another country, you become so pumped up with excitement to lead a new life, experience a new culture and to literally see the world through a new lens, you totally forget to take a breather to think about this ‘new place’ you are going to. You forget to ask yourself questions like; will I fit in? Will I be accepted? Will the culture be totally or slightly different from mine? How hard or easy will life be in this new place?
As I am writing this, I’m reminiscing old memories, and I realise those were the questions I forgot to ask myself in my eagerness and excitement to begin a new life in the UK.
Settling into my new home has been surprisingly difficult, I have always perceived myself to be versatile, able to quickly adapt to a new environment just as easily as an indigene would. Maybe I am blending in well because everyone around me (my family and the “few” friends that I have been able to make) seem to think that I am doing really fine but I think otherwise or at least not at the pace that I want (then again maybe that is just me setting the bar too high as usual and being hard on myself as well). Coming from Nigeria, a country where saying a casual ‘hello’ or ‘morning’ to a complete stranger is not just the norm, it is appreciated and expected. In London, the norm is completely opposite because saying a casual ‘hello’ or ‘morning’ to a complete stranger is not only seen as being overly friendly but intrusive and unwelcomed.
I had to learn ‘how things are done around here’ the hard way. I remember, my first month of being here, how I was still trying to find my way around, especially from Potters Bar where I live to the University of Hertfordshire where I am currently studying. Sometimes, I would miss my way going home or I miss my bus and I would have to wait for the next one (I had not learnt the brisk London way of walking). On this funny day, I had missed my bus as usual, (I call this day funny because I had an interesting encounter with a stranger) but this time just by a minute. Thinking back now, I think the driver might have seen me and chosen not to wait because I was literally running and panting to catch up with the bus as soon as I saw it move. I guess today is not my lucky day I said to myself as I sat, d trying to catch my breath I consciously looked around to see if anyone witnessed my unsuccessful attempt to catch up with the bus, to share a laugh with them if they did.
It was going to be a long forty-five minutes to get on the next bus. I had only sat for about a quarter of an hour when a young man around my age came along being the Nigerian that I was eager to share a laugh with the stranger, I turned around to tell him my tale of missing the bus by a minute and all I got was an awkward ‘hmmm’ as he hurriedly put on his headphones. I got the message he was trying to pass across loud and clear.
Even now as I remember the stranger and his awkward reply I am laughing really hard because I know that if this had happened in Nigeria it would have turned out differently. The stranger and I would have had a good laugh or the stranger would be sharing a similar story of him in the same situation or that of a friend who had been in that situation as well. My encounter with the ‘stranger’ made me confirm that the ‘heads down and hands typing away on the phones’ and the ‘headphones on’ culture that I have noticed while waiting for the bus or sitting inside the bus every time is a subtle message which I now understand to mean people do not welcome or appreciate ‘overly friendly chat with strangers’. A culture I will soon come to imbibe myself.
Do not get me wrong I am all for learning and embracing a new culture, after all, they say ‘when in Rome do as the Romans do’. The question is should you lose yourself or what makes you ‘you’ in trying to fit in? One thing I have noticed since being in London is the way some Nigerians in the bid to fit in or blend in lose their ‘Nigerianism’ (that’s what I call those things, for example, your name or accent that makes you Nigerian). These Nigerians in the bid to fit in make their names sound English or outrightly drop their Nigerian names and adopt an English one. Well, I do not blame them as that is the way they know how to handle being different coupled with the notion of having one’s name being mispronounced or the ‘what’? And ‘I’m sorry what’? the reaction that follows when you say your name coupled with the feeling of excitement when somebody finally pronounces your name right or makes an effort to.
I mean effort; actual genuine effort is all it takes to make a fellow human feel ‘seen’, feel accepted and that’s the reason I tell myself that it is not my responsibility to make my name sound cool enough or English enough for you to pronounce. It is your responsibility as well as mine to make an effort to pronounce peoples names right, as you do not know what meaning you take out of the names when mispronounced (Nigerian names are known to be unique and descriptive, so when mispronounced the meaning is lost as well as the story behind the name). I get it, I really do, I understand the need, the urgency to desperately to want to fit in and belong in a world where your difference is seen as clear as day. So, I get it, but I really do not understand why those Nigerians will give up their Nigerian names for an English one but I see it as giving up without putting up a fight in this battle to be relevant, to be visible, to be heard and to be acknowledged as an equal although different but yet unique, because the difference is an identity, a badge, it is what makes that Nigerian ‘Nigerian’ (so to say).
Now coming to accent or identity, as I will prefer it. Well, excuse me if I do not speak English like the English, after all, the way I speak is a reflection of my heritage, of my culture and of who I am as a person. I should not be resigned to hide from that or choose to become a reticent version of my usual chatty and outspoken self, like some people who speak different like me have been resigned to. One of the ‘few’ friends I have been able to make is a Chinese girl in my class who at first I thought was a ‘ quiet and reserved Chinese girl’ who smiles a lot. On getting to know her, I realised her real self is the direct opposite of this quiet and reserved façade that she has created in response to the reaction she gets when she speaks English, in the way she knows how to with her unique voice and an accent that reflects her heritage.
Another is my Ugandan classmate who has resigned to being quiet and not letting her voice be heard just because she speaks differently. There’s also my Pakistani classmate who has resigned to quietness, which is the direct opposite of her real self. I will not be resigned to creating a dual version of myself: a reticent version shown to those who see my difference and the real me that I show to those who see me as I am; the Nigerian girl who speaks English in her rich and unique Nigerian accent. No, I refuse to create a dual identity. ‘I am who I am’ and I will not apologise for that. I wear my accent as a badge of honour, that is a reflection of where I am from and who I am.
For now, I have decided to acknowledge and embrace my new world with its rich culture but I wouldn’t make my heritage any less while embracing it.
Written by Oredola Akinniranye for Diaryofanaijagirl
Image from: Shutter Stock
Practising mindfulness brings you into the moment. It gives you control over your thoughts and makes you conscious of the world around you. It doesn’t take much to be mindful it can be as easy as taking a deep breath, or listing the things you’re grateful for. Mindfulness helps you filter out negative thoughts and helps you to become more productive in your day-to-day activities.
Mindfulness works wonders, but how exactly does one go about it? Here are few tips on how to go about it:
Mindfulness can be an ideal tool to improve your personal and professional life—something that can cause a “positive ripple” effect across both areas and it will ultimately help you to be successful.
Give mindfulness a try this week!
Yesterday, around 10:20 pm my gas finished while I was boiling rice. Please focus on the topic at hand, stop wondering “Ife, why eat so late?” What to do? No way I going to buy gas at that time of the night, so, I decided to call my neighbour, Chi
“Hi Mama, I hope I did not wake you?”
she replied, “Noo, we still get visitors for house, What’s up?”
“Well, I was cooking and my gas finished. Can I come through the back door to finish boiling my rice at yours?” I asked with no shame. It was payback time because one morning at 4:30 am she called me non-stop to ask for toothpaste so…….yea.
I picked up my pot of half cooked rice and went through the back door which was the entrance to her kitchen. My dear neighbour had turned on her gas cooker for me, I simply placed the pot on the burner and waited.
I asked her where her husband was and she informed me he was entertaining guests but I could peek my head out and say a quick “Hello”. I stepped out of the kitchen to a room full of 4 men in my pyjamas and a week old cornrows. I scanned the room quickly for Emeka (my neighbour’s husband) but my eyes landed on Idris Elba mixed Mbaku with a slight Micheal B. Jordan as an ingredient. Oh, let me clarify, this is one with all those people’s features. I don’t know who did it but something pulled my brows up, widened my eyes and I instinctively took a step back.
I bumped into Chi and I wondered what she was doing behind me. My brain soon kicked in and I smiled at the chocolate mixed with honey. He smiled back, full teeth, Jesuuu! Ekis sir put all your teeth back, I can’t breathe. Emeka then said, “Hey Ife how now?” Emeka had been beside me all along but teeth so bright, I lost focus. We exchanged pleasantries and I did a quick about turn into the kitchen, with Chi on my heels.
“Why are you following me so closely?” I asked Chi as soon as we got into the Kitchen. She said, “Shebi you saw that fine man. Hay God! He’s so cute. I knew you’d notice him. Let’s go back out again as if we’re going to the room, to take another look”
“Ekis ma your husband is right there. Control yourself” I laughed out loud. She looked quite excited like she had found an accomplice. “What’s his name?” I asked Chi
“I can’t remember, everything stopped when were being introduced. And I can’t sit there, they’re talking business” she replied
Not that I didn’t want to see Captain America plus Black Panther again, I just wasn’t going to roam around the house aimlessly. When I told Chi this, her shoulders slumped and she called me a killjoy.
Just about then, Emeka came into the Kitchen to announce their departure, in an unspoke request for his wife to bid their guests’ bye. Shortly after, I heard the kitchen door open, I did not bother to look up from what I was doing on my phone thinking it was Chi. Then I heard an unfamiliar voice say “I had to come to say goodbye since you didn’t come out to bid us farewell”
“Bid us farewell” who says that? I thought to myself as I scanned the features of his face with a smile
In a flash, Chi was by my side, smiling foolishly, looking silly with no care in the world. I found my voice and said to him “Oh sorry about that” I did not know what more to say, however, Chi took over in split seconds and said, “You must come back to visit, we will be glad to have you?”
Mr Caramel nodded, bid us farewell again and off he went. I told Chi “Could your lust be more obvious?” She planted her heavy behind beside me on the kitchen Island and gave me a side hug saying “Oh Ife, what a fine man. I hope he comes back.”
Oh wow! None of this was about me or how he came back to the kitchen to look for me” SMH.
Diary of A Naija Happily Married Woman
The foremost thing on my mind right now is to keep from sounding like a marriage handbook, or a how-to guide. Too many write-ups on marriage out there already. Far be it from me tell you what marriage is like. I’m not sure I know…but it’s been 2 years. I’d like to think I have earned the right to a few words on the subject.
No need to bore you on how we met. It’s a good story though. Remind me to tell it some other time. We have had quite the interesting relationship, I will say that. I like to think that I’m one of the lucky ones who legitimately married their friend. Some days I like him a lot. Some days, I need him out of my face. Well at least until it’s time to turn on the generator
Life with my husband is interesting. Our fights are legendary. I’m married to a man with a temper. Yes, I know what I said. Don’t bother waiting for the part about physical violence. Some temperamental men are not wife beaters guys, keep your earrings on. So yes, legendary fights. However, nothing beats a man who is so mad at you but still loves you even though you are currently the bane of his existence. I remember a time when we had a God-awful argument, and in the morning I was up to run my own water to bathe and he got angry that I had the nerve to do that when I knew he always ran my bath water. And that now became the fight for the day. *Insert rolling eye emoji*
Try not to sleep on an argument. That’s like marriage 101, abi? Sorry guys. Sometimes you will. One time, I was so angry that in my sleep, I mistakenly rolled and touched him, then remembered I hated him and rolled away so fast. He still laughs at me about that sometimes.
We have different love languages. My bobo likes to use words. He is touchy-feely. He likes cuddles and kisses and hugs and mushiness and all that jazz. Me? Hmm. My case is in the hands of God. I’m not that bad though. I used to be romantic, I swear. But sometimes, life can affect you more than you know. Not because you are hung up on an ex, or two, but sometimes it just takes a part of you away and then your husband has to suffer it.
So my single sisters, remember that. Scratch that. I specifically said I didn’t want to be ‘self-helpy.’ Moving on.
Marriage is gross. I had always seen the glamorous side; you know, get dressed up and go out, perfect couple stints, IG stunting and all. But that’s like 10% of the matter. In a particularly bad couch-potato kinda month, 5%. Sometimes you want to have sex but purge will not let you be great. You fart under the duvet and nearly become a widow by your own making because the poor guy doesn’t stand a chance. Sometimes if there is too much heat as a result of NEPA, cuddling is a no-no because body contact=body heat= yuck!
My husband thinks I’m too serious. I’m the worrier; I’m the one that would prefer to collect all his savings from him and put in a trust somewhere he will never find it till we need it. He, on the other hand believes “Money will always come”. Nah bruh, I ain’t taking that chance. He also likes play too much. I’d rather sit and watch series. We’re quite different, him and I. Not opposites, but different.
My favourite thing about my marriage is the calm and peace I feel. Do I imagine what life would have been like if I didn’t marry him, or if I stayed single? Yes.
Do I sometimes want to throw him down the stairs and be done with it? Yes.
And I tell him every day. What I don’t tell him is how I’d be lost without him. What I don’t tell him is that he saved me from myself and that with all his plenty flaws, (they are a LOT) I still don’t feel like I deserve him. But hopefully, someday I will figure out just how to tell him.
Written by: Miss Vee for Diaryofanaijagirl.com
10 Days in Sun City is an action comedy about the adventures of Akpos (Ayo’AY’Makun), who took his beautiful girlfriend (Adesua Etomi) from Warri to Lagos to contest in the “Queen of Nigeria” pageant. Monique (Mercy Johnson) who Akpos knew from way back in Warri hosted them but soon sent them packing since they refused to live by her terms. Akpos gets into trouble with Otunba Ayoola Williams (RMD), a wealthy CEO of a cosmetic company as he tries to bully Akpos into letting go of his girlfriend… A series of action comedy ensues…
Most of the movie was shot in Sun City Resort,South Africa. If AY was not paid to promote this resort, he needs to send them an invoice because the visuals/scenery in the movie was beautiful. I want to see that place for myself. Cinematography was top notch, even an outsider could see there was a lot of hard work put into the production of 10 Days in Sun City. Read:Movie Review: “Isoken” AKA Oyibo No Dey Give Up
However, we can’t say the same for some the acting and Akpos’ dialogue. I laughed at some but some of the jokes gave me neck pain from cringing too much. There were so many repeated jokes from AY live, so apart from the fact that I had heard them before, some jokes also fell flat
I am so disappointed that Adesua Etomi was seriously under utilised in this movie. She is a good actress but was demeaned to the status of a beautiful couch.
Miguel Núñez’ character was funny and believable,Mercy Johnson exaggerated her role but Falz and RMD as expected, gave a stellar performance. If you’re going to see the movie because of Falz,know that he didn’t appear in more than 3 scenes even though his name was in the first set of the credits. I assumed he was a major character
Whoever edited 10 Days in Sun City needs to go back to film school.If you get to watch the movie, you’ll understand why…
10 days in Sun City is okay. I did laugh but I left the cinema feeling flat. AY should keep this production crew, fire the editor, stop being lazy and write new jokes for Akpos.
Body Image: Daughter Calls Her Mom “Fat”, And Mother’s Viral Response Sparks Heated Discussions
When Allison Kimmey told her kids playtime was over, her daughter got so upset she said ‘mama is fat’. So Kimmey decided to teach her kids a lesson about body image and the right use of the word “fat”
“My daughter called me fat today.
She was upset I made them get out of the pool and she told her brother that “mama is fat”.
I told her to meet me upstairs so we could chat.
Me: “what did you say about me?”
Her: “I said you were fat, mama, I’m sorry”
Me: “let’s talk about it. The truth is, I am not fat. No one IS fat. It’s not something you can BE. But I do HAVE fat. We ALL have fat. It protects our muscles and our bones and keeps our bodies going by providing us energy. Do you have fat?”
Her: “yes! I have some here on my tummy”
Me: “that’s right! So do I and so does your brother!”
Her brother: “I don’t have any fat, I’m the skinniest, I just have muscles”
Me: “actually everyone, every single person in the world has fat. But each of us has different amounts.”
Her brother: ” oh right! I have some to protect my big muscles! But you have more than me”
Me: “Yes, that’s true. Some people have a lot, and others don’t have very much. But that doesn’t mean that one person is better than the other, do you both understand?
Both: “yes, mama”
Me: “so can you repeat what I said”
Them: “yes! I shouldn’t say someone is fat because you can’t be just fat, but everyone HAS fat and it’s okay to have different fat”
Me: “exactly right!”
Them: “can we go back to the pool now?”
Me: no ??
Each moment these topics come up I have to choose how I’m going to handle them. Fat is not a bad word in our house. If I shame my children for saying it then I am proving that it is an insulting word and I continue the stigma that being fat is unworthy, gross, comical and undesirable.
Since we don’t call people fat as an insult in my household, I have to assume she internalized this idea from somewhere or someone else. Our children are fed ideas from every angle, you have to understand that that WILL happen: at a friends house whose parents have different values, watching a tv show or movie, overhearing someone at school- ideas about body image are already filtering through their minds. It is our job to continue to be the loudest, most accepting, positive and CONSISTENT voice they hear. So that it can rise above the rest.
Just do you!
Don’t Quit Your Day Job…Yet!
As attractive and exciting as the jump from employee to business owner is, it’s far from easy and absolutely not for the faint of heart. Among the biggest and most intimidating aspects of the transition is the shock to your personal finances. It’s not a matter of if it will happen (it is all but unavoidable), but how well you prepare for it. With this in mind, here are some steps you should take as soon as you even think you want to quit your day job:
Start saving to fund your business as soon as you get that entrepreneurial itch: I would go as far as to say that, as soon as you get full-time employment out of high school or college, start a savings account earmarked specifically to put money aside to launch your start-up (separate and apart from your emergency savings account and accounts you might have for other financial goals), even if you’re not sure when you’ll do it or even exactly what kind of business you want to start. And if you already have a business idea or even an active side-hustle, it’s even more important for you to put aside income to feed and nurture the launch and operation of the business, until it is generating enough revenue to get past break-even and support itself.
Keep your day job for as long as you can: First, the savings you need to fund your business (see previous point) will be drawn from your current income. Second, especially if your business is in the same industry where you’ve pursued your career, excelling in the latter can result in key networking contacts, support and maybe even your first customers. (At the same time, be careful to avoid conflicts of interest and other issues that can cause your employer to question your focus, performance and commitment to your job.) Third, and perhaps most important: Don’t quit your day job yet if you have health insurance and other benefits from your job. You want to keep them as long as you can, especially if it will be a minute before your new business generates enough profit to both replace your salary and to fund your health insurance, retirement savings and other needs currently being fulfilled (and far more cheaply) through your employer.
Dump your debt: You need to pay down your loans as quickly as possible, as well as car loans and other sources of high interest debt. Your goal is to free up money that can be used to support your business
Totally blow up and recreate your household budget: Take into account the new expenses (as well as those that might go away, such as commuting costs if your business is home-based) and possible lost income that will result from the launch of your business and your eventual transition out of your job. Approach this just as you should if you were about to bring a newborn baby into the family, because that is exactly what you’re doing when you launch a business that will need to be constantly fed and nurtured in order to survive, stay healthy and grow. Just as your entire lifestyle would change as a new parent, it will absolutely require adjustments and sacrifices to accommodate your business. Which brings me to perhaps my most important piece of advice:
Cut your living expenses: Then cut them again. Then once more for good measure. Don’t quit your day job if you cannot responsibly cut your expenses. The transition from steady paycheck to the fluctuating cash flow of entrepreneurship is all but impossible if you cannot control spending and keep your debt under control. Often, people tell me they can’t find the money to fund their business. I tell them exactly where it is: In their closets. In their garage. On the walls of their living rooms, kitchens, dens and practically every bedroom. (How many flat-screens do we really need?) The money to fund and operate your business has to come from somewhere, so you will likely have to stop adding to your collections of designer shoes, give up the gym membership and exercise at home, seriously cut back on dining out, mani-pedis and other nice-to-haves-but-not-need-to-haves.
Foregoing instant gratification in favor of long-term gains is not only a cardinal rule of successful entrepreneurship, but of all wealth-building endeavors. There’s no way around this:
Don’t quit your day job just yet. Understand that to fund your business, you must stop funding many (if not all) of your other habits, at least until you’re successful enough as an entrepreneur to finance both your company’s needs as well as the lifestyle you desire.
Why Do Men and Women Prefer Male Bosses?
Having asked a lot of people questions and done some online research, I found out men and women alike would rather NOT work with female bosses. See their reasons below
1. Incapable of leaving their personal lives at home
2. Women are petty
3. Too happy to gossip about their colleagues
4. Feel threatened by colleagues.
5. Form cliques
6. Quite unreasonable
7. Clamour too much for respect
8. Too competitive and participate in office politics
9. Less approachable
Some women prefer male bosses because they can flirt their way to a promotion and get away with extra curricular activities. Some men say they would rather want to drink and hang out with their male bosses to form a bond which is unlikely to happen if their boss is female
The above list irks me because I have worked with men who have the above attributes. I believe women in leadership or management positions are judged unfairly because they act the same way as men which some people find off-putting. When women are firm and assertive she’s seen as aggressive . When a man does the same thing, he seen as strong and in control
I know it has been deeply instilled in us to see leadership as a male role, presided by a dominant figure, completive and in charge. The expectation of women is that they’re supposed to be gentle, nurturing and nice. However, I wonder why people assume that a boss lady cannot be in charge and nurturing at the same time.
I agree that there are women who could be difficult bosses but I ascribe this to them being under pressure to meet up to standard. Women leaders also owe it to ourselves to change this bias by helping more women instead of seeing them as useless or competition. We should also not be quick to judge one another rather give enough room to prove ourselves to one another
On the other hand, lets all (male and female) try to be fair in our assumptions about how men or women should ‘behave’. A boss should be seen as such and treated as such despite their gender.
For me, The bottom line is women don’t necessarily make worse bosses. They are just perceived as such
Be honest: do you have a preference for a male or female boss? Why?
Just in case women didn’t have enough to deal with down there, you can go ahead and add itchy vagina to the list of everything bad that can happen to woman’s pubic area.
Vaginal irritation is never a singular problem either.
Here are some of the possible reasons why your vagina is itchy, along with quick remedies to ease the itch ASAP.
The fabric of your underwear may be irritating your vagina, or the type of fabric softener you’re using could be the culprit.
It could also be a chemical reaction to a specific kind of soap, shaving cream, or the like that you’ve started using.
Combat sensitive skin with hypoallergenic products.
2. Bad Bacteria
Yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis are among the most common causes of vaginal itchiness and develop when good bacteria goes bad.
Luckily, these types of infections are easily treatable with a topical cream or probiotic.
If itching doesn’t subside gradually, though, consult your doctor, as you may need to be prescribed a stronger balm.
An itchy vagina can be a symptom of an STI, such as herpes, chlamydia, or gonorrhea, as well as STDs like HPV and trichomoniasis.
All the more reason to use protection, people.
Hormones are such a hassle.One minute they make you crave ungodly amounts of dark chocolate and cheese fries, and the next you’re huddled in a corner crying for absolutely no reason at all, other than good ol’ female genetics.
During your period, pregnancy, menopause, or even when taking birth control, hormones are imbalanced, which can lead to dryness, irritation, and itching.
5. Feminine Products
There’s a reason you were taught to switch tampons and pads every few hours (aside from the obvious reason being that it’s just gross not to).
Wearing these feminine products hours longer than recommended can result in bacteria build-up, irritation, and itching.
Always carry multiples of these products when you’re on-the-go during menstruation for a quick change.
Condoms are great for preventing pregnancy and all, but latex sure can be a pain (literally, in this case).
You may have an allergic reaction to the condoms you’re using, in which case it’s suggested you either switch brands, or find an alternative form of contraception.
When my aunt gets anxious, her arms get itchy, forcing her to scratch incessantly.
It’s not uncommon for the body to react to stress by forcing you to scratch here, there, and everywhere – including the vagina.
What’s interesting about stressful scratching is that, more often than not, the need to scratch is completely mental and self-inflicted.
This kind of self-soothing mechanism can turn into a habitual occurrence that creates microtears, leading to more scratching, and potential long-term harm for your body.
Though uncomfortable to discuss, it may be worth talking about the issue with a mental health expert to find an alternative solution.
Little Things You Can Do To Lower Your Risk Of Breast Cancer
Vulvar cancer is the worst case scenario, and rest assured, it’s extremely unlikely that women under 65 will develop the disease.
However, if the itching persists in combination with burning, and/or extreme discomfort, it is definitely worth seeing a doctor to make sure all is well down there.
Culled from Elitedaily.com
During NYSC, one of my neighbours had a small son, he wasn’t up to a year old then. His name was Nat. One day, we heard a quarrel in the compound and it was between Nat’s mum and another neighbour. Nat’s mum wasn’t really a troublesome person, in fact she was quiet and kept to herself most of the time. So everyone was surprised and wanted to know what caused her to be that angry.
We found out that the other neighbour had gone into her flat to visit. While she was in the bathroom, the neighbour had given Nat biscuit and a drink. Of course, we all wondered why that had gotten her so angry until she said “I do not eat or drink anything that comes from a party, either a child’s naming or birthday and neither does my child.”
It was then we all remembered that she attended The Jehovah Witness Church and it was a core part of the church’s doctrine.
The other neighbour however saw no wrong in what she had done. She kept shouting at the top of her lungs that she had done no wrong, and was not to blame.
Her refusal to see things from the point of view of Nat’s mum was what led to the quarrel.
A few days ago, I was at a store when I overheard a conservation between two women, obviously sisters.
One of them held a toddler by his hand and she was telling the other woman how offended she had been by what her mother in-law had done the previous day.
Apparently, mother in-law while eating had called the little girl to her side. She took half a spoon of rice, chewed it for a few seconds and then fed it to the child. The woman said she had immediately made her displeasure known to her mother in-law but the woman refused to apologise and even wanted to do it the second time, before she quickly dragged her daughter out of her way.
The sister had her opinion. She tried to reason with her, telling her that she should have employed more patience and wisdom in her outburst but the other woman was having none of it. She also asked her how should have known if the mother in-law had done that secretly. She said something like “Do you know the number of unhealthy things she eats at school?” “Just trust God to care for these little ones abeg.”
This statement got the other lady more angry. She turned to her sister, eyes blazing and said:
“She is my child, I bore her and I will give her only what I feel is good for her. How could she give my daughter food from her mouth? Sister, can’t Ada chew anymore? I just don’t understand the motive behind her actions. Don’t you see that it is so wrong? It is very gross! ”
I quickly caught myself before I opened my mouth to volunteer opinion no one asked me.
I can say it here though. I believe that she really should have employed more tact in dealing with the situation, but really, I think the mother in-law was wrong. They don’t bring children up like that anymore or do they?
I also know children will always be children. They eat and drink anything whenever their parents are not there to monitor them. But people, ask a parent for permission before you give their children food. Children these days react to just about everything. ASK o! You can never say.
Written by Ayo Al for Diaryofanaijagirl.com
When is A Good Time To Move Out of Your Parents’ House?
I moved out at the age of 27. I lived with my dad then I later had to move in with my sister due to work proximity. Living with my sister was fun as I got to hang out with my nephews. My sister never bothered me and made me feel at home the best she could, it felt like I was living at home
Suddenly I started to feel uneasy, I was 27 years old, I could afford to get a place, why was I holding back? I remember my colleagues and I had this discussion and most of them said, “who will marry a single girl living by herself?”. So I stayed back.Even though I could come and go as I pleased, I felt like my sister’s young family needed their privacy
When I decided I didn’t care what anyone thought and it was time to become responsible for myself and my living situation, I didn’t give anyone a choice. I told my dad that I had gotten a place of my own and it would be nice if he could help me move as well. He looked at me like I was about to commit murder, then he asked me, “why?”. He looked so disappointed but I was ready for him, so I said “because I want to be able to eat the last meat in the pot without feeling terrible”. He knew I was messing with him so he shook his head and proceeded to lecture me on how to stay safe Read: Building our kids’ self esteem: A lesson from my mama
About the meat, I wasn’t really messing with him. It’s rude to eat the last meat in the pot when you have older people living with you or in my case, when you’re a guest. So imagine this: during my mid night munch I find that there’s only one meat left and I had already cooked noodles! It was time to move mehn, it’s time for me to eat the last piece of protein in the pot without worrying about decorum
Signing my first lease brought out a rush of emotions…I was scared, hopeful, excited and angry that I was scared. I was angry at myself because at 27, I was scared of being responsible for myself? I quickly signed the lease and gave my sister a hug. It was done, I really did it. Did I feel any different after I moved out? Not immediately. I missed home so much, I would go back to spend weekends with my nephews. Gradually, my home started feeling comfortable and I began to crave the comfort of my space, the freedom to move around in the house clad, semi clad or totally nude.
There are of course more responsibilities. Such as, paying utilities yourself, cleaning by yourself, doing laundry by yourself, shopping by yourself and sometimes having to stop by a fast food restaurant after work, knowing there’s no prepared meal waiting for you at home. These and more toughened me up in a hurry and it sure did me a world of good
You may not know exactly where leaving the nest will lead, but I promise you, you will forge your own path and learn a great deal about yourself and others along the way.
“Respect All, Fear No One”. This was one of the lessons from dad as I grew older
Every time there was an altercation and no one wanted to speak up, he would say this repeatedly. One day, I turned it on him
My dad refused for my sisters to wear shorts, I didn’t think that was okay as other kids wore shorts to the beach and we had to wear skirts. Also, it was cute and I liked to wear cute things. So when I was 14 and could save enough money to go to Katangora to buy “trending clothes”, I bought a denim short and a blue top with shoulder pads and ruffles.
During environmental sanitation which was observed on the last Saturday of the month, everyone on the street stepped out of their compounds to jointly clean the drainage. On one of those days, I also stepped out in my shorts and blue top
It was time to ‘pepper’ everyone on the street and also to make a statement to my dad
I remember him standing by the drainage resting on the rake, watching me walk up to him. Forcing a smile and twirling, “do you like my shorts?” I asked him. Even though I was shaking inside, I presented a bold front. He said calmly, “what did I tell you about wearing shorts?” “You told my sisters, not me. I’ve been saving up for a long time to buy this” I said to him…
At this point, my bravado was waning. “So you’re not afraid to walk up to me like this?” He said, now adjusting his stance, the rake on one hand and his other hand firmly on his hips. “But daddy you said we should fear no one” At this time, my voice was already shaking and I was about to cry. Even though he didn’t smile, as I write this I can still see the twinkle in his eyes as he looked at me, paused for a bit and said “Go and take it off so it won’t get dirty, you can wear it after environmental”
I could have hugged him if we had that kind of relationship. Instead, I ran straight to my sisters to brag. They were so jealous
I am the fearless woman I am today, because my dad taught me and then led by example
What lessons did you learn from your dad?
What is marriage really about?
There’s a married couple staying close to my apartment and they quarrel almost everyday. When they start fighting, you will hardly hear the woman’s voice but the man is always at the top of his. What they fight about are really unnecessary but what do I know?
Either the man gets angry that the woman didn’t greet him well or she didn’t serve his food well enough because she forgot to add toothpick. The other morning, it was about the woman not making the bed after they woke up. I heard her saying she stood up first to prepare breakfast while the man was still sleeping
In all honesty, this isn’t suppose to cause any wahala but then, the man started shouting again… “You are stupid, you are mad, idiot, you lack manners, you are proud, I’ll slap you…” and many more hurtful words.
I just kept wondering whether making bed was such a big deal. I would hear the woman in a low tone say things like “I’m not mad…I’m not stupid…”
Now, I just wanna know what marriage is about. Because as a bachelor, you do your chores without any help, you cook your food, make your bed, serve yourself without worrying about toothpicks and all. Is marriage suppose to change all these?
Is marriage about giving all your responsibilities to another? Telling your partner to do everything you can do by yourself? My neighbour and his wife both work. The woman is a medical practitioner. Yet she finds time to do everything and is still bashed for it
I’m a young man and I know this is wrong. In my opinion, this is matrimonial slavery and I don’t agree with it. By the way, I’m still learning about life. Everyday I work to kill my pride but one day, I’m gonna make someone’s daughter the happiest woman alive.
Written For Diaryofanaijagirl by KayKross
Here are 5 symptoms of you being a too nice girl, which will never get you ahead at your company.
The actions that won your praise as a little girl now probably won’t help you get ahead at your company.
Here’s how to find out if you’re too eager to please. There’s surely nothing wrong with being a girl. Nor do most people think being nice is a problem. So here it is: what’s wrong with being a “nice girl”?
As many of psychologists and authors have pointed out over the years, the qualities we value and praise in little girls being generous to everyone, friendly, quiet and contented at school, etc. rarely translate well when those girls grow up and go looking for professional success. Women who excelled in education find themselves too eager to please, they are too afraid of ruffling feathers, and too unfamiliar to failure and struggle to initially handle the rough business world.
So how will you find out if you’re a nice person in the healthy sense or a nice girl in the problematic sense?
1. Thinking you can be loved by being nice
Stop thinking you have to be kind and nice to everyone in order to be loved and accepted. Which is basically a ‘mission impossible’. This idea is based on a deeper one that says ‘you are not good enough’. So you have to do things and be in certain ways to be loved. So moving on can be a challenge.
2. Struggling to say no
Yes, don’t be that girl who will do anything for another at the office, or wherever you work. What can you do about it? Start practicing with what you consider being a small ‘no’ whenever you feel like. Be aware and take a few seconds before rushing to say ‘yes’ as you usually do. Then slowly you will gain confidence to add more ‘no’s’. More practical advice is on offer here, here and here.
3. Being scared of upsetting people
You’re scared of upsetting people because you feel responsible for other people’s feelings. And you treat them as if they were fragile glasses. Start small again and build your way up to greater authenticity.
4. Wearing a 24/7-smile
Honestly, no one really feels like smiling ALL the time. That means nor should you be too happy and cheerful all the time. Smiling even when you feel like crying, that’s a little bit crazy.
5. Feeling like criticism or disapproval is the end of the world
Of course, we don’t enjoy criticism. But those for sufferers of Nice Girl Syndrome hearing negative feedback feels like the end of the world. To overcome your fear start looking honestly at your so called negative qualities. They are all parts of you. Admit that every now and then it’s useful to be bitchy, and bossy to get things done. Accept and embrace them. And then you can choose to change. Or not.
Meet Nkechinyere Chidi-Ogbolu
“My name is Nkechinyere Chidi-Ogbolu and I am 18 years old. I recently graduated magna cum laude from Howard University with a bachelor’s degree in Chemical Engineering. I am planning to continue my studies with a Ph.D at UC Davis
My academic journey started quickly I guess, because I was double promoted in my primary school in Nigeria. I graduated from the British school system where the highest level of education was the 11th grade, and then went on to start at Howard at the tender age of 14 after studying for the SAT
I’m overwhelmed with emotions, it was just a happy day for me. I came into college for Chemical Engineering because I wanted a really broad field and I liked the idea of engineering, because its basically just solving problems Read: Work in Your Time Zone
I studied every day, Monday through Sunday, every day for four hours. My mum says it’s the best Mother’s Day gift she could ask for. She always pushed me. I would say she’s my biggest motivation. In my first test, I made 87/89, which is a ‘B’. My mom would tell me, “Nkechinyere, you are not a ‘B’.”
However, I don’t think graduating at 18 is a big deal, because it is common for children in Nigeria to graduate from High school at 16 years of age. But when everyone else said they were proud of me, I felt emotional to get recognition from so many people
I’ve never felt that learning was age related. If you were taught the material and are serious about learning, you’ll be fine- regardless of your age. I didn’t find courses any more difficult than the typical college student. I think I just had a really good support system
I want to help fix illnesses like Ebola and other diseases- major or minor. I want to help people in Nigeria”
Find Your Kind. Stay with Your kind
I am a “relationship” person. I don’t do casual anything. I love deeply and with everything in me. I have only ever enjoyed sex within the deepest of bonds. I crave an unusual level of intimacy.. Physical, mental, emotional, with the people I am with
It doesn’t make me superior or better than anyone different. People have beautiful and fulfilling relationships without that level of depth. I respect this. Totally..
But what I do, is I leave those people alone. People who swim in the shallows.. Who believe in many humans connections,which make for a richer life experience.. I am friends with them. They are amazing, beautiful people. But I never make the mistake of trying to explore anything deeper with them. There is a beauty to their simplicity, the uncomplicated connections and disengagement. The ease of it.
But I recognise that I am different. And a pairing with them will leave both of us gasping. Them for air.. I will suffocate them. Me ,for the depth I need to thrive…the looseness of their bonds will leave me constantly insecure. Read: Love is Not Complicated
I will forcibly try to drag them to the depths so that I can survive. They will constantly struggle to keep me in the shallows so that they can breathe.
I’ve realised how much we hurt people by ignoring this and just going into the relationship regardless. Find your kind. Stay with your kind.
Sometimes The other person is as magnetic and attractive as hell. Know what you are getting into. And if you decide to enter anyway.. Don’t force the other person to change to suit you. It’s the recipe to unhappiness.
And be open about who you are, up front. It doesn’t mean introducing yourself with “hi, I’m tamedun and I believe in casual relationships.. ” but don’t pretend to be anything but what you are
We know it’s “nigerian” to be looking for commitment everywhere. But I think we have all been there,suffered through it, and bought the t shirt. We are tired. It’s okay to tire quickly. It’s okay to have a short attention span. It’s okay to crave the excitement of many. Don’t force yourself to comform.
Find. Your. Kind.
Written By:Yetunde Odugbesan Enendu