Tag Archives: Diary of a nigerian girl

strangers' conversations

#ThrowbackThursday I Listen to Strangers’ Conversations and Give my Opinon…In My Mind

Remember how one time I told you I listen in to strangers’ conversations and give my opinion in my mind? You also remember how we all agreed it is only human? Ehen…

So, yesterday, I went to see Heartbeat the Musical (It was fantastic), I sat behind a couple and heard them arguing before the show started. Here is “our” conversation below:

Male: You don’t hug someone you don’t know that well like that is what I’m saying.

Female: (cuts in) How do I hug him? Side hug? C’mon nowwwww.

Me in my mind: Yea, me too. I hate side hugs. It’s childish.

Male: But I’m telling you I didn’t like something and you’re telling me to “c’mon now”. Are you for real?

Female: I don’t see any reason for you to be uncomfortable. When I give your friends full hugs, you don’t complain.

Male: My friends don’t squeeze your boobs tight when you hug them.

Me in my mind: LMAOOOO. Jealousy oshi.

Female: (Laughs out loud)

Me in my mind: Exactly. Very funny.

Female: Okay I’m sorry. Ma bi nu (I’m sorry). (She pulls his head closer to hers and gives him a forehead rub.)

Me in my mind: Awwwwwww!

Female: I won’t hug someone I don’t know that well like that again.

Male: You should have just said that instead of arguing.

Me in my mind: SMH!!! Babies!

Female: (Rubs his head more and gives him a peck) I’m sorry oooooo.

Male: (Shakes his head and Smiles)

Female: (Brings out her phone to take a selfie)

Me in my mind: Awwwwwwwww!

Male and Female start talking about snapchat.

I lose interest.

Musical begins.

This is my public opinion on the matter. I hate half hugs, I feel like half hugs are childish. Like why hug from the side? Can everyone hug like adults?

The only thing is, I worry about some men and their pervasive ways. Even though I give full hugs, I try not to hug some men too tight. Why? Some men hug you so tight and spend far too long pushing against your boobies. I find this really classless and extremely inappropriate. Anyone who has tried this with me never gets a hug again, just handshakes and a very nasty side eye…for being a creepy worm!

This post was first published on the 4th of September 2017.

Happily Married Woman

Diary of A Naija Happily Married Woman: “Sometimes, Marriage is Gross”

Diary of A Naija Happily Married Woman

The foremost thing on my mind right now is to keep from sounding like a marriage handbook, or a how-to guide. Too many write-ups on marriage out there already. Far be it from me tell you what marriage is like. I’m not sure I know…but it’s been 2 years. I’d like to think I have earned the right to a few words on the subject.
No need to bore you on how we met. It’s a good story though. Remind me to tell it some other time. We have had quite the interesting relationship, I will say that. I like to think that I’m one of the lucky ones who legitimately married their friend. Some days I like him a lot. Some days, I need him out of my face. Well at least until it’s time to turn on the generator

Life with my husband is interesting. Our fights are legendary. I’m married to a man with a temper. Yes, I know what I said. Don’t bother waiting for the part about physical violence. Some temperamental men are not wife beaters guys, keep your earrings on. So yes, legendary fights. However, nothing beats a man who is so mad at you but still loves you even though you are currently the bane of his existence. I remember a time when we had a God-awful argument, and in the morning I was up to run my own water to bathe and he got angry that I had the nerve to do that when I knew he always ran my bath water. And that now became the fight for the day. *Insert rolling eye emoji*

Try not to sleep on an argument. That’s like marriage 101, abi? Sorry guys. Sometimes you will. One time, I was so angry that in my sleep, I mistakenly rolled and touched him, then remembered I hated him and rolled away so fast. He still laughs at me about that sometimes.

We have different love languages. My bobo likes to use words. He is touchy-feely. He likes cuddles and kisses and hugs and mushiness and all that jazz. Me? Hmm. My case is in the hands of God. I’m not that bad though. I used to be romantic, I swear. But sometimes, life can affect you more than you know. Not because you are hung up on an ex, or two, but sometimes it just takes a part of you away and then your husband has to suffer it.

So my single sisters, remember that. Scratch that. I specifically said I didn’t want to be ‘self-helpy.’ Moving on.

Marriage is gross. I had always seen the glamorous side; you know, get dressed up and go out, perfect couple stints, IG stunting and all. But that’s like 10% of the matter. In a particularly bad couch-potato kinda month, 5%. Sometimes you want to have sex but purge will not let you be great. You fart under the duvet and nearly become a widow by your own making because the poor guy doesn’t stand a chance. Sometimes if there is too much heat as a result of NEPA, cuddling is a no-no because body contact=body heat= yuck!

My husband thinks I’m too serious. I’m the worrier; I’m the one that would prefer to collect all his savings from him and put in a trust somewhere he will never find it till we need it. He, on the other hand believes “Money will always come”. Nah bruh, I ain’t taking that chance. He also likes play too much. I’d rather sit and watch series. We’re quite different, him and I. Not opposites, but different.

My favourite thing about my marriage is the calm and peace I feel. Do I imagine what life would have been like if I didn’t marry him, or if I stayed single? Yes.

Do I sometimes want to throw him down the stairs and be done with it? Yes.

And I tell him every day. What I don’t tell him is how I’d be lost without him. What I don’t tell him is that he saved me from myself and that with all his plenty flaws, (they are a LOT) I still don’t feel like I deserve him. But hopefully, someday I will figure out just how to tell him.

Written by: Miss Vee for Diaryofanaijagirl.com

10 days in sun city

Movie Review: 10 Days In Sun City

10 Days in Sun City is an action comedy about the adventures of Akpos (Ayo’AY’Makun), who took his beautiful girlfriend (Adesua Etomi) from Warri to Lagos to contest in the “Queen of Nigeria” pageant. Monique (Mercy Johnson) who Akpos knew from way back in Warri hosted them but soon sent them packing since they refused to live by her terms. Akpos gets into trouble with Otunba Ayoola Williams (RMD), a wealthy CEO of a cosmetic company as he tries to bully Akpos into letting go of his girlfriend… A series of action comedy ensues…

Most of the movie was shot in Sun City Resort,South Africa. If AY was not paid to promote this resort, he needs to send them an invoice because the visuals/scenery in the movie was beautiful. I want to see that place for myself. Cinematography was top notch, even an outsider could see there was a lot of hard work put into the production of 10 Days in Sun City. Read:Movie Review: “Isoken” AKA Oyibo No Dey Give Up

However, we can’t say the same for some the acting and Akpos’ dialogue. I laughed at some but some of the jokes gave me neck pain from cringing too much. There were so many repeated jokes from AY live, so apart from the fact that I had heard them before, some jokes also fell flat

I am so disappointed that Adesua Etomi was seriously under utilised in this movie. She is a good actress but was demeaned to the status of a beautiful couch.

Miguel Núñez’ character was funny and believable,Mercy Johnson exaggerated her role but Falz and RMD as expected, gave a stellar performance. If you’re going to see the movie because of Falz,know that he didn’t appear in more than 3 scenes even though his name was in the first set of the credits. I assumed he was a major character

Whoever edited 10 Days in Sun City needs to go back to film school.If you get to watch the movie, you’ll understand why…

10 days in Sun City is okay. I did laugh but I left the cinema feeling flat. AY should keep this production crew, fire the editor, stop being lazy and write new jokes for Akpos.

Body Image

Body Image: Daughter Calls Her Mom “Fat”, And Mother’s Viral Response Sparks Heated Discussions

Body Image: Daughter Calls Her Mom “Fat”, And Mother’s Viral Response Sparks Heated Discussions

When Allison Kimmey told her kids playtime was over, her daughter got so upset she said ‘mama is fat’. So Kimmey decided to teach her kids a lesson about body image and the right use of the word “fat”

“My daughter called me fat today.

She was upset I made them get out of the pool and she told her brother that “mama is fat”.
I told her to meet me upstairs so we could chat.
Me: “what did you say about me?”
Her: “I said you were fat, mama, I’m sorry”
Me: “let’s talk about it. The truth is, I am not fat. No one IS fat. It’s not something you can BE. But I do HAVE fat. We ALL have fat. It protects our muscles and our bones and keeps our bodies going by providing us energy. Do you have fat?”
Her: “yes! I have some here on my tummy”
Me: “that’s right! So do I and so does your brother!”
Her brother: “I don’t have any fat, I’m the skinniest, I just have muscles”
Me: “actually everyone, every single person in the world has fat. But each of us has different amounts.”
Her brother: ” oh right! I have some to protect my big muscles! But you have more than me”
Me: “Yes, that’s true. Some people have a lot, and others don’t have very much. But that doesn’t mean that one person is better than the other, do you both understand?
Both: “yes, mama”
Me: “so can you repeat what I said”
Them: “yes! I shouldn’t say someone is fat because you can’t be just fat, but everyone HAS fat and it’s okay to have different fat”
Me: “exactly right!”
Them: “can we go back to the pool now?”
Me: no ??
__________________
Each moment these topics come up I have to choose how I’m going to handle them. Fat is not a bad word in our house. If I shame my children for saying it then I am proving that it is an insulting word and I continue the stigma that being fat is unworthy, gross, comical and undesirable.

Since we don’t call people fat as an insult in my household, I have to assume she internalized this idea from somewhere or someone else. Our children are fed ideas from every angle, you have to understand that that WILL happen: at a friends house whose parents have different values, watching a tv show or movie, overhearing someone at school- ideas about body image are already filtering through their minds. It is our job to continue to be the loudest, most accepting, positive and CONSISTENT voice they hear. So that it can rise above the rest.

Just do you!
Xoxo
Allie”

6 Things You Should Stop Expecting from Others

Don’t Quit Your Day Job…Yet!

Don’t Quit Your Day Job…Yet!

As attractive and exciting as the jump from employee to business owner is, it’s far from easy and absolutely not for the faint of heart. Among the biggest and most intimidating aspects of the transition is the shock to your personal finances. It’s not a matter of if it will happen (it is all but unavoidable), but how well you prepare for it. With this in mind, here are some steps you should take as soon as you even think you want to quit your day job:

Start saving to fund your business as soon as you get that entrepreneurial itch: I would go as far as to say that, as soon as you get full-time employment out of high school or college, start a savings account earmarked specifically to put money aside to launch your start-up (separate and apart from your emergency savings account and accounts you might have for other financial goals), even if you’re not sure when you’ll do it or even exactly what kind of business you want to start. And if you already have a business idea or even an active side-hustle, it’s even more important for you to put aside income to feed and nurture the launch and operation of the business, until it is generating enough revenue to get past break-even and support itself.

Keep your day job for as long as you can: First, the savings you need to fund your business (see previous point) will be drawn from your current income. Second, especially if your business is in the same industry where you’ve pursued your career, excelling in the latter can result in key networking contacts, support and maybe even your first customers. (At the same time, be careful to avoid conflicts of interest and other issues that can cause your employer to question your focus, performance and commitment to your job.) Third, and perhaps most important: Don’t quit your day job yet if you have health insurance and other benefits from your job. You want to keep them as long as you can, especially if it will be a minute before your new business generates enough profit to both replace your salary and to fund your health insurance, retirement savings and other needs currently being fulfilled (and far more cheaply) through your employer.

Dump your debt: You need to pay down your loans as quickly as possible, as well as car loans and other sources of high interest debt. Your goal is to free up money that can be used to support your business

Totally blow up and recreate your household budget: Take into account the new expenses (as well as those that might go away, such as commuting costs if your business is home-based) and possible lost income that will result from the launch of your business and your eventual transition out of your job. Approach this just as you should if you were about to bring a newborn baby into the family, because that is exactly what you’re doing when you launch a business that will need to be constantly fed and nurtured in order to survive, stay healthy and grow. Just as your entire lifestyle would change as a new parent, it will absolutely require adjustments and sacrifices to accommodate your business. Which brings me to perhaps my most important piece of advice:

Cut your living expenses: Then cut them again. Then once more for good measure. Don’t quit your day job if you cannot responsibly cut your expenses. The transition from steady paycheck to the fluctuating cash flow of entrepreneurship is all but impossible if you cannot control spending and keep your debt under control. Often, people tell me they can’t find the money to fund their business. I tell them exactly where it is: In their closets. In their garage. On the walls of their living rooms, kitchens, dens and practically every bedroom. (How many flat-screens do we really need?) The money to fund and operate your business has to come from somewhere, so you will likely have to stop adding to your collections of designer shoes, give up the gym membership and exercise at home, seriously cut back on dining out, mani-pedis and other nice-to-haves-but-not-need-to-haves.

Foregoing instant gratification in favor of long-term gains is not only a cardinal rule of successful entrepreneurship, but of all wealth-building endeavors. There’s no way around this:

Don’t quit your day job just yet. Understand that to fund your business, you must stop funding many (if not all) of your other habits, at least until you’re successful enough as an entrepreneur to finance both your company’s needs as well as the lifestyle you desire.

itchy vagina

8 Possible Reasons Why Your Vagina Is So Itchy

Just in case women didn’t have enough to deal with down there, you can go ahead and add itchy vagina to the list of everything bad that can happen to woman’s pubic area.

Vaginal irritation is never a singular problem either.

Here are some of the possible reasons why your vagina is itchy, along with quick remedies to ease the itch ASAP.

1. Allergies
The fabric of your underwear may be irritating your vagina, or the type of fabric softener you’re using could be the culprit.

It could also be a chemical reaction to a specific kind of soap, shaving cream, or the like that you’ve started using.

Combat sensitive skin with hypoallergenic products.

2. Bad Bacteria
Yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis are among the most common causes of vaginal itchiness and develop when good bacteria goes bad.

Luckily, these types of infections are easily treatable with a topical cream or probiotic.

If itching doesn’t subside gradually, though, consult your doctor, as you may need to be prescribed a stronger balm.

3. STDs/STIs
An itchy vagina can be a symptom of an STI, such as herpes, chlamydia, or gonorrhea, as well as STDs like HPV and trichomoniasis.

All the more reason to use protection, people.

4. Hormones
Hormones are such a hassle.One minute they make you crave ungodly amounts of dark chocolate and cheese fries, and the next you’re huddled in a corner crying for absolutely no reason at all, other than good ol’ female genetics.

During your period, pregnancy, menopause, or even when taking birth control, hormones are imbalanced, which can lead to dryness, irritation, and itching.

5. Feminine Products
There’s a reason you were taught to switch tampons and pads every few hours (aside from the obvious reason being that it’s just gross not to).

Wearing these feminine products hours longer than recommended can result in bacteria build-up, irritation, and itching.

Always carry multiples of these products when you’re on-the-go during menstruation for a quick change.

6. Condoms
Condoms are great for preventing pregnancy and all, but latex sure can be a pain (literally, in this case).

You may have an allergic reaction to the condoms you’re using, in which case it’s suggested you either switch brands, or find an alternative form of contraception.

7. Stress
When my aunt gets anxious, her arms get itchy, forcing her to scratch incessantly.

It’s not uncommon for the body to react to stress by forcing you to scratch here, there, and everywhere – including the vagina.

What’s interesting about stressful scratching is that, more often than not, the need to scratch is completely mental and self-inflicted.

This kind of self-soothing mechanism can turn into a habitual occurrence that creates microtears, leading to more scratching, and potential long-term harm for your body.

Though uncomfortable to discuss, it may be worth talking about the issue with a mental health expert to find an alternative solution.

8. Cancer
Little Things You Can Do To Lower Your Risk Of Breast Cancer

Vulvar cancer is the worst case scenario, and rest assured, it’s extremely unlikely that women under 65 will develop the disease.

However, if the itching persists in combination with burning, and/or extreme discomfort, it is definitely worth seeing a doctor to make sure all is well down there.

Culled from Elitedaily.com

children

Don’t Give Children Food or Drink Without Their Parent’s Permission

During NYSC, one of my neighbours had a small son, he wasn’t up to a year old then. His name was Nat. One day, we heard a quarrel in the compound and it was between Nat’s mum and another neighbour. Nat’s mum wasn’t really a troublesome person, in fact she was quiet and kept to herself most of the time. So everyone was surprised and wanted to know what caused her to be that angry.

We found out that the other neighbour had gone into her flat to visit. While she was in the bathroom, the neighbour had given Nat biscuit and a drink. Of course, we all wondered why that had gotten her so angry until she said “I do not eat or drink anything that comes from a party, either a child’s naming or birthday and neither does my child.”

It was then we all remembered that she attended The Jehovah Witness Church and it was a core part of the church’s doctrine.

The other neighbour however saw no wrong in what she had done. She kept shouting at the top of her lungs that she had done no wrong, and was not to blame.

Her refusal to see things from the point of view of Nat’s mum was what led to the quarrel.

A few days ago, I was at a store when I overheard a conservation between two women, obviously sisters.

One of them held a toddler by his hand and she was telling the other woman how offended she had been by what her mother in-law had done the previous day.

Apparently, mother in-law while eating had called the little girl to her side. She took half a spoon of rice, chewed it for a few seconds and then fed it to the child. The woman said she had immediately made her displeasure known to her mother in-law but the woman refused to apologise and even wanted to do it the second time, before she quickly dragged her daughter out of her way.

The sister had her opinion. She tried to reason with her, telling her that she should have employed more patience and wisdom in her outburst but the other woman was having none of it. She also asked her how should have known if the mother in-law had done that secretly. She said something like “Do you know the number of unhealthy things she eats at school?” “Just trust God to care for these little ones abeg.”

This statement got the other lady more angry. She turned to her sister, eyes blazing and said:

“She is my child, I bore her and I will give her only what I feel is good for her. How could she give my daughter food from her mouth? Sister, can’t Ada chew anymore? I just don’t understand the motive behind her actions. Don’t you see that it is so wrong? It is very gross! ”

I quickly caught myself before I opened my mouth to volunteer opinion no one asked me.

I can say it here though. I believe that she really should have employed more tact in dealing with the situation, but really, I think the mother in-law was wrong. They don’t bring children up like that anymore or do they?

I also know children will always be children. They eat and drink anything whenever their parents are not there to monitor them. But people, ask a parent for permission before you give their children food. Children these days react to just about everything. ASK o! You can never say.

Written by Ayo Al for Diaryofanaijagirl.com

Move out of your parents' house

When is A Good Time To Move Out of Your Parents’ House?

When is A Good Time To Move Out of Your Parents’ House?

I moved out at the age of 27. I lived with my dad then I later had to move in with my sister due to work proximity. Living with my sister was fun as I got to hang out with my nephews. My sister never bothered me and made me feel at home the best she could, it felt like I was living at home

Suddenly I started to feel uneasy, I was 27 years old, I could afford to get a place, why was I holding back? I remember my colleagues and I had this discussion and most of them said, “who will marry a single girl living by herself?”. So I stayed back.Even though I could come and go as I pleased, I felt like my sister’s young family needed their privacy

When I decided I didn’t care what anyone thought and it was time to become responsible for myself and my living situation, I didn’t give anyone a choice. I told my dad that I had gotten a place of my own and it would be nice if he could help me move as well. He looked at me like I was about to commit murder, then he asked me, “why?”. He looked so disappointed but I was ready for him, so I said “because I want to be able to eat the last meat in the pot without feeling terrible”. He knew I was messing with him so he shook his head and proceeded to lecture me on how to stay safe Read: Building our kids’ self esteem: A lesson from my mama

About the meat, I wasn’t really messing with him. It’s rude to eat the last meat in the pot when you have older people living with you or in my case, when you’re a guest. So imagine this: during my mid night munch I find that there’s only one meat left and I had already cooked noodles! It was time to move mehn, it’s time for me to eat the last piece of protein in the pot without worrying about decorum

Signing my first lease brought out a rush of emotions…I was scared, hopeful, excited and angry that I was scared. I was angry at myself because at 27, I was scared of being responsible for myself? I quickly signed the lease and gave my sister a hug. It was done, I really did it. Did I feel any different after I moved out? Not immediately. I missed home so much, I would go back to spend weekends with my nephews. Gradually, my home started feeling comfortable and I began to crave the comfort of my space, the freedom to move around in the house clad, semi clad or totally nude.

There are of course more responsibilities. Such as, paying utilities yourself, cleaning by yourself, doing laundry by yourself, shopping by yourself and sometimes having to stop by a fast food restaurant after work, knowing there’s no prepared meal waiting for you at home. These and more toughened me up in a hurry and it sure did me a world of good

You may not know exactly where leaving the nest will lead, but I promise you, you will forge your own path and learn a great deal about yourself and others along the way.

Lessons from dad

“Respect All, Fear No One”- Lessons From Dad

“Respect All, Fear No One”. This was one of the lessons from dad as I grew older

Every time there was an altercation and no one wanted to speak up, he would say this repeatedly. One day, I turned it on him

My dad refused for my sisters to wear shorts, I didn’t think that was okay as other kids wore shorts to the beach and we had to wear skirts. Also, it was cute and I liked to wear cute things. So when I was 14 and could save enough money to go to Katangora to buy “trending clothes”, I bought a denim short and a blue top with shoulder pads and ruffles.

During environmental sanitation which was observed on the last Saturday of the month, everyone on the street stepped out of their compounds to jointly clean the drainage. On one of those days, I also stepped out in my shorts and blue top

It was time to ‘pepper’ everyone on the street and also to make a statement to my dad

I remember him standing by the drainage resting on the rake, watching me walk up to him. Forcing a smile and twirling, “do you like my shorts?” I asked him. Even though I was shaking inside, I presented a bold front. He said calmly, “what did I tell you about wearing shorts?” “You told my sisters, not me. I’ve been saving up for a long time to buy this” I said to him…

At this point, my bravado was waning. “So you’re not afraid to walk up to me like this?” He said, now adjusting his stance, the rake on one hand and his other hand firmly on his hips. “But daddy you said we should fear no one” At this time, my voice was already shaking and I was about to cry. Even though he didn’t smile, as I write this I can still see the twinkle in his eyes as he looked at me, paused for a bit and said “Go and take it off so it won’t get dirty, you can wear it after environmental”

I could have hugged him if we had that kind of relationship. Instead, I ran straight to my sisters to brag. They were so jealous

I am the fearless woman I am today, because my dad taught me and then led by example

What lessons did you learn from your dad?

Diary of A Naija Guy: What is Marriage Really About?Turning Your Wife into A Househelp?

What is marriage really about?

There’s a married couple staying close to my apartment and they quarrel almost everyday. When they start fighting, you will hardly hear the woman’s voice but the man is always at the top of his. What they fight about are really unnecessary but what do I know?

Either the man gets angry that the woman didn’t greet him well or she didn’t serve his food well enough because she forgot to add toothpick. The other morning, it was about the woman not making the bed after they woke up. I heard her saying she stood up first to prepare breakfast while the man was still sleeping

In all honesty, this isn’t suppose to cause any wahala but then, the man started shouting again… “You are stupid, you are mad, idiot, you lack manners, you are proud, I’ll slap you…” and many more hurtful words.

I just kept wondering whether making bed was such a big deal. I would hear the woman in a low tone say things like “I’m not mad…I’m not stupid…”

Now, I just wanna know what marriage is about. Because as a bachelor, you do your chores without any help, you cook your food, make your bed, serve yourself without worrying about toothpicks and all. Is marriage suppose to change all these?

Is marriage about giving all your responsibilities to another? Telling your partner to do everything you can do by yourself? My neighbour and his wife both work. The woman is a medical practitioner. Yet she finds time to do everything and is still bashed for it

I’m a young man and I know this is wrong. In my opinion, this is matrimonial slavery and I don’t agree with it. By the way, I’m still learning about life. Everyday I work to kill my pride but one day, I’m gonna make someone’s daughter the happiest woman alive.

Written For Diaryofanaijagirl by KayKross

Nice Girl

Being A Nice Girl Doesn’t Get You Ahead

Here are 5 symptoms of you being a too nice girl, which will never get you ahead at your company.

The actions that won your praise as a little girl now probably won’t help you get ahead at your company.

Here’s how to find out if you’re too eager to please. There’s surely nothing wrong with being a girl. Nor do most people think being nice is a problem. So here it is: what’s wrong with being a “nice girl”?

As many of psychologists and authors have pointed out over the years, the qualities we value and praise in little girls being generous to everyone, friendly, quiet and contented at school, etc. rarely translate well when those girls grow up and go looking for professional success. Women who excelled in education find themselves too eager to please, they are too afraid of ruffling feathers, and too unfamiliar to failure and struggle to initially handle the rough business world.




So how will you find out if you’re a nice person in the healthy sense or a nice girl in the problematic sense?

1. Thinking you can be loved by being nice
Stop thinking you have to be kind and nice to everyone in order to be loved and accepted. Which is basically a ‘mission impossible’. This idea is based on a deeper one that says ‘you are not good enough’. So you have to do things and be in certain ways to be loved. So moving on can be a challenge.

2. Struggling to say no
Yes, don’t be that girl who will do anything for another at the office, or wherever you work. What can you do about it? Start practicing with what you consider being a small ‘no’ whenever you feel like. Be aware and take a few seconds before rushing to say ‘yes’ as you usually do. Then slowly you will gain confidence to add more ‘no’s’. More practical advice is on offer here, here and here.

3. Being scared of upsetting people
You’re scared of upsetting people because you feel responsible for other people’s feelings. And you treat them as if they were fragile glasses. Start small again and build your way up to greater authenticity.




4. Wearing a 24/7-smile
Honestly, no one really feels like smiling ALL the time. That means nor should you be too happy and cheerful all the time. Smiling even when you feel like crying, that’s a little bit crazy.

5. Feeling like criticism or disapproval is the end of the world
Of course, we don’t enjoy criticism. But those for sufferers of Nice Girl Syndrome hearing negative feedback feels like the end of the world. To overcome your fear start looking honestly at your so called negative qualities. They are all parts of you. Admit that every now and then it’s useful to be bitchy, and bossy to get things done. Accept and embrace them. And then you can choose to change. Or not.

From: womenontopp.com

Nkechinyere Chidi-Ogbolu

She’s 18, Nigerian, A College Graduate and Already Has Plans For Her Doctorate Degree- Meet Nkechinyere Chidi-Ogbolu

Meet Nkechinyere Chidi-Ogbolu

“My name is Nkechinyere Chidi-Ogbolu and I am 18 years old. I recently graduated magna cum laude from Howard University with a bachelor’s degree in Chemical Engineering. I am planning to continue my studies with a Ph.D at UC Davis

My academic journey started quickly I guess, because I was double promoted in my primary school in Nigeria. I graduated from the British school system where the highest level of education was the 11th grade, and then went on to start at Howard at the tender age of 14 after studying for the SAT

I’m overwhelmed with emotions, it was just a happy day for me. I came into college for Chemical Engineering because I wanted a really broad field and I liked the idea of engineering, because its basically just solving problems Read: Work in Your Time Zone

I studied every day, Monday through Sunday, every day for four hours. My mum says it’s the best Mother’s Day gift she could ask for. She always pushed me. I would say she’s my biggest motivation. In my first test, I made 87/89, which is a ‘B’. My mom would tell me, “Nkechinyere, you are not a ‘B’.”

However, I don’t think graduating at 18 is a big deal, because it is common for children in Nigeria to graduate from High school at 16 years of age. But when everyone else said they were proud of me, I felt emotional to get recognition from so many people

I’ve never felt that learning was age related. If you were taught the material and are serious about learning, you’ll be fine- regardless of your age. I didn’t find courses any more difficult than the typical college student. I think I just had a really good support system

I want to help fix illnesses like Ebola and other diseases- major or minor. I want to help people in Nigeria”

family

Find Your Kind. Stay with Your kind

Find Your Kind. Stay with Your kind

I am a “relationship” person. I don’t do casual anything. I love deeply and with everything in me. I have only ever enjoyed sex within the deepest of bonds. I crave an unusual level of intimacy.. Physical, mental, emotional, with the people I am with

It doesn’t make me superior or better than anyone different. People have beautiful and fulfilling relationships without that level of depth. I respect this. Totally..

But what I do, is I leave those people alone. People who swim in the shallows.. Who believe in many humans connections,which make for a richer life experience.. I am friends with them. They are amazing, beautiful people. But I never make the mistake of trying to explore anything deeper with them. There is a beauty to their simplicity, the uncomplicated connections and disengagement. The ease of it.

But I recognise that I am different. And a pairing with them will leave both of us gasping. Them for air.. I will suffocate them. Me ,for the depth I need to thrive…the looseness of their bonds will leave me constantly insecure. Read: Love is Not Complicated

I will forcibly try to drag them to the depths so that I can survive. They will constantly struggle to keep me in the shallows so that they can breathe.

I’ve realised how much we hurt people by ignoring this and just going into the relationship regardless. Find your kind. Stay with your kind.

Sometimes The other person is as magnetic and attractive as hell. Know what you are getting into. And if you decide to enter anyway.. Don’t force the other person to change to suit you. It’s the recipe to unhappiness.

And be open about who you are, up front. It doesn’t mean introducing yourself with “hi, I’m tamedun and I believe in casual relationships.. ” but don’t pretend to be anything but what you are

We know it’s “nigerian” to be looking for commitment everywhere. But I think we have all been there,suffered through it, and bought the t shirt. We are tired. It’s okay to tire quickly. It’s okay to have a short attention span. It’s okay to crave the excitement of many. Don’t force yourself to comform.

Find. Your. Kind.

Written By:Yetunde Odugbesan Enendu

The other woman

To Thine Own Self, Be True

To Thine Own Self, Be True

Recently I met with a potential client. During our conversation he said people had said different things about me while he was doing his investigation. According to him, one thing they all agreed on was the fact that I go after what I want aggressively and I’m never worried about mumblings about me.

They are right. I stand up for myself and refuse to take less than I deserve during negotiations.Men assume women shouldn’t be hard bargainers because they (women) don’t need as much money as men do. My client also said some called me the “B” word, that didn’t surprise at all but my focus has never shifted from the prize

There is no such thing as satisfying everyone, this is why I don’t listen or pay attention to talkers, especially those who do it behind me. People will call you every name in the book especially if you’re a woman who won’t take crap or allow herself to be cheated

We tip toe our way through life by doing things in order to please others, not because it’s what we believe in. Eventually our actions, appearances, and lives become moulded by how we think other people perceive us. This means you have given control to others, allowing them shape your path in life

Your job is not to make yourself likeable, it is to treat others exactly how you would like to be treated while staying focused on your goal. Even though they do not like you, they will always respect you and they won’t be able to hide it.

It is not your fault that people don’t have the patience or goodwill to get to know the real you before reaching conclusions.Even when some get to know you, they’ll still find faults where you don’t see any. People will judge you, you can’t control that too. Take a deep breath, then do what you have to do. The good part is , those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind

We are not on this earth forever, so let today be the day you take back the wheel from strangers, and “to thine own self, be true”

Dear God

Dear God, There is One Question I Do Not Want an Answer To

Dear God,

You created me to be curious. To dig deeper and ask questions when I lack understanding. So I ask, and I prod and research until I am satisfied with the answers I find to the questions that plague me. It is a gift, and I thank you for it

One question I don’t want an answer to, even though you have created me to ask questions and fervently seek answers is this: Why do you bless me so?

I am undeserving. I am deeply flawed, I do not tap into my full potential, my back and forth with you knows no bounds and I mostly forget to say “thank you”. I sometimes forget your faithfulness and so I ask questions like “Lord, why not me?”. Yet, you always put a song in my heart, you take my one jar of wine and multiply it by a thousand, there’s not a day that goes by without a reassurance of your love Read: the God Factor

I am scared to know why I receive special Favours from you, so I’ll just make up my mind to try harder and be a well behaved child. There’s nothing in this world that shocks and intrigues me more than your unfailing love

When I imagine you, I see you seated on a high throne, huge hands holding the world in place, your garment flames deep red even though I can still see that it’s white. When I dance all by myself for you, Just the two of us, bonding, I picture you smile at my silliness. I love it. I love you. When I bow down and hold your feet, it smells like the sea, refreshing…

Lover of my soul, My Comfort. Thank You!

Hello Bae

Love is Not Complicated.

Love is not Complicated.

Anytime you’re trying to explain, to others or to yourself, why the relationship you’re in really is love, stop right there. Because if it really is love, there would be no explaining needed. You’ll know. In your heart. Love really is simple. It follows a simple formula: he’s available + you’re available + he wants to be with you + you want to be with him + you’re both open to a relationship with each other and seeing where it takes you. That’s it. There are no games, no drama, no tension. I told you it was simple.

Note that I said it was simple, I didn’t say it was easy. If you don’t get it right away, it’s okay. Be gentle with yourself here. If you’re used to seeing complicated as the norm for love, it will take some time before you can see how simple it really is. And it will take some real soul-searching to understand why you continue to find yourself in these dramatic relationships, and why you continue to hang on to them.Read: One Thing real Love Never Does to You

There is no perfect mate, no amount of drugs, sex, or money that will make you feel complete. You and only you have the tools and power to do that for yourself. We must allow love to take its natural course in order for our lives and relationships to reach its full potential. The reason some of us accept complications is because we have not searched our souls enough to know that we are enough. When we understand this, we will understand that peace of mind outweighs drama.

I have been in complicated relationships, I look back now and I know it shouldn’t have been so. Someone didn’t love the other enough to simplify things, someone didn’t understand the concept of sacrifice, someone wasn’t patient enough to try harder and both were not in love enough to respect promises made. I know this now and I cannot for the life of me go back to such tumultuous life.

The love I want now is the type I have with my friends -but with sex-. Easy, real, loyal, letting each other be who we are, never asking anyone to change for you, no crazy demands, we laugh and we cry together, when times are tough, I know without a doubt they’ll be there for me. We don’t have to talk every minute to know we care about each other, no insecurities…just love…Simple. Real

Did I digress a little? Forgive me. Living on the fence is not love, wondering what other drama may erupt tomorrow is not love, sleeping with one eye open in your relationship is not love

Love isn’t complicated, people are!

the first black PhD holder in Biomedical Engineering

“I Hawked Pepper On The Streets of Ibadan From Age 10”- Dr. Adeola Olubamiji, First Black PHD Holder In BioMedical Engineering

My name is Dr. Adeola D. Olubamiji and I’m the first black PhD holder in Biomedical Engineering from the University of Saskatchewan, Saskatoon, Canada

As the 5th child of 5, I always had to wait for my turn. I was the last, a girl child and raised by a mother who is a farmer and a father who has little. I hawked pepper on the streets of Ibadan as early as age 10 to help my mum. Went to public primary and secondary school in Ibadan. Attended OOU and studied Physics. Because I had a 2.1, it opened the door for me to proceed to Finland for a Masters Degree in Biomedical Engineering. During this masters degree, I worked part-time as a cleaner and did this after my Masters as well

Out of determination, I applied to over 100 schools for my PhD and finally got a full 3 year scholarship (later extended to 4 years scholarship) at University of Saskatchewan, Canada to pursue a PhD in Biomedical Engineering. While in that PhD program, I worked part-time as a makeup artist, teaching assistant, braided hair and fix weaves to make extra money Read: The Only Combined Cardiologist and Nephrologist (Heart and Kidney)Specialist in the World is a Nigerian, Dr. Olurotimi Badero

Today I walked the stage as the first black person to bag a PhD in Biomedical Engineering from University of Saskatchewan, Canada!!! I walked this stage for you Mama Africa and for my Motherland Nigeria!!! I walked the stage for all of you black women disrespected and looked down on!!!! I walked for all of you from my ghetto hood “Mokola”, Ibadan. I walked for all OSU students and ex-students that got that look from people who think we are not brilliant!! I walked for all of you Africans in Finland wondering what is next for you!!
Specially, I walked for you my parents. siblings and extended family in fulfillment of your dreams! Specially, I walked the stage for you my late sister Omoleye Olubamiji and my late mentor Ayodele Olatunbosun.

Today I walked for my future husband and my unborn children who patiently waited for me to fulfill my dreams so that he can have a wife he will be proud of and they can have a role model to look up to. I walked for all immigrants and all young adults who strived everyday chasing their dreams!!! I walked in celebration of the unfailing love of my first and one truly true love Jesus Christ (in you I walk in you I live and in you I have had and will continue to have my being)!!!

Be bold, be innovative, be different, be you, be everything you want to be but remember to put God first!!! Let no man, upbringing, money, circumstance, colorism, past mistakes, institution, company, partner, background, let nothing tell you you can’t do it. Go smart! Go hard!! Go for Gold!!! Go with God!!! Just Get Going!!!!

That Time of The Month

Yes, It’s That Time of The Month

Aha! That time of the month when everything and everyone seems doubly annoying. I stepped in an awkward situation

Yesterday I got home and found out the construction going on next to my house had tampered with our power and the owner of the building was dragging his feet about doing something about it

In my annoyance without thinking things through, I marched over to the construction site, where I noticed countless shirtless men working and some well dressed men standing around. I walked up to the group of well dressed men and asked one of them “Good evening, do you work here?” He shook his head and pointed at a young man. I walked up to the young man and before I said anything, he said with a smile “Madam we’re working on fixing the wire. Nepa people are on their way here. So sorry”

Shouldn’t I have just turned around and walked home? It was the time of the month, when hormones were everywhere. “So why are you now smiling?” I asked the poor guy irritably “you tamper with my light and you’re smiling?” Now he looked pissed “what do you want me to do now? I should cry?”

The man who shook his head at me earlier then decided to wade in “Just go back home. Nepa is 5 minutes away” I don’t even know why that got me more upset “please I wasn’t talking to you. I came to you first and you refused to answer me so stay out of this” I said . From nowhere one of the shirtless guys jumped down from whatever he was doing and walked up to me shouting “I will slap you if you talk to my boss like that again”…Ah! Wahala. Why didn’t I bring back-up? Why didn’t I just leave after the first apology? But as a voltron that my brain was convincing me that I was, I said to myself, “no retreat no surrender”

I stood up to the shirtless sweaty guy and said “You don’t dare! If your saliva as much as touches my skin, mobile police will pick you up in minutes” (Note: I DO NOT know ONE mobile police) “I am going to get my phone, if you say another word when I get back you will be picked up” I said this while walking away in fake anger. In my mind I was pushing my legs to walk faster, I didn’t bargain for slap please

I blame everything on “the time of the month!” Did I go back to the Lion’s den? If you ask me this question in the comment section, you’re a wicked somebody!

Rejection

My Real Life Definition of Pain

Pain.

A dictionary defines it as a highly unpleasant physical sensation caused by a wound or injury.

Me, I say pain is more than a physical sensation. It’s more than a throbbing that comes from a wound. Pain is more than an ache a drug prescription can heal or an x-ray can see

The tears of a broken heart. The groan of a disturbed mind. The screams of a crushed soul. The wails of a drained brain. That’s pain. The kind I feel. That which comes from my heart, mind and soul.

A mind burnt by failure. A heart broken by society. A soul crushed by life. Read: Tales From Biafra

Life gives more than joy and laughter all year round. Sorrows and tears creep in when least expected. Yet we smile for that’s what the world wishes to see.

Physical pain lingers only for a while..as an awareness that it was indeed at one time painful.

This pain has the unique ability to come back over and over again.. No one can see it, no one can feel it, just me

Heavens be thanked for the skin that covers the soul. Nature be thanked for its beauty that radiates the earth even in the dark. Grateful are we for scars that do not show on our skins.

In all, I await the new dawn. The dawn that brings happy songs to the lips. The dawn that brings sincere smile to the mouth. The dawn where I shall live again. Let the dusk pass for I weary in its darkness. The shine of the dawn I want to bask in.

For in the depth of my soul is a glow. In the innermost part of my heart is a light. In my mind, is a girl who wishes not to hide.

Let my glow shine. Let my light be bright. Let my mind be free. Let my ache be eased. And my pain be ceased

Written by: Zaynab Yusuf