Author Archives: Dang

Chronicles of Baba, My Late Grandpa: Messing With an Old Man's Money,Not A Good Idea

Chronicles of Baba, My Late Grandpa: Messing With an Old Man’s Money, Not A Good Idea

Chronicles of Baba, My Late Grandpa : Messing With an Old Man’s Money, Not A Good Idea

Yesterday as I ran errands for my sister, I parked beside a man who spoke my grandpa’s dialect and the man sounded just like him. I shed a tear as I remembered my time with Grandpa and how he frustrated my life. Baba (as we fondly called him) lived with us before he died and I have stories for days about our time together.

Baba was not allowed to eat meat of any kind but when Mum was not home, he’d insist I serve him Turkey along with his food. I was under strict instructions not to, so I’d decline. Plus Baba had a huge stash of money under his bed in a red ‘aso oke” trouser which he’d always deny. So when he asks for Turkey, I’d ask for money then we’d reach an impasse.

On this day, I needed Money and I noticed Baba had dozed off in front of the TV so I snuck into his room and went straight for the red aso Oke under the bed. This man had over 100k, just sitting there. I took N5000 and as I was arranging his bed to look as tidy as I had originally met it, I felt the first sharp pain on my head; it was Baba’s walking stick.
“This,” he said as he tapped the tip of the walking stick on my head after every word

He tapped the same spot and did it so fast he was done by the time I turned around and scurried away. My head hurt so bad, I never ‘essperred’ it. When I saw him raise the walking stick again, I dodged, climbed the bed and escaped. Armed with N5000, I went shopping at Kantagora.

When I got back home, I expected a family meeting but everyone was in a good mood, including Baba and my mum. I was on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop

It happened around 2 am

From my sleep I felt someone shake me gently by the arm as I heard “pssst” “pssst” “Èmì (My soul, that’s what he called me), Èmì wake up”

I knew it was Baba. “What?” I snapped, still not happy with him. “Come and give me Turkey,” Baba said.

“But Baba mummy said I shouldn’t give you any meat,” I said as I sat up, knowing it was what I had to do. He had me by the balls.

“Turkey or I tell your mother that you’re now Shina Rambo,” He said, smiling still, so happy with himself.

I did what I had to do. Then learnt to perfect my thievery skills. I wasn’t ready for Grandpa to die because I couldn’t steal properly.

You can also read: Back to The Basics: For The First Time Since 2009, I Used A Public Transport in Lagos

Once Upon A Time, I Was Olivia Pope

Once Upon A Time, I Was Olivia Pope

Once Upon A Time, I Was Olivia Pope

Once upon a time, I thought it was my job to save you.
I imagined your capabilities and how I could make you brand new
I fell in love with that view
And when you said “Baby, for you I can be brand new”
I took that as my cue
So I assembled a crew

I changed my name to Olivia Pope
I assembled my associates
These bunch could keep our secrets
We would probe and solve your problems
I was full of hope

Once upon a time I was Olivia Pope
You weren’t good enough for me
My associates couldn’t but agree
So we turned you into a project
Like I would for a degree

But the project failed
The image in my head fizzled out
Even my associates bailed
It was time to end the project
Or was there still any prospect?

I read the files again
There was one paper that was never analyzed
The one where you proclaimed your love for me
Just as I am
I had missed that, while trying to fix you

Once upon a time I was Olivia Pope
I have closed shop
I was too busy trying to fix you, I forgot to love you
I can’t fix you
But I’ll love you, just as you are

And when my love is not enough,
I’ll still love you, but away from you.

My Date With Peter, The Grieving Handsome Man…

You may remember the story of Peter whose fine face succeeded in confusing me. If you missed the story, click here

After talking on the phone for some days, Peter insisted we had to meet since he was returning to London. He didn’t take much time off work according to him, so I picked a day. Unfortunately, I got a call to be on the mainland so I had to cancel. I called Peter to let him know this and he sounded like he understood but I knew he was disappointed.

Some hours later while I was having my meeting, Peter texted me to know how the meeting was going and where the meeting was holding, I told him the name of the hotel in GRA then turned over my phone as I didn’t want any distractions.

On my way home, Peter called me, “Hey I’m in Ikeja GRA, where are you? You’re not reading your messages”
“Oh wow. You didn’t tell me you were coming here, I’m already on my way back to the Island” I said regrettably
“Turn back” He insisted
Okay… we’re bossy, aren’t we? I turned back as I wasn’t far away at all

Seeing Peter for the first time since the last time was weird. He was even finer because he had shaved and had taken his time to dress up.

Oluwa oooo, let me just keep shut and not say much because I don’t want a repeat of last time. Should we hug or shake? I hate side hugs so I stretched out my hand to shake him. He looked at me weird but took my hand anyway.

“Okay, guess we’re shaking hands now,” he said and turned to see my reaction
I smiled and kept mute. I will only speak when the Holy Spirit gives me a go ahead. Not today devil!

As we were being led to our seats, he put his hand on my lower back, I almost jumped and screamed “Uncle stop touching” but I behaved like a lady should and ignored the fire burning behind me. I noticed he glanced at me often so after we were seated, I asked him “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I am” His voice wasn’t as excited as it was on the phone “I’m just wondering…you seem cold. Did I say or do something to upset you?”

Holy Spirit, can I talk now?

“No. You haven’t done anything wrong. I just don’t want to say something foolish like I said the first time we met”

“What did you say?” He asked, looking genuinely confused

Huh? He didn’t hear me. Have I been suffering in silence for nothing?

“Nothing. Don’t worry” I was in a better mood now. I sat up straighter and was ready to enjoy myself. Then…

“Okay then, Same to you,” Peter said and took a sip of water, looking at me through his drinking glass as his eyes twinkled wickedly, I noticed he was trying hard not to laugh but he couldn’t help himself and ended up laughing so hard he had to hold his chest

What was I doing while he laughed at me? It took me a few seconds to get it, but when I did, I laughed too. Maybe not as hard but his laughter was contagious and very sexy.

The ice was broken so I relaxed and enjoyed my date.

He is a gentleman and very funny too. He lives in ‘the abroad’ though but all through our date, there was no pressure on both sides to discuss what that means. We just had fun and made good memories.

We have stayed in touch but…

Royal hibiscus hotel

Movie Review: The Royal Hibiscus Hotel

The Royal Hibiscus Hotel is a Romantic Comedy Written and directed by Ishaya Bako. The movie features Zainab Balogun, Rachel Oniga, Jide Kosoko, Kemi Lala Akindoju, Ini Dima Okojie, Joke Silva, Olu Jacobs and OC Ukeje.

The Royal Hibiscus Hotel is based in a small town and tells the story of a run-down hotel owned by an old couple, Segun (Jide Kosoko) ad Rose (Rachel Oniga). Their daughter, Ope (Zainab Balogun) is frustrated with her chef job in London and decides to travel to Lagos to test the waters. Of course, her parents are elated to have her back albeit for different reasons. Ope has big plans for the old hotel while her father has other plans.

Deji (Kenneth Okolie), a businessman who falls in love with Ope and does everything to woo her with the approval of her parents. However, he is hiding a secret which Ope later finds out and causes serious complications for both of them.

The film continues as Ope finds a way to deal with The secret from her boyfriend and her parents. Then, a subtle but sweet ending caps the story.

OC Ukeje’s role was absolutely unnecessary. He appeared, disappeared and we forgot about him. The story could have happened without him.

Rachel Oniga and Jide Kosoke brought the funny and their experience showed through. However, for a movie that’s supposed to be romantically funny, there were very few laughs in the screen room.

Zainab Balogun’s portrayal of betrayal and vulnerability was top notch. She’s a good actress, I hope though, that the habit of repeated mannerisms in all her roles will be pointed out to her and curbed. Ope and Deji oozed chemistry and they were a nice pair to watch.

Location: The movie was shot in a small town in Nigeria and in London. However, we saw large views of Eko Hotels and the Lekki Ikoyi link bridge. I mean..give the viewers some credit that we can put 1 and 2 together.

I feel the script was rushed and not properly thought through. The reason Ope and Deji got back together in the final scene was as unrealistic as you can imagine. It could have turned out better if the storytellers stretched their imaginations a little bit more.

I am a romantic but I’m over romantic movies that still look like Mills and Boons. Ridiculous reasons for fighting and more ridiculous conditions for getting back together. If you’re a hopeless romantic, you’ll like The Royal Hibiscus Hotel.

#TBT Flying Solo: My First Solo Trip Abroad

#TBT Flying Solo: My First Solo Trip Abroad

#TBT Flying Solo: My First Solo Trip Abroad

My first solo trip was to London, United Kingdom. This was my second trip ever on an aircraft.

One of my closest friends lived in London at the time with her sister’s family, it came to me naturally that I stayed with her.

My friend’s sister is still one of the nicest and most welcoming people I know and her husband was funny and interesting to talk to. I didn’t have a curfew but I was quite mindful of what time I got back home so on this trip, I couldn’t explore London, meet strangers and make friends as I normally would like. So most of the time, I was just shopping and taking pictures

On one of those shopping days, while my friend and I waited by an elevator to take us to another floor of the shopping mall, I saw two kids, standing not too far away from us. They couldn’t have been older than 14 or 15. They were trying really hard to swallow each other up with the way they kissed and touched with abandon. I was quite surprised so I intentionally stared at the girl (she was the one standing on my side), hoping she’d get embarrassed and stop. Instead, she nudged her boyfriend and drew his attention towards me. The boy removed his hand from inside her top and walked towards me

“wha’? wha’? Wha you looking at? Wha’ you looking at me like that for? huh? wha’?” The young lad said on his way to me, his gait like he had a stroke on one side even though he was just trying to walk cool

Ahn Ahn! Does this one want to be unfortunate? What was he planning to do, walking towards me like that? I looked at the tiny rat and stood my ground, waiting for him to get to me but my friend quickly pulled me into the elevator.

My friend told me to mind my business next time, that this was a regular occurrence and I would soon get used to it.

She was right, I saw more of that and learned to look away.

Next #TBT Flying Solo: My solo Trip to Amsterdam, The Netherlands

Image in My Head: A Mother With Down Syndrome, Scared Her Daughter Would Be Taken Away

Image in My Head: A Mother With Down Syndrome, Scared Her Daughter Would Be Taken Away

Yesterday evening I was at the Ajah market to meet a couple of people. Standing outside a salon in the midst of some men getting the information I wanted, I felt someone tug at my sweatpants and I quickly held on to the waist because it seemed like it was the person’s job to pull it off me. I looked down, saw a little girl whose nose looked like it had never been cleaned while her face and hair were smeared with dirt. My heart immediately went out to her. I thought she was cute even with all that dirt. Before I could speak to her or she could say anything to me, one of the boys I was talking to shooed her away.

I watched her cross the street, her tiny bare feet stomping the ground as she crossed to the other side of the road. She stopped by another shop and held on to a man’s feet. The owner of the store also chased her away but I saw that the man whose leg she held on to gave her some money. She took to her heels again, bare feet picking up speed, then she turned a corner and she was gone.

I felt bad, I should have given her some money just like that other man. As I continued to chat with the boys, I couldn’t get the little girl out of my mind so I asked one of them “That small girl that came to beg just now, where is her mother?”

“Her mother dey that side,” One of the boys answered me as he pointed at the corner where the little girl had escaped into “but the woman no too get sense”

“Sense how? Does she have a shop here?” I asked, curious now

“No oh. When she dey here, she dey sweep front of our shop before everybody resume so we go give am small money. She no dey okay like sha”

“Take me to her, please,” I asked the young man who had been responding to my questions

In a very short while, we had rounded the corner and I immediately saw the little girl; seated on the floor, wide-eyed, squeezing water from a half-empty pure water sachet into her mouth. She was not alone, there was a woman seated on a white plastic chair beside her, backing me.

As soon as the girl saw me, I waved at her and she quickly ran to me, holding on to my legs, tilted her head a little so her big eyes could look at me then she stretched out her hands, palm open. I took her had and walked up to the mother.

“Hello ma,” I said as I tapped her shoulder. The woman turned around in her chair and I could see immediately why the boys said she didn’t have ‘sense’…she was a woman with Down Syndrome. I didn’t know what I was expecting but I was taken aback.

Still holding on to the little girl’s hand, I greeted the lady. “Good evening madam. I saw your daughter on the street and I thought I should say hello to her before I go” This lady looked at me, looked down at her daughter and in a sudden movement, stood and grabbed the girl from around my feet and started screaming at me. Her words were slurred but I could hear her asking me to stay away from her daughter. I looked at the young man who escorted me and he just shrugged and said “I tell you na”

What I saw wasn’t a crazy woman, I saw a scared woman, a woman who held on tight to her daughter and still looked helpless. She was warning me and begging me at the same time, crying. I tried to calm her down “It’s okay, I just want to say hello to your daughter, it’s okay…” I said in a low voice, tears filling my eyes. I was so sad and confused. I was also curious. I looked around, no one cared, everyone went about their business.

Still holding on to the girl, the woman grabbed her bag, turned the little girl around so she could balance on her back, held on to her feet. Still asking me to stay away, teary eyes looking straight into mine, daring me… she rushed past me

So I stood there, motionless, watched her limp away, flag down a bike and pfft, she was gone.

I asked around, no one knew her story, they just knew she would disappear and reappear in her own time, always with her daughter.

I sat in my car for a long time, the tears I had held back, now flowing freely. That woman’s panic expression would not leave my head. Even in her state, she protected her daughter. But what if I could overpower her? What happens, when someone really wants to take that girl from her, and all she has are her eyes, begging for the world not to take that one companion away?

What happens then?

A Grieving Handsome Man, My Chipped Nail and An Awkward Moment

An Ex-colleague lost his mum so I went to visit him yesterday.

When I got to his house – It was a big house and an even bigger compound- there was a small crowd seated all over. I didn’t know who to approach as there was no familiar face. However, my radar zoned in on a fine boy who seemed to be familiar with almost everyone. I smiled at him. He smiled back and quickly walked towards me.

“Hey you, long time. You came” Fine boy said as he pulled me close for a hug

Okay…I never forget fine boys so I was so sure we hadn’t met but to avoid embarrassment, I hugged him back and asked where I could find Nonso, my colleague (Not the real name but close). Instead of directing me to where I would find him, fine boy held me by the hand and took me past a large living room, a smaller one and a slightly long corridor then opened one of the doors that lined the hallway. He led me into the room where I saw Nonso, seated on the floor surrounded by guests, some of whom I knew.

I quickly released my hand and sat beside Nonso, gave him a hug and said a quick prayer with him. Then, I exchanged pleasantries with everyone else. Looking up, I noticed the fine boy was still in the room, staring at me. I looked away from him and whispered to Nonso “Abeg who be that fine boy wey bring me here?”

Nonso chuckled, “My brother na, Peter (Not real name). You can’t remember you’ve met him once or twice?”

I shook my head. “Was he fine like this then?” I asked Nonso and heard him laugh as I turned around again only to find that Peter was still there but this time, seated on the bed, resting his back on the wall, still looking at me.

Nonso drew my attention back to him. “Ahn ahn. He was the one who picked us up from the airport that time we went for a conference in London” Nonso looked at my face like he was trying to hypnotize me into remembering. I really had no recollection of Peter, even though I remember a family member of Nonso picked us up at the Heathrow Airport in 2010.

I shook my head and changed the topic.

Almost everyone decided to leave at the same time so Nonso saw them off. It was just I, Peter and an older lady in the room. Peter dragged himself off the bed and took Nonso’s position on the floor.

“I have a feeling you don’t remember me” Peter whispered in my ear.

He was too close, so I shifted a little and apologised. “I’m sorry”

He took my left palm “It’s okay, guess you were distracted. I’ve never forgotten about you sha. I ask after you all the time from Nonso” He whispered again, still close to my ear even after I had created some distance.

First of all, why sit close to me? Secondly, breathing was getting harder. I quickly snatched my hand and stood. It’s time to go. Never trust a grieving man who has time to flirt. Also, one of my nails was chipped. That was the finger he decided to play with as he held my hand. Was he indirectly telling me to go polish my nails or what? Ain’t nobody got time for nail shaming fine men.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” I said as I got up. I couldn’t hear myself, his sexy voice was still swirling somewhere in there.

“Please, can I get your number from Nonso?” I noticed he had gotten up too and was following me.

“Where is Nonso? I need a saviour” Were my thoughts.

When we got to my car, I didn’t wait around to look for my colleague, I just jumped into the car, ready to go. He asked me again “Please I would like your number, can I get it from Nonso?”

“Yes you can,” I said

“Okay then. Thank you for coming”

“Same to you,” I said

It was at this time, I knew Peter was sent by the Devil to confuse me. I’m a confident woman dammit!!!

Same to you? CHAI!!!

The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives

Book Review: The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives by Lola Shoneyin

Book Review: The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives

When I finished reading this book, I was unsettled and sober. I kept turning the pages but was met with a blank slate. What started as a funny story ended in tragedy, discovery, and triumph. Triumph that I could not celebrate because of the thick cloud of melancholy that enveloped me.

The secret lives of Baba Segi’s wives is a novel written by Lola Shoneyin.

I appreciate the vivid descriptions of the characters and location. I could see the characters in my head. The roads, shops, hospitals and the rest of the location were so vividly described, I could draw it if I was artistically gifted. When a writer can make you see pictures from words, she has hit a home run.

The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives centers around Baba Segi and his four wives. Baba Segi is a typical African Man whose pride enormously lays in his ability to bear sons, marry wives and take care of his home. Baba Segi is a filthy man but in all of his filth, he is a man full of love for his wives and his deep happiness lies in the existence of his kids. Baba Segi was a content man

How do you reconcile this man, with a man who found out he has been entangled in a web of lies and secrets? Every bad thing you can imagine happened around Baba Segi: Rape, Sex, Betrayal, lust, violence, feigned innocence and revenge. He walked around amongst everyone he trusted like he ruled them all. But, he was a prey who thought himself the hunter.

If you have read The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives you may be moved to see Bolanle, Baba Segi’s last wife as the victim. But Baba Segi is the real victim here. Victim of tradition, poverty, love, of an innocent heart and of polygamy.

If you don’t learn anything from this book, you must learn to listen to silence, actions and to never believe your own hype. You must learn kindness, you must understand that rape is not your fault. For this reason, you must learn to grow some balls as a woman and face your past tragedies and deal, instead of letting them define you. You must learn that even when you have let your past define you, you can turn things around and take the world on, like a victor that you truly are.

Knowing Baba Segi, I wasn’t surprised by how the book ended. He is a man that bares all so he is easily predictable.

This is a hilarious read but I must warn you, that is a cushion for the revelations to come.

You must read it.

Drama in Lagos Island: Bleaching Cream Seller Got Me Shook

Drama in Lagos Island: Bleaching Cream Seller Got Me Shook

Drama in Lagos Island: Bleaching Cream Seller Got Me Shook

It was Tuesday afternoon and the sun was scorching. Even though I was in my car with the AC on full blast, I still felt it.

I had a meeting at Catholic mission inside Lagos Island but I didn’t really know the exact address, I’ve told myself severally to get used to google maps but I still poke my head out of my car window asking everyone for directions. So, on this day, we (My driver and I) pulled over beside a woman seated by the kerb selling bleaching cream in a big green bowl. From all the sizes of plastic bottles in the bowl, words like “Radiant skin”, “Body white” “Snow white” jumped at me. Yup, Definitely bleaching cream.

As we pulled over, she was holding on tight to her umbrella, seated on a wooden stool, pressing her small Nokia and talking to herself.

I interrupted her soliloquy. “Good afternoon ma, I’m going to St Nicholas House” My head was out of the window, I felt my foundation melt into my skin

“Wetin you talk?” She looked angry as she managed to steer her face away from her phone.

“I’m going to St Nichola house ma, could you direct me?” I repeated.

She got up suddenly, her big bosom taking flight with her. I immediately notice the different colours of her legs, they didn’t match her face nor did her face match her neck, the whole situation reminded me of a rainbow. “Ahn ahn. So you cannot greet someday first? Abi Ambode put me here to do road warder for you?”

WAWU! That was fast. I wasn’t in the mood for drama but before I could say anything, my driver had jumped in.

“Madam she greeted you now, maybe you didn’t hear”

Madam was on the pedestrian walkway but jumped down like it was higher. She moved really close to my car, rested one arm on my window and looked me dead in the eye. This time, I noticed a nose ring, which rested on a layer of redness on her nose and when her nose flared, I could see the hook. I instinctively moved back into my seat

“Do you know that my last born fit old pass you? Warn your driver make e SHUT UPPP” She screamed the last two words at me as she rolled her neck around and suddenly brought it to a stop. “I wee deal with you and him just now-now and your car no go comot this Catholic. Na me talk am. Haha! Can you imagine?!”

Honestly, I was shocked but I was running late. This woman already looked like DRAMA so I quickly apologized, “I’m sorry about that ma. But please remove your hand from the door, I’m late for my meeting. I’ll find the address myself don’t worry”

“If I no remove am wetin you go do?” She asked me defiantly and in the same breath, she said “Anyway,” she hit the inside of the door with her palm “ST Nichola hospital abi house? Which one you dey go?”

“House,” I said

“E no too far. Just go straight dannnn you go see hospital for your right. Turn inside, you go see house”

“Thank you ma,” I said.

“Eess okay”

But her arm was still on my window. Like she suddenly realised this, she stepped back and said “If you want make I sell you cream for people of shokolate colour wey your body go dey glow, I get o. But go your meeting, when you dey come back, I go dey here”

I smiled and my driver quickly drove away.

I asked my driver, “What just happened?”
Read: Shopping in Lagos: My Encounter With Hulk Hogan

My Conversation With A Nigerian Billionaire: How Much Money Is Enough?

My Conversation With A Nigerian Billionaire: How Much Money Is Enough?

My Conversation With A Nigerian Billionaire: How Much Money Is Enough?

Last week, I got to talk to a Nigerian billionaire as I was trying to convince him to do an interview for the blog.

Even though we haven’t done an interview per se, he said some things to me when I asked him this question “how much money is enough?” He asked me…”Did you grow up with money?”

I shook my head and told him a funny story about my childhood. He seemed to find it interesting so he asked me “When were you the happiest? When you were living poorly or now that you have made something out of yourself?”

Hmmmm… This was a tough question. I was a child, I was more carefree, I had no serious thoughts or major problems. I just wanted to wear short dresses and play downstairs with my neighbours. The biggest problem I had growing up was how fast my boobies were growing when they decided to sprout. “I don’t think I was happy being poor but I was content” I responded after giving it some thought.

“For someone at my stage, no amount is enough. The truth is making money has now become a habit, habit borne out of fear that anything can happen. You’re now working to sustain your net-worth. Know this, when you have all the money that I have, being rich finally disappoints you. After you’ve opened trust fund for your children and you’ve done everything you’ve dreamed of, you get disappointed”

Okay… What was this man saying?

It was as if he read my thoughts.

“Because money cannot buy the most important things. I have tried but I’m disappointed that with all of these, I still can’t buy life, love, self-worth, I can’t control some situations I badly want to control. Even with billions, you do not have absolute power unlike what people think”

I cut in “So you’re saying a billionaire’s life is not all that? People shouldn’t aspire to be mega rich?”

“No, I didn’t say that. Aspire to be a billionaire, just be ready to get disappointed that it’s not all you thought it would be”

Lo.Ba.Tan. (No more words).

Another Embarrassing Story: An (Un)usual Afternoon

Another Embarrassing Story: An (Un)usual Afternoon

Another Embarrassing Story: An (Un)usual Afternoon

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m about to tell you my biggest problem: MY FACE!

Hold up before you call me vain. I’m not talking about my looks, I mean my expression. I cannot hide it, I try but as I’m thinking it, my face is describing it.
Did I ask for this problem? No.
Have I tried my best in life to sort it out? Yes.
Results? Zilch!

On Thursday I was home all day so when I got tired of sitting by my work desk, I decided to take a walk. It was daytime, not many cars were around so I stepped out of the estate. As I exited, a very nice car was pulling over some distance away from me. I admired the car but turned up my nose when I saw the smallish man who alighted from the car rush over to the passenger side to take a leak

“I hate when men do this”

This was the thought in my head when he did a sharp 90-degree turn as if he had dropped something. My gaze should have been on his face but the turn made me look down and again, my facial expression betrayed me. I gasped!

Oh my goodness! I just saw his ‘willi’ and it was astronomically ginormous. My mouth was open in an ‘O’ shape, my eyes wide and my neck arched to the right instinctively. I looked at the smallish man and the situation below and I was astounded, was such size possible?

I was staring. Not polite.

As soon as I got myself together, I quickly looked away and walked faster away from the situation. In fact, I crossed to the other side of the road.

What happened next, I didn’t plan for.

“Hi. I’m so sorry. I think I may have embarrassed you” Said a voice behind me, jolting me from my thoughts as I was wondering if I just saw what I saw and how I would get the image out of my head. What could I have done differently? Why me?

It was the smallish man, doing a small jog behind me. As if it was an afterthought, he took a nanosecond to remotely lock his car then his face was back on mine.

“No way!!! get away from me!” were my exact thoughts. This man had scarred me and now he’s apologising.

“Oh no. Please don’t apologise, I didn’t see anything” Error. Error. Error. Why did I say that? What is wrong with me?

“I’m so sorry. I thought I heard someone call me that’s why I turned around. The road was quiet, that was why I parked to quickly take a leak. I’m so sorry” The smallish man said again. He looked so sorry and contrite which made me giggle a little bit while I said “Really, it’s okay”

I heard the giggle in my head, sounded like my 2-year-old niece. I shook my head in my mind, I need not make another sound.

He smiled then said, “Can I make up for this? Seriously I feel like I should. Please give me your number”

What phone number? ‘Eees’ like this man is trying to try me. I will not be associated with that! I’m a child of God. I was at the second gate of the estate so I quickly escaped into my safe zone and left the physical evidence of my trauma behind

One problem though, I have a photographic memory. Brain bleach…anyone?

Read:Making The First Move : That Time I asked A Guy Out on A Date

Alibaba's January 1st Concert: Noble Intentions Gone Wrong?

Alibaba’s January 1st Concert: Noble Intentions Gone Wrong?

Alibaba’s January 1st Concert: Noble Intentions Gone Wrong?

I wrote about this show last year, about how impressed I was and how I would definitely be attending this year. Alibaba’s January 1st Concert 2017 was so well planned and inspiring, I had to talk about it

Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for this year’s show

This year, The show had programmed more segments than was necessary so everything dragged. It was easy for me to assume there was no structured program for the event as you could hear even Alibaba ask “so what’s next?”. Comedians refused to keep to time and unlike last year, no one enforced timekeeping. At 2 am, there was still no musical performance for a show that started around 8 pm.

We were constantly being reminded at intervals that “Tiwa Savage is backstage, Falz is backstage, Seyi Shay is backstage” just to keep us glued to our seats. But, I was more upset when the producer(s) of the show didn’t take the hint when people began to walk out -in droves- of this prestigious show. When people walk out in droves in the middle of a show, that’s never a good sign. The producers at this point should have improvised but, the show dragged on.

My friends and I paid to watch Lil Kesh, Tiwa Savage, Seyi Shay and especially FalztheBhadguy perform. Out of these four, only two of them performed and they did so to a hall that was half empty. I must commend both artists (Tiwa and Sheyi) for giving it their all and trying to revive the already bored crowd. But they could only do so much, there were very few happy faces

Also, I believe those who paid for the show deserve an apology and explanation as to why not all slated to perform did so. It is the responsibility of the owners of the show to respect their paid audience enough to say something.

Mostly, this is what thawed at my heart: Seeing that Alibaba wanted to help and promote as many talents as he could. This noble intention killed the show this year. I write this review in the mildest -though objective- way possible. This is because I see the intent behind the show and I deeply respect it. The thing is though, I cannot see how this January 1st show can thrive as a business if what happened this year repeats itself in 2019

I hope Alibaba sees this and I hope, for the sake of the past good years of this show, next year’s will be better.

Bad Habits I'd Like to (NOT) Leave Behind in 2017

Bad Habits I’d Like to Leave Behind in 2017…or Not

Bad Habits I’d Like to (NOT) Leave Behind in 2017

There comes a time in a girl’s life where she must accept her flaws and accept that she is stuck. Can I just say, I’m trying to be a better person every day but there are some habits I may have come to terms with. I hope to drop them in 2017 but I’m not optimistic.

Look, it is not of him that willeth…

1. Hating on people who can remember quotes off their heads: We’re having a conversation and the next thing I hear is “even Socrates said in 1900” or “according to Dele Giwa in 1910”. Excuse me wee you keep chut?! Trying to make me look dull and everything. Typical me will nod and in my head, I’m trying to remember a matching quote that’s as powerful and archaic but no, it doesn’t come to me. So I’m left feeling like the less intelligent person. I really don’t like people like this and I’ve tried to appreciate instead of hate but I’ve come to terms with the fact that human encyclopedias will forever be in my bad books.

2. Turning the sound down in my car when it’s dark out while looking for a house — as if that’ll somehow improve my vision: I catch myself doing this and tell myself how ridiculous it is but I still do it anyway.

3. Sarcasm: I think I may have been ‘born this way’

4. Pride: I used to have really flat bum but some years ago The good Lord answered my prayers and blessed my squats. Here I am, a slim girl with some bumbum to go. Shouldn’t I be more understanding of people with a flat bum? No. I’m just full of pride and in my mind I look at them like…”WOW, that’s something of a flat bum!”. Is it their fault? No. Could they do squats like me and pray to God? yea!

Okay, I need to do better.

5. Leaving my fuel tank to show the ‘red’ sign before refueling: I panic every time this happens but I keep doing it. Sigh…

6.Late night snacking: As you may have read, this has put me in trouble before. That time I mistakenly rubbed pepper on my jaijaina while making mid-night noodles. If that didn’t stop me from midnight snacking I wonder what will. How does one write without snacking on plantain chips or goat meat and noodles? Who does that?

7. “I’ll be there in 5 minutes”: That will be the day!

8. Humming to myself: When I’m seated at a reception waiting to see a client or just on the queue at the ATM or at the teal waiting to pay, I hum to myself. This is like me keeping myself entertained but it draws attention to me, this is when I notice and then stop. Sometimes I’m a rebel though, like “please can I entertain myself? is it your humming?’, so I don’t stop.

9. Eavesdropping and giving my opinion in my mind: What’s a girl to do when I’m making my hair and stylists are talking about their love lives? Turn off my brain? I’ll try that in 2018

Bedtime Conversation With My Niece

Bedtime Conversation With My Niece

Bedtime Conversation With My Niece

I’ve come to the United States to spend Christmas with my family so it is safe to say that my niece and nephew are excited.

My niece is 2 years and 6 months old but she’s quite the intelligent one and her words sometimes shock me. She is also very cute and she smiles a lot as well. Okay, I’m bragging now.

I’m sharing a room with my niece but she has her own cute little bed which I hear she generally refuses to sleep on. I told my sis and brother in law I’d make her sleep on her bed. All they need to do is switch off the baby monitor so they won’t feel bad when they hear her cry.

My niece was excited to be sharing her room with me, she automatically assumed she’d be sleeping on my bed, so when we retired for the night and I directed her to her bed, she didn’t look happy at all. I ignored her and climbed into my bed.

Next thing I hear is the silent hiccup cry. I ignored her but she increased the volume so I gave her a stern warning “If I hear pim from you again, I’m going back to Lagos”

She said “huh?”

“I don’t want to hear any sound from you. Stay quiet and go to sleep” I whispered.


Some minutes later she changes tactics to fake cough.


“Sorry baby. Do you want some water?” I asked her.

“No. I [cough cough] want [cough] juice” She says in the most dramatic cough ever.

I laughed in my mind. These children will not kill somebody. Instead, I said “No juice tonight. Okay?”

This time, I managed to sound more firm.

Her cough has now progressed to silent hiccup wailing “It’s okay Aunty. It’s okay”

Oh my chwest! This little girl just pulled all the veins in my heart. But I knew she was playing me so I didn’t back down.


Then… “Aunty…”

“Yes baby” I answered

Still hiccuping and grunting like she’s uncomfortable in her own bed “I wuv you”

Ohhhhhhhhh! My heart gave way. I have been used and even though I knew what was happening, I couldn’t help it

“Okay you can come on my bed” I gave in, ashamed of myself

“Oh,” She said, genuinely surprised and hurriedly got off her bed as she dragged her fluffy in tow, climbed into mine and cozied up. Then as she wipes her tears and her hiccup subsided she said “Thank you, Aunty”

This is how I was scammed by a Two-Year-Old. Tonight, I shall wrap my heart with POP. Read:The Good Things- And Bad Things- About Having My Nephews Spend The Holiday With Me

Airport Chronicles: The Nigerian Pastor, The Wind and My Wig

Airport Chronicles: The Nigerian Pastor, The Wind and My Wig

Airport Chronicles: The Nigerian Pastor, The Wind and My Wig

On my way to “the abroad” I had everything checked on my list to prepare me for the cold. Jacket- Check
Boots- Check
Scarf – Check
Thick Socks-Check

Getting on the plane from Lagos, I met a Pastor, a much older man whose company I enjoyed very much. It was also convenient that we were coming to New York together. So, we changed our seats to sit together on the plane to NYC

I should have known his own will get as e be when he stylishly said “sweetheart you don’t need to apply all these makeup on your face. You’re already pretty”

He said this while I reapplied my lipgloss in preparation for landing. I laughed and explained to him that I had no makeup on and lip gloss is really not makeup. He nodded and insisted, “you don’t need makeup. That’s all I know”

After getting our luggage at the NY Airport and we stepped out towards the car park, the cold hit me like a brick! Oh my Lord! I thought I was prepared but I really wasn’t. I ran across the road between the arrival terminal and the car park

That was when it happened

The wind gave my wig wings and it flew off my head like a kite. Everything was happening at the same time, I didn’t know if I should leave the wig and run into the car park or stop in the middle of the road, causing traffic while I run to pick up my wig

I decided my wig was more important. Please don’t blame me, the cold had frozen my brain, I wasn’t thinking straight

I turned back, leaving my trolley Ladened luggage in the middle of the road and ran back to retrieve my wig. Car horns were blaring, airport officials were saying “Ma’am…ma’am…” I had no comment for those ones. Eess like you people cannot see what your wind has caused

I picked up my wig, ran back across the road, waved apologetically at everyone and no one in particular, pushed my trolley and quickly entered the car park.

The pastor was on the other side, laughing and shaking his head at me, judging me in his mind. “What is it with you kids and this wig. Look at your hair. You have long hair. What do you need extra for?”

The pastor was beginning to annoy me. After all that trauma, that’s all he could say? I put on my wig, brought out my phone to use as mirror to confirm my wig was well placed and then I bid the pastor farewell

I was going to see my real father, this pastor is not my father, I couldn’t deal with him.

Zenith Bank Christmas Youth Parade 2017

Zenith Bank Christmas Youth Parade 2017: Giving Back is Fun

Yesterday, I attended the Zenith Bank Christmas Youth Parade 2017 which was held on Ajose Adeogun, Victoria Island, Lagos Nigeria.

I have never seen so many kids in one place before, except Disney land, on TV. It was amazing to see the effort Zenith bank put into giving back to the community and more exciting for me to see the kids have so much fun

Zenith Bank provided free food, drinks, snacks, ice cream etc. No one wanted for anything to eat or drink. I was amazed at how everyone wore the same red Tshirt and how the canopy which stretched from the middle of Ajose Adeogun to the end of it accommodate all the over one thousand kids. The Zenith Bank Red almost blinded me as I arrived at the venue

I must point out my pleasure when I saw that not only did the parade involve regular schools but orphanages and foundations from all over Nigeria were invited. Seeing everyone have fun without segregation gave me hope: Maybe one day, more companies will give back to the less privileged kids

It was hot in Lagos yesterday but what’s a little sun to excited kids who had an array of games, virtual realities and bouncy castles to play with but this compares to nothing as the excitement they showed when their favourite artists, Olamide and Tiwa Savage mounted the stage to entertain them

The Zenith Bank Youth Parade was a success, I had fun, maybe just as much as the kids and I hope Zenith Bank stays true to themselves and continues to give them to their community by annually giving these kids something to look forward to.

Yesterday I realised, giving back can be fun. see fun pictures below

Educate the girl child

Educate The Girl Child

On Sunday, I went to Ajegunle to see the kids at LOTS Charity foundation. I wanted to see the area for myself because @tolu who heads the foundation is doing an incredible job but seems to always run out of money to do all she wants for the 163 kids she caters to.

My intention was to speak to the girls especially and follow as many of them to their homes to see how they live. This is important to me because I really did want to bond with them and their family.

It was an eye-opener for me. Seeing the abject poverty in this place. I cried when I heard how intelligent these girls are and how well they spoke of their family and how sure they are of their future.

I thought I grew up poor but I’ve now seen for myself what real poverty is and I was indeed grateful.

I made this video with @photojhenie because I wanted you all to catch a glimpse of what I saw. People living IN refuse dumps, risking their health but not having a choice. Brilliant girls who know they can do better for themselves and their family if they could just get out

The girl child education is very important to me, I’ve been on this journey for years and I hope you join me in sponsoring a child because as we do so, we are saving one generation at least, from poverty

Today, I’ll be posting the stories of 5 girls who inspired me. Although they made me cry, it was because I was and still are in awe of them. They are desperate to go to school and do better for their family. I hope their stories and this video moves you to help them

Video recorded and edited by @PhotoJhenie

Forgiveness: One of The Paths I Chose to Freedom

Forgiveness: One of The Paths I Chose to Freedom

Forgiveness: One of The Paths I Chose to Freedom

In my adult life, I have experienced extreme disappointments from people. There are so many things I don’t deserve that has happened to me via the people I had loved and trusted. There was a time it continuously piled up, I began to lose faith in humanity and the goodness in people. I would dig deep, write down the events and try to pick out where I had gone wrong for someone to betray me or cause me so much pain but most times, I really didn’t do anything. It was what it was.

In this case, forgiveness was harder. More than the pain of betrayal and disappointments though, was the pain that accompanied the struggle to forgive. Going over the past in my mind, remembering the person’s offence…this was painful. It used to be quite easy for me to forgive but when the betrayals, disappointments and heartbreaks piled up in a space of time, my heart became hardened and my spirt hoarded grudges.

Can you see how I entangled my heart and spirit in the web of the past? See how I allowed these same people who have caused me hurt to still control me even though they aren’t physically around to do so anymore?

There was freedom on the other side but I was so angry that I chose to stay in that web even though every day, I would tell myself “you’re wasting time, forgive and move on” But then I’d remember and the web of resentment would bind my spirit tighter. One day, I stumbled on a tweet that said “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different” I was weak. All these while I have been trying to change the past by staying in that web of anger and bitterness when I could have lived in the present and be free? All of that pent up negative energy left me like magic. I let it go, I let them go and even though some of these people never asked for my forgiveness or even tried to make amends, I made peace with them in my spirit.

For me, it was that easy because unconsciously I was already tired of being entangled in that web but holding on had become a habit.

Ever since I read that quote, it’s been easier to forgive people. This doesn’t mean I accept such people back into my fold but I don’t get angry anymore when I see them or hear them speak. In fact, I am cordial when I need to be and it is not me being pretentious. When you have big plans for your life like I do mine, you really don’t want anything clouding your mind that’ll distract you from your goals and your plans. You want a mind devoid of negativity so that positive energy can help you sort out your aspirations, this way, giving you a clear path as to how to proceed.

Oprah said about forgiveness “Make a decision to meet the pain as it rises within you and allow it to pass through. Give yourself permission to let go of the past and step out of your history into the now. Forgive, and set yourself free.” Karma? I Have Become an Employee to a Subordinate I laid Off

African mother

My African Mother, The Queen of Petty.

My African Mother, The Queen of Petty.

I’ll tell you when I knew my mum had petty in her. I’m never assigned the role of cooking meat because I always dice a whole piece of meat for myself as “tasting tasting”. I hated that this duty had been taken away from me so when both of my sisters resumed Uni and Mum had visitors, she had no choice but to ask me to go boil meat. She shouted from the living room “I have counted my meat o. Don’t even dare try me”

Since I had been caught in the past tasting anyhow, I came up with another idea: I sliced off thin parts of every piece of meat after it was cooked, put them inside a black polythene bag and stashed it at the bottom of the freezer. My midnight snack was made, I was happy with myself

That night, I woke up in the middle of the night to enjoy my life. Brought out two thinly sliced meat, snuck back to my room and had a blast. I washed it down with 5Alive

The next day, I went back to my stash only to find that it wasn’t there. I removed all the food containers in the freezer, searched the fridge too but didn’t find my meat stash. I knew my mum had taken it and I was genuinely mad at her. I went back to bed angry

When I woke up, she acted normal. I was ready for a lecture because, at that age, beating had stopped. My mum gave no clue, she even gossiped with me so much so I shifted the blame to my dad. It was just 3 of us in the house. She later sent me to rent a Yoruba movie for her. When I got back home, this woman had a plate of my thinly sliced meat in front of her. Only that it was fried and she was munching away

I was shocked! She looked at me while chewing loudly for the purpose of annoying me and said “ole gbe, ole gba” Meaning “You stole it, I stole it back”

How can somebody be that wicked?! I didn’t get over it for days.