Domestic abuse is real, its horrible and it breaks you completely. I am a victim and I strongly advise everyone currently going through this to leave, please.
Mine started during courtship, from slaps to constant verbal abuse. I used to be sooo outgoing and extroverted, too happy, it was contagious. Suddenly, I began to feel inadequate, lost my self esteem and saw myself trying so hard to conform to what he thought I should be. I totally believed him and thought I was the problem. He would always make me feel he was trying to help me to be better, I believed him, he was and is still a pastor. I wish I had people to advice me then, I was just 22 and at that time in my life, I really wanted to serve God. He also told me God had spoken to him expressly that I was his wife and if I ever left, I should know I had gone outside the will of God.
Fast forward to after the wedding, the beatings became severe.
A man that would finish brutalising me this minute and kneel down to pray in tongues and cast out devils. I began to hate him, I began to question his Christianity. He wasn’t doing anything, my mum would continually send us money and foodstuffs to support us. I was there for him when he had nothing, oh well till I left, he still had nothing. As a corper then, my alawee was used for both of us. After service I got a job paying 80k. My mum used to pay my rent from home and send me foodstuffs regularly, so I used my salary for nothing, yet it was never enough, by the second week, i’m scouting for tfare for work. You guessed right, he was in control of my money. Yet, always screaming how unsubmissive I was.
During pregnancy, he beat me up and I went back home. Later, our senior pastor stepped in and settled us. I went back. After delivery, he broke my back, till now I still have the sharp pain from that incident. (I will be going to Igbobi for a scan soon.) One thing I realised about abuse is that it changes you. I became bitter, hateful and vengeful. When my mum came for omugwo, she bought my son a car, her first grand child. She dotes on her grand child so she couldn’t imagine him in a keke. My husband would drive the car to church in the morning because he had to be in church early, we would still end up taking keke.
I remember my son’s one year immunisation, 4 injections, kiddo was so cranky, no bus because of fuel scarcity, I trekked half way with him before getting a bus. I was just weeping because his father was up and about the town in an ac chilling car. Well, early this year he had started repeating threats to my life, always said he’d kill me and no one will know. He sent my mom out of his house that she paid rent for us without knowing. I lied to her to get money to cover his ass.
Due to the constant threats, i had to follow my mum when she came for treatments in our city. I left since earlier in the year and till now, he never called even to ask for the welfare of his son. Looking back, I was so hesitant to leave because of my son but I know now that it was the best option for my son so he doesn’t grow up to do same.
Honestly it hasn’t been easy. I’ve been slipping in and out of depression, added so much weight due to comfort eating. Some days I even feel I made a mistake leaving but I quickly reassure myself. I really feel the need to talk to someone, maybe it would help me heal. I have so much anger and bitterness but I need to be whole to raise my son properly. I don’t want him being vengeful or bitter. May God help everyone going through this to heal.
Written by anonymous for Diaryofanaijagirl.ng