My rapist is not sorry, Forgiveness and freedom might just be overrated after all.

0 October 26, 2018 By Dang

Today I’m very hurt and angry at myself, here’s why. 8 years ago, I lost my virginity to a sexual predator, I was only 17 at the time and was on my own for the first time ever, in a completely different city hours away from everyone and everything I knew, I had always had my very protective mum or siblings watching out for me so I didn’t really know how to handle myself on my own. I have always been a conservative person and one major flaw I had, (still have) is being so easily trusting, I didn’t have to know you to trust you or your words, I just have to feel somewhat comfortable with you.

The rape incident quickly turned my life inside out and opened the door for a whole lot of bad things to happen to me. Fast forward to tonight, I decided it was time to be free, I had been constantly told that I needed to openly and genuinely forgive myself and everyone I hold a grudge against in order to be completely free. This rapist had reached out to me last year saying he’d been searching for me and wants me to forgive him but I told him off, tonight after deciding to finally tow the path of forgiveness, I decided to reach out to him, I found him on Facebook and told him he was free of any grudge/hate from me but I think I might have just hurt myself rather than liberate myself.

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He just made light of the whole thing, I feel so hurt and humiliated over again, he thinks he did nothing to me and that his act was completely justified. I only just wanted to be free but I’m so hurt all over again, it’s like reliving age 17. Forgiveness and freedom might just be overrated after all.

Written by Kim for Diaryofanaijagirl.ng

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