The thing is I’ve been married for almost four years now and in this time if I put together the times I’ve been genuinely happy, I don’t think its even 3 months.
My husband is really responsible to be honest, he does his best to make his family comfortable and he’s a faithful man as far as I know, but he’s too strong-headed and I think he was raised with the ‘boys can get away with whatever’ mentality. When we have fights, I almost always initiate the process of reconciliation and after having a lengthy conversation in most cases, I have to literally beg him to say he’s sorry.
He was raised with the believe that when he offends a person, it doesn’t matter how upset they are, if he doesn’t feel like he was wrong then he never apologises. But me I know that saying sorry makes things better and you should say it to pacify a person who feels offended, or at least that’s what I was taught.
Another thing is my husband is super petty. If I do something to offend him knowingly or not, he almost always serves it right back, and when I tell him that his pettiness really puts me off, he just gets defensive and says what makes me think I’m allowed to do certain things because I’m a woman and he’s not. Another issue i have is that he’s not expressive like that and that really annoys me, I can be doing chores for four straight hours, passing by his side the whole time and I don’t get a word of appreciation, he says I love you most of the time only after I’ve said it.
He hardly ever sends nice messages but would only reply mine. He’s just not romantic. I’ve complained and complained to the point where I started to sound like a broken record and all he says is when we get rich, we’ll travel the world and do fun stuff but I always point it out to him that in as much as we both hustling and hope that things get better, they never might and you don’t necessarily need a lot of money to be romantic, there are inexpensive ways to spice things up.
When I was pregnant with both my kids, I hated him. He never really helped me with any chores even with all the morning sickness I endured. He would just say when I complain that I should just let things be and relax. So my house should now be dirty because I’m pregnant. I just think he’s too old school for my liking. He’s almost 9 years older than I am though but I never thought that would be a problem, but now I just think that if I had married someone closer to me in age, things would be different.
Bottom line is I’m just fed up. Deep down I don’t doubt that I love this man and I don’t doubt that he loves me right back, but his attitude is seriously bridging a dangerous gap between us and sometimes I just want to leave the marriage because I’ve realised that I’m not happy being here but then I think about the fact that I won’t get any support from my family because they believe in the concept of for better for worse and would only make an exception in the case of domestic violence, and also about the fact that I might not be able to support myself and my kids if I leave. I have suggested we see a marriage counsellor several times but he’s not on board with the idea because he doesn’t want us to take our issues to a third party.
Written by anonymous for Diaryofanaijagirl.ng