Shopping in Lagos: My Encounter With Hulk Hogan
Yesterday at the grocery store car park, there was an incident, and yours truly was a participant.
You know how you drive around the Ebeano car park on a busy day hoping to get a free space and you find someone who’s about driving out so you lurk behind them to take their space as soon as they drive out? That’s what I was doing. Waiting patiently for a lady and her kids to settle themselves in the car and do the needful.
I was typing on the phone so when I looked up, I was a little taken aback to see another car lurking on the other side waiting for the family to drive out. C’mon…why are Lagosians like this? You obviously saw me waiting. Why would you rather fight for space with me instead of going to look for parking elsewhere?
I put my phone down, rolled down my window, waved at the huge man behind the wheel and shouted, “Hi I’m trying to park here. I got here first”. He ignored me. So, when the lady moved her car, I inched in a little closer to the space, and I continued to do so until she completely backed out. The huge man in the G-wagon obviously had the same plan so both of our fenders almost collided at the parking space. This way, someone had to back out so the other could take the space.
Who would it be? Definitely not me because I got there first.
“Don’t bash my car woman. Don’t bash my car. This is not your father’s land so you can’t claim space in a public parking lot” shouted Hulk Hogan.
I decided it was my turn to ignore him so I accelerated a little closer, slightly touching his fender while I tried to secure my space.
Hulk Hogan alighted from his car, I immediately imagined steam coming out of his nose and his bald head. I quickly made sure my car was locked and I stayed put. He checked for a scratch, saw none and went back behind the wheels, waiting for me to budge.
At this time, we had attracted the attention of the security. I became livid when the security guy addressed me first, trying to convince me into backing out of the space. Why me? Why not Hulk Hogan? I got there first and he’s trying to bully me.
I decided I was going to go do my shopping anyway if the security was bent on addressing just me. As I proceeded into the supermarket, Hulk immediately planted himself on my path. “Move your car” he said. “Gosh, he’s tall,” I thought to myself.
While security was still trying to cajole me into moving my car, two women with their trolleys full of groceries came to do supporters’ club for me. One of them said, “Oga why can’t you be the bigger person and move your car? Besides, she said she got here first”.
Hulk Hogan ignored them, folded his arms over his chest, rested his back on his car and maintained a chilled position.
My back ached from cramps, the sun was scorching, the heat was real and I didn’t use my sunscreen. I started crying: silent, stubborn tears. I wasn’t going to move my car but I was frustrated. The women saw my tears and got really upset. “Don’t cry. Why are you crying? Stop it right now. You will not be bullied.” said one of them assertively.
“No I’m not backing down.” I shook my head vehemently, tears still rolling, “I’m just frustrated.”
One of the women dug into her large purse, brought out a writing pad and a pen and pushed both at me. “Here, write your list for me. I’ll go and do your shopping for you. Do you have cash or you can transfer money to me?”
I told her I had cash and a shopping list. I brought out my shopping list and gave it to her. She turned around and marched straight into the store. Her friend moved their trolleys closer and stood by me. I could see Hulk was not happy. My one-man supporter’s club stuck out her tongue at him, I thought that was cool so I did the same thing…
This triggered Hulk. In my head, I saw fumes gushing out through his nostrils.
“You’re very silly. You’re very rude. I don’t have time for this. I’m moving my car because I’m busy, not because of your silly acts. I have things to do with my time.” He shouted as he got back in his car and zoomed off in reverse.
Amidst my tears, I couldn’t help but laugh. My one-man supporter’s club gave me a high 5!
This post was initially written on the 11th of November 2017.