There are 2 women in my life that serve as good examples of how I will raise my son. They are my Mum and my Mum-in-law (I call her Mummy).
My superhero Mum has raised my 2 brothers to respect and value every human regardless of gender and that they should treat their fellow person the way they will want their sisters or loved ones to be treated and I have seen that manifest in their lives. Yes, they both have shortcomings but none of it stem from misogyny or chauvinism which makes me proud to have them as brothers. They are not married yet and so I cannot speak for them from the angle of how they will treat their spouses but I expect nothing less than how they have been raised to.
Now, with regard to my Husband, Mummy is a queen to me with regard how she has raised this man and how it has manifested in our marriage. Mummy was childless for many years, almost 10 then she had my husband. He ended up being the only child for over 10 years before his sister was born and also a few years after that, she lost her husband (Hubby’s dad).
This is a woman who is very successful in her business and till date employs lots of staff both at the office and at home. And with all of what I mentioned above, some may assume that after all of that experience, she would have raised Hubby to be overprotected, spoilt and probably even entitled. I am proud to say he is neither of these things. He is one of the most caring, domesticated, thoughtful and loving person I have ever come across and everybody that meets Awhim thinks so too.
My husband is someone that agrees with me in running our home equally in all aspects. We manage our finances openly with each other and take decisions together. When I cook, he washes the plates and cleans up and vice versa, he also takes turns to care for our infant son by bathing him, feeding him etc. Now the most memorable part for me was that he did not know how to cook complicated meals when we started dating because he never really got the chance (not that he was forbidden to learn) and I taught him via Skype (we were long distance for 2 years). When I got pregnant and got tired a lot in my first trimester, hubby became a daily visitor to allnigerianrecipes.com and dooney’s kitchen website lol and he now cooks even more than me. I can say he is probably the main overseer in the kitchen these days because I always want to try his recipes.
I have had Mummy visit us from Nigeria and she gives us our independence that she does not concern herself on how we run our home as long as we have a happy system that works for both of us.
From my experience with discussions with her, I know she wanted to make a conscious effort to raise him as a caring and independent man and not to have a repeat of the misogyny that surrounded a lot of her acquaintances’ homes and boy am I glad she did.
We have been attracted to each other from day 1 and I only planned to end up with such a man. I am glad it didn’t take me long to find him on one of my visits home to Nigeria.
Written by Anu Kasim for Diaryofanaijagirl.ng