Last year, after leaving the university, I came to stay with my elder sister because she was heavily pregnant and was almost due to give birth. I decided to stay with her because she had no one staying with her except her husband and she also had a little baby. Since I had not gotten a job or been mobilised for service, I opted to help her out.
But now, I think it was a bad decision because for every day that passes, I greatly regret my decision.
Please don’t get me wrong. Here is the thing. She has given birth, yes, and since middle of last year till now, I have been staying with them. She works, and the husband is into business. Since she resumed work last October, I have been the one taking care of the kids, and practically doing all chores which really isn’t a problem for me.
I mean it’s not bad helping a sister out but my problem is that I have pleaded with her to get a nanny as I need to go out and get a job or find something to do for myself. Presently, I can’t boast of a thousand naira to my name. I’m not making any money moves and anytime I raise the issue, she gets angry and asks me I need a job for. Mind you, I am in my late twenties.
I feel used and useless sometimes. My daily routine is from bed to kitchen, kitchen to laundry, laundry to anything that looks like attending to the kids, eat, sleep and then back to the kitchen for dinner till the day ends. And the routine continues till the next day. Thankfully, the first baby is on holidays so at least I get to rest from waking up few minutes to 5 am.
And this has been how it has been for me since last year till now. Has it been terrible for me.. Yes it has. Do I feel frustrated and sometimes weak and worn out.. Yes I do and it’s becoming too unbearable for me. Crying sometimes is my best consolation. I go out only when I want to go to market or when they are going out. And any day I say I am not going out with them, she gets angry asking me: “how will I take care of the kids if you ain’t going”..
Since I came here, there is no house chores that I don’t do. The only one I told her I won’t do is dressing her husband’s room and washing the toilet.
Two days ago I couldn’t hold it again. She told me to pack few things for the kids, that her husband was going to drop us off at his sister’s place. I turned to go pack their bags and she said,” pack yours too because you will be going with them.”
I told her I am not going. If you want your kids to spend some days at your sister in-laws place, that’s fine but telling me that I will go with them is something I won’t do. If it’s a visit which we would return that same day, that’s OK but spending days at your sister in-laws place with your kids is what I won’t do.
She got angry again and she said so many things that I don’t even want to start saying here. But they were heart drenching. I only told her to please get a nanny and that I can only endure to stay with she and her family from now till December.
I don’t have friends, not a man, not a woman. My stay here in Lagos is that of a boring and lonely life. Since last week till now, she is still fuming and is not responding to my greetings.I know there is no job waiting for me out there but on the other hand I won’t stay at home and wait for an opportunity to come and visit me. I have tried to explain this but the conversation is what she does not want to hear.
I don’t know, maybe I am wrong. Maybe I am being too mean. Maybe I am wicked, inconsiderate, and unappreciative like she claims. I want someone to tell me I am not making any mistakes by asking for a time for myself. Is there a way, a different way for me to go through this? I really need someone to talk to because what I have in mind is to pack my bag and leave. But God knows, my only reason of not wanting to leave, right now, is the kids.
What can i do?
Written by Jennifer for Diaryofanaijagirl.ng