When Changing Your Mind is Not a Bad Thing: That Time I Called Off My Wedding
ccc, it was a sinking feeling, a feeling of resignation, I kept telling myself, “just go ahead with it, everything will be okay”.
I met my ex-fiancée 8 months before he proposed. I was getting close to 30, I had set a date for myself, come rain or high water, I would be married by age 30. So when this guy came along, I told myself, “this is it! I must make this work.” He was not my ideal guy, but experience had taught me then, “who ideal guy help?”
So I went ahead and dated him. One of the many issues was insecurity. He felt I was too much for him and would sooner or later break up with him to be with another man who is/was worthy, so he began to lie about his net worth. If he was worth a hundred, he would lie to me he was worth 10 million. I noticed these things but patched them up because I had to get married by 30. I was also made to re-affirm to him twice a week or more of my love for him and loyalty.
On my part, I couldn’t bring myself to respect him. I wasn’t genuinely in love with him and was just riding the waves. I was so desperate, I didn’t care about the fact that he wasn’t ambitious and couldn’t stimulate me mentally. I had smart and mentally stimulating conversations with my siblings and friends, then argued about who was better between Wizkid and Davido with him. He was also a pathological liar.
On my 30th birthday, I had a birthday dinner and when it was his turn to speak, I was shaking inwards, I knew he was going to propose and instead of excitement, I was scared. I sunk in my already flat tummy, wiped my sweaty palms on my green dress and prepared myself. When he began his speech, my eyes were already teary, I braced myself. Someone had told me, “love grows, if he loves you so much, you’ll eventually start loving him back”. I held on to that and accepted the ring.
Eventually, I made up my mind that this was my cross to bear, this guy loved me too much and he would never leave me, so whatever happens, I would make things work.
On the day of our family introduction, my closest friends were with me and I still didn’t feel safe, my dad got all the brunt as I lashed out at him and wished my mum was around. I was throwing tantrums because I couldn’t bear to look inwards and tell myself to stop the process.
We began the wedding preparations: We paid for the hall, got a wedding planner, paid in full for a popular comedian as the MC, I had bought tickets to travel for wedding shopping and dress picking appointments with three wedding dress makers including Vera Wang. My friends had also paid a substantial sum for Aso-Ebi. Asides from the money spent, a lot of people had invested themselves in this process. Two months before the wedding, I caught him in another HUGE lie.
Initially I never thought of calling off the wedding, I told myself to look away, this too will pass. But when I could not sleep that night and began to pray, it dawned on me that this would be my life. Sleepless nights, unhappiness, lack of trust, crying and praying to calm the storm I created, the possibilities of cheating on my part and the expectation of cheating on his part. How would people feel if I called off my wedding? How about money that had been invested, I almost changed my mind but God strengthened my resolve
I told him it was over. He begged me to reconsider but even he couldn’t put much effort into it. My family, his family and our friends tried to convince me to change my mind, but when I began to refund people’s Aso-Ebi money, they finally accepted there was not going to be a wedding that year. I felt complete relief like a heavy load had suddenly been lifted off me. Were there moments of remorse? Yes. But they passed quickly because I had never been surer of a decision.
If you are reading this and you are thinking about calling off your wedding, I hope that you are able to make the right decision for yourself — and for nobody else. Not your partner. Not his or her family. Not for your parents — but for you.TWEET THIS QOUTE
And if you are reading this and have already called off your wedding, you need to know that everything will be okay. It probably does not feel like it today, and it may not even feel like it tomorrow, or a week from now, or six months from now. You will hurt. You will feel painfully lonely. You might feel humiliated. But, everything will eventually be okay, I know this for a fact!