Kids Say The Darnedest Things: Dear Ola, You’re on This Table

1 July 30, 2018 By Dang

Dear Ola,

The last time I saw you before yesterday, I was dashing out of the house while you rode on your bicycle. I think I saw you wave at me but I was on the phone and concentrating on not missing my appointment.

I got to your apartment and immediately rushed towards you after the house meeting, I had missed you and wanted to have a quick chat. As soon as you saw me coming towards you, you shifted your position and turned your back towards me. As an adult, we don’t retreat from fights with minions. I asked you, “Ola, what’s wrong? you don’t want to say hello to me?”

You shook your head, concentrated hard on your iPad and refused to look up. I was genuinely worried so I asked your mum “What’s going on with him? He’s not talking to me”. She said “You’ve not introduced him to your new help, she doesn’t even open the door for him when he knocks. He has complained to me o”


Ola, must I remind you that you and I DO NOT own my apartment? But I sat beside you and explained myself instead: “Ola, the new aunty doesn’t know you that’s why she didn’t open the door and there’s no more pineapple juice because I’m never home these days”

You looked up from your iPad ‘Why are you never home?’

‘Because I’m working a lot and I get home when it’s really dark?’

‘But is that safe?’ Your brows were furrowed

‘Yes, it is safe.’ I nodded and almost held my chest, that was a very cute question.

‘So this means no pineapple juice ever ever? like never again?’ You wanted to know.

‘Maybe not forever but I’ll bring you a glass anytime I make some’ You seemed satisfied with my answer.

Seeing as I was back in your good books, I asked, ‘So do you want me to introduce to the new aunty now so she can let you in anytime you knock?’

Your response shocked me: ‘Can I think about it?’ Two fingers on your jaw, you stared into space.

Wawu! I heard your mum chuckle, I tried not to laugh while I shook my head in wonder and whispered to her, ‘who is this boy?’

It took you almost a minute but your excellency finally made a decision: “Okay, I guess” you shrugged like you were doing me a favour. “Sometimes after playing football I want to rest my legs in your house but she doesn’t open up”

You want to rest your legs! Issokay.

We proceeded to my apartment where I introduced you to Funmi, the new aunty. You extended your tiny hands and re-introduced yourself, ‘My name is Ola. I live upstairs’

Funmi took your hands and simply said, “Funmi.” then immediately left us standing in the middle of the living room for the kitchen.

You looked at me and you said the darnedest thing with a semi-toothless grin:’Awkwarrrrrrrrrrrrrrd!’

Dear Ola, you’re something else!

Yours in wonder,



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