The failure of parenting, the emerging cycle of distress and daughters without husbands

3 July 25, 2018 By Dang

I must confess it has taken me some time to finally gather my thoughts on this rather sensitive matter. We are sitting on a generational time bomb and whilst I believe the current generation are beyond redemption, we can still fix our world by taking steps now to halt this malaise.

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My first wakeup call happened 3 years ago. I was attending the valedictory service for Year 6 students in an international school located in Ikoyi, Lagos. I watched as 26 precocious younglings came to the stage to eloquently speak about their future ambitions and the effect the school environment has had on them. Summary? Well, of the 14 boys in the class, 13 wanted to be either footballers or musicians (I swear, I didn’t make that up)… the only boy who wanted to be anything other than a footballer or musician was a boy of Indian origins who wanted to be a scientist. For the girls, their dreams ranged from becoming lawyers, accountants, physicists etc… I was properly shook! Our boys have picked the worst role models!

In 12-15 years, that same generation of kids would have become adults and generally ready to enter into the institution of marriage. The problem seems to be that, this generation of male children are completely unprepared and utterly immature. They haven’t been trained to take responsibility or perform the leadership role that society and the woman expects of them. Marriage in our climes used to be a union between a dominant male and an ambitious, yet condoning female… Today, the average woman is both dominant and ambitious… the male? He hasn’t even found himself at 30!

What we have ended up with is a society of ambitious single women, too aspirational for their average male peer and seemingly doomed to either single loneliness or a devil may care, self-comforting relationship with SELF!

I see them every day… ambitious, driven women… at the top of their game, doing everything right and trying to live right… I also see them struggling to deal with the realisation that at 29, they face pressures from family to start their own family… I also see them struggle with accepting the male failures that seem to perpetually cover the face of our earth. They aren’t in any relationship, they fear the biological clock is ticking (even though they still have at the minimum, a decade), the fear that their success drives them even further from the average male… they face the ultimate choice… do I settle for the idiot pestering me or do I wait indefinitely for the man that isn’t coming? It is a desperate macabre dance.

The sad reality is that the young successful male is now an endangered specie! He is under the impression that his choices are limitless (they really are…) … for every good, well brought up, self-respecting woman he meets, there are a few less so women offering him all sorts of services (paid and otherwise)! He can’t understand why he has to date and woo a woman when he has several “floozies” willing to drop their panties at the first ask… He indeed feels like a King… a STUPID one at that… but, hey, who cares?

We are at a cross road and whilst I believe this generation is beyond salvage, we can fix our children before it is too late! Fix your male child today, you will be saving your females too!

 

Written by Femi Oladehin for Diaryofanaijagirl.ng

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3 comments on “The failure of parenting, the emerging cycle of distress and daughters without husbands

  1. Ms OA

    “He can’t understand why he has to date and woo a woman when he has several “floozies” willing to drop their panties at the first ask… He indeed feels like a King… a STUPID one at that… but, hey, who cares?”

    “Fix your male child today, you will be saving your females too!”

    Hmmmmm




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  2. Miss 'Damilola

    A lot of empasy on the upbringing of the female child, it’s high time we fixed our male child too. We teach our daughters to be independent and confident and then baby our son’s. Parents create confident, ambitious, self sufficient women and men who are okay with living off them. Most of them are lackaidesical in handling issues and not driven at all. Its just sad ‘cos I see this all the time. This write up just speaks my mind




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  3. Rhoda

    I totally agree, spot on! it has also been a major cause of concern for me. Most Nigerian mothers are firm on their female children and do well at “training” them, but leave the boys to be over-pampered and spoilt!. You see men with little or no sense of direction for their lives who expect any woman in their life to treat them like their mothers do. So unfortunate!




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