Pregnancy Scare- I do not think I am ready for this stage of womanhood

8 July 18, 2018 By Dang

Over the weekend, I travelled to Ibadan for my best friend’s child’s christening and I must say it opened me up to a new world of revelations.

As she hugged me, I looked at her and I couldn’t stop staring. My friend used to be light skinned , with an even skin tone and always managed to look so innocent and like a baby.
The person who looked back at me with laughter in her eyes was no baby. Damn! but she had grown.

The first thing I noticed was that she was considerably darker. I had heard stories of women who got darker in pregnancy but you know what they say about seeing making you believe more’.

When I saw her stomach, I was even more shocked. My friend who had the most lovely skin before child birth with no stretch mark in sight now had her stomach region covered with dark angry stretch marks which she laughingly told me she didn’t know if they would ever completely clear off.

It was like a mystery to me. The sanitary pads which had to be doubled, the breast pads that prevented her clothes from being stained by breast milk, the careful way she had to sit and stand because of the stitches in her vagina, the way she winced in pain anytime her baby’s lips touched her nipples, her swollen feet which had grown larger than any of the shoes she owned.

It was a big mystery.

It did not end there. The baby had to be taken care of: bathed, breastfed, burped, petted, trained and all of that. Sure, she had relatives who had come to help but as she told me, one day, she will be all alone so she had better get used to doing her chores herself.

As I lay in bed that night, I tossed and turned asking myself if I really wanted this. I knew I was at that stage in my life where a lot of relatives were giving me the side eye and asking casually when I was bringing ‘brother’ home. Aren’t babies expected to be next?

Again, I asked myself if I was just being vain. What does physical appearance matter when you have a beautiful and healthy baby, a contented husband and a peaceful home?
I remembered how happy her husband was during the christening, taking centre stage as the man of the house and laughing as the pastors cracked jokes.

He had no extra fat, no tears, no pain! But my friend had changed. She loves her child, she loves her husband but she still misses her old self.

I have never been the mushy type but seeing her that day as I walked into her room, I asked myself if I could find a husband who would agree for us to adopt rather than having children naturally. Because, If this is what womanhood is – the eagerness to have a family and birth a child, maybe I am not a complete woman.

Written by Ayo Al for DiaryofaNaijaGirl.ng

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8 comments on “Pregnancy Scare- I do not think I am ready for this stage of womanhood

  1. Cher

    I don’t know if I’ll ever get to that point, I don’t get the fuss about getting pregnant or even having kids. I don’t know if I’ll find someone who feels same as me or maybe I’ll feel like having one down the road. I don’t know mehn, just seems like a lot of work and responsibility




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  2. Anonymous

    Hmmm, I thought I was alone in this feeling. I’m so glad to find someone that relates with me. I’d really prefer surrogacy… Cos pregnancy, labour the whole thing scares me, women go through so much, add to it the pain of breastfeeding, though I know won men that use formula straight up… I don’t know if I’ll ever surpass this fear…




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  3. Amaka

    I think of this too! It’s definitely a sacrifice as not everyone has those genes that make you snap back and come out glowing harder than ever! I really understand the feelings of this writer – womanhood is no joke o! I can only imagine the toll it would take on your thought process to have to embrace such an abrupt change.

    http://www.mindofamaka.com




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  4. Anonymous

    I will give anything to have children. Always wanted to but being married for over 2years without a child and dealing with severe MFI tears my heart into several pieces. I will love to have my own children and also adopt.There are a few woman who feel this way, but go to the the TTC community and see the yearning of many woman. Someone said she could give her left breast to have a child. When that desire hits you, nothing you ever accomplish will be enough.




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    1. Anonymous

      I struggled for a while too with PCOS. But keep praying and most importantly have faith. A strong unshakeable and selfish faith. Do not be deterred and stay away from people who try to disturb your faith. Stay in it, pray with that faith and take active steps towards conceiving and God in his infinite mercies will bless you with your bundle(s) of joy.




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  5. Anonymous

    gosh. I feel like this too but i know somehow I have to overcome the fear. it doesn’t help when women who obviously have gone through pain say oh the pain was worth it. In my head I am like pain was worth it, really PAIN. Naaah that’s not true in my head. I love babies but the fear. oh dear Lord. My parents will literally kill me if I say No sef. sigh. Again I have mixed feelings, in my head I have a high tolerance for pain but the real stories and videos scares me to the core. oh dear God help me




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  6. Anonymous

    I’m sending e-hugs to this lady. I have felt like this for a really long while and every time I share this with my friends and family, they all try to shut me down saying things like ‘you are not a complete woman if you don’t have children’.
    I really just want a man who is open to the idea of adoption. There are a lotta kids in orphanages that need loving families to care for them, I really don’t mind that.




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  7. Anonymous

    Oh well, as the last child of the house 5 girls and 1 boy, I saw what my sisters and sister-inlaw went through and I thought I would never be ready. I am presently knocked up, 14 weeks and counting but hey!!! I am glowing, my sister saw me yesterday and she could not help but pass a comment on how lit up my skin is. I hope it remains that way…my point? When you desire something, the pains and challenges that comes with it can never be a hindrance, and desires comes with time. PS: you can always snap back, get even a better body/skin if you want to.




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