I just had my first baby a few months ago and naturally the subject of getting a help came up. I was at first opposed to the idea but my mum eventually convinced me to take in a distant relative of hers from the village.
I complained that I wasn’t ready to be saddled with the responsibility of raising someone else’s child, being a new parent myself but she managed to convince me to give it a try.
I already have someone that comes in to clean and another who does laundry. I work from home so I figured I could somehow manage. It just all seemed like an extra expense.
So a young, gangly 15 year old arrived and at first I was like ‘Nah mehn’ but she’s somehow wormed herself into my heart. She’s very bright, willing to learn and most of all, my baby loves her. She had gone to school up to JSS3 when her parents couldn’t afford to train her anymore but decided her younger brother being the 1st son would benefit more from an education and kept that one in school instead. So she’d been home selling for her mum.
My husband and I decided we’ll enroll her in school here this september. Even sent her mum money to go collect her results from her old school to send to us.
She’s been with us for 3 months and we’ve been sending her ‘salary’ to her mum;who I learnt had been on the run from police since she took a loan from a micro finance bank and was unable to repay. She’s since paid off the loan. Her mum had spoken to me that she has given me her daughter o.
I overheard a conversation she had with the girl over the phone, telling her to be a good girl so she can even school up to university level with us. That there’s nothing back in the village for her so she should make the best of this opportunity.
So now you have the background. For about 2 weeks now, there’s been drama from the village over her matter. Apparently, the parents have been fighting because the father says her mum is emasculating him. Saying things like if not for her sending the daughter over here and we sending her money, they would not be seeing food to eat.In summary, that the man is unable to cater for their family. So the man has now vexed that since this is bringing insult, the girl should come back home.
Last night, he called asking that I should send her back. I tried to reason with him but he wasn’t having it (i think the fact that he’s barely literate and me being unable to communicate in my native language might have played a role). My husband has already said she should come and be going.
Her mum called later begging that she wants her daughter to have a future that I should please keep her. The girl here has been crying all night. Woke up this morning to see her face all puffy. She doesn’t want to go back.
I’m just here confused. Honestly, this girl would do really well in school. I give her books to read and make her write summaries for me. Even though her grammar and spelling need work, her intelligence is still evident. I even make her watch that Mindset Learn channel on Dstv and she seems to be learning from it. I just know she’ll go far in life if given a chance.I also know for a fact that when I send her back, it’s all over.
Her father’s brother even called that he has a farm somewhere and when she comes, he’ll take her there to be with him(whatever that means). I don’t have strength for wahala but my conscience would judge me if I don’t at least fight for her. My husband on the other hand doesn’t have patience for drama and is already done with the matter.
So my question is; how much can I involve myself? Is fighting for her worth ‘village trouble’? Or should I just leave her to her fate in the hands of the people that gave birth to her? I can’t keep her here against her father’s wishes.
I’ve pleaded with the man to not let pride get in the way of his daughter’s future but he no gree. Her mother got pregnant with her when she was 14, she’s scared a similar situation might befall her daughter if she stays in that village. I really don’t know what to do. HELP!!
For those that would wonder why I have a 15 year old help…. that’s not the situation. She doesn’t cook for me, doesn’t wash my clothes. Doesn’t bathe or feed my baby. Has never even as much as changed his diaper.I’m too OCD to let her.
All she does is wash his tiny clothes, play with him when I’m working, go on small errands for me and wash dishes. I was already in university far away from home at her age, so…..
Ps; I love you DANG!!!
PPs; I would like to be kept anonymous