Why You Should Consider This Approach to Finding Yourself

0 July 03, 2018 By Dang

5 cups of water – two half full, three quite full – seated gently on the kitchen table tilted a bit unto saucers. The cups quite full spill off some water on the saucers while the cups half full stay still in motion, waiting patiently to be tilted a bit more. No, they can’t give any water this way in this position. Problem is, tilting them will make them give more and more of the water that they lack already. However, the goal is not to make them dry.
The approach majority of the people I have met and I’ve had personal conversations with on friendships and relationships is that they understand that relationships are about giving so much of themselves to their partners or friends to make them a better person and sticking with them come what may, because “a good friend sticks closer than a brother”, this isn’t a bad thing. I have thought about this a lot myself; about how that being loyal to a group of people entails that I remain in the same level with them and accept the status quo that the relationship presents to me. About how I should grow but should not grow so much in such a way that it affects this friendship or this relationship or the way this other person might feel or something. I have thought about this deeply because I have found myself in points in my life where the best option for me was to go against what the people in my circle thought was the best for me because I knew deep down in my heart that it wasn’t.
One crucial thing we have to understand as individuals is the fact that we are of more help to those in our circle when we are empowered as individuals. Life’s journey is a personal one that is made up of personal decisions which we are individually responsible for and we all have our different paths. We should be accommodating enough to let those in our personal space be who they truly are without trying to control them or fit them into our personal mould. There is a popular saying that goes thus, “Givers need to know when to stop giving because takers rarely ever know when to stop taking”. True, it is very important to give and make the lives of those around us better. It is also important that we go out of our way from time to time and put a smile on someone else’s face. But, it is also time to pause and ask yourself if you have been giving so much of yourself in the light of excessive compromise to sustain certain relationships in your life. Have you given so much of yourself in toxic relationships to the extent that you feel empty and used? You are your greatest priority and the people who truly love you will want what is best for you. Are you holding back from pursuing that degree because you feel that it would put some other people in an uncomfortable situation? Or are you cringing at the thought of leaving that terribly abusive marriage because of the child you have already? You are doing more damage to your soul by chaining it this way. More damage than you could ever imagine.
It takes courage to follow your heart.
Following my heart has cost me friends but I have learnt that not everybody needs to be in my life anyway. The true friends will stay.
It is okay to say “no”, it is okay to take care of “you”. You are of more benefit to others when you are full.
Rejection is a part of the journey and playing it safe has not got anyone anywhere.
In reading the biographies of outstanding individuals like Richard Branson (Losing my Virginity) and Mary Kay Ash (Miracles Happen) who have recorded various degrees of successes in their diverse fields, one would most readily find a reoccurring pattern of rejection at one point or the other in the lives of these individuals. Disruption entails challenging the status quo and one cannot attain remarkable heights without challenging certain existing systems and this will entail that you follow your truest convictions as against the chatter all around you; that you embrace who you truly are and fight for her over and above the external demand to fight for what is not truly her path; that we embrace the struggles and challenges that come with developing her into her fullest potential because at the end of our journeys, when we look back, we will be glad we did.


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