Ignoring The Signs Is A Good Way To End Up At The Wrong Destination : Diary of an Abused Woman

3 June 25, 2018 By Dang

This year would make it 7 years since I got married to a supposed God-fearing man but he is a beast with the rage of the devil. We met in Church, he was a worker, who has been working in the vineyard of the Lord for about 10 years before we met. After dating for 9months we announced in the church we were getting married. I got a lot of cold reactions from members( but I ignored them thinking they were probably jealous a new church member came to steal their fervent brother in the Lord).

Those who were bold enough told me I would need to be very patient with him. When I met his younger sister, she told me her brother was better than the person he used to be. However, all those warnings did not make sense to me because I was in love.  Fast forward to 5 months into the marriage, my hubby slapped me ( I was 4 months Pregnant) because I had taken my time to get dressed for his friend’s introduction. He came back shortly after to beg me, after which he insisted we attended the ceremony together. We got to his friend’s brother’s house and we waited for 4 hours before his friends family got ready to go to the bride’s family house in Mowe.

When he gets upset, he calls me unimaginable names such as slut, mad, crazy, ill-lucked. He wouldn’t stop until he rains curses on me, insults my parents & my entire generation. He once beat the living day out of me shortly after giving birth to our son because he insisted on naming our son his late father’s first, and second name. He also insisted the names would be registered in the same sequence on our child’s birth certificate.

As if that’s not enough, he spends my money at will and uses my atm cards to run his businesses ( he is into building construction). Three years back, he forced me to obtain a loan for the advancement of his business and he has not given me a dime to pay back the loan. I have solely been responsible for paying back the money monthly from my meagre salary ( the loan runs for 4 years). I am saddled with the responsibility of running the house, he has never given me money for the upkeep of the house, but I have never complained.

Presently, I am exhausted from the emotional trauma, this man has put me through. I am tired of trying so hard to please him( I would do anything to make him happy or avoid an altercation). I have become so edgy and I trip off at the slightest provocation.

Two days ago, we had an argument about money. My father kept some money with me ( over 1million naira). My hubby got a contract around that time and he  needed money to execute it. I stupidly gave him part of my Daddy’s money with the promise he would pay back. He completed the project and was paid about 7million naira, but he has refused to pay back the money I lent him. Earlier, this week I told him my daddy called to ask for his money, he rudely asked if he should go rob a bank or commit suicide because he owns my father money. He concluded it by saying “we should do our worst”.

I got so angry as usual and we had an altercation. He took his time to abuse & curse me, my parents and my generation. He reminded me how he is 10years older than I am and he went as far as opening the doors to our apartment for our neighbours to listen in ( we live in an Estate, so you can imagine the situation).

Our last argument has made him  change the locks to the house. He has refused me entrance into the house to pack my belongings. My family & church members are trying to mediate the situation but honestly, I am so tired. I don’t think I want to remain with a disrespectful, unforgiving,  immature and vile man with the rage of the devil.

How do I move on from a marriage I have invested my whole life into with two lovely children? I am presently shattered and I can’t stop blaming myself for being stupid. I should have never ignored the warning signs. We shoule have never been here in the first place.

Written by Olajumoke for Diaryofanaijagirl


3 comments on “Ignoring The Signs Is A Good Way To End Up At The Wrong Destination : Diary of an Abused Woman

  1. Ashley

    There’s really no reason why anyone should stay in an abusive relationship. You’re obviously a really strong lady so walking out of the marriage will be easier than you think. You gotta stay alive for your kids mbok so in my opinion? LEAVE!!!!


  2. Anonymous

    You are not the first anc you won’t be the last victim of domestic abuse butvtake inspiration from the many women before you! you have a future and you now have an escape. As a victim of abuse I blamed myself also that’s what abuse victims do. I am 100% responsible for what happened? NO. Could I have made better decisions? YES. But hindsight is 20:20 you can’t the change the past but your future and your children’s future can be changed by today’s decisions. I don’t know you personally but from this brief snapshot you have given you are under rating you strength of mind and character. Will it be easy? I don’t have to tell you that it won’t be but staying could be literal and figurative death whilst leaving is a fresh start and new story. Please be encouraged X


  3. Debby

    How do you leave you ask, Just pack your things and your kids and go. You need to be alive not just for your kids but others who sincerely love you.
    Jusy Go!



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