I remember that time I tried on love that wasn’t mine. I convinced myself that it fit. The owner wore it without discomfort but love itself told me it belonged to me. I’d watch the owner wear it, and I’ll wait for my turn to try it on. But I had only a short time to try it on because it wasn’t mine. Then I’d pray to God, ‘let this love fit me. My heart wants it. Even love wants me’.
But it wasn’t mine.
So, I took it to a seamstress, “fix love for me”. I said. The seamstress turned it inside out, looked at me with pitiful eyes and said, “The owner has stretched it. There’s no space left to adjust for you.” I looked at love, it said, “maybe both of you can fit into me” I stamped my feet, pouted and put my arms akimbo “you’re mine, I don’t share”. Love said, “but you’re already sharing”.
Wow. Love was wrong, I wasn’t already sharing, I was borrowing. Even when I did borrow, it didn’t fit. The owner of love was living in ignorance, which was bliss. I, who tried on love that wasn’t mine lived in tears because of open wounds I had sustained.
From trying on love that wasn’t mine. In trying to forcefully fit it on, it tore at every corner of my heart, it hurt but I didn’t notice because I was focused on making a borrowed item permanently mine.
But then, the heart began to bleed. I eventually had to take care of my wound, so I stopped trying “IT” on. Love had No time for drama anyway. I was damaged, its owner was living la vi da loca. Love went back to where it fits.
I know now if love doesn’t fit, don’t forcefully try it on. Love looked beautiful and perfect but it wasn’t for me. Now, I choose Love that only fits without me having to squeeze myself in. Love that calms my heart, not the one that tears it apart.#Most importantly, I know now, love doesn’t have to be beautiful and perfect but it has to NOT have an owner. Then, I’ll try it on.