Hello everybody, call me Doctor Ife, because I have a Doctorate in hiding from visitors. Who else does that?
My mum knew certain people I didn’t really like to see so she’d torture me by coming to the door, screaming “Ifeeeeee…wa Ki Aunty e” (Translation: Ife come out to greet your aunt). I would stay put in my room and pretended I was asleep
List of the kind of people I hid in my room for;
- Guests that work in Jamb. Asking jamb questions I found hard to answer or absolutely unnecessary
- Guests that didn’t come with gifts or never gave me money. I mean…what’s the point?!
- Guests who stayed too long for no other reason than to eat my mum’s special garden egg sauce. The sauce that I had only tasted one time and had plans for. But once I hear the voice of that visitor who eats breakfast, lunch and dinner, I stayed put in my room. Because anyone who struggled my mum’s famous sauce with me was persona non grata!
- That pastor who prays for hoursMy mum, who is the queen of savage would then enter my room, pull my ear and say “don’t be rude, come out and say hello”. When I was younger, I would get up grudgingly and go greet the guest. My mum would further embarrass me by saying “She didn’t want to come out before o.” Accompanied by evil laughter
But, as I got older, I made my own decisions in that house. Ear pulling or not, I stayed put, I’m not “arand!”
Eyes still shut tightly, knowing I would rather agree to leave the channel on NTA News for a week straight than step out. Even after I heard the guest leave, I would stay back in my room for a while, they’re always forgetting something, those guests. I gotta play it safe!