Chronicles of Baba, My Late Grandpa : Messing With an Old Man’s Money, Not A Good Idea
Yesterday as I ran errands for my sister, I parked beside a man who spoke my grandpa’s dialect and the man sounded just like him. I shed a tear as I remembered my time with Grandpa and how he frustrated my life. Baba (as we fondly called him) lived with us before he died and I have stories for days about our time together.
Baba was not allowed to eat meat of any kind but when Mum was not home, he’d insist I serve him Turkey along with his food. I was under strict instructions not to, so I’d decline. Plus Baba had a huge stash of money under his bed in a red ‘aso oke” trouser which he’d always deny. So when he asks for Turkey, I’d ask for money then we’d reach an impasse.
On this day, I needed Money and I noticed Baba had dozed off in front of the TV so I snuck into his room and went straight for the red aso Oke under the bed. This man had over 100k, just sitting there. I took N5000 and as I was arranging his bed to look as tidy as I had originally met it, I felt the first sharp pain on my head; it was Baba’s walking stick.
“This,” he said as he tapped the tip of the walking stick on my head after every word
He tapped the same spot and did it so fast he was done by the time I turned around and scurried away. My head hurt so bad, I never ‘essperred’ it. When I saw him raise the walking stick again, I dodged, climbed the bed and escaped. Armed with N5000, I went shopping at Kantagora.
When I got back home, I expected a family meeting but everyone was in a good mood, including Baba and my mum. I was on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop
It happened around 2 am
From my sleep I felt someone shake me gently by the arm as I heard “pssst” “pssst” “Èmì (My soul, that’s what he called me), Èmì wake up”
I knew it was Baba. “What?” I snapped, still not happy with him. “Come and give me Turkey,” Baba said.
“But Baba mummy said I shouldn’t give you any meat,” I said as I sat up, knowing it was what I had to do. He had me by the balls.
“Turkey or I tell your mother that you’re now Shina Rambo,” He said, smiling still, so happy with himself.
I did what I had to do. Then learnt to perfect my thievery skills. I wasn’t ready for Grandpa to die because I couldn’t steal properly.