Monthly Archives: January 2018

The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives

Book Review: The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives by Lola Shoneyin

Book Review: The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives

When I finished reading this book, I was unsettled and sober. I kept turning the pages but was met with a blank slate. What started as a funny story ended in tragedy, discovery, and triumph. Triumph that I could not celebrate because of the thick cloud of melancholy that enveloped me.

The secret lives of Baba Segi’s wives is a novel written by Lola Shoneyin.

I appreciate the vivid descriptions of the characters and location. I could see the characters in my head. The roads, shops, hospitals and the rest of the location were so vividly described, I could draw it if I was artistically gifted. When a writer can make you see pictures from words, she has hit a home run.

The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives centers around Baba Segi and his four wives. Baba Segi is a typical African Man whose pride enormously lays in his ability to bear sons, marry wives and take care of his home. Baba Segi is a filthy man but in all of his filth, he is a man full of love for his wives and his deep happiness lies in the existence of his kids. Baba Segi was a content man

How do you reconcile this man, with a man who found out he has been entangled in a web of lies and secrets? Every bad thing you can imagine happened around Baba Segi: Rape, Sex, Betrayal, lust, violence, feigned innocence and revenge. He walked around amongst everyone he trusted like he ruled them all. But, he was a prey who thought himself the hunter.

If you have read The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives you may be moved to see Bolanle, Baba Segi’s last wife as the victim. But Baba Segi is the real victim here. Victim of tradition, poverty, love, of an innocent heart and of polygamy.

If you don’t learn anything from this book, you must learn to listen to silence, actions and to never believe your own hype. You must learn kindness, you must understand that rape is not your fault. For this reason, you must learn to grow some balls as a woman and face your past tragedies and deal, instead of letting them define you. You must learn that even when you have let your past define you, you can turn things around and take the world on, like a victor that you truly are.

Knowing Baba Segi, I wasn’t surprised by how the book ended. He is a man that bares all so he is easily predictable.

This is a hilarious read but I must warn you, that is a cushion for the revelations to come.

You must read it.

Drama in Lagos Island: Bleaching Cream Seller Got Me Shook

Drama in Lagos Island: Bleaching Cream Seller Got Me Shook

Drama in Lagos Island: Bleaching Cream Seller Got Me Shook

It was Tuesday afternoon and the sun was scorching. Even though I was in my car with the AC on full blast, I still felt it.

I had a meeting at Catholic mission inside Lagos Island but I didn’t really know the exact address, I’ve told myself severally to get used to google maps but I still poke my head out of my car window asking everyone for directions. So, on this day, we (My driver and I) pulled over beside a woman seated by the kerb selling bleaching cream in a big green bowl. From all the sizes of plastic bottles in the bowl, words like “Radiant skin”, “Body white” “Snow white” jumped at me. Yup, Definitely bleaching cream.

As we pulled over, she was holding on tight to her umbrella, seated on a wooden stool, pressing her small Nokia and talking to herself.

I interrupted her soliloquy. “Good afternoon ma, I’m going to St Nicholas House” My head was out of the window, I felt my foundation melt into my skin

“Wetin you talk?” She looked angry as she managed to steer her face away from her phone.

“I’m going to St Nichola house ma, could you direct me?” I repeated.

She got up suddenly, her big bosom taking flight with her. I immediately notice the different colours of her legs, they didn’t match her face nor did her face match her neck, the whole situation reminded me of a rainbow. “Ahn ahn. So you cannot greet someday first? Abi Ambode put me here to do road warder for you?”

WAWU! That was fast. I wasn’t in the mood for drama but before I could say anything, my driver had jumped in.

“Madam she greeted you now, maybe you didn’t hear”

Madam was on the pedestrian walkway but jumped down like it was higher. She moved really close to my car, rested one arm on my window and looked me dead in the eye. This time, I noticed a nose ring, which rested on a layer of redness on her nose and when her nose flared, I could see the hook. I instinctively moved back into my seat

“Do you know that my last born fit old pass you? Warn your driver make e SHUT UPPP” She screamed the last two words at me as she rolled her neck around and suddenly brought it to a stop. “I wee deal with you and him just now-now and your car no go comot this Catholic. Na me talk am. Haha! Can you imagine?!”

Honestly, I was shocked but I was running late. This woman already looked like DRAMA so I quickly apologized, “I’m sorry about that ma. But please remove your hand from the door, I’m late for my meeting. I’ll find the address myself don’t worry”

“If I no remove am wetin you go do?” She asked me defiantly and in the same breath, she said “Anyway,” she hit the inside of the door with her palm “ST Nichola hospital abi house? Which one you dey go?”

“House,” I said

“E no too far. Just go straight dannnn you go see hospital for your right. Turn inside, you go see house”

“Thank you ma,” I said.

“Eess okay”

But her arm was still on my window. Like she suddenly realised this, she stepped back and said “If you want make I sell you cream for people of shokolate colour wey your body go dey glow, I get o. But go your meeting, when you dey come back, I go dey here”

I smiled and my driver quickly drove away.

I asked my driver, “What just happened?”
Read: Shopping in Lagos: My Encounter With Hulk Hogan

My Conversation With A Nigerian Billionaire: How Much Money Is Enough?

My Conversation With A Nigerian Billionaire: How Much Money Is Enough?

My Conversation With A Nigerian Billionaire: How Much Money Is Enough?

Last week, I got to talk to a Nigerian billionaire as I was trying to convince him to do an interview for the blog.

Even though we haven’t done an interview per se, he said some things to me when I asked him this question “how much money is enough?” He asked me…”Did you grow up with money?”

I shook my head and told him a funny story about my childhood. He seemed to find it interesting so he asked me “When were you the happiest? When you were living poorly or now that you have made something out of yourself?”

Hmmmm… This was a tough question. I was a child, I was more carefree, I had no serious thoughts or major problems. I just wanted to wear short dresses and play downstairs with my neighbours. The biggest problem I had growing up was how fast my boobies were growing when they decided to sprout. “I don’t think I was happy being poor but I was content” I responded after giving it some thought.

“For someone at my stage, no amount is enough. The truth is making money has now become a habit, habit borne out of fear that anything can happen. You’re now working to sustain your net-worth. Know this, when you have all the money that I have, being rich finally disappoints you. After you’ve opened trust fund for your children and you’ve done everything you’ve dreamed of, you get disappointed”

Okay… What was this man saying?

It was as if he read my thoughts.

“Because money cannot buy the most important things. I have tried but I’m disappointed that with all of these, I still can’t buy life, love, self-worth, I can’t control some situations I badly want to control. Even with billions, you do not have absolute power unlike what people think”

I cut in “So you’re saying a billionaire’s life is not all that? People shouldn’t aspire to be mega rich?”

“No, I didn’t say that. Aspire to be a billionaire, just be ready to get disappointed that it’s not all you thought it would be”

Lo.Ba.Tan. (No more words).

Another Embarrassing Story: An (Un)usual Afternoon

Another Embarrassing Story: An (Un)usual Afternoon

Another Embarrassing Story: An (Un)usual Afternoon

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m about to tell you my biggest problem: MY FACE!

Hold up before you call me vain. I’m not talking about my looks, I mean my expression. I cannot hide it, I try but as I’m thinking it, my face is describing it.
Did I ask for this problem? No.
Have I tried my best in life to sort it out? Yes.
Results? Zilch!

On Thursday I was home all day so when I got tired of sitting by my work desk, I decided to take a walk. It was daytime, not many cars were around so I stepped out of the estate. As I exited, a very nice car was pulling over some distance away from me. I admired the car but turned up my nose when I saw the smallish man who alighted from the car rush over to the passenger side to take a leak

“I hate when men do this”

This was the thought in my head when he did a sharp 90-degree turn as if he had dropped something. My gaze should have been on his face but the turn made me look down and again, my facial expression betrayed me. I gasped!

Oh my goodness! I just saw his ‘willi’ and it was astronomically ginormous. My mouth was open in an ‘O’ shape, my eyes wide and my neck arched to the right instinctively. I looked at the smallish man and the situation below and I was astounded, was such size possible?

I was staring. Not polite.

As soon as I got myself together, I quickly looked away and walked faster away from the situation. In fact, I crossed to the other side of the road.

What happened next, I didn’t plan for.

“Hi. I’m so sorry. I think I may have embarrassed you” Said a voice behind me, jolting me from my thoughts as I was wondering if I just saw what I saw and how I would get the image out of my head. What could I have done differently? Why me?

It was the smallish man, doing a small jog behind me. As if it was an afterthought, he took a nanosecond to remotely lock his car then his face was back on mine.

“No way!!! get away from me!” were my exact thoughts. This man had scarred me and now he’s apologising.

“Oh no. Please don’t apologise, I didn’t see anything” Error. Error. Error. Why did I say that? What is wrong with me?

“I’m so sorry. I thought I heard someone call me that’s why I turned around. The road was quiet, that was why I parked to quickly take a leak. I’m so sorry” The smallish man said again. He looked so sorry and contrite which made me giggle a little bit while I said “Really, it’s okay”

I heard the giggle in my head, sounded like my 2-year-old niece. I shook my head in my mind, I need not make another sound.

He smiled then said, “Can I make up for this? Seriously I feel like I should. Please give me your number”

What phone number? ‘Eees’ like this man is trying to try me. I will not be associated with that! I’m a child of God. I was at the second gate of the estate so I quickly escaped into my safe zone and left the physical evidence of my trauma behind

One problem though, I have a photographic memory. Brain bleach…anyone?

Read:Making The First Move : That Time I asked A Guy Out on A Date

Alibaba's January 1st Concert: Noble Intentions Gone Wrong?

Alibaba’s January 1st Concert: Noble Intentions Gone Wrong?

Alibaba’s January 1st Concert: Noble Intentions Gone Wrong?

I wrote about this show last year, about how impressed I was and how I would definitely be attending this year. Alibaba’s January 1st Concert 2017 was so well planned and inspiring, I had to talk about it

Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for this year’s show

This year, The show had programmed more segments than was necessary so everything dragged. It was easy for me to assume there was no structured program for the event as you could hear even Alibaba ask “so what’s next?”. Comedians refused to keep to time and unlike last year, no one enforced timekeeping. At 2 am, there was still no musical performance for a show that started around 8 pm.

We were constantly being reminded at intervals that “Tiwa Savage is backstage, Falz is backstage, Seyi Shay is backstage” just to keep us glued to our seats. But, I was more upset when the producer(s) of the show didn’t take the hint when people began to walk out -in droves- of this prestigious show. When people walk out in droves in the middle of a show, that’s never a good sign. The producers at this point should have improvised but, the show dragged on.

My friends and I paid to watch Lil Kesh, Tiwa Savage, Seyi Shay and especially FalztheBhadguy perform. Out of these four, only two of them performed and they did so to a hall that was half empty. I must commend both artists (Tiwa and Sheyi) for giving it their all and trying to revive the already bored crowd. But they could only do so much, there were very few happy faces

Also, I believe those who paid for the show deserve an apology and explanation as to why not all slated to perform did so. It is the responsibility of the owners of the show to respect their paid audience enough to say something.

Mostly, this is what thawed at my heart: Seeing that Alibaba wanted to help and promote as many talents as he could. This noble intention killed the show this year. I write this review in the mildest -though objective- way possible. This is because I see the intent behind the show and I deeply respect it. The thing is though, I cannot see how this January 1st show can thrive as a business if what happened this year repeats itself in 2019

I hope Alibaba sees this and I hope, for the sake of the past good years of this show, next year’s will be better.