Monthly Archives: December 2017

Bad Habits I'd Like to (NOT) Leave Behind in 2017

Bad Habits I’d Like to Leave Behind in 2017…or Not

Bad Habits I’d Like to (NOT) Leave Behind in 2017

There comes a time in a girl’s life where she must accept her flaws and accept that she is stuck. Can I just say, I’m trying to be a better person every day but there are some habits I may have come to terms with. I hope to drop them in 2017 but I’m not optimistic.

Look, it is not of him that willeth…

1. Hating on people who can remember quotes off their heads: We’re having a conversation and the next thing I hear is “even Socrates said in 1900” or “according to Dele Giwa in 1910”. Excuse me wee you keep chut?! Trying to make me look dull and everything. Typical me will nod and in my head, I’m trying to remember a matching quote that’s as powerful and archaic but no, it doesn’t come to me. So I’m left feeling like the less intelligent person. I really don’t like people like this and I’ve tried to appreciate instead of hate but I’ve come to terms with the fact that human encyclopedias will forever be in my bad books.

2. Turning the sound down in my car when it’s dark out while looking for a house — as if that’ll somehow improve my vision: I catch myself doing this and tell myself how ridiculous it is but I still do it anyway.

3. Sarcasm: I think I may have been ‘born this way’




4. Pride: I used to have really flat bum but some years ago The good Lord answered my prayers and blessed my squats. Here I am, a slim girl with some bumbum to go. Shouldn’t I be more understanding of people with a flat bum? No. I’m just full of pride and in my mind I look at them like…”WOW, that’s something of a flat bum!”. Is it their fault? No. Could they do squats like me and pray to God? yea!

Okay, I need to do better.

5. Leaving my fuel tank to show the ‘red’ sign before refueling: I panic every time this happens but I keep doing it. Sigh…

6.Late night snacking: As you may have read, this has put me in trouble before. That time I mistakenly rubbed pepper on my jaijaina while making mid-night noodles. If that didn’t stop me from midnight snacking I wonder what will. How does one write without snacking on plantain chips or goat meat and noodles? Who does that?




7. “I’ll be there in 5 minutes”: That will be the day!

8. Humming to myself: When I’m seated at a reception waiting to see a client or just on the queue at the ATM or at the teal waiting to pay, I hum to myself. This is like me keeping myself entertained but it draws attention to me, this is when I notice and then stop. Sometimes I’m a rebel though, like “please can I entertain myself? is it your humming?’, so I don’t stop.

9. Eavesdropping and giving my opinion in my mind: What’s a girl to do when I’m making my hair and stylists are talking about their love lives? Turn off my brain? I’ll try that in 2018

Bedtime Conversation With My Niece

Bedtime Conversation With My Niece

Bedtime Conversation With My Niece

I’ve come to the United States to spend Christmas with my family so it is safe to say that my niece and nephew are excited.

My niece is 2 years and 6 months old but she’s quite the intelligent one and her words sometimes shock me. She is also very cute and she smiles a lot as well. Okay, I’m bragging now.

I’m sharing a room with my niece but she has her own cute little bed which I hear she generally refuses to sleep on. I told my sis and brother in law I’d make her sleep on her bed. All they need to do is switch off the baby monitor so they won’t feel bad when they hear her cry.

My niece was excited to be sharing her room with me, she automatically assumed she’d be sleeping on my bed, so when we retired for the night and I directed her to her bed, she didn’t look happy at all. I ignored her and climbed into my bed.




Next thing I hear is the silent hiccup cry. I ignored her but she increased the volume so I gave her a stern warning “If I hear pim from you again, I’m going back to Lagos”

She said “huh?”

“I don’t want to hear any sound from you. Stay quiet and go to sleep” I whispered.

Silence.

Some minutes later she changes tactics to fake cough.

Sigh…

“Sorry baby. Do you want some water?” I asked her.



“No. I [cough cough] want [cough] juice” She says in the most dramatic cough ever.

I laughed in my mind. These children will not kill somebody. Instead, I said “No juice tonight. Okay?”

This time, I managed to sound more firm.

Her cough has now progressed to silent hiccup wailing “It’s okay Aunty. It’s okay”

Oh my chwest! This little girl just pulled all the veins in my heart. But I knew she was playing me so I didn’t back down.

Silence.

Then… “Aunty…”

“Yes baby” I answered

Still hiccuping and grunting like she’s uncomfortable in her own bed “I wuv you”



Ohhhhhhhhh! My heart gave way. I have been used and even though I knew what was happening, I couldn’t help it

“Okay you can come on my bed” I gave in, ashamed of myself

“Oh,” She said, genuinely surprised and hurriedly got off her bed as she dragged her fluffy in tow, climbed into mine and cozied up. Then as she wipes her tears and her hiccup subsided she said “Thank you, Aunty”

This is how I was scammed by a Two-Year-Old. Tonight, I shall wrap my heart with POP. Read:The Good Things- And Bad Things- About Having My Nephews Spend The Holiday With Me

Airport Chronicles: The Nigerian Pastor, The Wind and My Wig

Airport Chronicles: The Nigerian Pastor, The Wind and My Wig

Airport Chronicles: The Nigerian Pastor, The Wind and My Wig

On my way to “the abroad” I had everything checked on my list to prepare me for the cold. Jacket- Check
Boots- Check
Scarf – Check
Thick Socks-Check

Getting on the plane from Lagos, I met a Pastor, a much older man whose company I enjoyed very much. It was also convenient that we were coming to New York together. So, we changed our seats to sit together on the plane to NYC

I should have known his own will get as e be when he stylishly said “sweetheart you don’t need to apply all these makeup on your face. You’re already pretty”




He said this while I reapplied my lipgloss in preparation for landing. I laughed and explained to him that I had no makeup on and lip gloss is really not makeup. He nodded and insisted, “you don’t need makeup. That’s all I know”

After getting our luggage at the NY Airport and we stepped out towards the car park, the cold hit me like a brick! Oh my Lord! I thought I was prepared but I really wasn’t. I ran across the road between the arrival terminal and the car park

That was when it happened

The wind gave my wig wings and it flew off my head like a kite. Everything was happening at the same time, I didn’t know if I should leave the wig and run into the car park or stop in the middle of the road, causing traffic while I run to pick up my wig




I decided my wig was more important. Please don’t blame me, the cold had frozen my brain, I wasn’t thinking straight

I turned back, leaving my trolley Ladened luggage in the middle of the road and ran back to retrieve my wig. Car horns were blaring, airport officials were saying “Ma’am…ma’am…” I had no comment for those ones. Eess like you people cannot see what your wind has caused

I picked up my wig, ran back across the road, waved apologetically at everyone and no one in particular, pushed my trolley and quickly entered the car park.




The pastor was on the other side, laughing and shaking his head at me, judging me in his mind. “What is it with you kids and this wig. Look at your hair. You have long hair. What do you need extra for?”

The pastor was beginning to annoy me. After all that trauma, that’s all he could say? I put on my wig, brought out my phone to use as mirror to confirm my wig was well placed and then I bid the pastor farewell

I was going to see my real father, this pastor is not my father, I couldn’t deal with him.

Zenith Bank Christmas Youth Parade 2017

Zenith Bank Christmas Youth Parade 2017: Giving Back is Fun

Yesterday, I attended the Zenith Bank Christmas Youth Parade 2017 which was held on Ajose Adeogun, Victoria Island, Lagos Nigeria.

I have never seen so many kids in one place before, except Disney land, on TV. It was amazing to see the effort Zenith bank put into giving back to the community and more exciting for me to see the kids have so much fun

Zenith Bank provided free food, drinks, snacks, ice cream etc. No one wanted for anything to eat or drink. I was amazed at how everyone wore the same red Tshirt and how the canopy which stretched from the middle of Ajose Adeogun to the end of it accommodate all the over one thousand kids. The Zenith Bank Red almost blinded me as I arrived at the venue




I must point out my pleasure when I saw that not only did the parade involve regular schools but orphanages and foundations from all over Nigeria were invited. Seeing everyone have fun without segregation gave me hope: Maybe one day, more companies will give back to the less privileged kids

It was hot in Lagos yesterday but what’s a little sun to excited kids who had an array of games, virtual realities and bouncy castles to play with but this compares to nothing as the excitement they showed when their favourite artists, Olamide and Tiwa Savage mounted the stage to entertain them

The Zenith Bank Youth Parade was a success, I had fun, maybe just as much as the kids and I hope Zenith Bank stays true to themselves and continues to give them to their community by annually giving these kids something to look forward to.

Yesterday I realised, giving back can be fun. see fun pictures below

Educate the girl child

Educate The Girl Child

On Sunday, I went to Ajegunle to see the kids at LOTS Charity foundation. I wanted to see the area for myself because @tolu who heads the foundation is doing an incredible job but seems to always run out of money to do all she wants for the 163 kids she caters to.

My intention was to speak to the girls especially and follow as many of them to their homes to see how they live. This is important to me because I really did want to bond with them and their family.

It was an eye-opener for me. Seeing the abject poverty in this place. I cried when I heard how intelligent these girls are and how well they spoke of their family and how sure they are of their future.

I thought I grew up poor but I’ve now seen for myself what real poverty is and I was indeed grateful.

I made this video with @photojhenie because I wanted you all to catch a glimpse of what I saw. People living IN refuse dumps, risking their health but not having a choice. Brilliant girls who know they can do better for themselves and their family if they could just get out

The girl child education is very important to me, I’ve been on this journey for years and I hope you join me in sponsoring a child because as we do so, we are saving one generation at least, from poverty

Today, I’ll be posting the stories of 5 girls who inspired me. Although they made me cry, it was because I was and still are in awe of them. They are desperate to go to school and do better for their family. I hope their stories and this video moves you to help them

Video recorded and edited by @PhotoJhenie