My old colleague has been asking for us to hangout in Lagos for a while as she constantly shuffles between Calabar and Lagos. Yesterday, I decided to get out of the house and mix with humans instead of befriending my computer all night.
As I arrived at my favorite hangout in Lagos, I spotted my friend waving me over. She was with another lady whom I soon found out was her sister.
We hugged each other excitedly and proceeded to do a quick catch up. I hadn’t seen her in 3 years. However, I was rudely interrupted by one of the 3 men seated next to our table. “Titi, won’t you introduce us to your friend?”
I noticed them when I got in but I didn’t think they were together with my friend. I quickly looked at her to confirm what was going on. “Meet my new friends. We met here actually…” She made introductions and I went back to what I was saying before I was rudely cut off.
I noticed Titi’s sister was uncomfortable so I asked her if she was okay. “I think I may be stained and I have no sanitary pad. I’m literally sitting on my laps right now.”
Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. I always have tampons or/and sanitary pads in my bag. This time, my hand reached the tampon first. As I fetched it, put it on the table and continued to search to see if I had extra, the busybody guy quickly snatched it off the table and put it in his front pocket. I looked up at him in shock that quickly fused into amusement and mischief.
“You can’t just be sharing candy and not give the boys now. I hope there is enough for that to go round? If not I’ve taken my own.” He said in an overly friendly tone. All of us girls got over our shock quickly and I thought to myself, “should I be wicked today?”
I decided to be wicked.
“You know you shouldn’t snatch people’s candies off them just like that. You should ask for permission.” I said, now flirting with him to make him comfortable
His eyes lit up. I was finally loosening up so he may actually be getting through to me.
“But there’s love in sharing now. Haba.” He said, his full attention on me now.
I noticed he wore a ring…sigh.
All these married men that come out to hangout in Lagos on Friday nights looking for preys… I wondered how his wife would feel at that very moment: her husband snatching a tampon from a girl he’s trying to win over, the bright yellow wrap shining through his crisp white native. Inwardly, I shook my head at him on behalf of the wife.
“So can I have my candy back now?” I asked nicely
“Only if you promise to share” He was flirting full force now. I like it!
“Okay. Open it and let’s share” I said. My friend and her sister were already laughing at this point. I was trying hard not to let go too. My mission was not complete…yet!
I watched him bring out the tampon, split open the yellow wrap and the tampon fell off. Plastic protector and everything. He quickly picked it up, took a closer look, the tiny rope dangling in his face but before he could register what it was, his friend had a mini panic attack and whispered as if in fear “ O boy, that’s a tampon now”
Mr. Oversabi took another look, made a disgusting growl and threw the tampon into the water behind him like it burned him.
“I really think that was cruel and very annoying. You shouldn’t make such jokes at the expense of someone you don’t know. You don’t know where we’ll meet again and you don’t want me to remember you for this. Nah, so not cool…” Ranted Mr. Oversabi
My friends and I were in fits of laughter at this point. It was too funny because he was visibly shaken over a tiny tampon.
I found another sanitary pad for my friend’s sister and we all had time to gist and catch without interruptions. You don’t need to ask, Mr. Oversabi left us in peace.
This post was first published on the 21st of October 2017.