After the last Cabo travel Diary post about the Exboyfriend being here with me in Cabo but I hadn’t seen him, Click here to Read I began to think about how it would feel to meet him again after a long time. Would he apologise? Will things be awkward? Will I feel something?
The group I’m with in Cabo decided to go for the ATV tour so we were all waiting at the reception for everyone to gather so we could all get on the bus together. I was on the phone when he came through from a corner. I saw him, then saw his friend whose persona I liked very much. I immediately forgot about the ex and jumped at the friend. I was genuinely glad to see him.
I noticed as I ran to meet his friend, he thought I was running towards him so his arms were spread to catch me with a wide smile. But, of course that didn’t happen. I jumped into his friend’s arms and had banters with him. Then, I gave the EX a quick hug and went back to catching up with his friend.
We got in the bus and I finally made some time out to think about it. How did I feel when I saw him?
I was shocked at myself. I tried to tell myself not to internalise my emotions, to feel what I was feeling and be honest with myself. It was like looking for a needle -that wasn’t lost- in a haystack.
I finally came to the realisation that I was over this person. It felt really good to know that I had no animosity towards him, that I had no feelings for him anymore either. I was OKAY.
Coming to this conclusion, I decided to cut him some slack. We’re in Cabo to have fun, I won’t make it awkward for him or myself so I loosened up, made jokes with him, had breakfast with him amongst a group and realized we could actually be friends. We were also supposed to talk about what happened between us but I later decided it wasn’t necessary. The past is the past, at the end of the day, closure is overrated.
Unfortunately, we have to be friends from afar because as expected, he tried to make a pass at me. This is typical of Exes who don’t find you broken or pining over them. Their ego is at stake and they want to get back in there to do more damage so they can feel good about themselves. After I told him that ‘it’ wasn’t going to happen and he didn’t believe me, I decided to avoid him. Really, we’re on holiday, I’m not going to spend my time fending off a predator.
On one of those occasions when we went to town, I looked at him and thought to myself “How could my heart have broken from the inside for this person…?”. He is not a bad person, it’s just I saw some traits I should have taken seriously.
I also knew I would have dated him. At the time, I was powerless, I saw in every man that I liked a potential husband instead of looking critically at their actions instead of their words. I would have dated him because I genuinely felt something that was unexplainable. Most importantly, dating him made me see myself in the mirror and sent me to a therapist to speak genuinely about my issues and finally begin to resolve them.
Dating him wasn’t a waste after all but getting back with him when he made a pass would have been a very huge mistake that I’d regret for the rest of my life.
Oh, FYI, he never apologised.