Here’s To The Woman who Found Herself…
I have waited months to write about this, waiting to see if I’ll go back to old ways…
After my last relationship broke up, I went on a date three weeks after, thinking that would help me heal faster. As soon as I got into the restaurant and saw the man, I knew in my heart I shouldn’t have agreed to it. Immediately after pleasantries, I pretended to check my phone, told him I just received a work email and I had to go deal with an emergency.
Truth is, I wasn’t ready.
The old me would have suffered through the date and chastised myself on the way home. At a point I asked my friends to start hooking me up with eligible single men they know, this is not bad in itself but my intentions were not right. I just wanted to get busy with other people’s attention instead of finding that real peace inside of me.
I soon decided, enough of using dates and phone calls with men to forget another man. This time I wanted to allow myself go through the process and deal with the situation head on.
First I spoke to a therapist. What I learned from the therapist was this: “You cannot break free from old patterns unless you genuinely detest them. You have to see your old ways as blocking your new reveal. How can your awesomeness manifest and envelop you when you are drenched in awesomeness repellant?”
I have always known I am awesome, I just always wondered why my awesomeness was not bringing me awesome relationships. So I found out in 4 weeks from talking to a therapist, that I am okay but I can only find the peace, happiness and worthy companion I genuinely crave by renewing my mind, loving myself and dumping the old habits and expectations like an extremely destructive boyfriend.
I began to tell myself the truth about myself and other people. I told myself what I knew for a fact I could change, the things I would make effort to change but no guarantees and the flaws I was definitely stuck with. I took things easy with myself, I wasn’t forcing it, I just made a conscious effort to let it happen. As days passed, I controlled my mind better, mentally dumping bad ideas and entertaining new and healthy ones.
I am a romantic and I know I want to be in a healthy relationship. However, I realized without really knowing when it happened, that I feel no more urgency to be in one. I can say this now because there are many suitors but I am relaxed, getting to know people no longer has a time limit.
My journey is ongoing. I am never done but on this issue, I am whole. A woman who no longer needs a prop to give meaning to her life. In future, I will be sharing my wholesomeness with the right man, it is no longer him who makes me complete, it is him I trust enough to SHARE my life with.
I salute every woman who has reached this destination. It was a struggle, but here I am.