Cabo Travel Diary Day One: My Ex is Here. Here’s How I Found Out I Was in A Serious Relationship All By Myself
I have heard that my Ex boyfriend will be arriving Cabo today for our mutual friend’s birthday. Because I’ll be doing a journal entry on the day we see and our reactions, I’d like to give you a recount on how we broke.
It’s funny but true when I advise people to never be in a serious relationship by themselves. This is what happens when a guy tells you in words that you’re in a serious relationship but his actions speak different. But as a desperado that I was, I believed words over actions. Here are examples of the things he did that should have made me know I was being strung along.
1. Cancelled trips: “I’m traveling to France next month” he says to me. “Wow thats such a good idea, let me move things around so I can travel around that time too and we can be together “in the abroad”.
In my head I was already seeing romantic situations and wonderful shopping moments. In hindsight, I noticed his expression changed but I was a “M.U.M.U” back then so bad signs never stuck. Some days later he says “I don’t know the dates of the trip anymore, it all depends on my brother”. Then, soon after that, “I’m not going to France anymore” he says. Guess what? Yours truly already bought tickets
Did I mention the EX stayed ‘in the abroad’? After he cancelled the trip to France, I insisted I’d travel to go see him in America first then head out to France. So I asked him ” Are you paying in full for my ticket or you’d like us to split it?” He instantly got upset “How can you ask me that knowing all the projects I’ll be embarking on. Buy the ticket yourself please” I knew he could afford to split with me, I felt a bit uncomfortable that he would speak to me that way and not make any effort to pitch in but I shrugged it off.
2. He chose everyone else over me, including his dogs: I repeatedly told the Ex that I’m allergic to dogs and would ordinarily not worry if I didn’t have such aggressive allergic reactions to them. I said to him “when we marry you know we can’t have your dogs in the house. Please could you find a way around it?”. He told me “I’m not letting my dogs go for anyone, including you. YOU will have to find a way around it”.
Well..that made sense, no need asking him to inconvenience himself for me.
I told myself I was being selfish. So I called my allergy doctor to ask what I could do if my ‘husband’ insisted on having dogs at home. The doctor said “You absolutely cannot be around dogs and if you insist, you’ll have to take shots or pills everyday which will eventually stop working because your body will get used to it”. I sent a text to the Ex to let him know what the doctor said but he insisted he wasn’t letting his dogs go. I was okay with it, I’d just find a way to work around things.
Are you shaking your head for me yet? Hold your head in place, I’m not done.
3.Disregarding and Minimalizing my feelings: When something comes up and I ask that we talk about it, He’d go completely silent: On one of those (frequent) days when I would feel heaviness in my heart because I knew I wasn’t being treated right and everything just felt wrong, When I begin to talk about what upset me and how I felt (I made sure not to make accusations) he’d go mute. When he decides to speak, he’d tell me what I feel is my imaginations playing a trick on me and it’s unwarranted.Then, he’d change the topic. That’s it, conversation over.
4. I was always wondering what I did wrong: Because he was flippant, never went out of his way to do anything for me, rarely kept his promises and always made me feel I was the problem, I was in continuance doubt of myself and always wondered what I did wrong and how I could better myself.
Because I was holding things in, one day, I flipped out via text message. He called me the next day, spent a little over a minute on the phone saying “I can’t do this anymore, I need to break this off. NOW”. Read:Every Potential Date is Not a Potential Mate- Don’t be A Wife to A Boyfriend
Foolish me said “No you can’t break things off. That’s not how it’s done. I’m sorry I sent that message but you never put me first or consider my feelings, I was tired of being treated that way…” He cut in “I don’t care, I’m done”. He cut me off, then called two of my friends to tell them he had broken things off. He needed validation from them that he wasn’t a bad person…he didn’t get it.
This relationship strained me so much, I started sleeping early and waking up late to stop myself from confronting reality. Truth is, I shouldn’t have dated him in the first place, there were circumstances surrounding him that I should have known to flee. But, I was gooey eyed and thought I had found love and met “husband”.
I eventually dealt with it and saw things clearly. I also found out we were never going to be together seriously, he had no plans for that, he only said that to me for my own sake. I moved on happily after I realised I’m not perfect but that break up was staged and delivered at the right moment.
I knew we’d see in Cabo as it’s our mutual friend’s shindig but it’s been a while since I have given him the slightest thoughts.
We’re here now, in Cabo, not seen each other since then and as I write this, I haven’t seen him. I laugh at myself hysterically when I look back at how I behaved but I also smile in content at how much my life has changed, become better and whole since then.
Updating my Cabo Travel Diary as Matters unfold…