I have read with respect the way women elevate their position as child bearers and praise themselves and one another. There’s nothing wrong with this but what I do not understand is the complete absence of the recognition of the burden of responsibility men bear.
The Holy Book says “A man who cannot take care of his home is worse than an infidel” So, I speak on behalf of men who take their roles as the head of the house seriously and bear the burden of responsibility without an avenue to express their frustrations.
Making final decisions, being a role model for the kids are easy roles to play but the financial burden is heavy. We want to express how frustrated we are sometimes but we cannot because a man that complains or voices his frustration about spending a lot of money on his home is a worthless man.
For example, I promise my children summer holiday but when the burden of responsibility was too heavy financially, I lied that I wasn’t given leave at work so they had to go alone with their mother. I felt like I was just working and everything was going into expenses for the family, including vigorous savings towards getting a new and bigger house. Who exactly do I tell that I sometimes want to up and leave? How will I look if I complain to even my male friends that I am sometimes tired of the huge responsibility and will sometimes need help from the Mrs.
The problem is, even though Mrs helps with stuff in the house like food and minor things, she is of the opinion that the man should carry 80% of the finances. In this case, in the few times I’ve asked her to help, she would say things like “I’m borrowing you o. I’ll collect my money back”
Let’s not get things misunderstood, I love my wife with all my heart but she is a product of her upbringing where her money is hers and my money is ours. So, telling her to adjust and help more is not something she is capable of understanding. Read:Women fake Orgasm: I’m 42 Years Old, How come I’m just Knowing This?
Childbirth is awesome but I do not think the ultimate sacrifice is done by the woman alone. Men work their butts off, borrow money from friends, refuse to buy new phones… because if my family doesn’t eat, it’s my fault. I also have to act right for the kids and put my own needs aside to make sure the family is okay. If I don’t step up, then what am I teaching my son?
This is where we are hugely disadvantaged: women complain all the time, but men can’t. So instead of saying “I feel like tearing my neck out due to frustration”, I lash out at my wife, withdraw into myself and harbor animosity towards her when she says “I’m just borrowing you o”. I just shake my head and walk away. Wouldn’t it have worked out better if I could just come out clean and explain the real situation and ask for more contribution from her? But I am a product of culture, society and upbringing…The burden of responsibility falls on me. I have to be a man and suck it up.
I want to teach my son to suck it up and be responsible but I also want to teach him to NOT suck it in. That complaining is okay because it lets you let out steam. Being a man the society expects you to be, keeping quiet about your struggles and frustrations will negatively affect one’s mental health. I want him to know he can see a therapist too and not be ashamed to talk about it.
As a man, I’m tired of sucking it in.I am tired of listening to women whine about being the ultimate care giver while I nod in solidarity and even offer to help so she won’t break down.
I am a responsible father but I’m also human. If we’re allowed to publicly complain and not be shamed for it, maybe there will be more happy marriages and less divorce.
Written by N. James for Diaryofanaijagirl.ng