My Neighbours moved in over two weeks ago and we hadn’t officially met asides from when I look at them through my window as they drive back and forth. I decided it was time to stop being a recluse and go welcome the new neighbours. The couple seem quite reserved, I always wondered how they go to work in the mornings without giving each other a peck or a smile. Yes, I watch them, I watch everyone as they go out in the morning. It is kind of my morning ritual…so…yea.
Fruit basket in hand, I knocked on their door. There was no answer at first but I was sure they were in as I saw them drive in around the same time. So, I knocked again and I heard a muffled “who is there?”
“Your neighbour downstairs” I responded enthusiastically.
I heard a chair screech and since my mind is sanctified and everything, I thought nothing of it. When the wife opened the door, I noticed immediately her dishevelled look and the husband seated at the dining area, pouring water in a flower vase. She ushered me in and we exchanged pleasantries. Uncle refused to get off the dining though so I went over to him, greeted him and made small talk.Read:SOS: A Strange Lady Tried to Pimp Me Out At the Lagos Beer Festival at Eko Hotel
That was when I saw it, lingerie that wasn’t well tucked into the couch. I immediately looked away and smiled inside. I also noticed as the lady got me some water from the kitchen, her husband managed to graze his fingers on her arm. Awwwww…I was so tickled. Even though he caught me looking, I didn’t mind at all. There was an awkward silence until the wife came back with a glass of water. In the meantime, I quickly took my phone and reported the matter to twitter and Instagram.
The wife insisted I stayed for small talk and I badly wanted to wink at her like “go girl…do your thing” but they seem reserved to me and very spiritual. I know this because the day they moved in, a gazillion prayer warriors came to bless the house. Their tongue speaking loud prayer sent the rest of us into WhatsApp group meeting, letting them know we understand they had to bless the house but such was not allowed next time as they were really loud.
I couldn’t help but feel cosy with the lady. She was so sweet and wanted to strike a longer conversation with me but her husband stayed put in the dining area. He wasn’t rude, he just wasn’t interested in talking to me. I told myself “if I want to be wicked now, I’ll talk and talk for 30 minutes”. But I like what was going on so I chatted with the wife for a respectable period of time and announced my exit. While the wife said she wished I would stay longer, the husband finally removed the glue on his bum, jumped up and proceeded to usher me out. I could swear his face came alive.
Or maybe it was my imagination.
I smiled knowingly at the wife even though she may never know why 100% of my dentures were flashed at her.
The lady and I will definitely become fast friends because there is something to say about a couple who don’t wait to get to the room to do the do. I love it!
This post was originally published on the 26th of September 2017.