Candid Chat with Sam, A Lagos Based Nigerian Gay
Sam walked into the restaurant, smile in place with a little pout. I had to smile back, it seemed really funny that his shirt and tie still could not hide his feminism. He gave me a tight hug, we complimented each other and I was eager to get to it:
DANG: I sometimes feel sorry for Nigerian Gay Men. You guys seem to go through so much to hide your sexuality. Especially in Nigeria/Africa.
Sam: (laughs) Please don’t feel sorry for us. We feel sorry for the married Nigerian gay men, or those in serious relationships with women that cry to their boyfriends about how miserable they are. But, for some people, The whole secrecy thing is fun. Truth is we all know where we meet and most of us, especially in Lagos know each other. It’s a group of people who find strength among one another. That’s the only thing that matters.
DANG: Where do you meet?
Sam: (Laughs out loud and grabs my hands) babe you know even RuPaul cant make me tell you.
DANG: Okay. So when did you know you were gay? Have you ever had a girlfriend?
DANG: I have never had a girlfriend.I knew I was gay from secondary school. I went to an only boys school. I hit on my first boyfriend, no one abused me. I didn’t know I was supposed to hide my sexuality until the house master reported me to my mother after I got caught in JSS 3 kissing my then boyfriend. My mum took me away from school for almost 2 weeks, I stayed locked in a pastor’s room for 7 days. They prayed and prayed for the demon to come out of me. After 7 days, I fell down, pretended to be under the anointing and told the pastor I felt something was lifted out of me. Everyone was happy, I just wanted to go back to school to see my boyfriend. Since then I became more discreet but I could not pretend to like girls. I just couldn’t do it.
DANG: Do your parents know now?
Sam: Oh yes. My dad has not spoken to me in 18years. My mum cries all the time, begging me to “change” my ways. She lies to her friends that I’m dating some girl in America. I let her do that, if it makes her happy. Read:Candid Chat with Odion: A Man Whose Wife Was Forced To Solely Provide For The Family After He Lost His Job
DANG: Do you believe in God?
Sam: I believe in God, I am a christian. My life is so blessed. In my business, somethings have happened that could only be God. Dont be deceived, God loves us all, gay or not. Jesus died for us all and didnt seperate one from another. This is my life. I am happy, happier than most.
DANG: Are you in love?
Sam: Yes I am. With another Nigerian Gay. He finally got a divorce last month after I decided to break up with him. I loved him but I hated his cowardice. We came back together after his divorce was finalised.
DANG: What is the long term plan.
Sam: Both of us are very comfortable. We are registering a business in Ohio. Even if that business doesn’t start well we won’t go hungry for another 10 years if we didn’t make money. We will get married maybe or just live together openly forever. Do you still feel sorry for me?
DANG: No I don’t. I cant find a hint of sadness or unhappiness in your voice. I’m still bias but I don’t feel sorry for you.