RE: Finding A Nice Guy: A Play Boy Can Be A Nice Guy to A Woman He Truly Loves; A Nice Guy Can Be A Demon To A Woman He Feels Nothing for
I have always seen myself as someone who is living in a movie, but my movie is a reality show where I make attempts to sit on the fences and watch why people act the way they do. I also take time usually at the end of the day to know the role I performed in this so called reality show.
Before I digress, I saw an article on Diaryofanaijagirl recently about how nice guys overexpress themselves, and it was written from a feminine perspective. Read:The Thing About Nice Guys Is…Girls Don’t Want Them, Only Women Do
Identically from the perspectives of men and boys, good girls tend to express themselves also in a way that seems overt. So from all indications, nice guys and good girls will always come last as their partners will not invest as must they do.
I have read lots of articles with the primal message of “staying unpredictable”. Staying unpredictable is like a first step in achieving an ‘A’ game when it comes to landing a girl or a guy for any peculiar purpose, short or long term. Scarcity tends to increase the value that is being attributed to bad guys or girls.
I might be wrong but from years of studying people, I believe the “nice guy” or “good girl” role tend to switch across individuals. Finding a nice guy isn’t that clear cut. A nice guy in this relationship could be a mysterious guy in the next. A good girl who expresses her feelings openly could be a stone cold figure who has nothing to feel in her subsequent relationship.
Lots of reasons are responsible for the role a guy or a girl chooses to pick. Probably disappointments from previous relationship or lack of chemistry in the present one. So I actually believe in serendipity which has to happen for a “good girl” to meet a “nice guy”. The truth is that everyone is searching for happiness and on the path to that search, we either get in touch with our emotions or toy with the emotions of others.
Research has shown that these hormones, adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin are responsible for our reactions in a relationship. Serotonin is usually secreted when the new lover keeps popping into your thoughts. Either they don’t or they do, which leads to the natural role a guy or a girl assumes. Oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone” is a major hormone which makes a guy or a girl stick to their partner. Especially in Nigeria where people believe in love portions, this will only become credible if our herbalists are wonderful chemists who cook up portions of oxytocin in their shrines.
Oxytocin, in particular, is released into the body during intimacy and touching, and is believed to increase the feeling of trust and attachment with your partner. Although research has shown that good communication predicts relationship success, successful communication in couples’ therapy won’t ensure that partners stay together. “If people are not connected at all, then oxytocin is not going to force that connection,” Adam Guastella, a clinical psychologist says.
When it comes to finding a nice guy or girl, how people stay together after all these hormones have been released is an eternal discussion but all I can say for now is that what makes a “nice guy” or a “good girl” are purely based on this secretion of hormones. The secretion of hormones will frequently be greater in one partner than the other and when this occurs, the partner with the higher level of the hormones becomes the “nice guy” or “good girl”.
Written for Diaryofanaijaguy by BJ