Skinny Girl Problems
On Friday night, I went to see a late night movie and one thing led to another, I got lifted by a stranger, just to test how skinny I really was. To read that entry ‘That Time Two Guys Placed a Bet on Me’, Click Here. This gave me an idea to write about skinny girl problems. Yes, skinny girls have problems too and I’ll tell you for free, this skinny girl does not like everything about her size
The Wind Hates Us: I was on holiday one time and my friend visited me at my hotel. It was drizzling so I took an umbrella with me while seeing her off to the bus stop. I wasn’t ready for the gust of wind that came my way because it almost blew me away. The umbrella pulled me up, I was struggling to hold on to the it and when it seemed like I may follow the ladder (insert umbrella) to heaven, I had to let it go and quickly held on to the closest trash bin. My friend was laughing hysterically while I suffered through that and once again, I reminded myself to gain more weight
People assume you’re not eating enough: My dad especially, always repeating himself about how skinny I am. “You’re skinny sha” He looks at me, shakes his head in wonder and/or disapproval…I don’t even know which, then he asks me “Do you eat at all? You should eat more”. In my mind I respond “no o. I feed off the sunlight like photosynthesis”. Dude! I can eat 10 times a day, especially in the middle of the night. Don’t insult me please, I’m doing my best here. Again he asks “Where does the food go?” Truth is…I’m not sure. Read: Father’s Day: My Daddy’s Antics
Women give me the side eye at the gym: Skinny people like to tone and be healthy too. I walk into the gym and women be looking at me like “is this one trying to insult us or what?”. Uhhh, No! I just want to live long, just like you.
We look for our Lord Saviour in big guys: Most skinny girls don’t want to date lanky guys. Most of us are attracted to big boys. Imagine two skinny people having sex, I can bet you can hear their joints crackle, hopefully their bones don’t rub off on each other enough to ignite fire. How can that be sexy?
We get cold easily: Going on holiday is like punishment for me, In fact sometimes during summer I’m cold, especially the in the UK, it has the most unpredictable wether in the whole world. Please, if someone says your life is like the UK weather…Ah! Don’t accept it o, it is a huge curse…send it straight back to sender
My people will say “weather is good today, let’s go to the park”. I make the mistake of believing them. So, I step out in leggings, sneakers and a thick t-shirt but before we walk a block, my knees and joints are already under attack and my ears are ringing from the cold. “Hellooo, it’s 18 degrees outside, why are you all wearing spaghetti tops and capri pants? Hellooo, can anyone feel this cold?” No answer. (I know in their minds they’re thinking this is skinny girl problems) I rush back to get my jacket and pull on a denim over my leggings. Only shame will not allow me wear a hat because people will think “who is this African girl from the village”. Ain’t nobody planning to act Osuofia in London part 3!
Rubbish nick names : Twiggy, skinny-yo, Alapa ike, (Plastic hand). My dad’s friend used to call me this because he complained my arms were too skinny and he wondered if I could possibly do house chores with them. He would then grab them and shake me aggressively. Now when I see him, I greet him from afar. Boundaries please!
We Suffer in Silence: When you talk about being too skinny or complain about having developed a gut, your friends suddenly become your enemies. Long hiss, Side eye, slap on the head, kick in the shin, disgusted look… these and more are the things you get if you dare complain. No one is ready to listen to me when I have complaints about my body, now, I suffer in silence!
You’re too skinny to transfer fat to our bum: The other day I went with friends for a corrective surgery consultation and I asked the doctor “can I get the fat on my love handles transferred to my bum?” He asked me to raise my dress, I quickly did so. He then said “you have no fat in your mid section to transfer, go and gain some weight and come back. Wawu! I didn’t really want a liposuction but lets assume I did, is this how this doctor would have dahsed my hope? Issokay!
People generally wish evil upon you: When I was in my early 20s, haters will say “just wait till you’re in your 30s, you’ll so gain weight ehn”. I’m in my 30s and their evil wish has not happened. Then they say “just wait till you have kids”. Excuse me haters, keep waiting, I serve a living God.