Domestic Violence: My Wife Physically Abused Me For Months, I Have A Scar on my Face To show For It
I met my wife during our MBA abroad. It was easy for us to connect as there were not many Nigerians in our school. We became very good friends which progressed into a relationship when we graduated. I thought she was special, hardworking, intelligent and like me, goofy.
The first time it happened, we were a month into the marriage. I was having a nap on a Saturday afternoon after playing squash. I felt my wife kick me on the leg and I heard her scream “get up you old fool”. I woke up with a start but before I could get up from the bed, she threw my phone at me, asking me to read the message on the phone. When I read the message, it was from my ex girlfriend, who had just been employed in my company. it read “Seeing you yesterday brought back memories. You looked so good. I miss you”
This was a new message, obviously my wife read it first as we both had each other’s passwords. I finished reading it and looked up at her. She was fuming, tapping her feet on the floor impatiently waiting for me to say something. “I should have told you. She works with us now, I just found out yesterday and it skipped my mind to tell you. Her employment was not up to me” I tried to placate her, I could see how she could have read meaning into the message. “Why didn’t you tell me she now works with you. I’m not comfortable with that at all” I pulled her down to the bed and promised her with everything we had that I felt nothing for the ex. I begged her to trust me and not worry her head about it
Still, she came after me on my way down the stairs, screaming “I dont believe you. I think you’re the one planning to sleep with your ex. Call her now on the phone let me hear your conversation”. I thought the case was settled . I must confess, I was getting really upset, I would assume the text message spoke for itself. So I snapped at her, and said “believe what you want. I can’t help it if you don’t trust me”.
Before I knew it, I was rolling down the stairs. She had pushed me and still screaming at me and wailing ”I will not take cheating, I will not accept it. Your plans have failed…”. She stood over me as I lay still, not because I was injured but because I was trying to compose myself. I had a green belt in Karate, we were taught to reign in our impulse so I lay there, breathing hard so I wouldn’t do something stupid.
She didn’t ask if I was okay, she simply stormed back upstairs. I got on my feet, picked my car keys and drove off. I wondered where to go. I realized I left without shoes, so I went back home but she had locked the door with her key inside the lock so I couldn’t open from outside. I called her phone countless times but she didn’t pick up. We had neighbors in the compound so I couldn’t call out for her. I stayed in my car for two hours and when she still refused to open the door, I drove to her parents’ to talk to them about what was happening
My father inlaw immediately called her and asked her to come to the house. When she got there, she immediately came towards me to apologize. Saying she was wrong and shouldn’t have taken it that far.
When we got home, I asked her if she’s been that way with other men, she said “No. But I love you too much. The thought of sharing you with another woman drove me nuts. I’m sorry” I thought she made sense, so I let it go.
Since then, little things would cause her to lash at me, kick me, slap me, scream and throw things at me. Sometimes when we’re in public and she gets upset, I practically hold her hand so she won’t impulsively hit me. However, after all her episodes she would apologize.
Truth is, I didn’t see her behavior as life threatening but gradually, I began to wonder to myself if I could constantly live with this abuse without hitting her back some day. I didn’t want to do that, I also didn’t want to divorce her. So I walked around with a heavy heart, always unhappy and waiting for her to strike
One day, I finally made up my mind to leave.
I told her I would be hanging out late with my friends, she said she wouldn’t agree to it that if I stayed out late, I should sleep there. I told her I wouldn’t stay late but I’ll hang out with my friends. I got back home around 11.30pm and she was already sleeping. I also got on the bed and slept off. I later heard her call out my name , at this time I had already known this wasn’t a good sign. As I opened my eyes in the direction of her voice, I saw her carrying a pot, I thought she wanted to hit me with it so I dodged. Instead, she poured a slightly hot pot of stew on my face. I rushed to the bathroom with my eyes shut so as not to allow pepper in my eyes
While washing pepper away from myself, I knew I had to leave her. If I were a bad husband, I would say I was suffering from my sins. But I was no cheat or a lazy man. I chose her over everyone else but she had heard too many stories from her friends whose home were broken so in her mind, she’s preventing a problem before it could even happen
I stepped out of the shower and saw her holding a knife, threatening to kill herself and kill me, she said she sniffed my privates and it smelt like I had wore a condom on it. I had never used a condom since I married her, it was so ridiculous I had to smile. The smile infuriated her and she swung the knife at me. I tried to dodge but she managed to get some part of my left cheek. The cut was deep and blood spilled freely from it. I wanted to hit her so badly. I was so angry, I didn’t feel the pain on my face. I pinned her to the wall, forcefully took the knife from her, picked her up and put her in the other room then locked it from outside.
I was still bleeding but I took some time to pack clothes and necessities into my luggage and I left. After I was stitched up in the hospital, I drove to her parents’ house, dropped off the key to the room and told them they could go open the door for her. I had no explanations for them, I was done talking and talking. I Just wanted out
It’s been 7 months, I haven’t gone back to the house, My brother has taken all of my belongings out and some people don’t even know we’re separated. How do I say I left my wife after 8 months of marriage?
Please before you marry anyone, find out about their background. It was after I left her I learnt her exes had suffered abuse too. I was introduced to one of them, he told me she burnt his clothes in the bedroom and almost set his house on fire.
I am not happy yet, I am working towards that but I have peace in my mind and I don’t have to sleep with one eye open anymore