Monthly Archives: August 2017

My Mauritius Trip: The Expectations and Reality

Traveling has the potential to be wildly fulfilling. It exposes you to new cultures, different perspectives and unique experiences. The further you travel the more you are pushed out of your comfort zone. I can document this trip as one which I had the most fun. Every day was an adventure and the company I travelled with were not afraid to be adventurous as well. These were my expectations of Mauritius before setting out and then what I really experienced

I imagined seeing water all the way from the airport. I told myself to sit by the window so I could take videos and pictures
The road was surrounded by sugar cane farms. It wasn’t less beautiful though because you could see farmers harvesting so it looked like art work come alive

I had imagined going to the bar to meet single white men
Every man I saw vacationing was with their family or a female. It makes sense, the place is too beautiful for anyone to go by themselves and not remember how single they are. No point getting depressed on a beautiful trip

I packed clothes for night life. Expecting I would be out at nights clubbing or watching live bands
At the end of the day, I just wanted to go to bed. I was always exhausted from the day’s activities. Water does have a way of wearing you out

Someone told me the men are cute
Well…yea. Seeing as Romano is from there but more than half of them are dark Indians. The only Indian that caught my attention was Rajeev who later informed me he had a girlfriend. He’s the most gentle and witty Mauritian man I met on the trip.

I didn’t really think about how the people would be. I assumed because it’s a small town, people would behave like small town people.
Nah! Drivers drove like maniacs. I would have thought I was in Lagos, the only difference is that there were no consistent blaring honks. Mauritians are the most pleasant people I’ve met though. Walking down the street, you’re sure to get a “bonjour” accompanied by a genuine smile from just about every person you cross.

From the pictures I had seen, I expected the water to be crystal clear and blue.
The water was clearer than I imagined, so clear you could see more than 20 feet into the ocean from your boat. It never seized to amaze me

I expected a glorious weather in Mauritius
I found one. I never forgot to use my sunscreen though, because even though it was windy at the beach, the sun was scorching too. I have a sunburn on both of my shoulders and underarm…I guess I didn’t apply enough sunscreen in those areas

I stayed in The Residence Hotel and we were treated really well, we even had a butler. Review of the hotel coming up soon. Mauritius is a beautiful laid back town where it’s hard to be in a hurry for anything. Activities are mostly in/on the water but always fun.

You should visit.

“They Saw A Filthy Job, I Saw A Fortune” – Waste Management Millionaire, Joseph Agyepong Siaw

“In the village, life was very challenging and difficult. I was schooling barefooted, going to the farm to work before going to school. I had no money. I could not afford body lotion after bathing so I would chew palm nut and use the extracts to cream myself. I slept in mud houses without electricity.

I started an electrical engineering course and in 1990 I completed the course and my father said he no longer had the money to contribute to my education so I had to go into business. He suggested I should go and assist my mother who had a little shop where she was squatting in front of somebody’s business. I started helping her like a petty trader selling exercise books on the streets

When I had to sell exercise books, I was crying because I felt my destiny had been destroyed. After a while I put myself back together. What really helped me to overcome that situation was one day I was praying and God’s message came to me. The word said ‘obey thy father and mother and you shall be successful’. So I took that message and I started to move. I stopped schooling and started assisting my mother.”

I tried every business. When it was the Christmas season, I would put the books aside and go to the local market and buy jewelry and shirts and take them round to people and try and sell them. I was doing each business on a seasonal basis and when the demand changed, I switched my products 

Because I didn’t have money and equipment, I would go to schools and talk to them as a marketer and then when I got an order I would go to a printing press with the orders and process the orders and take my commission on that order. I started building up my clientele like this until I could afford to buy a small machine and I started printing the books myself.

…In 2006, whenever you asked someone to come into the waste management space, they would not do it because they thought that it was a filthy job and it was a low-grade job. So I thought of bringing in a dignified way of doing it.” 

I first visited China and saw people using tricycles, so I bought one in a container and brought it back to Ghana and I asked people to try it. I then built an assembly plant in Ghana and started assembling the tricycles myself. I started with the tricycles because I said I needed more people to help collect the waste and if we relied on a truck and the truck breaks down then we would be in trouble”.

I went to each district and spoke to the mayors or district executives and gave them 25 tricycles and told them to try it. They didn’t want to pay for it so I gave it to them as a pilot.”

I went to the bank and asked them for money to expand my printing business. I lobbied them with my printing business for money to buy a printing press and when I got the money I went to buy tricycles and I used the tricycles to develop the business all over the districts and then Zoomlion emerged.

 …One thing I did was I invested in my business. Every amount was put back into the business. I stayed with my wife and three children in a single room, built 10 companies before I built my house. I don’t limit myself to one business…Wherever there is a problem, I like finding out how to solve it. At that time, everybody was talking about how much of a problem we had with waste management so I moved to solve the problem,” – Joseph Siaw Agyepong

With a bank loan of GHC30,000 ($6,800), Zoomlion began its expansion. From starting with 1,000 tricycles, the company currently has 15,000 and 30,000 motorized and manual tricycles respectively, with a fleet of waste management trucks as well. The company also has a combined core staff of 3,000 and manages over 85,000 workers under various forms of Public Private Partnerships (PPP). Zoomlion currently has operations in Togo, Angola, Zambia and Equatorial Guinea and Liberia. 

Source: Forbes Africa

Do Pretty Girls Get Ahead Faster in Business/ Career?

When I was in paid employment, my boss hired a very pretty girl. I as a girl would look at her and marvel at how pretty she was. This lady didn’t need to shave her brows, it was already perfect, she had a round face, clear skin and a beautiful smile. First day she came in, she was dressed up super nice. If she contested for miss Nigeria, she would win hands down
Me? I was struggling with my brows, today i’ll arch it well and the next, my arching skills will disappoint me. My skin was terrible because I was deceived into thinking sheer butter alone is good enough for the skin until I found out what you eat clears your skin better than what you rub on it. Anyway, I wasn’t as pretty and I didn’t dress up as nice
The first day I went to a meeting with her, I could see the men losing their cool and struggling to seem charming towards her. I stood back and smiled. I already told her she would cause mayhem, she told me she was used to it. She was right, she handled them with class. When they finally had my time, they didn’t spend so long trying to impress me with their charm
During the meeting, they would ask her questions, I would answer and gradually, the men didn’t bother asking her anymore, they turned to me when the real business questions needed answering. This happened continuously and I really didn’t care as long as the job got done
My pretty colleague would say “here, I bought this dress for you. You have a lovely shape, you don’t show it off enough”. Sometimes she would buy stuff for me and demand I pay. I saw what she was doing, she wanted me to appear better and even though I knew I had the brains, I also knew bettering my appearance would not hurt

Gradually, my appearance changed. Not in terms of make-up but I chose my outfits more carefully, I took care of my hair more and ditched the flats. This time, even when I go to meetings on my own, it was easier. But at the end of the day, people were always more impressed with my intellect
Pretty girls may get their foot first in the door but the only way they’ll get a head start is if they have brains to go along with it. So when a woman is pretty with brains, yes, she will get ahead faster especially when she knows what she’s working it.

Are you a workaholic or a high performer

How Badly Do You Desire Success?

Four years ago, When I started my business, I was confident of my ability to sell ice to an eskimo and I assumed people in my industry already knew this, So I started off thinking people owed me something. I slept in, made phone calls and did the basics. In my mind, I was working hard, doing all I could possibly do, so I wondered why things were a little slow

This was the real world now and no one was willing to play with their money. I had voluntarily ventured into this dog eat dog world, assuming I was a big dog but here I was, being chewed up and spat out repeatedly

I complained to a very senior colleague and he said “Going out on your own is different from being an employee. Are you sure in your heart you’re doing what it takes for as long as it takes? If the reason you resigned is to do what you want when you want, then you’re in for a rude shock”

I didn’t like his tone at all. “What does this guy think I’ve been doing? Instead of helping me he’s undermining my effort” I thought angrily

When things remained quite slow, my thought travelled back to that advice, so I decided to change my approach. I realized doing the same thing and expecting a different result was foolish. I humbled myself, made a decision to go the extra extra mile, stepped out of my comfort zone, stayed connected to my network and started making strategic moves

Sometimes when the odds were stacked up against me, I fought through and persevered. Taking blows that left me bleeding, enduring hardships and, most importantly, standing up again and again to fight

I was ready to do whatever it took – for as long as it takes – to make my dreams come true. Above all, I wanted to be proud of myself. This decision has changed my life

Would you stay up all night writing a proposal that you have a slim chance of winning and spend the entire day calling clients who won’t give you the time of day? Would you keep calling and not think yourself a nuisance until one person gets worn out and responds?

The ones that actually have the guts and desire, go down this difficult path. Like everything else, expertise relies on experience

If one goes doesn’t work out, learn from it, regroup and start over. The decision to do what it takes does not fully develop in one day but as this decision is taken one day at a time, success becomes a habit

Travel Diary

Mauritius Travel Diary Day 4: Scuba Diving, Under Sea Walk and Two Cute Boys. Part 1

All my life I have always wanted to scuba dive. In Mauritius, I decided it was time, seeing as I had already done a lot of water sports and was no more afraid of the deep end of the sea.

After getting into our gear, Kuala, our main instructor patiently instructed us on how to use our oxygen masks, sign languages under water and basically let us know that if you relax under water, you will have no problems.

On my way to drop off my phone in the boat house after recording Kuala’s instructions, I bumped into Romano.He is super cute. He smiled politely at me, I didn’t smile back immediately but when I regained the part of my brain that controlled good manners, I smiled back and dropped my phone in my bag. “Oh Lord, let him be one of our instructors” I silently prayed.

Stepping out to meet the crew, my sister nudged me and said “who is that cute boy?” “you’re married madam, face front” Ain’t nobody about to have a sibling rivalry up in here over Mr. cutie

It was diving time, as we got to the boat that would take us to the ocean, there was my Romano, manning the steering. Oh the joy! The ways of the Lord are mysterious. He grabbed on to my hand, smiled at me again and held on to it for longer than necessary. Oh yea, Romano was definitely feeling me. From that moment on, I ignored everyone else. “Romano could you take our picture?” “Romano why are you so cute?” “Romano do you like Nigerian music?”

This particular information was important to me as I needed my future husband to at least like the music I like. “Oh yes, I like flavour and tuface” said Romano while trying to remember a Tubaba song. Wow! What is this life?This cannot be a coincidence.

When it was time to get into the water, I gave Romano my phone to take pictures and videos. He took the phone from me and grazed my fingers while at it. I looked up at him to be sure it wasn’t a mistake. This time, Romano smiled confidently and looked me in the eye.

It was at that time I knew…Romano was in lust with me

Oh My chwest! My heart beat so hard it shut down my brain from thinking.

Getting into and under the sea is an experience I will never forget in my life. Seeing the sea life, the peace down there and how clean it is…I got so lost in God’s greatness I forgot to move. I had to be pushed forward by Kuala when he noticed I had frozen. I really wanted to stop time. I unconsciously started chanting Psalm 8 in my head. I was so in awe. I still am

Getting back on shore, activities took over and I forgot Romano for a bit. When it was time for under sea walk, I saw Romano and he waved at me from his boat. I waved back and walked over to his side of the beach. As I got closer to him, his friend started singing “Nigerian girllll, you know that you came in and changed my world…”. Romano swayed to the song and took my hand, trying to make me dance with him to his friend’s tuneless song.

“You’re so beautiful. When are you leaving?” he whispered in my ear

It was at that time I also knew, this Romano is a Mauritius Demon.

Mauritius Travel Diary Day One: My Ovaries Finally Got me In Trouble

#ThrowbackThursday Mauritius Travel Diary Day One: My Ovaries Finally Got me In Trouble

Mauritius Travel Diary Day One: My Ovaries Finally Got me In Trouble

There was a 3 hour lay over in south Africa. I was up on the flight from Lagos to S.A reading and dozing off and on so I practically dragged myself to the lounge. The lady at the check in desk was attending to a beautiful family of 5 (Parents, 2 girls and a boy) so I rested my arm on the desk and waited my turn. Read:Airport Chronicles: Oyinbo People Are The Worst!

Because my ovaries have magnets, I smiled at the beautiful little kids. They all smiled back and when the youngest girl who couldn’t be more than 4 years old appeared beside me and held my little finger, I almost cried. “You’re tired”. The little princess said to me. I smiled and nodded at her.

“I’m so so sorry. Botle stop it” Said the mum as she rushed to my side to pluck the child’s hand from mine.

“It’s okay.” I said to the parents. I really wasn’t offended.

After I had freshened up and settled in, hoping to get an hour of nap, Botle walks up to me. Then past me and then back to me again. This little girl made me smile so I asked her if she wanted something. She said “where are your babies?”

Okay, I didn’t see that coming. To think she looked at me dead in the eye while asking me that. “I don’t have babies yet Botle” I responded. She had moved really close to me now and was playing with the sequins on my jacket.

“How do you know my name?” She asked.

“I heard your mummy say it”

Botle looked up at me, not so surprised. “I have a secret”

I leaned in towards her. “Tell me”

“You are going to have babies soon” She whispered in my ear. I looked at her, she looked back at me, she was serious.

My chest! My ovaries! My head! I didn’t know which one pulsated faster.

“Thank you Botle”. I said while I looked around for her mum. I saw her not too far away, of course she was watching us like a hawk. I then took her hand and led her to her parents. Her mum said “Did she tell you the secret?” I answered in the affirmative and then smiled.

She smiled back at me and said “She sees visions.”

Okay this is getting scary.

I couldn’t go back to sleep afterwards.

At this particular juncture, I will not be hugging just any man, I don’t want to “catch pregnancy” MISTAKENLY.

 This post was originally posted on the 21st of August 2017.


Red flags

As We Gain Confidence in Ourselves, Red Flags are No Longer Red Flags, They are Deal Breakers

When most people see red flags, they don’t do anything about it at the time. You just keep going because you were so excited about the possibilities and didn’t want to see what you’d seen. You told yourself that you probably were wrong or over-reacting. If they gave you explanations for what they’d done or said, you gave them the benefit of the doubt because everything else they did indicated that they were a good person. You told yourself that it would be fine and that they were fine…

This is not the same for a woman who has gained real confidence in herself. She trusts her instincts because they’ve been tried and then trusted. When a woman is already meeting her own emotional , financial, health, career/business , spiritual needs, it will be hard for her to ignore red flags. You have come on to your own, you are fully present in your life and not expecting anyone else to take responsibility for it. So, you become protective of yourself, your heart and your space. Toxicity, mind games and emotional chaos are not attractive to you, they are unnecessary drama.

The most common reason people ignore red flags in relationships and decide to “try and change the man” is the fear of being alone. Initially it can be very hard and painful to be alone because we are naturally built to be in love and bonded with another. Keep in mind that before you can have a successful and fulfilling relationship with another, it is vital you develop a solid relationship with yourself. Learn from experience and know what you really want, understand what you admire about people and what feeds your soul.

This woman now wants what feeds her soul, the relationships she gets into are no longer for the society, friends or family. She chooses to be with someone, for HER. She understands that the quality of her life has nothing to do with her being married or single. For this reason, She dreads anything that’ll negate the peace her life has finally settled on.

Now, she recognizes red flags and is not hesitant about bidding the bearer good bye. She is not afraid to be alone, the value of being with someone means more than companionship now and her self worth is more important than instant gratification.

Orphaned at 17, I Automatically Became a Mother of Four to My Siblings: Here is How We Survived

Hello DANG, I’m not a writer but I feel an urge to share this

Today makes it 15 years I’ve been an orphan. My parents were decent civil Servants: Mum a teacher and jack of any trade she was interested in, and dad an Engineer. We all fought for daddy’s approval. If you did well in school you were a favorite. Me? I was never close to first or second place in class. Rarely 3rd and mostly between 4th-10th place.

Life was comfortable and good…then, the worst day of my life happens. Both of my parents died on the same day!!! I still remember where I was when I heard…. I was in the house in Lagos where my family stayed anytime we come around. I was standing outside while my brother was in he bathroom while my aunt walked into the compound. I was not surprised to see her since she didn’t stay far away and would sometimes come around unannounced.

“There has been an accident, there was a plane crash and your parents were on it”. She said. I remember seeing the news of the plane crash shortly before then but it didn’t occur to me that was the flight my parents were on. Still standing as I stared at her in shock, I began to shake uncontrollably, everything became blurry as I felt like my body was no longer present in the physical

I snapped out of it quickly. “Oh Lord, my baby brother is about to turn 5. Will my sisters be ok?”. I couldn’t reach them immediately, they were in Warri at the time while I was in Lagos with my brother studying for our A-levels. I could hear my aunt’s voice, “We don’t know anything now, there may be survivors…”. I wasn’t listening, I also didn’t really believe her, I had quickly moved on to survival mode. At this time, I had not cried. We were taken to my Uncles house, where we found so many people crying and looking sober

I was thinking to myself, Why? What next ? What should I do mummy? How do I take care of 4 people?

I quickly realised, when you lose someone, theres nothing anyone can do or say to make you feel better NOTHING!!! I didn’t cry when anyone was around, I only cried from my sleep because in my sleep, I wasn’t thinking about how my siblings would survive. But my subconscious knew I had suffered a loss, so therein, I mourned. So many promises were made by uncles and parents’ friends but I think the most honest people said to me “All you have is one another”.

How true! Days and months and years ahead revealed the truth in that statement. I was scared my siblings would grow up without guidance. I wasn’t an academic genius so all I thought was how to find something to do to take care of my siblings. Help did not come where we expected but help came from people we had never even seen and never heard of. They knew my parents and came forward at the exact point we needed something to happen

I know not many people may have had their stories turn out this way, I can say that God truly is the father to the orphan. Today and at every memorial, I look back in gratitude. My lessons learnt;

– God always has a plan. You just need to trust and believe.
-The power of a praying mother never goes to waste

I have grown from being a scared, confused young Lady with so much uncertainty, to an executive in a multinational company and a very happy and fulfilled mother of 5 (My siblings and a beautiful baby girl). All lines have fallen in pleasant places and my gratitude to God and the people who came out of nowhere to help, knows no bounds

Written by Anonymous for

Nelson Mandela

“Lead From the Back, And Let Others Believe They Are in Front.”- #DANGHero, Nelson Mandela

“Lead From the Back, And Let Others Believe They Are in Front.” ? Nelson Mandela

“…The complaint of Africans, however, is not only that they are poor and whites are rich, but that the laws which are made by the whites are designed to preserve this situation.

… There is compulsory education for all white children at virtually no cost to their parents, be they rich or poor. Similar facilities are not provided for the African children… The quality of education is also different… The Government often answers its critics by saying that Africans in South Africa are economically better off than the inhabitants of the other countries in Africa. I do not know whether this statement is true and doubt whether any comparison can be made without having regard to the cost-of-living index in such countries. But even if it is true, as far as African people are concerned, it is irrelevant. Our complaint is not that we are poor by comparison with people in other countries, but that we are poor by comparison with white people in our own country, and that we are prevented by legislation from altering this imbalance.

During my lifetime I have dedicated my life to this struggle of the African people. I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons will live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal for which I hope to live for and to see realised. But, My Lord, if it needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.” – Nelson Mandela

Born in July 18, 1918, Nelson’s full name is Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela. “Rohlihlahla means the one who pulls the branch” Read: “I Just Knew That There Was Something Inside Me That Wanted Me to Tell My Story…” #DANGHero, Chinua Achebe

After the police killed 69 blacks during a peaceful demonstration in Sharpeville, South Africa, Mandela, who’d become one of South Africa’s most wanted men, was forced to leave his family and take his work underground. He and his comrades endorsed an armed struggle of their own—one that targeted government offices and symbols of apartheid, not people.

Mandela fled his country to travel in Africa and Europe, and when he returned he was arrested and ultimately charged with treason. During his trial, he showed remarkable courage. At 46, in the winter of 1964, Mandela was sentenced to life in prison at Robben Island, South Africa’s Alcatraz.

In 1985, after more than two decades in prison, Mandela shocked the world when he rejected an offer to be released if he would renounce violence. His reason for declining: He refused to leave prison under conditions—and he would not allow himself to be singled out from the men who’d worked alongside him.

But Mandela was indeed singled out when government officials moved him to private quarters in another prison in 1988 so they could hold private negotiations for his release. Responding to the international campaign to free Mandela that had erupted in the 1980s, then-president F.W. de Klerk finally announced to Parliament on February 2, 1990, that he would lift the ban on the ANC and release the man whose long imprisonment had made him a mythical figure. Nine days later, on February 11, as millions around the world looked on in elation and disbelief, Mandela passed through the prison gates a free man.

“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”
? Nelson Mandela

In 1992, After a landslide victory, Mandela became South Africa’s leader—and he appointed de Klerk his deputy president.

On 5th December 2013, Nelson Mandela, died at the age of 95 after suffering from a prolonged respiratory infection. He died at his home in Houghton, Johannesburg, South Africa, surrounded by his family.



Do Not Act Like a Maid to Win Cool Points From Your In-Laws

So many ladies and some men are ready to do anything, including act like maids to win cool points from their in-laws. I believe most times, you help because you want to look good not because you’re showing respect to the elderly. Your intentions matter

One time I was invited to a Christmas party by a guy who was asking me out. I had nothing to do so I attended, hoping to make it brief. “Come and greet my mum” he said

We headed straight to the back of the house, where she was seated, giving orders to caterers and helps. Everyone was just going up and down acting busy. I greeted her, asked her if she needed help, she said “you want to join this circus?” I laughed, pulled a chair and sat with her anyway Read: When is a Relationship A Relationship?

I noticed she didn’t get up from her seat, just gave orders. I told myself to start a conversation with her instead of sitting there going through an awkward silence. So we struck up a conversation and it was one of the most intelligent and insightful conversations I had ever had. Turned out, my intelligence mattered more to her than my domestic skills

I didn’t lift a finger or go out of my way to help. But I was there anyway if there was something I could help with. That’s how my mama taught me, not to win cool points but to show respect by asking to help the elderly when I visit their home

Going to see your boyfriend, girlfriend or potential and helping his or her parents with chores should be a thing of respect, not because you want to win cool points. If you don’t have to do anything, sit down and be confident in who you are. Don’t run around trying to look domestic

If you do it for the wrong reasons, you’ll regret acting like a maid when you find out you did all that for nothing. Act normal, be nice and have no expectations

Those parents will see right through you anyway

Michelle Obama

“Don’t be afraid. Step out of your comfort zones and soar”- Michelle Obama

“Don’t be afraid. Step out of your comfort zones and soar”- Michelle Obama

“I looked up to my parents growing up. Even though they didn’t go to college themselves, they worked hard to be able to send us. My dad was a pump operator at the city water plant, and he didn’t earn much money. But he was determined to pay whatever tiny part he owed for my tuition on time every month.

So even though he had multiple sclerosis and often struggled just to get dressed in the morning, he hardly ever missed a day of work. His determination and love are an inspiration to me every day. So I was an incredibly devoted student, and I would often wake up at 4 or 5 in the morning to study. But even so, there were still people who thought that a girl like me with a background like mine wasn’t really “college material.”

“I want our young people to know that they matter, that they belong…So don’t be afraid. You hear me, young people? Don’t be afraid. Be focused. Be determined. Be hopeful. Be empowered. Empower yourself with a good education. Then get out there and use that education to build a country worthy of boundless promise. Lead by example with hope; never fear.

And when you encounter obstacles — because I guarantee you, you will, and many of you already have — when you are struggling and you start thinking about giving up, I want you to remember something that my husband and I have talked about since we first started this journey nearly a decade ago, something that has carried us through every moment in this White House and every moment of our lives, and that is the power of hope — the belief that something better is always possible if you’re willing to work for it and fight for it.

It is our fundamental belief in the power of hope that has allowed us to rise above the voices of doubt and division, of anger and fear that we have faced in our own lives and in the life of this country. Our hope that if we work hard enough and believe in ourselves, then we can be whatever we dream, regardless of the limitations that others may place on us. The hope that when people see us for who we truly are, maybe, just maybe they, too, will be inspired to rise to their best possible selves.

Being your First Lady has been the greatest honor of my life, and I hope I’ve made you proud.” Michelle Obama

Pregnancy and Childbirth

Pregnancy and Childbirth: 10 Things They Forgot To Tell You

Pregnancy and childbirth is the gift that just keeps on giving, but let us be clear on what some of those “gifts” are.

As mothers and/or women who plan to be mothers, the goal with any pregnancy and childbirth is, of course, to ultimately give birth to a healthy baby. A well baked, 10 fingers and toes, 6 lbs+, baby boy or girl is clearly a blessing all in its own.

But let’s get to the battle of our bodies that brings upon such blessings, shall we? Read: My Prayer for Mothers Who have Said Childbirth is ‘not that painful’: May The Lord Forgive You

“Contrary to what Pinterest preaches, pregnancy and childbirth isn’t all glam, glow, and thicker hair, lol. But so far I’ve had enough grad-level learning, and hilarious TMI struggle to fill a book!”

However, for the rest of us who are hoping to be better prepared (or who are just curious), I created a list of things that they don’t tell you about pregnancy and childbirth. We already know about the tender breasts, weight gain, heartburn, and possible fluid retention that makes us look like a fluffy, pregnant Pokemon. But as far as the rest, you may want to take a look at this.

Here are the 10 Things They Don’t Tell You About Pregnancy and Childbirth:

1. Oh Spit!

Spitting happens while pregnant. For some, a lot. For others, none at all. But it happens and it’s normal.

Although doctors have not found a direct link to the excessive spitting and being pregnant, some suspect that it’s a hormonal thing and/or a result of the constant feeling of nausea (which varies per experience) that of course results in your salivary glands acting up. Be warned though, sometimes barfing does follow.

2. ‘Roid Rage

And we’re not talking steroids! Be clear that up to 50% of women are effected by Hemorrhoids when pregnant. What are thoooooosse you ask?

Well, for most of us, we know what hemorrhoids are (be it by experience or just common knowledge) but in case you don’t:
Hemorrhoids are little veins in and around your rectum that can become swollen due to the strain of your growing uterus and increased blood flow.

Sometimes constipation (another culprit of being pregnant) are the cause of these too. They look like excessive, hanging pieces of swollen skin around your- uh, anus. The effects can either be that they itch or they hurt or both. But the good news? The issue usually goes away after childbirth (ouch though!).

3. Tinkle-Bell

Baby on the bladder! You might have heard of women having to pee a lot during pregnancy but what you may not know is that sometimes you can’t hold it!

Your bladder sits directly under your uterus so as your womb-mate grows, the bladder can’t always handle the pressure. This may result in an ease to pee from such simple activities as: sneezing or coughing, so be careful!

Just remember the cardinal rule: If you sprinkle while you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe your seat-y (unless that seat is a couch, then you may be out of luck)!

4. Bleeding Gums…

Yep! Your gums may bleed…and just like spit, it’s totally normal (what your baby has to do with your mouth I have no clue, but apparently things get crazy up in there)!

In this case, doctors do know the cause of this though is the female hormone, Progesterone.

5. Baby Got “Black”

This is not a bad side effect at all, but it might be one that most didn’t know! You might notice a bit of change in your color while pregnant. This is because hormones amp up your melanin cells, the result of which you may produce more pigment, which will darken your areolas, freckles (if you have any), and more than likely, it will cause that mysterious line that runs from your belly button to your southern region, known as as the “linea nigra.” You may also get blotchy skin, known medically as “Chloasma.”

Hyperpigmentation tends to be more noticeable in women with darker complexions and typically fades post-birth. But in the meantime, consider it as your little baby picasso using your body as a canvas and coloring you from the inside out (isn’t that a cute way to imagine it?).

And now, for the post-birth!

6. Pregnancy Fog

Pregnancy fog is for real. Some women have it so bad that they they can’t remember basic sentence structure, let alone simple tasks.

In one Internet forum, one woman said that she forgot everything the doctor told her about her pregnancy symptoms, and would Google her ailments instead of calling her doctor. The result? She thought she was legitimately dying.

According to the Bible of pregnancy (What To Expect When Expecting), pregnancy fog is a result of your hormones having some fun with you at your expense. Also, lack of sleep due to the baby kicking your bladder all night, as well as decreased energy, can contribute to pregnancy fog.

7. The Mucus Plug

A mucus plug is literally what it sounds like–a huge thing of mucus that sort of holds together and clogs up your cervix to ensure that the “water” (your placenta) that you’re toting stays together and doesn’t drip until due. Post-birth and post your water breaking, you will also lose your mucus plug, but it may take anywhere from a few hours to a few days. Somewhat grossly enough, this can mean your body discharging wad amounts of mucus for some time to come (cue the adult diapers or the “O.G.” lady pads).

**Note: Diapers for moms after birth are not always necessary and vary from mom to mom and from reason to reason. Some nurses even give women who have severe hemorrhoids a diaper full of ice to help cool down the discomfort of the swelling in/around their anus. Yikes!

8. Bowel Movements…Oh Crap!

So… if you didn’t know, 12-36 hours of pushing a baby might “move” out some other thangs too. Yes, this includes the movement of your bowels and yes, this may happen in a room of people.

Everyone talks about how you’re likely to make number two in front of your doctors, nurses, man, and family and friends (whoever is allowed in the delivery room, luckily only but so many people are, but still, one is one too many when you think of pooping), but take it from moms–you will not care one bit about what comes out of your booty while you’re pushing that baby.

However, some moms have said that having a child, especially for the first time, puts their body in so much shock that they psych themselves out when it comes to having to use the bathroom after–meaning they become constipated because they are so traumatized from all that pushing just moments prior. Plus, with the stitches, some women and are so scared of the pain because everything– and we mean everything– hurts while your body adjusts to birthing a watermelon out of a needle’s hole.

9. Speaking of Stitches

Usually, your doctor will chat with you about an episiotomy, just in case you may need one. An episiotomy is a surgical cut made at the opening of the vagina during childbirth to aid a difficult delivery and prevent rupture of tissues. In other words, it’s when the doctor clips your cha-cha to make room for that watermelon head to come out of your vagina.

Don’t worry, this too shall heal. But in the meantime, this too shall hurt more than a little bit (and you thought the baby being delivered was the end-all, be all. Sorry but, heck naw!).

Whatever you do, please don’t Google an episiotomy. Just ask your doctor about it if they have not talked with you yet, and know that those battle scars will heal just as well!

10. Placenta aka The “Afterbirth”

Oh, you thought it was over.

But wait, there’s more.

All of your placenta has to come out after birth. No seriously, if it stays, it can infect and harm you. It doesn’t sound so bad, but if you are fatigued from delivery and your body can’t push anymore, your practitioner may have to forcibly push down on your abdomen region to evacuate the excess fluid.

The plus side (and strange side), it may cause damage to stay in, but once it’s out, it can be ingested (yes, you can consume your own placenta), and the health benefits are endless.

Seems like a lot but, take it from a more than a few moms:pregnancy and childbirth is all worth it! And many women experience a postnatal-warrior vibe after giving birth, something that only a badass, mommy-gene can provide.

Written by Soraya Joseph. Read more of her articles Here

Building wealth as an employee

Managing Your Money: What They Don’t Teach In School

Let’s talk money.

I grew up in a single parent household and was lucky enough to not only have a supermom but also a business savvy mom. In school we are taught all that we need to pass exams, but these lessons don’t include personal finance. Most people get into the real world and have no concept of money management or where to even begin.

I have a thirst for knowledge in this area and a passion for sharing what I know to encourage others to take money management and personal finance seriously. When it comes to money management, there’s nothing better than knowing your bills are paid, your savings is growing, and you have some extra funds to “do you.” If you haven’t gotten started just yet or would like to add on to what you are currently doing, here are some tips to jump-start the process:

1) Visualize what you are working with!

Have you ever heard people say that they are visual learners? Well, I consider myself one. Keeping an excel sheet is a bit old school but I love the flexibility in changing numbers, using formulas, and the ease of sitting at my laptop and being able to see all my funds at once. Depending on your pay schedule, list out which bills you plan to pay with what check. After you add these things up, subtract from your net pay and what’s left over, you can play with! Now if you are more tech savvy and prefer to have your budget at your fingertips, consider looking into apps such as Mint, which allows you to have convenient access through your smartphone. Remember, the key to budgeting is to track your spending! By doing so, you’ll know where to cut back and where you have room to wiggle.

2) Don’t forget to pay yourself.

Although we can get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, there’s nothing like knowing you have some “tuck-away” funds. Before you do anything additional with your money, put away a set amount of funds into your savings account. Make saving a priority; don’t wait until you’ve spent most of your money and only save what’s left. “The goal of paying yourself first is to help make sure your future self’s key financial goals are covered, including building up an emergency fund, contributing to retirement and saving for any other long-term goals (Forbes).”

3) Have a savings account that is not tied to your primary bank account.

We all know the saying “robbing Peter to pay Paul.” This is exactly what happens when we co-mingle our funds, so to speak. You say to yourself you’re going to save $100 a check but once you start getting down to the last few dollars in your checking account, you start to slowly dip into your savings. How come? Because it’s so easy. All you have to do is transfer the money and it’s immediately available. A solution for this would be to keep your “real” savings separate. I opened a savings account with a completely different bank and chose not to get a debit card for it. The best part of this account you ask? It takes three days to transfer money into your checking account. By the time you would receive the money, guess what? Those shoes or that bag isn’t so important.

4) Know Your Debt. Then, Knock It Off!

Make a list of your debt from the smallest amount to the greatest and start knocking them off one by one. Each time you finish one, take the extra money and apply it toward the next debt. As you begin to see your debt decrease, you will feel motivated to keep going.

5) Did somebody say rainy day?

Now I’m sure we all know how it feels to get caught in the rain without an umbrella! The same applies to unforeseen circumstances that may leave you in a bind and needing some quick funds. Most financial advisors recommend having at least 3-6 months of living expenses saved. Yes, you heard me right, 3-6 months and that includes rent, monthly debt payments, and whatever other obligations you have to take care of. For some of us when we add that up, that number can scare us so I recommend starting small. According to financial author Dave Ramsey, an emergency fund of $1k is a good place to start. Set a plan, take your time and you’ll get there. Once you reach that $1k goal, set small goals to get yourself to that 3-6 month cushion. “You cannot expect victory and plan for defeat” (Joel Osteen). Small victories are better than none!

6) It’s never too early to start saving for retirement.

Take advantage of the many options that are available to you. More often than not, we may approach situations with the “we have time” mind frame. Well honey, time flies and when it comes to investing, the earlier you contribute, the greater your return. Contact the HR rep for your employer and see what options are available to you for pension. If your job doesn’t provide you with options or you prefer to do your own thing, look into other options. Doing your research is key; then go with the best option for your financial situation. There’s a huge misconception that you should wait until you make more money to save. This couldn’t be more inaccurate. As you get older, in most cases you have more responsibility (kids, spouse, mortgage, etc.) and these things will be just additional reasons for why you can’t save. Bottom line is it may never “feel” like the right time. Start saving now!

7) Don’t be Pimped by Your Life!

Many times we get stuck being in situations we despise because we don’t see a way out. This goes for relationships, jobs, business ventures, etc. Having security, a cushion, or being stable could mean the difference between leaving that job you hate and following your dreams or staying at that 9-5 because you have no money saved up and need to make ends meet. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with a 9-5, that’s what I do now. Let’s keep it real, many of you desire more or if given the opportunity would be doing something else. The only constant in life is change, so be prepared. Now when that unplanned event happens or you just wake up one day and want to jump ship; you will be ready! A lot of what I included in this article is just a snippet of how good money management can lead to financial freedom. As a result, financial freedom can lead to a greater quality lifestyle.

Written by Germeen Greene

Airport Chronicles

Airport Chronicles: Oyinbo People Are The Worst!

Airport Chronicles: Oyinbo People Are The Worst!

I’ve been traveling a lot in the past 5 days. Yesterday as I got off the plane from one Oyinbo country to another and walked towards immigration, my hand luggage hit a bump. As I looked back to pull it over the bump, I noticed a tall black man looking at me and then immediately shifted his gaze to my bum. (His wedding band was shining bright like a diamond by the way). In my mind I’m like “pervert oshi”

I had a feeling he was still staring. I looked back again and noticed he was walking purposefully towards me, still looking at me and then my bum. So I walked faster and got in line

The audacity of this man! He actually cut the line, muttering to people “excuse me …excuse me I just want to drop something for my sis over there”. Sister how? Why do black people assume we’re bloodline just because we’re the same skin tone? You better get away with your cheating self. Read:Airport Clinic Chronicles: My Yellow Card Experience

I braced myself , ready to give him the death stare and silent treatment

When he got to me, he moved uncomfortably close, I quickly pulled back and gave him a dirty glare. He moved closer again and said “Hi. I don’t mean to disturb you but the flap of your body suit has been dangling behind you since we got out of the plane, I was trying to…” At this time I wasn’t listening anymore, my hand had immediately moved to my bum area and I realized the body suit flap -which I had unbottoned to get comfortable on the plane- was embarrassingly dangling over my belt!!!

Oh God of Zachariah, why am I always so clumsy?

I thanked him shyly while I tucked in the flap even though all I wanted to do was disappear. And these wicked Oyinbo people standing behind me couldn’t even say anything about it to me?


***This is an old post. Reminiscing on shenanigans of previous trips as I’m about to go on another shortly. Super excited***

I Was Emotionally Available Until I Dated Way Too Many Guys Who Weren’t

Life Lessons: I Have Learned These Things…And A Little More

Life Lessons: I Have Learned These Things…And A Little More

I’ve learned-

that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned-

that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned-

that you can keep going long after you can’t.

I’ve learned-

that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned-

that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned-

that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do. Read:67 Year-Old Ayo Iroche Narrates Life Lessons

I’ve learned-

that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned-

that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned-

that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I’ve learned-

that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned-

that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned-

that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned-

that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned-

that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned-

that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I’ve learned-

that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I’ve learned-

that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned-

that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned-

that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned-

that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

By Omer B. Washington

The mistress

I Was The Mistress But I Never Wanted Him To Leave Her For Me


I felt empty inside.

I always felt empty inside after we had been together, but this time the emptiness pooled into my heart like a black cascade of smoke before he even left the bed. Maybe I didn’t love myself as much as I thought I did. Maybe it was all just a front to hide the afraid, disturbed little person that really lived inside of me.

He once told me I was like his little piano; dark and brooding, overdosed with sad, elegant beauty that kept him lost in the melodies I so often performed for him. He said my low, sultry, daunting chords haunted him. I took it as a compliment.

I knew I didn’t love him. I was curious about him. I never quite understood how or why he always managed to worm his way into my most intimate places, but I knew it wasn’t out of love. I did care about him deeply. I wanted the best for him. I wanted to see him prosper, fulfil all of his wild and crazy dreams no matter how extreme or silly they seemed to be.

He craved my attention, my ideas. He was captivated by my imagination and the imagery I provided with every word I spoke. I could make him see beyond the veil with the things I would say, and, although he’d never admit it, it was me who sparked the fire fuelling him forward.

I was not the woman that texted his phone every hour on the hour. I never made him dinner. I wasn’t checking his whereabouts or planning date nights every Friday. I never complained when we went weeks on end without seeing one another let alone speaking.

I wasn’t the woman he was supposed to do that with. I was the other woman, and I knew my place, despite how it made me feel on the inside. That’s why he always came back to me. He could be himself with me. There were no standards. No questions. It was all be and let be with me, and he needed that.

I didn’t want him to leave her for me. We’d never work as a real couple, and I knew that. Canoodling between the sheets at godforsaken hours of the night, we did that well. Laughing, playing, behaving as reckless as we wanted to, we excelled. But dating, being together exclusively… Well that was nothing more than a funny thought to me.

Although it crushed my pride and left me feeling deserted in a wasteland of wretchedness at times, I knew he made the right choice when he chose her. She was a quaint, demure, sweet girl. Tame. We never talked about her and, even if she did ever know about me, she knew that he’d never actually let her go to keep me.

For nearly a year, I allowed him to use up my body as his own personal little toy. I enjoyed the release. He was a stellar lover, and there were times I would have been willing to quit my day job just to f-ck him from sunrise to sunset. Climbing on top of him, feeling myself slide down on his sturdy, thick shaft and slowly rocking back and forth until the both of us exploded made me feel like a conqueror.

And every time he came, with beads of sweat falling from his forehead hotly piercing my skin, letting out that long sigh of aching absolution, I felt like a breaker of chains, a ruler, a god. But as I lay there next to him in my bed, sex heavy in the air and sheets moist with our fluids, the shallow, sullen, gloominess would always start to creep in.

ALSO READ: Read: The Other Woman

A rational person would probably wonder why I didn’t just stop, end things for once and for all, go about my life, and find someone who would value and recognize my worth. But I’ve never been a rational person. And sadly, for a long time the emptiness he left me with every time we were together felt better than the nothingness I often felt when we were apart.

Eventually, I walked away from our secret love affair. Not just because I knew it was wrong playing in the shadows of another woman’s happily ever after, but because I could no longer stomach the vacancies I created in my own heart simply by entertaining him.

Despite the glamour I find in keeping secrets, I finally recognized that it was never really him that caused the emptiness. It was me allowing myself to be his second option, because I was already treating myself like the second option.

That’s the interesting thing you learn about yourself when you’re playing the mistress. No matter how much fun you’re having or how enjoyable the ease and simplicity of a no-strings-attached relationship can be, there always comes a point when a woman is forced to think about what makes a man choose her for seconds when he already belongs to someone else. 

Written by JN Williams for

Oprah Winfrey

“Inside every overweight woman, is the woman she knows she can be.” – Oprah Winfrey

“Inside every overweight woman, is the woman she knows she can be.” – Oprah Winfrey.

What is Wrong With This Statement?

Inside every overweight woman, is the woman she knows she can be…”. This was part of Oprah’s statement for the weight watchers campaign. “For your heart to pump, pump, pump, pump, it needs the least amount of weight possible to do that. So all of the people who are saying, ‘Oh, I need to accept myself as I am’ — I can’t accept myself if I’m over 200 pounds, because it’s too much work on my heart. It causes high blood pressure for me. It puts me at risk for diabetes, because I have diabetes in my family.’’ -says Oprah Winfrey

Melissa Harris Perris (American TV Host) Countered Oprah’s Statements. She said “I’m thinking to myself ‘But O! You are already precisely the woman so many are striving to be. Who you are, what you have accomplished, how you have influenced and altered the world is all so much more important than your dress size. There is not one thing that you have done that would have been more extraordinary if you had done it with a 25 inch waist.I worry as a mom and as a woman about the messages our daughters receive if they think a woman as phenomenal as you is still not enough unless she is thin.”

Who is right? Who is wrong? Does the truth lie somewhere in between?

Richard Mofe-Damijo

“Mama, We Made It!” – Richard Mofe-Damijo (RMD)

“Mama, We made It!” – Richard Mofe-Damijo (RMD)

Many many years ago after I had passed my higher school certificate examination, Mama Rich asked me what I was going to study at the university, I said theatre arts. I could tell she wasn’t happy at all. That didn’t sound like the LAWYER her cousin had suggested I should become.

Tears in her eyes she kept begging me to study law. I knew she couldn’t argue the case any further not because she was illiterate but the fact that as her only child she had also come to trust me a little bit. Also my stubbornness or resolve won’t allow me shift grounds. She knows her Eyimofe. She also knew her tears moved me. Read:God Knew I Needed My Past Experiences To Be Able to Deal With My Present Success” -Ramsey Nouah

So, very slowly I took her hands held them tight and looked into her eyes and assured her not to worry that I will be ok. We will be ok. That she will be “seeing me on television”. This was 1980. At this time I wasn’t sure how many Warri boys had “made it to television” let alone me the skinny boy from Welfare Road.

Thankfully she didn’t have to wait too long. 2 years later I got my first tv role… Emeka. The play ‘Wrath of the Gods’ was an instant hit and winner of many awards. It wasn’t just my victory, it was hers as well. Her son had done well, not as a lawyer but an actor. After all how many lawyers made it “to television” at that time in Warri or Nigeria as a whole and none of her friends children had been on television, so there she earned her first bragging rights. Her son was famous, lawyer or not.
She went to her grave happy.

Years later I would also become the LAWYER she so wanted me to be. Unfortunately she didn’t see me wear the wig and take photos with me. Not to worry, she went to heaven not only as Mama Rich but Mama Emeka, the other name her son was called as an actor in his first tv role.

Here we are Mama Rich, 37 years later we have made it… Your Eyimofe is an Actor, Lawyer and so much more. Thank you Mama Rich for all the sacrifices, Eyimofe loves you.

The story “Mama We Made it” was taken from Richard Mofe-Damijo ‘s instagram account @mofedamijo

How To Stop A Child From Lying

A Guide on How To Stop A Child From Lying

A Guide on How To Stop A Child From Lying

Six-year-old Adam sheepishly strolls into mum’s bedroom with crumbs clinging to his lips. Mom interrogates, “did you go take a biscuit?” Adam smiles, eyes opened and refutes his mom’s confrontation. “Stop lying, Adam! I see those crumbs on your mouth. Now kneel down there until you are ready to tell the truth young man. When are you going to learn it is not good to lie?!!!”

Hopefully, the guide below on how to stop a child from lying will help


Indeed, lying is a serious issue… usually used to cover up a misdeed or to get out of some unpleasant task. It drives every parent crazy and managing it is often difficult and confusing.

Aggravated, most parents use coercive force: guilt, threats, punishment, intimidation, commands, shouting, beating, criticism, sarcasm etc to motivate their children to get them off the lying mode. This may work, but only in the short term- it has no lasting positive effect on behavior.

Force or coercive power motivates through fear…instead of love. Therefore, it has the counterproductive effect to make children protect themselves by being more skilful in lying, being hostile, blaming others etc. This way, the child’s behaviour is not governed by his own sense of right or wrong and no positive value is developed.

Surprisingly, lying is not a rooted trait or characteristics of most children. It is developmentally ‘normal’ for children between the ages of four and seven to lie. The concrete operational stage of children begins at seven. From that age, children are capable of understanding the value of honesty and know the difference between reality and cooked stories.

However, if you make too big of an issue about it between the early period of their development, your child may continue to lie in order to avoid punishment. So what is a parent to do?

What do I mean? You know the answer, and you deliberately set up your child to ‘test’ if he will tell you the truth. For instance, you are Adam’s mom. You are 100% certain that he had taken the biscuit- after all, the evidence was all over his lips! Yet, you still asked him if he did. Of course, his first response would be no. If you ask say five times, he says no. On the sixth time, he is sure to finally break down and admit. By this time, you are furious, but you’ll also feel victorious that you finally got the truth out of him.

But what has just really happened? You just gave Adam five times to practice lying!
Eventually, sooner or later, your child will realize he can’t fool you and give up lying. Sometimes, this works. However, at other times, they will simply work to be better liars and you will be helping to provide with their practice sessions.

If something happens, you either know the truth or not. If you don’t know what occurred, ask your child once what happened. If he tells you and you later find out that he lied, discipline for whatever the offence was as well as for the lie. Hopefully, you have previously set the limit that lying is never condoned in the family. No assumptions or “they should know”…But one-on-one verbal engagements where consequences and reward for the opposite- truthfulness/honesty/integrity are pre-agreed upon.

So Adam’s Mom can say, “I see you ate some biscuits. Eating biscuit before dinner is not a good idea”

Ask your child to describe how he feels internally when he tells a lie? Does he feel disturbed? Happy? Guilty? Teach him that he is in control and has the power to choose how he will like to feel.

The biggest deterrent to lying is for the child to learn good things happen when he tells the truth. He will feel better about himself and others will be more willing to trust him.
If you have been punishing your child, you may want to going forward, provide a non-threatening environment by informing him that you will not punish him if he told the truth. This is to reestablish connection. Stick to your promise.

If something happened, do not ask who did it or why? Rather use the phrase. How did it happen? This is more likely to give you a truthful response.

Try not to surprise your child by asking your question impulsively or out of the spur of the moment. Many kids just respond impulsively. They lie. However, their real intention/desire is just to end the conversation, get rid of you and stay out of trouble.

For instance, something happened and you already know the details. You may say: I want you to tell me the story of what happened when it was time for dinner today, but not right now. Think about it a while and we’ll talk about it in 15mins. But remember, I already talked with (an eye witness).

However, in the case where you already know that the child is very likely to lie about the event no matter how the question is phrased, simply tell the youngster what you know and calmly mete out your discipline. You do not even give him the chance to lie.

One great tool to do this is the story of the boy who cried wolf. Clearly, they see that once trust is broken, the stake is high and it becomes a herculean task to build it.

How to stop a child from lying and teaching the importance of telling the truth is a long process. It is not something that can be taught one or two times and be expected to “sink in.” It is important that you view your child’s lying as an opportunity to teach rather than something to be punished.

Lying is not good…but it isn’t the end of the world either. It’s a challenge that needs to be managed carefully and thoughtfully. Remember, how to stop a child from lying is not with the use of coercive force, this way, you are only helping to produce an accomplished liar…

A Guide on How To Stop A Child From Lying- Written by Suururah Ogunfemi