After Leaving A Bad Marriage, I Vowed Never to Get Married Again. Then I Met Titilayo, She Was Not The Typical Nigerian Girl
This is my reponse to your post about women being domestic to attract men. I appreciate how you let women know that a real man’s love does not depend on what you look like or how perfect your character is, the only thing a woman needs to be -to find the right man- is herself.
After my divorce, I vowed never to marry again. I already have two kids, I was burnt by my ex but I also handled issues in a childish manner. I could have done better but it is what it is now.
Knowing how much trouble committed relationships could be and how complicated women are, I decided to stay off marriage. I could live with a woman for a while or simply date casually but I made up my mind there was no more marriage in the works for me
This was my mind set when I met Titilayo. We met at my company’s end of year party. We were introduced by my immediate boss and we started chatting. I thought she was beautiful but I had seen more beautiful women. However, I was single at the time with absolutely no attachment and we had quite the intelligent conversation so, I was drawn to her
I asked her if she was single, she mentioned she is but not looking to be in a relationship. No Nigerian lady had ever told me that, even my baby cousins would constantly ask me to hook them up with my friends. But I was happy about that information, if she truly wasn’t looking for a relationship, she wouldn’t get clingy and want any sort of commitment
From that day, we spoke everyday. I really liked talking to her and I noticed she didn’t mind too. Titilayo was intelligent, honest, had very few friends, she was the life of a party and blended quickly with people, no matter what class. One thing though, she wasn’t domesticated. She hates to cook and clean. She told me she would do it if she had to but would rather not. I didnt care because I had a help but I noticed she avoided coming to mine when my help was off. This was not also a typical Nigerian girl behaviour. I told myself we weren’t dating, so I made conscious effort not to let those things bother me
She wasn’t going out of her way with me either. This irritated me more than her not being domesticated. One saturday she told me “I want to have some me time today” I thought she was going to the spa so I let her be until later in the evening when I called her again, she picked up and said “hey, I thought we agreed I was having a me time today” “The whole day?” I asked her in confusion. “Yes now. Sometimes I just take out time to read and sleep and be by myself. I need more than a day for that sef”
I was angry, I had been waiting to talk to her all day and she blew me off. I would later realise that this was because I was used to women who dropped everything to be with me. I had never been with someone who would rather be by herself than talk to me. I didn’t call her again that weekend but she called me during lunch hour the following Monday. I didn’t pick up so she sent a message for me to call when I could.
I didn’t call her for two weeks. During this time, I called old flings and hung out with them, having tons of sex to forget Madam T or just show her that if she can take a day, I could take a week. During those two weeks, she didn’t call me back so this further cemented my belief that she was full of herself.
When the two weeks had passed and I was tired of playing games, I called her and tried to act normal. Truth be told, I realised my childish tantrum was one of the reasons my marriage didn’t work in the first place. When we spoke, she didn’t mention the two weeks gap but simply played along with me. I wasn’t sure I liked that but I was relieved I didn’t have to explain myself. I knew I had taken things too far and telling her I was angry because she wanted some time to herself didn’t seem fair.
We continued being friends and even though we had sex without attaching anything to it, I realised I kept wanting more. Our conversations were top notch, we advised each other on work and side hustle. I also found myself praying for her, sometimes fasting for her when she had issues at work. Titilayo wasn’t the girl I was used to and sometimes I wish she would treat me more specially and give me extra attention, I realised those other girls who did those things never appealed to me anymore. She gradually took up my whole world and she wasn’t even trying
We were not dating when I asked her to marry me. We had been best friends for a year and I was tired of not having her all to myself, not waking up next to her when I wanted. When I asked her to marry me, she asked me, “why?” I was shocked but not surprised. I told her “Titilayo you live a life of truth, I have never met anyone like you. I admire you and I’ve fallen madly in love with you and it’s not because of anything you did. Your life inspires me and I want to be a part of it. Do me the honors please” She accepted the ring, said she had fallen in love with me but didn’t think she was ready for marriage. She was 32 at the time.
We’ve been married for 3 years now, she said she wasn’t ready at that time but we started making plans for our wedding 6 months after the proposal. I live with my best friend, I have a child with my best friend, she has not changed, she is still not domestic, she still seeks quiet sometimes and we still have great sex.
Please let your readers know, women need to relax and let love happen, a strong woman who insists on being herself and not cowering to stereotype will find her own kind of man. Whoever you are, live your life, truly and genuinely. Be sure what you’re doing is what you really want to do not what you NEED to do to get a man.
I have been in a bad marriage, I am in a good one now, the difference in the quality of my life cannot be compared.
Written for Diaryofanaijagirl.com by: Tom