Monthly Archives: June 2017

6 Things You Should Stop Expecting from Others

6 Things You Should Stop Expecting from Others

6 Things You Should Stop Expecting from Others

1. Stop expecting them to agree with you.

You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live a life you are excited about. Don’t let the opinions of others make you forget that. You are not in this world to live up to the expectations of others, nor should you feel that others are here to live up to yours. In fact, the more you approve of your own decisions in life, the less approval you need from everyone else.

You have to dare to be yourself, and follow you own intuition, however frightening or strange that may feel or prove to be. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t get discouraged by their progress or success. Follow your own path and stay true to your own purpose. Success is ultimately about spending your life happily in your own way.

2. Stop expecting them to respect you more than you respect yourself.

True strength is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles. It’s about having faith and trust in who you are, and a willingness to act upon it. Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself.

Today, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you, and from now on I’m going to act like it.” It’s important to be nice to others, but it’s even more important to be nice to yourself. When you practice self-love and self-respect, you give yourself the opportunity to be happy. When you are happy, you become a better friend, a better family member, and a better YOU.

3. Stop expecting (and needing) them to like you.

You might feel unwanted and unworthy to one person, but you are priceless to another. Don’t ever forget your worth. Spend time with those who value you. No matter how good you are to people, there will always be one negative person who criticizes you. Smile, ignore them, and carry on.

In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, the toughest battle you’ll ever have to fight is the battle to be yourself. And as you’re fighting back, not everyone will like you. Sometimes people will call you names because you’re “different.” But that’s perfectly OK. The things that make you different are the things that make YOU, and the right people will love you for it.

4. Stop expecting them to fit your idea of who they are.

Loving and respecting others means allowing them to be themselves. When you stop expecting people to be a certain way, you can begin to appreciate THEM.

Pay close attention, and respect people for who they are and not for who you want them to be. We don’t know most people half as well as we believe we do; and truly knowing someone is a big part of what makes them wonderful. Every human being is remarkable and beautiful; it just takes a patient set of eyes to see it. The more you get to know someone, the more you will be able to look beyond their appearance and see the beauty of who they truly are.

5. Stop expecting them to know what you’re thinking.

People can’t read minds. They will never know how you feel unless you tell them. Your boss? Yeah, he doesn’t know you’re hoping for a promotion because you haven’t told him yet. That cute guy you haven’t talked to because you’re too shy? Yeah, you guessed it, he hasn’t given you the time of day simply because you haven’t given him the time of day either.

In life, you have to communicate with others regularly and effectively. And often, you have to open your vocal cords and speak the first words. You have to tell people what you’re thinking. It’s as simple as that.

6. Stop expecting them to suddenly change.

If there’s a specific behavior someone you care about has that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t. If you really need them to change something, be honest and put all the cards on the table so this person knows how you feel and what you need them to do.

For the most part though, you can’t change people and you shouldn’t try. Either you accept who they are or you choose to live without them. It’s might sound harsh, but it’s not. When you try to change people, they often remain the same, but when you don’t try to change them – when you support them and allow them the freedom to be as they are – they gradually change in the most beautiful way. Because what really changes is the way you see them.

Source: MarcandAngel.com

Throw Away The Marriage Facade: How Is Your Marriage?

Dear woman, think about this carefully, how is your marriage? Is your man afraid of losing you as much as you are afraid of losing him? Is he praying everyday for God to kill all the men out there that may want to destroy his marriage? When you show him you will stay with him regardless, compromising your own self-respect, dignity, and happiness, why should he be afraid of losing you? This is what our parents call patience, because as a woman you have no right to genuine happiness in your life/marriage until your husband says so

When people say “pray for your husband to change, all of them are the same, pray for other women to die by fire if they refuse to let your husband be”…They are asking you to pray in fear.Pray for and with a man who is willing to do better. A man whose heart is hardened and plays no value on your relationship? That man will not changed even if you call down all the angles to speak with him. Some women say “I’m focused on my children now, no time for man” Is that what you signed up for? When your children leave will you become that mother who keeps jumping from one child’s home to another just because she can’t stand her husband?

The reason men cheat and get away with it is because women don’t make it a deal breaker. Cheating is not a norm, not all men cheat. When there are no deal breakers in a relationship, when anything goes, when you have allowed your husband to get away with everything, you do yourself a disservice. Every time you allow it to happen you prove to him that he can do it again and when a man knows he can get away with ANYTHING, he begins to lose respect for you

Remember, once they lose respect for you their feelings will change anyway, it is just a matter of time. Why? Because you cannot really love what you do not respect. By putting up with intolerable behaviour you may hold on to him longer. But expect the bad treatment to continue, or get worse, because you have taught him he can do terrible things to you and won’t lose you. Don’t expect him to feel too guilty either. If your hurt feelings are not enough for you to put yourself first, you can’t expect him to put your feelings first either

Sometimes people who love us take advantage of us because they assume we will always be there, but when we withdraw the attention and let them know you have decided to deposit all that love back into your life, they adjust their ways, because that is how important you are

YOU, as a human deserve to be treated better. YOU can put yourself first and see if he’ll begin to act better. YOU deserve to enjoy life in your own way as much as a the husband too.Fight for your marriage, in all the ways you know how but never ever neglect yourself. YOU are IMPORTANT TOO! Marriage should not kill your soul and spirit, it should elevate both. If there are no changes even after all your efforts and you putting your foot down, leave him! Yes, I said it. God hates divorce, he does not hate the divorced.

The Woman who Found Herself

Nothing Beats Self Love

Nothing Beats Self Love

Some weeks back, I played a game with my friend. We were to tell each other five things we loved about the other and five things we wished the other would improve on.”

After mentioning that she loved how strong and hardworking I was, my friend said “I love that you love your body. I like that you are proud of you and your body.”

She said it just like that and I thought about it.

You see I’ve always been big. Right from secondary school, you could never call me slim but I loved it. I’ve maintained almost the exact size since then and it causes me no unhappiness what so ever.

I love my thick frame, I love my butt, my boobs, my supposedly big legs. I love me. What isn’t there to love about me?

My friends know this. You aren’t allowed to bad talk my body. Kilode? I own it not you and in as much as I am comfortable in it, I do not think your opinion matters.Read:5 Types Of People You Should Kick Out Of Your Life

Because of this, there is no where I do not go, nothing I don’t do. I am always physically and mentally active because I do not see my size as a barrier. I never thought being proud of my body was any achievement until it occurred to me that some people are actually living unhappy lives because they think they are flawed.

People, self love is key. Nothing beats that. It is totally unhealthy for you to sit down and wallow in unhappiness just because you feel ‘Sandra’s legs are better than yours. Or because ‘Chisom’s butt are firmer and higher than yours.

Trust me when I tell you that Chisom wishes her skin could be as velvety as yours, and Sandra wishes her hair to be as lustrous as yours. If you don’t appreciate yourself, your body, how do you expect others too? It starts with you.

Love the skinny thighs, the flat butt, the dark skin, the fat cheeks. Love yourself!

And please, surround yourself with people that see the best in you, that love you for YOU!

I read a quote somewhere I cannot exactly remember and it read “And if I ask you to name all the things(people) you love, how long would it take you till you named yourself!”

Written By Ayo Al. For Diaryofanaijagirl.com

Diamond stores

Woman ‘faints in shock’ After Breaking a £34,000 Bracelet by Accident While Trying it on At A Shop in China

One time while I was on vacation in New York, I told myself it was time for me to enter one of those diamond stores on 5th Avenue. The people that were coming in and going out do not have two heads please. So I waltzed in, head held high, looking good and feeling good. Very happy with myself

I was quickly attended to by a nice lady whose smile seemed to be permanently plastered on. I said to myself “what will happen when I don’t buy anything?”. I then remembered Blair Waldorf, she shopped like she was managing life and she couldn’t be bothered with smiling anyhow. So I mimicked her expression: Poker face on, turning my nose up at most of the attendant’s suggestions

I eventually saw a lovely sapphire and diamonds in platinum stud earrings, worth a little over $16,000. The lady helped me put it on. It was so beautiful I just wanted to leave it on. However, humility fell on me, so I started unscrewing the hook while the attendant hurried away. Maybe my hands shook because the hook slipped off. I stood there frozen, holding my ear with both of my hands to prevent the stud from falling off too

The platinum hook was no where in sight. I just stood there and waited for the attendant to come back. I was so scared I would be asked to buy the earring since I had misplaced the hook. Oh God! My eyes welled up with tears and Blair Waldorf’s spirit immediately left me

While still standing on the same spot, the attendant brought a bracelet to match. I said to her calmly, “The hook fell off, could you please help me look for it?”. She smiled nicely, went on her knees and within seconds, was back up with the hook. I gently removed the earring and gave her back her problem.

Her nice smile still in place she said “Would you be interested in the bracelet too?”. I thought to myself “It’s like this one wants to be unfortunate”. Instead I said “No thank you. I won’t be buying anything today”. She smiled politely and gave me her card

What happened to this Chinese woman could have happened to me. The devil was out to get me that day but God of Zachariah won the battle

elizabeth solaru

“Branding is Everything”- Elizabeth Solaru, One of The Most Highly Sought After Luxury Cake Makers in The UK

My name is Elizabeth Solaru, and I bake! I’m living my dream. Becoming the only three-time winner of Wedding TV’s The Great Cake Bake. Going up against some of the best cake makers in the UK and coming out on top has been a very positive experience.

Making cakes has always been a deep seated passion and with the encouragement of friends and family what was simply a hobby has turned into a thriving business.

I have a diverse career background. Firstly, as a Senior Scientist (Microbiology) with the NHS, then as a Business Development Director at a private medical centre. I then became a Headhunter recruiting CEOs, Chairmen and board level directors into the private, public and charity sectors, all the while making cakes on the side.

To be honest, it was something I thought I would do ten years down the line. However, the encouragement of friends and family saw me doing it much earlier than planned. And I’m loving it all the way. The feedback from the viewers was amazing. They all picked up on the fact that on each occasion, I really listened to the client and delivered to their brief.

I am definitely divinely inspired. My family and friends also play a huge part in motivating me, with their unconditional love and support. Wow, that’s like two times I’ve credited my family and friends with my success, so you best believe it. I also have a number of cake heroes some of whom I’ve been very lucky to meet and take classes with. While some clients also bring great ideas to the table, I tend to draw on my love of fashion and nature to keep creating something worthwhile.

You need a powerful, caring network to get anything done as a woman, you know. So, yeah, my family and friends are the wind beneath my feet. Owning a business has its rewards and challenges. For me the scariest part of it all is knowing that the buck stops with me…that my decision as a business owner ultimately affects people, my employees, my team… Every other challenge in business I have been able to handle- and it can be quite daunting; I mean, there was a time I had to transport a 16 layered cake, and it had thousands of hand painted sugared roses on it… talk about stressful! At a point, it had to be tilted in order to be moved- but I would get sleepless nights over how my decision would affect the last person on my team.

I’ve been remarkably blessed and I know that. For me, the greatest reward is a client gushing about my cake, the look on the bride’s face when she sees her cake. Someone once told me that my cupcakes were the prettiest thing at her wedding. That’s huge, that’s deep.

3 LESSONS TO LEARN BEFORE YOU START YOUR BUSINESS

1. Do lots of research into your chosen industry.

2. Think hard about your branding and the kind of clientele you are aiming for

3. Just GO for it.

The biggest thing I’ve learnt, was how to knock on doors and not to fear rejection. It is important not to take rejection personally and realise that there is always an alternative or something better. I also make it my mission to sow seeds of kindness believing that we all reap what we sow.

yellow card

Airport Clinic Chronicles: My Yellow Card Experience

I have been going to the airport clinic for the past two days to get yellow card to prove that I’ve been vaccinated against yellow fever. This is for a trip I’m embarking on in a few months. It’s either they had closed or the card had finished. Today, I got lucky, they were open and according to the security, they had enough yellow cards

I walked in to the clinic itself and entered the room where the door read “nurses”. “Good afternoon ma, I would like to get the yellow card”. There were three women seated and like it was choreographed, they all looked up at me, down to my toes and up again then went back to filling yellow cards. What did I do now? So I directed my question to the woman closest to me “ma’am I would like a yellow card please. What do I need to do.” She said without looking up “write your name in the register outside and wait”. So I did

I was on the phone talking to my friend’s sister so I got carried away. When I checked the time, I noticed I’d been waiting for over 30minutes and people who came in after me were no longer there. My friend’s sister told me, “go back inside and kiss their ass”

I entered the room and zeroed in on one of the women, speaking in Yoruba I said “Ahn Ahn mummy, I remember you from our church Ayo Ni. You don’t remember me?” She looked up at me and said irritably “you and who? What church? I don’t know you from any church o”. “But me I know you sha. What did I do now? People have come and gone and you haven’t called my name” I pulled up a chair and sat close to her, shoulder to shoulder. One of the other women responded “Ahn Ahn sebi you came in hanging your bag on one hand, wearing short dress and speaking grammar. Did you keep us here? Go and continue posing o. The card is almost finished” she waved the three remaining cards in my face

WAWU!!! Someone cannot wear short dress and speak grammar in peace again?

I shut the door and addressed the 3 women. “My mummies, is that my offense? I’m sorry. Please don’t let the cards finish. See? I have put my bag down. (I dropped my bag on the chair) I’m not speaking grammar again.” Then I started singing and swaying “mummy oooooooo wa Pe la ye, mummy eeeeeeee wa jeun omo, e ni bani ko ni ri be…” (Mummy o, you’ll live long…’ Mummy o…you’ll live to enjoy your children. Woe to those who say otherwise) by this time they were cracking up.

One of the women opened a drawer, lo and behold I saw a long stack of new yellow cards. Needless to say I got my yellow card and made new friends

Lagos na wa!

Omobolanle Akinkugbe

Girl Boss: Omobolanle Akinkugbe, Living Deliberately

My name is Omobolanle Akinkugbe. I am 31 years old. I am a lawyer with Masters degree in commercial and Maritime law. My journey from being an employee to an employer was one that happened deliberately

After my masters I worked for a maritime company but work became very monotonous and then boring. I am a bit restless and needed something that would challenge me more so I went back to work in a Law Firm. I realised this was something I wanted to do long term and decided, why not start up my own law firm

Initially being this Young and Female made the job more difficult. We made 10 times the effort in convincing people to work with us. People doubted me and no one wanted to give us a chance. For the first 6 months, I cried a lot and contemplated going back to employment. But when my tears dried, I would tell myself ” ‘mobola, this is hard but there is no going back. If God has brought you this far, He will see you through”

People saw my determination and decided to start small with us. Now look at us, the firm is growing in our vision, our clients trust us and I feel fulfilled. Whatever challenges we face now will not shake me. We will surmount them just as we have summounted previous ones

10 days in sun city

Movie Review: 10 Days In Sun City

10 Days in Sun City is an action comedy about the adventures of Akpos (Ayo’AY’Makun), who took his beautiful girlfriend (Adesua Etomi) from Warri to Lagos to contest in the “Queen of Nigeria” pageant. Monique (Mercy Johnson) who Akpos knew from way back in Warri hosted them but soon sent them packing since they refused to live by her terms. Akpos gets into trouble with Otunba Ayoola Williams (RMD), a wealthy CEO of a cosmetic company as he tries to bully Akpos into letting go of his girlfriend… A series of action comedy ensues…

Most of the movie was shot in Sun City Resort,South Africa. If AY was not paid to promote this resort, he needs to send them an invoice because the visuals/scenery in the movie was beautiful. I want to see that place for myself. Cinematography was top notch, even an outsider could see there was a lot of hard work put into the production of 10 Days in Sun City. Read:Movie Review: “Isoken” AKA Oyibo No Dey Give Up

However, we can’t say the same for some the acting and Akpos’ dialogue. I laughed at some but some of the jokes gave me neck pain from cringing too much. There were so many repeated jokes from AY live, so apart from the fact that I had heard them before, some jokes also fell flat

I am so disappointed that Adesua Etomi was seriously under utilised in this movie. She is a good actress but was demeaned to the status of a beautiful couch.

Miguel Núñez’ character was funny and believable,Mercy Johnson exaggerated her role but Falz and RMD as expected, gave a stellar performance. If you’re going to see the movie because of Falz,know that he didn’t appear in more than 3 scenes even though his name was in the first set of the credits. I assumed he was a major character

Whoever edited 10 Days in Sun City needs to go back to film school.If you get to watch the movie, you’ll understand why…

10 days in Sun City is okay. I did laugh but I left the cinema feeling flat. AY should keep this production crew, fire the editor, stop being lazy and write new jokes for Akpos.

Free Sanitary pads

Kenya is Giving Free Sanitary Pads To Schoolgirls Who Can’t Afford Them

I remember the first time I saw my period. I was in J.S.S 2. It was a Saturday afternoon. I was serving punishment by cutting the grass because the previous day, I was caught jumping from room to room after time out. Of course I wasn’t taking the punishment seriously, My sister was the water prefect, one of the most powerful positions in school, so I was waiting on her to come bail me out or assign another junior to cut the grass with me.

While I pretended to serve my punishment. I saw blood trickle all the way to me feet. I knew immediately what it was. I had been waiting for this day forever but when it finally came, I got scared and panicked. I dropped the cutlass and headed straight to my sister’s dormitory. When i got to her, I broke down in tears and told her I may have started my period. First thing she said to me was “good for you. now you can use menstrual pain as excuse not to attend chapel on Sunday or to get out of hostel chores. Secondly, you cannot be seen hanging around boys in school. Stay away from them. You hear?” I nodded in agreement

Unfortunately, she could only get me water, sanitary pads were scarce and no one was willing to do ‘trade by barter’ because visiting day was still weeks away. We also couldn’t afford to buy from the hostel’s pantry as we were always short on cash then. So my sister cut one of her small towels into 6 pieces, asked me to always alternate them and wash with disinfectant as soon as I was done. I didn’t like it, but I had no choice and she had sacrificed her towel for me

By the time my sister was done putting me together and teaching me how to use the towel, I had gotten over my initial panic and was already feeling like a “GEE”. I could count how many people in my set had started menstruating so this put me ahead of them in some way.

I walked majestically to the floor were my mates were gathered, sat down with them for a while and stood up like I was ready to leave. After taking a few steps, I asked all of them and no one in particular “check my back, is my clothe stained ?” They all looked up at me in shock. “Ah ah. BAZINGA!!! Who is the queen of J.S.S 2 now?” I thought smugly as they all rushed towards me to ask questions. I soaked in all the attention, and gave them the “how” in slow details

This may look like a small act, but for the 40% of teenagers in Kenya who can’t afford this necessity, they will be eternally grateful

Meeting

Stop The Meeting Madness

Nigerians need to start respecting themselves with this “I’m in a meeting” phrase. What meeting? Most of you are on your bed going through Instagram, in your office playing candy crush or somewhere lounging with friends. Just as I found out today

I have been calling a particular man all week because he bought product from me and has refused to pay for a long time. This is a supposedly big man who has a little over a hundred staff and goes to dubai for the weekend when he’s stressed out

Today, I decided to call him again to remind him of my payment. He eventually picked up the second time and whispered dramatically “I’m in a meeting please let me call you back”. Liar! I’ve heard that before. I know a fake whisper when I hear one. “No problem I’m on my way to your office I’ll see you soon”. I cut off the call without giving him a chance to respond. Seconds later, a text message came in “I’m not in the office. At Abuja in NNPC”

Okay…So maybe he’s not lying after all. I fixed another lunch with a colleague at a sea side hotel because I was already dressed and needed not to waste make-up and outfit.

The sea side of the hotel can be seen from the reception. So, as I got into the hotel, the first person I saw through the glass doors was Mr. Debtor drinking beer, lounging. I wondered to myself if I had unintentionally teleported to Abuja. I took a deep breath and walked in a straight line towards him. I was on the phone telling my colleague I had arrived, she asked me to look to my left and I’d see her. I looked to the left, waved at her and continued to head towards the lounge. THE DEBTOR HAD DISAPPEARED!!!

No o. I didn’t care about my heels, I picked up the pace and looked left and right immediately I pushed the glass door open. Mr Debtor had not gone too far. So I shouted his name “[Mr debtor] is this the new NNPC? He stopped in his tracks, walked back to me and said “don’t make a scene. Respect yourself” I laughed really hard and grabbed his arm nicely, walked back to where he was seated and sat with him and his friends. So I said “bring out your cheque book please. Let’s not make me ‘disrespect myself'”

He sent for his chequebook, wrote me a cheque in anger. I thanked him and bid his friends farewell. I could hear him talking furiously in hausa. Who cares, I had a “meeting” to attend.

Ex Girlfriend

My Husband is Still In Love with His Ex Girlfriend

My Husband is Still In Love with His Ex Girlfriend

How did I get here.
How did I let this happen to me
Is it my fault that he is who he is
What else am I supposed to do
I have nothing left to give
He can chat with his ex girlfriend, I can’t or can I
I don’t know why he hasn’t stopped
It baffles me to no end.
He must have really loved her.
She was his one.
I am the the replacement or the make shift one
I wish all of this was clear before I had children. I would have walked away..
I will not take responsibility for his actions
It is not my failure. It is not my cross ..
Maybe one should ask, why, he even bothered..
Perhaps I could have had another.
I strive to be an excellent wife but he won’t even tell me the simple things. I don’t want to go into my non-challence phase.
It will hurt.. the kids especially..
I am not his missing rib..
I don’t think I ever was
It’s truly a shame because I had a lot of plans for him, plans for us
He doesn’t tell me anything
We dont plan together
What kind of marriage is that
I am so mad at myself…
Keeps saying there is nothing yet data shows otherwise..
I should never have trusted him.. should never have…
He is not worthy of my love…
Some Siblings act funny, he does nothing…
I have to seriously reconsider , if this is where I want to be for the rest of my life.. I cannot continue to look over my shoulder..
I thought I had tried to avoid this life, I really thought I did

Written by Anonymous

family

Candid Chat with Odion: A Man Whose Wife Was Forced To Solely Provide For The Family After He Lost His Job

I have known Odion’s family for over 5 years. When he lost his job, I became even more envious of his wife. She would tell me “I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. He’s making this so hard for me to complain”

As much as I can, I’ll bring stories of good marriages to this blog because it shows that if this can work, ours will too. The irony is, people who have really good marriages are very private.

We had this chat last year July. When I asked Odion if it was okay for me to share his picture alongside the story, he didn’t mind but his wife blatantly refused. She was worried people would disrespect him in the comment section

See below a summary of  our chat

DANG: How much less do you actually earn than your wife

Odion: I don’t even bring in up to 10% of what she earns. And you know I don’t have a steady hustle so even that is shaky

DANG: Why do you think she never disrespects you?

Odion: (Laughs) I make it really hard for her to. You know when I was with my former company and I was earning way more than her I never allowed her pay for anything. She bought all her expensive bags and shoes with her salary. So now that things are this way, I try not to let her come home to any stress. I see how hard it is for her not to buy all those things anymore and I feel terrible. So I go to the gym, stay fit and healthy, I stay up to date on all kinds of news so I update her when she gets back. No matter how small the amount, I still contribute to school fees of the kids. I also don’t sit around the house waiting for something to drop on my laps. I keep hustling and doing all I can to help her. It is never easy for a woman alone to carry her family

DANG: Do you ever have ego trips or feel less than a man sometimes?

Odion: I don’t know about ego but I get really frustrated about this situation sometimes. And I take it out on her. Guess what? That’s when she wears her bum shorts, goes into the kitchen, makes my favourite meal. Plays music, gives me a lap dance. If she had plans to go out, she cancels and lurks around the house. This enough makes me want to hug her tight. It is not easy for both of us

DANG: Does she get frustrated too?

Odion: Oh yes! But she tries not to get upset at the same time as me. Sometimes we’re both edgy at the same time so we have a little argument but that’s it. I notice when we are spending a lot of money on something we didn’t plan for, she becomes irritable. She usually doesn’t complain but I know her, she’s trying not to scream. Talking to her won’t help so I just sit beside her and watch TV or send her a message praying for her

DANG: I’m sorry you both are going through this

Odion: Don’t be, we both have faith in each other. We will be fine.

Have Children Before It’s ‘Too Late’

For The Women Racing To Have Children Before It’s ‘Too Late’

For The Women Racing To Have Children Before It’s ‘Too Late’

Dear You,

When I was your age, I was either on my way to college or already enrolled in a university that would light my path towards a lifelong dream to be a writer. Life writes and maps out our journey before we know the road we’ll travel down ourselves, and as an early 20-something, I swore that babies would be the last thing on my mind. But life happens and at 21, I got pregnant. The same people I entered my Freshman year with, were walking across stages and entering the real world. My reality looked different and I fell into a toxic cycle of self-deprecation, comparing my chapter five with someone else’s chapter one.

At 21, you know more than what you did three years ago, but there’s still some life to live. You need to break a few hearts and through expectations, have your own broken a time or two. At 25, what I called my Golden Year, you’ll start to understand people more–more so, yourself–and you’ll either be living your childhood aspirations that you spent thousands on in higher education, or you’re beginning to understand that the trajectory of your life isn’t what you envisioned. Twenty-five is the age of awakening and for me, I was in weird space raising two little beings and feeling like a baby to the world.

As I near 30, what I know now is that you’re always a student and should be receptive to learning. Things work best when it happens in its own time, and when we force things that demand patience and a certain level of maturity, we cannot be our best selves. This is not to say that you cannot find you at an early age–it happens. This isn’t to say that you can’t be a kick ass mother before the age of 25 or after 35–I’m a testament to that–but taking your time produces the best result.

Letting God, the cosmos, whatever deity you believe in, be the one in control and steering the wheel of your existence, will never guide you in the wrong direction.

We coerce things and run against imaginary theories that leave us settling and filling a void to find “happiness.” Take your time. Stop rushing. Allow things to happen organically.

It took years of acceptance and coming to terms with my truth and how my life panned out, but if I could do it all over again, I would see the world and Eat, Pray, Love my way to understanding myself.

I would be a better mom if I had waited. I know that now.

Written by: Erica Nichole
This is an excerpt of a post from xonecole.com

Gabourey Sidibe

“From A Phone Sex Worker To Getting An Oscar Nomination…There’s No Stopping Me Now”- Gabourey Sidibe

My name is Gabourey Sidibe and I’ve spent a large part of my youth being anxious. I was mocked because I’m part African [my father is from Senegal] and because I was overweight. There were times I felt so lost, like I would never find my true calling.

I struggled to get work and I had to take a job as a phone sex operator to survive. The company would only hire me if I could make my voice sound 100 percent white because that’s who the men on the phone wanted to talk to. It was hilariously ironic though because the company was run by 95% plus sized black women who could make their voice sound white over the phone. It was strange to go from being undesirable in reality to “I love you, I’ll call you everyday” when I clocked in at work.

The joke was on these men because we were all plus sized and normally they would not be into us except it was a fetish or something, yet look how amazingly dope and fierce and smart and genius we are to fool them into thinking we were white.

I struggled with depression as a teenager and people said I was too sensitive. My mother got married to my father to give him a green card, but after they got married he took her to Africa to meet his family and she fell in love with him. And I guess he fell in love with her too…but he had a whole other secret family in Senegal and it was normal for him, because his father had several wives.

It must have been really, really hard for this African man with African values and an African upbringing to go to work as a cab driver for 10-14 hours everyday and come home to American children. It didn’t work. So, my parents got divorced. It was dumb of my family to think that my father would be different because that was what he was obviously used to, that was the lifestyle for him. But I guess he really wanted to keep his two wives, and it might have worked if my mom was Senegalese…but she wasn’t. We were the foreigners in his life, so we had to go.

I hurt so bad when my parent’s marriage dissolved. I started having panic attacks. I would cry whenever someone said anything mean to me which was often. People would say to me “You’re just being a baby. You’re too sensitive. You take things to heart too much.” I was actually having a medical condition, I was dealing with depression and anxiety and nobody noticed.

When I auditioned for the role in Precious, I just thought, ‘I want my life to start, please, let it start.’ I didn’t believe it when I got the callback for the role. I just couldn’t believe it. My performance in that role earned me an Academy Award nomination. Can you imagine that? My first role, and I got nominated! Since then, there’s been no stopping me. I’ve worked on a number of Tv series, Empire being one of my favourites.

I lost a lot of weight and I wrote a memoire which just got published. There’s no stopping me now. No sir.

On Billionaire Kidnapper Evans’ Wife…- “Mrs Evans is A Victim of A Sick Society”

This is what Facebook user, Bukola Afolabi Ogunyeye had to say about billionaire kidnapper Evans’ Wife

“So Mrs Evans is the bad wife? She is the woman who couldn’t direct her husband through the right path, she is the curse in Evans’ life…..

I want to be the devil’s advocate here…

How many women know their husband’s true source of income? How many women know how much their husbands earn? How many women can boldly ask their husbands “How much is your salary? Can I see your pay slip?

Let’s just pretend it is improper for a man to let his wife know his income and a woman still needs to “be asking” such questions from her husband. Someone she exposes her nakedness to. But there are some lines she dare not cross with him, after all, he provides the needs of the family.

Some years ago, when I was still in School, we were waiting for the Lecturer to enter the class when a general conversation came up on this topic.

The guys said they can’t disclose their income to their wives.

One said, “She has no business with how much I earn” If a man truly wants to prosper, he should never disclose his financial status to his wife.

I shook my head.

But we are here blaming Evans’ wife right?

We sound like we don’t know what it is like to be a woman in Nigeria.

A Nigerian woman is required to be submissive, keep quiet, don’t talk, pray for your husband, your husband is your head, be a good wife, bla bla bla bla

But here we are, blaming Mrs Evans. Really?

Are we not the same Society who preaches “submission” to women? Are we not the same society who tells a woman to never confront her husband? Are we not the same society who tells a woman to pray for her husband? Are we not the same society who tells a woman to be virtuous?

Now, we expect Mrs Evans to be in the know of everything her husband is doing as a “good wife” . We expect Mrs Evans to be aware of the “real” source of her husband’s wealth?

This sick society keeps pulling a woman left, right and center, But we still set that standard for her!

Mrs Evans is a victim of this sick society.

#DontfreeEvans”

Time zone

Work in Your Time Zone

For in your time zone

Kenya is 2 hrs ahead of Nigeria, but it does not mean that Nigeria is slow, or that Kenya is fast. Both countries are working based on their own “Time Zone.”

Some one is still single.. Someone got married and ‘waited’ 10 yrs before having a child, there is another who had a baby within a year of marriage.

Someone graduated at the age of 22, yet waited 5 years before securing a good job; and there is another who graduated at 27 and secured employment immediately!

Someone became CEO at 25 and died at 50 while another became a CEO at 50 and lived to 90 years. Everyone works based on their ‘Time Zone’.

If it takes you ten years to get the degree or learn the skill your friend managed in two, your accomplishment is just as valid.

Your Colleagues, friends, younger ones might “seem” to go ahead of you. Don’t envy them, it’s their ‘Time Zone.’

You are in yours! Hold on, be strong, and stay true to yourself. All things shall work together for your good. You’re not late … you’re very much On time!

Source:Reddit

social media

Social Media Concept of Dating:I Miss The Days When Men And Women Talked More Than We Texted

Social Media Concept of Dating:I Missed The Days When Men And Women Talked More Than We Texted

Our social media handle has now become a profiling tool. When you meet someone new, they go through your page with a microscope, trying to decipher who you are just by looking at filtered pictures
-I miss the days when two people got to know each other gradually, by constant communication and asking silly questions like “what’s your best colour?”

Nowadays everyone wants to display their ‘situationships’ on the ‘gram, especially when things are good. A Relationships is no more between two people, it is now between two people and social media
-I miss the days when everyone knew ‘of’ your relationship but little ‘about’ your relationship

When you meet a guy at a social gathering, the first thing he asks for is your Instagram handle…
-I miss the days when the first thing a guy asked for was your house address and not your Instagram handle

When I’m in love, I want to stay on the phone longer, talk about our day, deep things and not so deep things. But I hear “lets chat, I’ve had a long day, too tired to talk”
-I miss the days when people actually stayed on the phone to have meaningful conversations

I remember Uni days, when everyone stopped by at the apartment to wish me a happy birthday. This year, I complained to a friend of not calling and she said “didn’t you see my shout out on Instagram?”
-I miss the days when people called to wish you a happy birthday or stopped by at your house rather than send you an Instagram shout out

One time, I wrote a letter o my ex, he told me, “it’s too long , I don’t like reading. You should have sent me a voice note”
-I miss the days of love letters. When people took their time to write meaningful words without abbreviations, hashtags or emojis

These days, people don’t want the title of boyfriend because “we’re just taking it slow”. Meanwhile they get ALL the benefits of a boyfriend
-I miss the days when you introduced your boyfriend without any doubt in your mind as to who he is to you

Men have become lazy and women have become tired of looking like a nag so they settle for whatever they can get.

Real courtship may be going extinct but ultimately, I am in power of my own happiness and I set the terms of how I want to be treated. I am no more afraid to own who I am, my needs and how I would like to be courted. If a man wants to be with me, being courted right will not be an inconvenience to him.

My Step Dad Introduced Me To Cocaine at 18, My Mother is Still with Him

My dad died when I was two. I don’t remember him at all but I have pictures. My mum married my step father when I was 5, so he was the father I knew.

My life was a privileged one, I grew up with drivers and cooks and absent parents. It was just me and maybe my cousins sometimes. This meant I could do anything I wanted

At the age of 17, I started attending private parties. I haven’t lived in Lagos but in Abuja, this was a regular thing amongst rich kids. We grew up too soon and mostly entertained ourselves but at 17, I, like every over exposed teenager was already bored and needed a new way to keep ourselves occupied. A friend’s brother introduced us to this private parties where everything was available from all types of drugs to exotic alcohol. It was fun

One day, as I got back home from the party, I tried to sneak in through the kitchen, I saw my step-dad sniffing perfectly laid cocaine. Of course I knew what it was, I had seen it many times at the party. He didn’t panic, he just looked through me as I walked away to my room. I didn’t know what to think, I didn’t know if i should tell my mum what I saw, So I slept off




I still don’t know what time it was but I woke up to my him slightly tapping my feet. I was immediately alert and he told me to “relax”. “Don’t tell your mum what you saw in the kitchen, I’ll give you some if you promise to keep quiet” He opened his hand to show me a small sachet almost filled with white powder. Did I want some? I wasn’t sure but if my dad was offering cocaine to me, it couldn’t be as bad as people said. So I took it from him. He said, “go ahead, try it.” So I put some on my index finger and sniffed it like I’ve seen people at the party do.

I had seen people at the club rub some on their teeth too, and in the movies as well, so I did the same thing. It didn’t taste nice and my mouth and the back of my throat went numb. I waited a while but I didn’t feel any high as with alcohol.

My step dad asked me to try it again, so I repeated the routine. He did the same and after a while, he started kissing me. It didn’t feel right but my muscles had become really relaxed and I remember he asked me “are you a virgin?”. I said “No, I’m not”. We had sex, I was numb but I knew what was happening. That first night, he chanted “I love you. What we’re doing is special, every father does it to the daughter they care about. what we’re doing is special. If you tell anyone, you will die”. This continued for 4 years, (even when I knew I wasn’t going to die if I said anything to anyone), every night when I was in Nigeria and every time he visited me in school abroad. I used cocaine with him and without him. I became an addict, I didn’t care. I felt like filth and the only way to not think was to keep using





Nothing significant happened, I just woke up one day and knew I had to change my life. So I went to my aunt (who was my guardian abroad) and told her everything. The next day, she put me in a rehab and visited me everyday but all I wanted was my mum. I spent three months in rehab and sent my mother a mail every day without getting a response from her. My aunt told me she said she could never forgive me. But she was still with my step dad, that really confused me. How can she forgive him but not me?

It’s been over 5 years I got out of Rehab, I’m doing great at my job with means to do drugs if I wanted but I’m not going back there. I am super proud of myself. my mother has still not spoken to me. My step father sent me two emails threatening me which I forwarded to my mum. Still, silence from her end. It’s okay, life goes on, one thing I know for sure, I’ll do better with my child.

Body Image

Body Image: Daughter Calls Her Mom “Fat”, And Mother’s Viral Response Sparks Heated Discussions

Body Image: Daughter Calls Her Mom “Fat”, And Mother’s Viral Response Sparks Heated Discussions

When Allison Kimmey told her kids playtime was over, her daughter got so upset she said ‘mama is fat’. So Kimmey decided to teach her kids a lesson about body image and the right use of the word “fat”

“My daughter called me fat today.

She was upset I made them get out of the pool and she told her brother that “mama is fat”.
I told her to meet me upstairs so we could chat.
Me: “what did you say about me?”
Her: “I said you were fat, mama, I’m sorry”
Me: “let’s talk about it. The truth is, I am not fat. No one IS fat. It’s not something you can BE. But I do HAVE fat. We ALL have fat. It protects our muscles and our bones and keeps our bodies going by providing us energy. Do you have fat?”
Her: “yes! I have some here on my tummy”
Me: “that’s right! So do I and so does your brother!”
Her brother: “I don’t have any fat, I’m the skinniest, I just have muscles”
Me: “actually everyone, every single person in the world has fat. But each of us has different amounts.”
Her brother: ” oh right! I have some to protect my big muscles! But you have more than me”
Me: “Yes, that’s true. Some people have a lot, and others don’t have very much. But that doesn’t mean that one person is better than the other, do you both understand?
Both: “yes, mama”
Me: “so can you repeat what I said”
Them: “yes! I shouldn’t say someone is fat because you can’t be just fat, but everyone HAS fat and it’s okay to have different fat”
Me: “exactly right!”
Them: “can we go back to the pool now?”
Me: no ??
__________________
Each moment these topics come up I have to choose how I’m going to handle them. Fat is not a bad word in our house. If I shame my children for saying it then I am proving that it is an insulting word and I continue the stigma that being fat is unworthy, gross, comical and undesirable.

Since we don’t call people fat as an insult in my household, I have to assume she internalized this idea from somewhere or someone else. Our children are fed ideas from every angle, you have to understand that that WILL happen: at a friends house whose parents have different values, watching a tv show or movie, overhearing someone at school- ideas about body image are already filtering through their minds. It is our job to continue to be the loudest, most accepting, positive and CONSISTENT voice they hear. So that it can rise above the rest.

Just do you!
Xoxo
Allie”