I Am A Married African Woman; I Do Not Want Kids. This is My Choice
“When are you planning on having your own children?” My mother asks in tears. This is a regular occurrence , happens most times I visit her. I had told her since I was 18 I didn’t want to have kids, I wonder why she thinks I’ll change my mind. I have never had that thing fluttering in my womb crying to be let loose, and like you will say, my ovaries have never developed goose bumps. Kids are adorable, I love them, I hang out with my nephews and nieces all the time but I still don’t want kids
Before I got married, I had a difficult time with Nigerian men accepting this fact about me. There was a time I was scared to tell my then boyfriend I didn’t want kids because I did really love him and saw us spending our lives together. “Sanmi, do you want to have kids in future?” I asked him one day while holding my breath. “Ofcourse. why?” he replied “What if your wife can’t have kids or don’t want to have kids?” I asked him again “All women want to have kids now…”. I noticed he wasn’t taking the conversation seriously. “Sanmi I don’t want to have kids, I have no maternal instincts” Safe to say he took me seriously then but we eventually broke up after he realized he couldn’t change my mind
When I met my husband, I told him on the 3rd date I didn’t want kids and if he wanted to run, that was the best time for him to do so. He proposed to me right there, even though without a ring. He said he had found his soul mate and he would never let go. Apparently, we both don’t want kids and have been broken up with countless times because of that.
I am tired of telling people I don’t want kids, because the looks and lectures I get annoys me and wears me out at the same time. I know I am an anomaly, an African woman who has chosen to be childless. No! we will not change our minds. There is nothing wrong with us. We are happy with who we are. I asked him before we got married, “what if something happens and you change your mind?” He then asked me the same. We both didn’t have an answer but here we are, 11 years after, still loving life, loving our extended family and content within ourselves and with each other
I am not selfish, or any less of a female. It takes more than a uterus to be a woman
Written by Oby O.K for Diaryofanaijagirl.com