I Am A Married African Woman; I Do Not Want Kids. This is My Choice

12 May 27, 2017 By Dang

I Am A Married African Woman; I Do Not Want Kids. This is My Choice

“When are you planning on having your own children?” My mother asks in tears. This is a regular occurrence , happens most times I visit her. I had told her since I was 18 I didn’t want to have kids, I wonder why she thinks I’ll change my mind. I have never had that thing fluttering in my womb crying to be let loose, and like you will say, my ovaries have never developed goose bumps. Kids are adorable, I love them, I hang out with my nephews and nieces all the time but I still don’t want kids

Before I got married, I had a difficult time with Nigerian men accepting this fact about me. There was a time I was scared to tell my then boyfriend I didn’t want kids because I did really love him and saw us spending our lives together. “Sanmi, do you want to have kids in future?” I asked him one day while holding my breath. “Ofcourse. why?” he replied “What if your wife can’t have kids or don’t want to have kids?” I asked him again “All women want to have kids now…”. I noticed he wasn’t taking the conversation seriously. “Sanmi I don’t want to have kids, I have no maternal instincts” Safe to say he took me seriously then but we eventually broke up after he realized he couldn’t change my mind

When I met my husband, I told him on the 3rd date I didn’t want kids and if he wanted to run, that was the best time for him to do so. He proposed to me right there, even though without a ring. He said he had found his soul mate and he would never let go. Apparently, we both don’t want kids and have been broken up with countless times because of that.

I am tired of telling people I don’t want kids, because the looks and lectures I get annoys me and wears me out at the same time. I know I am an anomaly, an African woman who has chosen to be childless. No! we will not change our minds. There is nothing wrong with us. We are happy with who we are. I asked him before we got married, “what if something happens and you change your mind?” He then asked me the same. We both didn’t have an answer but here we are, 11 years after, still loving life, loving our extended family and content within ourselves and with each other

READ ALSO:  Being A Nice Girl Doesn’t Get You Ahead

I am not selfish, or any less of a female. It takes more than a uterus to be a woman

Written by Oby O.K for Diaryofanaijagirl.com

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12 comments on “I Am A Married African Woman; I Do Not Want Kids. This is My Choice

  1. Anonymous

    I don’t understand, wow! There is truly someone for everyone. She found someone who loves her for who she is. Nice.




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  2. Flow

    To each his own! Of course you are selfish. But then who cares! Why do u think it should even warrant an article? Nonsense.




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    1. Dee

      Not everyone needs to think like you. There was no reason to call her selfish. Not everyone wants children, they are a responsibility that isn’t for everyone! The same way not every woman wants to get married. You should learn to be a little more tolerant about other people’s life choices. It’s their life and not yours. Plus, you’ll sound less like an angry person trolling on the internet ?




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    2. TEE

      Who are you to say that someone else’s choice in life is selfish? Also, it warrants an article because there are people in Nigeria just like her who face persecution from people like you. this is a way to encourage and make everyone aware that they are beautiful and unique irrespective of their life choices.




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    3. Anonymous

      Hello. 1st of all, you have no right to call her selfish. It’s her personal decision and her body and she can do whatever she pleases with it. Just because you don’t agree with it doesn’t make her selfish. Learn to respect people’s choices and make yours.
      I applaud her for knowing exactly what she wants and not allowing our society put her under any unnecessary pressure.




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  3. Sean Manuel

    We should learn to respect other people’s wishes and life. Why is she selfish? She and her man doesn’t want children period. I can respect their choice without agreeing with it or calling them names. Tolerance my dear..




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    1. Data

      Nothing fictitious about someone who doesn’t want to bear children. Just think about all the people you know who have children but can’t be bothered with the work, love and care it takes to raise them. People we all know who leave their children for house helps and school teachers and lesson teachers and drivers to look after. I’d much rather have such people tell themselves and all of us the truth about the fact that they truly and honestly don’t want to be parents and shouldn’t have children. It’s not by force. The poor parenting skills of some people should disqualify them from having children but here we are, everyone just automatically bearing kids just because society expects everyone to procreate. I respect the writer’s truth and decision.




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  4. sola

    I understand this woman perfectly. I’m married and have just had a son via a surrogate after trying myself for 11years, and there were times I was happy to give up. Now, I absolutely hate being married,because my husband is still a bachelor in his head at 48. But the societal pressure and stigma is slowing me down to divorce him. I applaud any Nigerian woman who can stand their ground like this and hope I get the courage too.




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