I am a victim of domestic violence
The first date I went with my husband, he shouted aggressively at the waiter, and turned back to me with a smile. Just like that, like a switch. I told him right there I didn’t think what he did was nice, he said he’s had issues with that same waiter before and he needed to put him in his place. I told myself to enjoy the dinner and not fret over little things. When I got home, I told my mum about it and she said to me “Don’t start finding faults in this one too o. Do you want a perfect man?”
Hmmmm…I gave myself a mental note to watch out for signs that he is aggressive, if there was one thing I used to say confidently, it was that I would never be caught in an abusive relationship, so I looked out for signs like a hawk. After that incident, nothing like that happened again and I must confess, I had the most amazing courtship, more than I imagined
Two weeks before the wedding, I received a phone call from a lady who said she was his ex girlfriend. She said she needed to talk to me and I should hear her out before I informed my fiancée of her call. I spoke to a few close friends and they asked me to meet with her, two of my friends also volunteered to go with me. When we met at an open lounge somewhere in Victoria Island, she said to me, “I have taken it upon myself to tell you this. Whatever you do with this information is up to you. Your fiancée and I dated for 6 months 3 years ago and he beat me 3 times. If you already know this, fine but if this is news to you, please think about it deeply before you marry him” Read: Despite The constant beating, I stayed…
First things first, I had never heard of this lady. So, I was a little insulted and wanted to defend my man immediately but my friends started bombarding her with questions. I noticed she was intimidated so she excused herself and never came back. I called my fiancee. He told me he would come over to the house and discuss it
By the time I got home, he had called my parents to report me. My mum especially was furious! She screamed at me, Why was I trying to sabotage my life? Where did I expect to meet someone as nice and gentle with me as him? Why did I even meet with the Ex in the first place? Didn’t I trust him. I was tired, everyone was talking, I was listening so they drowned out my own voice. When my fiancee got to the house, he was already crying, saying if I wanted to leave him I should just say so. My mum cried with him, apologising on my behalf. After all the drama, I asked him, “swear to me on your mother’s grave you didn’t hit that girl” He swore by God and his mother’s grave and that was good enough for me
Two months into the marriage, the beating started. First, it was because I greeted my ex at a party. As soon as we got home, he pinned me to the wall, held me up by my neck and kept repeating “don’t ever embarrass me like that again”. because I was shocked, I didn’t move, but when I started seeing blurs, I started struggling and crying. He let me go and apologised immediately.
I couldn’t tell anyone because he apologised for a whole week and promised it would never happen again. But it did happen, at the slightest provocation. But he would apologise with gifts etc. I told my mum about it one time and she called him to warn him, I asked her if that was all she would do, she said if he did such again I should move my things back home. I was too embarrassed to tell her that wasn’t the first time, so when she asked me, I lied
One day, he found out from my whatsapp messages I was secretly seeing a therapist. He seized my phones, told my parents we were going to have some time by ourselves to resolve some issues but instead, he locked me in the house. I was already feeling pains in my left ear so when he slapped me, I begged him to please hit me somewhere else, that my ears hurt already and I could hear it ring. He didn’t believe me, so he continued to hit me repeatedly on my left ear. For 3 days, I was locked up in the house, while my husband tried to teach me a lesson. The 3rd day while he was sleeping downstairs, I jumped off the balcony upstairs. I knew I had broken something but I didn’t care, I crawled to the gate, begged the security to take me to my neighbours house. The lady screamed when she saw me. I was a mess. Eyes and mouth swollen, I must have looked really bad
I asked her to take me to my parents house. As soon as my dad saw me, he put me in the car and took me straight to the hospital. I saw him cry silently but I had no tears left to join him. We found out I had broken a hip and some weeks later found out my right ear drum was damaged.
My dad reported him to the police but he told them I had mental issues and would throw myself off the stairs, hit my head on the wall to get his attention. There was no evidence that he hit me, so he was released.
Why didn’t I leave? I was broken, embarrassed and blamed myself sometimes. I am still broken but I write this to you so you can share. Any sign of violence should not be treated lightly. I didn’t leave at the first sign, here I am, half deaf.
Written by: Anonymous for Diaryofanaijagirl.com