One Thing Real Love Never Does to You

Photo credit: The young black love 4 May 24, 2017 By Dang

Real love never limits you… it doesn’t restrict you… it doesn’t try to change you… it doesn’t entitle you, or anyone, to anything.

People are sometimes led to have a sense of entitlement because they mistakenly believe they are owed something based solely on the social role they have chosen.  For example, if someone has accepted the role of being a person’s friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband, they feel entitled to get certain ‘favors’ from this person.  If someone has accepted the role of being a parent, they feel entitled to being respected by their children.  If someone has accepted the role of being a customer, they feel entitled to be served to their unique needs.

But, as it turns out, there are no hard-wired entitlements in life.  And this is especially true of love.
Too often we associate love with limitations…

* “If he loves me, he will change.”
* “If she loves me, she will do what I say.” Read: Banky W and Adesua Etomi Love Story: Lesson Learnt

But that’s not real love.  Not even close.

Real love is un-limited.

In this freedom, you choose to find divine perfection in each other’s humanness.

In this freedom, your happiness is vital to each other, and sacrifices are made

And, that may not always mean you are part of the equation.

And that’s perfectly OK.

Because real love gives you that choice.

You both know deep down that to bind each other or tie each other or try to own each other in any way would be to minimize – to even kill – something within yourselves that is divine, and human, and soars and sings and keeps you both alive and free… and asks for nothing, yet gives everything.

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You both know that the moment you try to own each other is the moment you both become something else, other than what was sought, and desired, and loved in the first place.

So you choose to set each other free – completely unattached – even when you’re deeply connected.

This form of non-attachment does not mean not caring.  On the contrary, it means, among other things, caring so deeply that you both honor each other’s space and freedom… to simply BE. 

The foundation of love is to let people be unapologetically themselves, and to not distort them to fit our own egotistical ideas of who they “should” be.  Otherwise we fall in love only with our own senseless fantasies, and thus miss out entirely on their true beauty.  So save your relationships from needless stress.  Instead of trying to change the people you care about, give them your support and grow together.

Truth be told, some couples (and friends and family too) waste years trying to change each other, but this can’t always be done, because many of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of opinion, personality, or values based on their upbringing or distant past experiences.  By fighting over these deep seeded differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and running their relationship into the ground.

So how do two people in a relatively healthy relationship deal with the disagreements and differences that can’t be resolved?

They accept each other as is.  These couples understand that problems are an inevitable part of any long-term relationship…Psychologist Dan Wile said it best in his book After the Honeymoon: “When choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you’ll be grappling with for the next 10, 20 or 50 years.”

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Bottom line: Acceptance of one another is of vital importance to every relationship – it is a big part of the foundation – the freedom – from which real love grows.



4 comments on “One Thing Real Love Never Does to You

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