Monthly Archives: May 2017

Fine Boys

Beware of Fine Boys: Elevator Chronicles

Let me tell you…don’t ever see fine boys and assume all is well with them. I found out a hard way yesterday

I was on my way up the elevator to see my client but as soon I sighted a fine boy looking all manner of gooooddd rushing towards me shouting “Hold it please”. I quickly held the elevator

Normally I’m very wicked when it comes to these things because I like to take elevator selfie which means I have to be alone so when someone asks me to hold the elevator, I pretend to hold it then smile apologetically

Anyway Mr. fine, tall and dark got in the elevator with me. I restructured my face into a nice smile and looked ahead. Then he said “Hi”. I perceived it but my brain was not having it. I said “helleouwww” (that’s how we pronounce it when we’re talking to a fine boy) He then said “Who are you going to see on the 5th floor?”…

It was as if I was hit in the face with a bout of decomposed fish. Gosh! I went mute immediately. Excuse sir, does your mouth harbour all sort of weapons of mass destruction? His bad breath was like no other. I turned away from him as I held my breath till we got to the 5th floor…

When the day finally comes that I meet future husband, I hope all will be well cavity wise…

ibukun awosika

“Success For Me Means Winning In Business And Also Winning as A Wife Too”- Ibukun Awosika

“Success For Me Means Winning In Business And As A Wife Too”- Ibukun Awosika

Seeing my drive as a young entrepreneur, my father used to say, ‘I have given birth to this one’, and if anything happened, he was always present to assist me even if it meant selling his house to pay up any debts I may have incurred along the way. He never discouraged me.

When you are pursuing your dreams and trying to leave a legacy, you will find help. As a young girl in my twenties and in business, no bank was willing to lend me money. I became frustrated, working day and night, not because I didn’t know what to do but because I couldn’t meet the needs of clients due to the fact that I did not have adequate machinery…I soon got help from people who believed in my dreams and I finally got access to all the loans I needed.

I never had an agenda to be on the board of several companies…it came as a matter of life and reward as all I was trying to do was build businesses a certain way. I derive so much pleasure walking into an office that we furnished a long time ago and seeing our furniture looking nice; I get this joy and satisfaction that money cannot buy…Read: Family and Friends Must Pay; Banke Meshida’s Business Rules

I can guarantee you that you wont last long in this business if you cut corners. When I started the furniture business, I had people who started at about the same time I did. There are people in the furniture industry I call government children; once their people go out of power, their businesses cease to exist. I am content with the little I make because I made it the right way and sometimes you need to fight for survival.

You must understand that you are not indispensable to your business because you are not God. You are not the most important person, the guys who work for you are just as important as well. You must learn to respect them and the value they bring into your business. You can’t pay them peanuts and pay yourself all the money.

Success for me means winning as a wife as well; this means that I help my husband to be the best while he supports my dreams and desires…

Ibukun Awosika is popularly known as the Chairman of the board of Directors for First Bank of Nigeria, however, she is also an author, motivational speaker and runs several successful businesses.



Tales From Biafra By Yvonne Nwanyibuife Ada Chu-Ejikeme

Tales From Biafra

I was not born during the Nigerian Biafrian war. My mum was a little girl when the war broke out. She hates to relieve the memories of war but a few times she talked about the war she tells tales of hardship, hunger, fear, bunkers, air raids and the smell of death

One account that rings true is the tale of kwashiorkor suffered by the Biafrian children. She tells of an evening she returned from gathering leaves from the bush to prepare soup for dinner with her grandmother. They get home only to discover that her younger brother, my uncle who was suffering from kwashiorkor was missing. Inquiry from neighbours hinted that he may have been taken to the truck going to Gabon which was filled with Biafrian children suffering from kwashiorkor

They were going to Gabon to get relief

Her grandmother ran as fast as her legs could carry her towards the direction of the truck. It was already making its way out of their hometown. She kept screaming and running towards the truck in hot pursuit. Her hysteria made the truck driver pay her attention and finally stopped. She took my uncle from the midst of a lot of whimpering, frightened, hungry, potbellied, Biafrian children.

Imagine the number of our brothers and sisters who were forced to flee from their motherland as a result of war

Did they ever return? Your guess is as good as mine.


The war was bad. No one wishes war upon themselves or a nation. Why is it that some Igbos cannot forget and forgive what their ancestors do not wish to happen again? I spoke to a man who fought in the civil war, he told me he wishes the war had never happened. In his words, “it was senseless”.

Nigeria’s problem is corruption, lack of leadership, application of law and good governance. not segregation. If Igbos get their wish and are given their own republic, they will afce the same problems. I wish though, that the Biafrian agitators know that their leaders just want to amass wealth and power. Now that the noise is getting louder, their thirst for power becomes more potent…and deadly

Red flags

Forget What People Want. It’s Your Life. What Do You Want?

Everyone is quick to tell you what to do and how to do it. Admittedly, their advice is coming from a good place, It’s Your Life. What Do You Want?

When I wanted to resign from employment, no one, not even my dad encouraged me initially. Everyone was afraid for me, they wanted to keep me safe and secure in employment. But I was miserable, I wanted to do better, even though there was no assurance of success, I had confidence in God and myself. What did I want? I wanted to own my own business and find fulfilment in working tirelessly for myself.

What did I do? I prayed, felt peace in my heart and resigned. No one was happy, I was. Those who asked me not to resign, are quick to tell everyone today how proud they are of me

I remember when I almost got married to the wrong person. I had collected money for Aso-Ebi, MC had been paid, sugar band had been paid, hall was paid for but I knew deep in my heart If I went along with it, I would regret it. What did everyone else want? They wanted me to worry about my age, to try it and see if love will come later, some of my friends wanted to wear aso-ebi

What did I want? I wanted out, I wanted to stop choking in my sleep knowing the magnitude of mistake I was about to make. I wanted to marry for love. I wanted to stop crying every day. What did I do? I called it off. No amount of money was worth my happiness. Today, I couldn’t be more proud of myself

I started this blog to tell my story, and hoped that in time, people would trust me enough to tell theirs too. My very dear friend told me, “no one will pay attention to your blog if you don’t include gossip. Just mix things up a little”. That wasn’t what I wanted but I was almost tempted to do it. My friend didn’t mean any harm, he just wanted to stop seeing me write everyday and only my friends noticing the hard work.

Then, I asked myself, “Is this who you are? Is this what you want?” I hate gossip, I believe only small minds indulge so I stuck to what I wanted: To portray myself, as I was, and as I wanted to be. Today, my friend couldn’t agree more that that was bad advice

What do you want? Not what others want. You. Who are you deep in your heart? Life isn’t an exam, there are no model answers but what you must understand is that doing what is right for you is a definite pathway to getting the answers you want. For the rest of your life, you will continue to feel more inadequate and unsure of yourself until you step into your own.

Don’t be deceived, life sucks! The path you know in your heart is right for you may not be easy or smooth, or both. But this is the path you have chosen, if you ride the waves, I can assure you, you will arrive at shore in victory

“I had no idea that being your authentic self could make me as rich as I’ve become. If I had, I’d have done it a lot earlier” —Oprah Winfrey


Nigerian Couple Who Tried To Get Pregnant For 17 Years Welcomes Sextuplets

On May 11 Ajibola Taiwo gave birth to sextuplets. Three boys and three girls—by cesarean section at the Children’s Hospital of Richmond at VCU, United States. Taiwo was 30 weeks pregnant when she gave birth to her bundles of joy whose weight ranged from 1 pound, 10 ounces to 2 pounds, 15 ounces. While their mother was discharged on discharged her babies are still in the hospital’s neonatal intensive care unit, but are doing well.

“I hope for the smallest of my six children to grow up and say,‘I was so small, and look at me now,’” said Taiwo, according to the hospital’s press release. “I want my kids [to] come back to VCU to study and learn to care for others with the same people who cared for me and my family.”

This is the first sextuplet delivery in VCU Medical Center’s history. My Prayer for Mothers Who Have Said Child Birth is Not That Painful

The hospital stressed that these types of deliveries are complicated and require a serious team effort in order to ensure a safe birth for both mother and babies.

“The team quickly assembled to begin prenatal management and delivery planning including pre-delivery drills and resuscitation exercises,” said Susan Lanni, M.D., medical director of labor and delivery and maternal-fetal specialist at VCU Medical Center.

“A typical labor and delivery shift includes one, perhaps two premature births, usually with time in between. We had to coordinate with our colleagues in the NICU for six premature babies to be delivered simultaneously.”

Hospital officials stress that Mrs. Taiwo and her husband Adeboye Taiwo worked hard with their doctors during her pregnancy.

“We’re going through this extraordinary journey together with the family,” said Ronald Ramus, M.D., director of the Division of Maternal-Fetal Medicine at VCU Medical Center.

“It’s not every day that parents bring home sextuplets. Mrs. Taiwo was eating, sleeping and breathing for seven. A lot of the support and encouragement we gave her to make it as far as she did was important, and one of the biggest contributions we made as a team.”

Mr. Taiwo praised the VCU Medical Center for all of their help and professionalism.

“The medical team is excellent in medicine and hospitality,” he said. “We are far from home but the medical team is our family. That is what got us this far.”

Congrats to the Taiwo family!

making and selling

I Make N250,000 a Week from Making and Selling Mannequins – Emmanuel

My name is Emmanuel, I make N250,000 a week from making and selling Mannequins

I came to Lagos in the year 2000, I was 20 years old then. My plan was to come to Lagos to further my education so I could become a graduate but getting here the story changed. People who promised failed and I had to begin looking after myself

My brother who sells food stuff said I should join him in his shop instead. From whatever he paid me, I saved everything I could.

After 3 years I set up my own shop and started selling Food stuff but I soon realized that because it worked for my brother did not mean it would work for me. The business was not doing well so I decided to go back to what I really loved doing/drawing and creating

In 2008, I started learning how to make mannequin. Even though I had the talent, it took me another 2 years to learn how to perfectly make and market mannequin. But I was happy, I knew I was good at it and I would make money from the art

Then I opened my own shop Read: From selling Akara to building her own house and bakery. The story of Iya Noah

Coming to shop was not a problem anymore. I was always excited. My customers like me because I’m always happy so they keep coming back and referring people. Now, I make up to N500,000 in two weeks sometimes. When I was selling food stuff, I made a maximum of N10,000 weekly

Because someone is doing something and it worked for them doesn’t mean it will work for you. Doing something you love can sometimes be tough but at the end, it always works out

Ben underwood

“I’m not blind, I just cant see with my eyes.”- The Amazing Ben Underwood

“I’m not blind, I just cant see with my eyes.”- The Amazing Ben Underwood

I lost my eyesight when I was 2 years old…my mum says she noticed my right eye had a glow, kind of like the glow of a cat’s eye when caught in headlights. The doctors said it was a tumor, and we began treatment but at a point, it boiled down to ‘save my eyes and lose me’ or ‘save my life and lose the eyes.’ My mum chose to have my eyes removed. When I woke up from the surgery she said I screamed, “Mom, I cant see anymore, I cant see!” And she responded, “Ben, you can see, you can see me with your hands. Smell me and you can see me with your nose. Hear me and you can see me with your ears

Growing up, my brothers helped me a lot. My brother Derius taught me how to look for the seems under my clothing and the heels on my socks, so I could put them on correctly. And my little brother Isaiah was my eyes whenever we went out. When we would go shopping my mum would let me roam around and feel everything. When she was ready to go, she would go to the counter and start snapping her fingers saying, “Okay Ben, lets go.” I learnt to use my ears to find her.

I started practising echolocation because of her. She would take me down the sidewalk and let me echo to see how far it could go. I practised on hearing my environment, and things around me. Pretty soon, I could hear a trash can on the floor and pretty much anything stationary. I play video games, climb trees, ride bikes, roller skate, pretty much anything by ear. I even taught myself Japanese. People think it’s the end of the world when you lose your sight, but I can do pretty much anything I want to.

There was a time a fifth grader thought it would be funny to sneak up on me and punch me in the face. I chased him, clicking until I got to him and socked him a good one…He didn’t reckon on me going after him, but I can hear parked cars, walls, you name it…I’ve learnt to perceive objects by making a steady stream of sounds with my tongue, listening for the echoes as they bounce back. I can gauge distances like that

People ask me if I’m lonely, but I’m not, because someone is always around or I’ve got my cellphone so I talk with my friends. The hardest thing for me though is rejection. I can always tell when someone rejects me in any way. The thing I’m most scared of is water, but if I had eyes, its what I’d like most to see

I tell people I’m not blind, I just cant see with my eyes. There’s a difference.”

Ben’s cancer was in check until 2007, when he developed a tumor in his sinus cavity. Intensive treatment failed to knock down the disease. He died in 2009

Narrative culled from, ABC News, OWN

fake orgasm

Women fake Orgasm: I’m 42 Years Old, How come I’m just Knowing This? – Diary of A Naija Guy

Women fake Orgasm: I’m 42 Years Old, How come I’m just Knowing This?


I must tell you that I feel like an absolute klutz. I am a 42 year old recently divorced man and my ex wife told me last week, she faked a lot of her orgasm with me. I thought she was lying to get at me or make me feel like a loser so I shrugged it off . You see, we had an awesome sexual relationship. Even before we were married, it was really hot between us and we could never get enough of each other. After our child was born, she wanted sex more, I didn’t mind at all. We could be fighting but she’d never turn away my advances. Do you see what I’m saying? How can such a woman tell me she faked most of her orgasm with me?

On this day, she asked me about the girl I have recently started seeing. She especially wanted to know if our sex life was as hot with the lady as it was with her. I told my ex- wife I didn’t want to discuss my sex life. She then said “ Just make sure she’s not faking orgasm like I did”. That shook me for some seconds but she was laughing so I tried not to to take her seriously. However, she repeated it again, this time with a serious face and instances. That is impossible! I remember those instances and she looked like she was having the best of times. She told me, “ask other females”

My ex-wife was not my first sexual encounter, so when I couldn’t get over it, I started asking my old girlfriends and some of my female friends. I was scared to ask my girlfriend because I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the truth from her. They all said, “yes, sometimes we faked orgasm”. So, yesterday I told my girlfriend “I know you sometimes fake orgasm, I don’t think you should do that anymore” Her response was “But it’s not every time…” Ah!!!!! Jesuuuuu

This may have damaged my ego a little bit…But I feel a little better, at least they said it wasn’t every time… Or, who knows if they were lying?

You women folk should be feared. Henceforth, I will not take you folks at face value again. In fact, if you don’t orgasm during sex and you can’t tell me, that’s your problem. A man cannot kill himself because you lots refuse to be truthful and demand what is rightfully yours

Written by CY For


“Being A Virgin at 35 is Hard But It is Worth The Wait” – Alicia Smith

“Being A Virgin at 35 is Hard But I’m Worth The Wait”- ALICIA SMITH

I’ll be honest with you. One of the reasons why I’m still a virgin is because I know once I start, it’s going to happen constantly. I want it to be with one person because personally I don’t want to be with multiple people, but I know if I had started, that would be the case

There have been people that I thought were friends that could not handle the fact that I chose not to do certain things. When it comes to something like virginity or not drinking, I am not a judge of anyone. I want people to choose whatever they want to do and personal choice is a beautiful thing. But if you don’t want to be my friend because of the choices that I make, I can’t really complain about it because you weren’t really a friend in the first place

People think [virgins] aren’t sexual people at all and that we don’t like sex and that is not true at all. I just want to do it with one person. It’s another filter to find who he is,” she says. “If someone can’t handle confidence and they can’t handle me waiting for them, they’re not the person that I’m supposed to be with. I’m a firm believer that God leads him to you.

But to keep it real, it gets hard. There are moments of impatience and questioning as to when my Boaz will come, especially since motherhood is something that I desire. I’m imperfect, but at the end of the day, God does have everything planned out even before we’re thought of. So all of these tests and trials are there to prepare me for what He has planned for me in the future.

For now though, I’m walking in my purpose as a voice for those who need to be reminded of the beauty in their individuality, regardless of body type, race, or religious beliefs.”

It is okay to show the world who you are. It is okay to want to be something that isn’t the societal norm. Overcoming the fear of being bold, you have to say “NO” to that insecure voice. That has helped me become the strong woman that I am

Excerpt from Interview with Alicia is the owner of

Taraji P Henson

At The Age Of 26, Taraji P. Henson Ran Off To Hollywood With $700 And A Baby, Here’s How She Made It

At The Age Of 26, Taraji P Henson Ran Off To Hollywood With $700 And A Baby, Here’s How She Made It

1) You are the sum of your work and effort, not other people’s opinions.

“We went to Paris and screened the pilot [of Empire] for a thousand people. Lee Daniels [the series’ co-creator] brought me onstage. The audience stood up on their feet and clapped. I cried because, for so long in Hollywood, I’ve been told that black women don’t do well overseas, that they can’t open a film overseas. That moment for me was the best moment of my life. That’s better than any trophy, any award, any nomination. You know how they say music can heal the world? I feel that way about art in general.”

2) Trust your journey, avoid looking in the rearview.

“I don’t think about other people. They are not walking in my shoes. They are not paying my bills. What makes me happy is when I do what I like to do, for me.” Read: I Disguised as a Man To Work in The Mines

3) Your obstacles are only as big as the power you give them.

“When I got pregnant in college, people said, ‘This is it for her.’ But I did not stop. I never missed a class. I was in the school musical when I was six months pregnant—we just made the character pregnant. When I graduated, I carried my son across the stage. I wanted to be an actress; I moved out to L.A. with him. People were like, “Are you crazy, moving to California with your son?” My father was like, ‘Leave him home.’ I said, ‘I can’t leave my son at home.’ [And eventually] my father said, ‘That’s your baby. That’s your blessing. He’s going to be your strength.’ And you know what? He was. I didn’t have time to go to the club to “network.” That’s B.S. No business deals go down at the club. So I didn’t get caught up in that. I had a mission. I had to make my dream come true. If I didn’t, what was I proving to my son?”

4) Avoid Situationships! Develop Relationships with partners who are willing to grow with you

“I’m a mother first. I’m not trying to bring this guy and this guy around. I’m raising my son, and he’s gonna respect women, and that starts with me. [Dating] in the spotlight—I have to consider my son. I don’t want to make it uncomfortable for him when he goes to school with his peers. And I have to answer to my mom too.

I’m not twenty-something. I’m not trying to find myself—I know exactly who I am and exactly what I want. And I don’t want a fan. I want a man who understands me, who challenges me, who calls me on my sh-t instead of letting me get away with it because I’m supposed to be a star. I want a best friend.”

5) Fear is a Jedi mind trick that can cripple you if you aren’t careful

“Fear will cripple you, fear will kill you, fear will make you believe you’re not worthy. After 17 years in prison, Cookie feels there is nothing to fear. She made it out alive. In her mind that’s how strong she is. We all have that strength inside us. We just have to choose it.”

Via: Glamour Magazine

Lie I Was Told When I was Younger

I Am A Married African Woman; I Do Not Want Kids. This is My Choice

I Am A Married African Woman; I Do Not Want Kids. This is My Choice

“When are you planning on having your own children?” My mother asks in tears. This is a regular occurrence , happens most times I visit her. I had told her since I was 18 I didn’t want to have kids, I wonder why she thinks I’ll change my mind. I have never had that thing fluttering in my womb crying to be let loose, and like you will say, my ovaries have never developed goose bumps. Kids are adorable, I love them, I hang out with my nephews and nieces all the time but I still don’t want kids

Before I got married, I had a difficult time with Nigerian men accepting this fact about me. There was a time I was scared to tell my then boyfriend I didn’t want kids because I did really love him and saw us spending our lives together. “Sanmi, do you want to have kids in future?” I asked him one day while holding my breath. “Ofcourse. why?” he replied “What if your wife can’t have kids or don’t want to have kids?” I asked him again “All women want to have kids now…”. I noticed he wasn’t taking the conversation seriously. “Sanmi I don’t want to have kids, I have no maternal instincts” Safe to say he took me seriously then but we eventually broke up after he realized he couldn’t change my mind

When I met my husband, I told him on the 3rd date I didn’t want kids and if he wanted to run, that was the best time for him to do so. He proposed to me right there, even though without a ring. He said he had found his soul mate and he would never let go. Apparently, we both don’t want kids and have been broken up with countless times because of that.

I am tired of telling people I don’t want kids, because the looks and lectures I get annoys me and wears me out at the same time. I know I am an anomaly, an African woman who has chosen to be childless. No! we will not change our minds. There is nothing wrong with us. We are happy with who we are. I asked him before we got married, “what if something happens and you change your mind?” He then asked me the same. We both didn’t have an answer but here we are, 11 years after, still loving life, loving our extended family and content within ourselves and with each other

I am not selfish, or any less of a female. It takes more than a uterus to be a woman

Written by Oby O.K for

Sexual Abuse

Teaching Kids How to Defend Themselves From Sexual Abuse

Teaching Kids How to Defend Themselves From Sexual Abuse

I am Njideka Obi, founder and CEO of Safer Smarter Children Inc. I’m a mother to three amazing children aged 6, 4 and 2, a girl and two boys, and wife to a loving and supportive husband. I had an amazing childhood. My dad was a disciplinarian who doted on his kids but was quite strict. In fact, his disciplinary measures shaped me into the strong, confident woman that I am today and I will forever remain grateful to him for that

I studied law at the University of Nigeria, although I enjoyed working at a corporate job, I discovered I wasn’t fulfilled. I knew something was missing. I have always been passionate about children, and I love writing inspiring children’s stories that impact positively on their lives. My passion grew stronger as the years went by, and coupled with the alarming rate of child molestation, kidnap and other forms of violence against children, I made a decision to become a child safety advocate. As a child safety advocate I felt the need to teach children effective body safety rules and skills to keep them safe through my education and awareness initiatives. Today, that passion has taken the form of Funbug, a magazine publication targeted at children, and the Safer Smarter Children initiative Read: Letter To My Sisters

Up to 95 percent of child sexual abuse and other forms of violence against children is preventable through education and awareness. So, I felt a huge responsibility to apply my knowledge and passion to help as many children as possible

Lately, there has been so much talk in the media about child molestation. Child sexual abuse is increasing at an alarming rate and there is an urgent need to put a stop to it. We educate children on how to recognize sexual abuse, how to react to it and how to report it. We also educate them on how to avoid being kidnapped and what to do if they find themselves grabbed forcefully. They also learn how to avoid getting lost and what to do if they are lost

The funds realized from sale of the Funbug magazines is used to finance our child body safety trainings. All the training and awareness programs we have done so far have been for free.”

The feedback has been awesome! In fact, the magazine has surpassed our expectations, as more schools are subscribing to the Magazine. Parents have been piling the pressure to release more editions of the magazine; and the kids tell me how much they love it. Actually, I marvel at the reception and goodwill the magazine has earned so far.

Children's day

Children’s Day: “I Want to be The best Electrical Engineer in The World”- 13 Year Old Lekan

Because it’s children’s day today, we brought back Lekan’s story and his childhood dreams

My name is Lekan. I am 13years old. I have always liked to repair things from a young age. Things like television, Iron and DVD players interested me. I would pry them open when they don’t work and find a way to make them work

These days, after school I come here to learn how to do it better. MY mother advised me to come to this workshop so that when I want to repair things at home, I can do it quicker. When I’m confused, I borrow phones so I can go on the internet to read about some problems I’ve encountered. This really a lot.

DANG: Knowing all these now, would you still like to go to University?

Lekan: Yes. To study electrical electronics. I know it now and after university, I will be the best in the world.

Love is not enough

“Love is Not Enough But It is Key”: Mr and Mrs Sunday Oladimeji, Married for 41 Years

Love is not Enough But It is Key

My name is Sunday Oladimeji. This is my wife, Mrs Titilayo Oladimeji

We got married in 1976. The moment I saw her at a party in Ogbomosho in 1975 I knew she would be my wife. She was sitting by herself, but smiling. When I walked up to her, she was very respectful but it still took a while for her to agree to marry me. She made me travel to Ogbomosho to see her every weekend

Mrs Oladimeji (cuts in): But you didn’t mind now. You were afraid someone else will marry me that’s why you came to mark register every weekend

Mr Oladimeji (Smiling now): But you still married me despite all your “shakara”

Mrs Oladimeji: Sunday is a great man, he gave me all I wanted from the very first day I saw him. If he has 1naira he would share it with me

Mr Oladimeji: But she spent the 1naira like it was 1k. It still amazes me how she can buy a lot with the small money I give her

Mrs Oladimeji (Laughs out loud): It’s a secret. A woman should know how to manage the home, to make sure little is spent wisely so it can look like much. When you marry a man you love, you thank God every day. Sunday treats everyone like they are important, this makes me see God in him, so he is my second god. Even my children know they cannot compete with my husband

DANG: Is love enough in a marriage

Mrs Oladimeji: It is not but it is key. After we got married, I moved in with him in Lagos. We were managing one room with some of his brothers, he was the one training them. Things were really hard. Sometimes I got frustrated but Sunday was working so hard doing his trailer work and sometimes assistant driver. The man was doing his best, so I decided to help too, that way, I didn’t have to wait at home feeling bad

Mr Oladimeji: Yes. She helped and I am very proud of her. After driving trailer for days, all I want to do is come home. Even till now, she looks at me with so much love when I get back from tour, like a child. We are happy, our children have graduated and they are building a house for us. All our hard work has paid off. A man who cherishes peace and long life will marry the right woman. This way, life’s problems will reduce by 70%

domestic violence

Damaged Ear,Broken Hip, Fractured skull: I am a Victim of Domestic Violence

I am a victim of domestic violence

The first date I went with my husband, he shouted aggressively at the waiter, and turned back to me with a smile. Just like that, like a switch. I told him right there I didn’t think what he did was nice, he said he’s had issues with that same waiter before and he needed to put him in his place. I told myself to enjoy the dinner and not fret over little things. When I got home, I told my mum about it and she said to me “Don’t start finding faults in this one too o. Do you want a perfect man?”

Hmmmm…I gave myself a mental note to watch out for signs that he is aggressive, if there was one thing I used to say confidently, it was that I would never be caught in an abusive relationship, so I looked out for signs like a hawk. After that incident, nothing like that happened again and I must confess, I had the most amazing courtship, more than I imagined

Two weeks before the wedding, I received a phone call from a lady who said she was his ex girlfriend. She said she needed to talk to me and I should hear her out before I informed my fiancée of her call. I spoke to a few close friends and they asked me to meet with her, two of my friends also volunteered to go with me. When we met at an open lounge somewhere in Victoria Island, she said to me, “I have taken it upon myself to tell you this. Whatever you do with this information is up to you. Your fiancée and I dated for 6 months 3 years ago and he beat me 3 times. If you already know this, fine but if this is news to you, please think about it deeply before you marry him” Read: Despite The constant beating, I stayed…

First things first, I had never heard of this lady. So, I was a little insulted and wanted to defend my man immediately but my friends started bombarding her with questions. I noticed she was intimidated so she excused herself and never came back. I called my fiancee. He told me he would come over to the house and discuss it

By the time I got home, he had called my parents to report me. My mum especially was furious! She screamed at me, Why was I trying to sabotage my life? Where did I expect to meet someone as nice and gentle with me as him? Why did I even meet with the Ex in the first place? Didn’t I trust him. I was tired, everyone was talking, I was listening so they drowned out my own voice. When my fiancee got to the house, he was already crying, saying if I wanted to leave him I should just say so. My mum cried with him, apologising on my behalf. After all the drama, I asked him, “swear to me on your mother’s grave you didn’t hit that girl” He swore by God and his mother’s grave and that was good enough for me

Two months into the marriage, the beating started. First, it was because I greeted my ex at a party. As soon as we got home, he pinned me to the wall, held me up by my neck and kept repeating “don’t ever embarrass me like that again”. because I was shocked, I didn’t move, but when I started seeing blurs, I started struggling and crying. He let me go and apologised immediately.

I couldn’t tell anyone because he apologised for a whole week and promised it would never happen again. But it did happen, at the slightest provocation. But he would apologise with gifts etc. I told my mum about it one time and she called him to warn him, I asked her if that was all she would do, she said if he did such again I should move my things back home. I was too embarrassed to tell her that wasn’t the first time, so when she asked me, I lied

One day, he found out from my whatsapp messages I was secretly seeing a therapist. He seized my phones, told my parents we were going to have some time by ourselves to resolve some issues but instead, he locked me in the house. I was already feeling pains in my left ear so when he slapped me, I begged him to please hit me somewhere else, that my ears hurt already and I could hear it ring. He didn’t believe me, so he continued to hit me repeatedly on my left ear. For 3 days, I was locked up in the house, while my husband tried to teach me a lesson. The 3rd day while he was sleeping downstairs, I jumped off the balcony upstairs. I knew I had broken something but I didn’t care, I crawled to the gate, begged the security to take me to my neighbours house. The lady screamed when she saw me. I was a mess. Eyes and mouth swollen, I must have looked really bad

I asked her to take me to my parents house. As soon as my dad saw me, he put me in the car and took me straight to the hospital. I saw him cry silently but I had no tears left to join him. We found out I had broken a hip and some weeks later found out my right ear drum was damaged.

My dad reported him to the police but he told them I had mental issues and would throw myself off the stairs, hit my head on the wall to get his attention. There was no evidence that he hit me, so he was released.

Why didn’t I leave? I was broken, embarrassed and blamed myself sometimes. I am still broken but I write this to you so you can share. Any sign of violence should not be treated lightly. I didn’t leave at the first sign, here I am, half deaf.

Written by: Anonymous for

Do not Shrink To Fit

I Found Out My Friends Were My Biggest Haters

I Found Out My Friends Were My Biggest Haters

A few months ago, a friend of mine who I met through work invited me to come with her on a trip with two of her girlfriends. I was desperately wanting to get away so I jumped at the opportunity. However, three days into the trip, I had experienced a rude awakening where I came across a conversation on her phone as I was sending group photos from her phone to my number. My name popped up at the top of the screen from another co-worker (God’s intervention) and I found a conversation where she was talking about me behind my back.

As I read the conversation, I felt my body flashback to middle school, a time where I often found myself in the middle of catty situations. Yet, this time I was dealing with a 28- and 31-year-old. Two women I somewhat looked up to at my job and spent happy hours over drinks and talking about life, love, and all in between. Two people I naively trusted and I felt blind-sighted by it all.

In the conversation, I saw a screenshot of a photo that I posted to my Instagram the day before of me in a bikini on the beach and under I saw mean comments like, “Killing me softly.” As I continued to read the conversation, I instantly thought to hours earlier when I asked my friend to take a photo of me, she said in a snarky tone, “No, you have enough photos of yourself.” I took her response as her sarcasm and did not think twice about it

I felt angry, hurt, and betrayed. At first, I did not want to confront her about it. Yet, I figured that if I didn’t say anything, it’d probably eat me alive, cause me to act resentfully, and ruin my trip so I gathered the courage to pull her aside and tell her everything I saw and ask her what is going on. As I spoke I had to fight back tears because I felt vulnerable and hurt, especially being in another country, which was suppose to be a fun girl’s trip. She ended up apologizing and spent the rest of the trip acting really nice to me, which part of me knew she was only acting this way because she had been caught. I don’t believe in burning bridges so I decided to remain cordial and respectful, but I knew from then on that I could not trust her and had to distance myself.

I was always made fun of for being tall, skinny, lanky and not having any of the features “black girls are suppose to have” (big booty and boobs) as seen on music videos and throughout the media. I had extremely low self esteem and man it took so much internal work for me to be here. To be in a place where I unapologetically love myself within and without. To not compare myself or want to be anyone else.

Often we forget that most of the things that people do to us have nothing to do with us, but more about them. Your confidence, self-esteem, and happiness may cause other people to feel uncomfortable because they are not happy or confident in themselves

Yet nothing they can say or do will ever take away from this light of mine that I have found within myself. I have definitely learned a lesson about being more mindful about who I go on trips with and more importantly, watching who I call my friends, especially outside of my “day-one” circle of true friends.

Written By: Maritza

Living together before marriage

Living Together Before Marriage: Would You Do it?

On living together before marriage

“Sooooo, we moved in together

I made a big fuss of it early on, worried really about the stigma of shacking up, and what my family would think

Come to find out, my parents lived together before they were married. Pshh. Who knew.

Funny how we make a big deal out of things when they don’t deserve the time and attention. Besides, why was public opinion more important than my own wants and decisions in the first place?
Perhaps what was most important to me was God’s opinion Read: One Thing Love Never Does To You

What does God say about shacking up? I did a couple of internet searches to see what the Bible says. Turns out, there are no scriptures that speak directly against it. Sex before marriage is frowned upon, but living together is not really mentioned. This was a great relief for me, and helped with my comfortability in our decision-making

Sooooo… what have we learned about each other since moving in? I am clean and he is moderately clean. Our standards are simply different. Agreeing on chores and a cleaning system that works for both of us has required honest communication and compromise. Bae came up with the great idea of splitting up chores by the rooms in the house. On Sunday, my pastor recommended that women not tell their men what to do AND how to do things

So I am trying not to boss HOW he cleans.The closeness of living together makes it all worth it though. I LOVE being in close contact with him. Before moving in together, we had to make a 45 minute drive to see each other. And before then, it was an hour and fifteen minutes. Before then, it was a 2 hour plane ride. So needless to say we are VERY grateful to see each other more regularly. The close proximity also makes us more playful, flirtatious and loving toward each other. It feels good

If you are thinking about moving in with Bae…here are a few things to consider:
1) Why do you want to move in together?
Take time to really think about it.  

2) How does your decision align with your personal values? 

3) If not already engaged, create a deadline for how long you are willing to live together before engagement. Then, write it down! *baby girl/boy you, ever, get too, comfortable (comfortable)…#thanksWeezy*

4) How will you split household expenses and how will you communicate about them? 

5) What will happen when you fight? The “run away” conflict resolution method isn’t always the best when living with someone

Give this some thought.

Shannon Graham

Dignity in labour

Dignity in Labour: “This is my job and I have no shame”, Vulcaniser, Abiodun Mana

Dignity in Labour

“My name is Abiodun Mana. This is my job and I have no shame. I have been a vulcaniser for 21 years. For me it is not about the job you do. It is how committed you are to the job you do

For years I have been saving every week. I bought my first motorcycle, then second and now 9th. Saving was not easy because it meant I could not buy clothes and shoes or go to beer parlour to buy alcohol. Even for my wedding I couldn’t buy a lot of things for my wife’s bride price. I told her, “we need to save for our future” Read: Iya Noah builds a bakery and her own house from selling Akara

With this Vulcaniser job, I also consider myself a transporter. Because I now own 9 motorcycles that I maintain and get money from everyday. My 3 children go to private schools. Even though some parents in that school don’t want to associate themselves with me, I am okay. As long as my family is happy, I am okay

There is no shame in my work, I am a happy man and in my own way, I am successful”.

sexist tweet

My heartfelt Prayer For The Writer of This Sexist Tweet

Before I address this very sexist Tweet, I have a few prayer points for this Buksman

Buksman, for typing this utter rubbish:
May PHCN forget your street for a month

May mosquito feast on your balls

May they itch so much you won’t help but scratch them vigorously in public

May you mistakenly pour bleach on your favourite coloured shirt

May pop corn get stuck in your teeth

May you forget to close your windows tonight as you sleep so when it rains, you step into a mini flood as you wake up

May your neighbours steal your mop

After a long day of fasting, May you arrive at “Iya Eba” only to be told there’s no more fish and meat.

Back to the matter. There should be a limit to how dumb and sexists some men can be… I mean, who died and made this guy female wealth distributor? Read: Every woman must work, no matter how small

Women have continued to climb the rungs of power—building their ranks as heads of state, corporate leaders and media influencers—but their minority status means they still face harsh, limiting assessments by men like Buskem. He said “there should be a limit” to how rich a woman can be! Has he heard of Oprah and Mrs Alakija? Will he not gladly lick their feet, jump on the spot and bark like a dog if he was asked to do so by these women?

The thing with strong women is, once they embark on a journey with determination, there is no stopping them. They walk over bumps like a boss. Even though they may stay up all night crying and frustrated because of challenges, the next morning, Viola! They’re up dealing like a boss. I personally think when we cry, the tears wash away whatever was blocking our brain from finding a solution to our problems. The level of clarity we get after a good private cry is astonishing! (I digress)

These men that keep lowering the standards of partnership because they can’t catch up need to admit it and we will willingly coach them through personal development

Kudos to strong men who recognize strong women as assets. And to buksmAn the tweeter, receive wisdom …in trailer loads!