Dear DANG, Abusive Men Change. I am Proof

7 March 10, 2017 By Dang

I read your post yesterday morning about not giving abusive men a chance. I completely disagree

I got married at the age of 23 and my husband started hitting me 2 months into the marriage. No, there were no signs of this from him during our 2 year courtship. Even then I knew it was bad but I stayed and begged him to do better. He didn’t. After 6 months of consistent tantrums and violence, I moved out of the house while he was at work

I loved this man, with everything in my being. I couldn’t tell anyone about the violence while the abuse was going on but when I moved back to my parent’s, I had no choice but to tell them. My dad swore I wouldn’t go back there but I told them I wanted to give him a chance to do better because he is a good person with extreme temper issues. As expected of abusive men, he came begging with all his family members. My dad refused to see them but I took my husband to lunch some days later and told him how much I loved him. I also told him I believed in him and brought out a note where I wrote down for him all his good attributes. I insisted he gets help by himself and come back to me when he knows he can do better

I was 3 months pregnant at the time and I was ready to be a single mother but my guts and everything in me told me to stand by him. His mother would come to see me every weekend to tell me how he was seeing a counsellor and going to the gym everyday. He also started hanging out with orphaned kids every weekend just being their friend and sponsor

After 2 months of separation, he would stop by my parent’s house to pray with me on his way to work. I never asked how he was doing, I just did my part. Throughout this period, I told no one what I was going through. I also refused to allow my parents poison my thoughts. The love of my life had problems, I was ready to help him get better until my heart told me to let go

When we had our first baby, he begged me to move back to the house. I was not ready but I thought to try him out. My dad also insisted my brother move in with us, I agreed. I was scared a lot when we argued but he would tone down his voice and sometimes step out to the patio for some air

It has been 12 Years since then, he has never laid a finger on me. Today, my husband tells everyone that I saved his life, that when he saw how much I believed in him and refused to give up on him, he knew he couldn’t afford to lose me because of his own flaws. He also said the best decision I made then, was moving out

Reporting your husband to the world so quickly is a sign of the kind of woman you are. I believe Tonto should have given this man a chance to do better outside the toxic environment, and if enough time passes and he continues to disrespect her and their marriage, then she can share her testimony with the world. Sometimes, there is extreme sacrifice in love, in sickness or in health, in sorrow or pain…if these vows came from the heart, women won’t be so quick to take their marital problems to the public court



7 comments on “Dear DANG, Abusive Men Change. I am Proof

  1. Yemi

    Dear Lizzy,
    I found hope in your post… this message will definitely encourage someone. I however want to point out the effect of ‘time’ though. ”Time” is relative to all of us. From her (Tonto Dike) stories, it seems she covered a lot for her husband in the hope that he’d change. So to her, ‘his’ time was up. Remember that only a man who wants to change can be changed. If she spent 10 more years in the abuse or moved out for 2 years and he didn’t want to change, she will still be here ‘telling’ the world. But guess what, she would have lost time. Time to heal, time to recover, time to be a better person to herself.


  2. Anonymous

    A nice story of hope and love overcoming all things..However, people have different thresholds/tolerance levels/maturity levels and also the willingness of the violent person to change is also something to consider. Glad it worked out for both.


  3. Anonymous

    Dear poster ur story shows a lot of strength but however we all have different tolerance level for different things. I can’t even stand a man hit me twice but can definitely give him more than two chance for another flaw. I am thankful for your marriage and I sincerely hope men don’t always make violence the way out


  4. Anonymous

    After all said and done, I wish we all have respect for each other,love him or her as yourself and with God everything will be OK.


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