Monthly Archives: March 2017

Dear Lagos Market Women, “Why Always Angry?”

On Thursday, a family friend in America asked me to buy her ‘Awin’ (Pictured). I realised I could only get it inside the Lagos Island market. It had been a while since I visited that side of Lagos but I it wasn’t a big deal, so off to the market I went

Crossing over from the Marina car park into the market, I was plunged straight into chaos. Car honks everywhere, buses squeezing their way out from a narrow road with thousands of people walking right in the middle of the road but the buses accelerated anyway, blaring their honks and shouting “commot for road now”

My personal experience started when I heard someone screaming behind me “Nkiru, Nkiru, come and buy skirt”. I thought to myself while smiling “do I look like Nkriu now?”. The same voice again, just as if he heard my thoughts “ Nkiru with the big breast na you I day call, come buy skirt now”. That cracked me up and almost made me hold my chest in defence. Instead I gave him disgusted look and went on my way

It took me a while but I finally found someone who sold this fruit. There were many other market women whose wears and goods were placed around her but the road was really tight so I stood between the fruit seller and the woman next to her who sold bra and pant

“Aunty please you dey block my view”. Said madam Bra and Pant seller

In my mind I thought “what view exactly?” But I smiled nicely and told her “I’m sorry madam but theres no where else to stand…”

She quickly fired back “ahn ahn, stand in front of the person way day sell something to you na”

“But madam I’m standing right here. This place is too tight” My smile was still in place

“If e too tight for you why you no go buy awin for shoprite?” she said bitterly

Ah. How did we get to shop rite just now? So I shifted a little to the right even though there really was no where to turn to. I told the awin seller to please hurry so I could leave

“Come and see how these rich people behave…” She addressed the general audience “I say move, she look me dey smile like say I dey craze. Na you day craze. stay for your side of market, I don talk too much?”

What was this woman’s problem? I don’t mind confrontations but I wasn’t about to pick an unnecessary fight with her. So I ignored her while I tried to fetch money out of my bag

She stood, came to stand beside me, legs spread wide, claiming her space and nudging me further to the right with her shoulder

This woman just blocked her own damn view! This way, any passerby would not see the bra and pant she littered on the tray. This made me erupt in laughter.I said, “Madam if person day pass wey wan buy bra and pant now how dem go see am? You don block yourself now”

She instinctively moved to the left, giving me the leg room she intended to deny me in the first place. I bursted into laughter again. As I walked away I could hear her screaming “Na your mama you day laugh. Na your Papa you day laugh. Can you imagine?…she don make me lose customer, why you no send your house boy….”

Her voice faded as I walked briskly away from that situation, still shaking my head in awe

Serial Cheat

Dear DANG, Abusive Men Change. I am Proof

I read your post yesterday morning about not giving abusive men a chance. I completely disagree

I got married at the age of 23 and my husband started hitting me 2 months into the marriage. No, there were no signs of this from him during our 2 year courtship. Even then I knew it was bad but I stayed and begged him to do better. He didn’t. After 6 months of consistent tantrums and violence, I moved out of the house while he was at work

I loved this man, with everything in my being. I couldn’t tell anyone about the violence while the abuse was going on but when I moved back to my parent’s, I had no choice but to tell them. My dad swore I wouldn’t go back there but I told them I wanted to give him a chance to do better because he is a good person with extreme temper issues. As expected of abusive men, he came begging with all his family members. My dad refused to see them but I took my husband to lunch some days later and told him how much I loved him. I also told him I believed in him and brought out a note where I wrote down for him all his good attributes. I insisted he gets help by himself and come back to me when he knows he can do better

I was 3 months pregnant at the time and I was ready to be a single mother but my guts and everything in me told me to stand by him. His mother would come to see me every weekend to tell me how he was seeing a counsellor and going to the gym everyday. He also started hanging out with orphaned kids every weekend just being their friend and sponsor

After 2 months of separation, he would stop by my parent’s house to pray with me on his way to work. I never asked how he was doing, I just did my part. Throughout this period, I told no one what I was going through. I also refused to allow my parents poison my thoughts. The love of my life had problems, I was ready to help him get better until my heart told me to let go

When we had our first baby, he begged me to move back to the house. I was not ready but I thought to try him out. My dad also insisted my brother move in with us, I agreed. I was scared a lot when we argued but he would tone down his voice and sometimes step out to the patio for some air

It has been 12 Years since then, he has never laid a finger on me. Today, my husband tells everyone that I saved his life, that when he saw how much I believed in him and refused to give up on him, he knew he couldn’t afford to lose me because of his own flaws. He also said the best decision I made then, was moving out

Reporting your husband to the world so quickly is a sign of the kind of woman you are. I believe Tonto should have given this man a chance to do better outside the toxic environment, and if enough time passes and he continues to disrespect her and their marriage, then she can share her testimony with the world. Sometimes, there is extreme sacrifice in love, in sickness or in health, in sorrow or pain…if these vows came from the heart, women won’t be so quick to take their marital problems to the public court

Lizzy