Tokophobia: I Am Afraid of ChildBirth

Photo credit: Verywell 8 August 14, 2016 By Dang

As people have pervasive or seemingly illogical fears about heights or small spaces, a lot of women have a pathological fear of pregnancy and childbirth; myself included. However, because there is an overwhelming consensus that all those with wombs must want children, and want to be pregnant, I have kept this phobia to myself for a while.

Till date, I often seek out stories to back up my phobia but I find that most comments from readers are extremely judgemental and harsh, this makes me feel really bad because Such lack of understanding of the issue seems incredibly cruel

I have always dreamt of being a mother, But anytime I imagine myself pregnant, I imagine something unbearable happening, I quickly develop an acute panic attack and make the images disappear as quickly as they come. I had in the past, allowed friends and family to explain this fear away.

My ex said “you are vain, you don’t want to destroy your figure”, my sister says “I’m disappointed you’ll take surrogacy or adoption over natural birth” my friend says “you are just saying that because you haven’t experienced the joy of childbirth”

Being afraid to lose my figure is the least of my problems, I also spend a lot of my time with kids, I love them and enjoy their company tremendously; Oh, and my sis saying she is disappointed is not something I’ll look too deep into, whatever decisions I make, she’ll love me anyway

Having dissected other people’s opinions, I find that I still am afraid of childbirth and would rather adopt or get a surrogate.

Is this so un-African? Am I supposed to say this out loud since I’m single and may not find a typical African man to marry based on this? Will marriage change my mind? I don’t think I would be doing myself any good if I decided to get pregnant just to make a man happy, this is not the kind of compromise anyone should ask of me or any woman who has this fear for that matter.

Is there a possibility I might change my mind or get over this?, I hope so but having prayed about it, googled and read several articles about how to resolve this, Tokophobia persists


8 comments on “Tokophobia: I Am Afraid of ChildBirth

  1. Omon

    Hmmm do you know I have asked my mum if I could wake up and have a 4.year old son by my side and I will be on told that he is mine , she really didn’t get my gist about being scared of pregnancy. I become all sweaty and scared when I think about it. I love kids don’t get me wrong , I adore my nephew and nieces a whole lot but now that you mentioned it I know am not alone. Someone even insinuated that I should seek help that’s it’s spiritual. I just laughed at her.


  2. Anonymous

    I’m so scared of this, i would love to have kids, but when i hear people talk about the pains, i really get scared


  3. Ohan

    I totally have a phobia for child birth too. Funny thing is, I’d like to have like ten kids, lol. It’s totally normal to feel the fear, I feel like even the mothers making it seem like its crazy to be scared of childbirth were scared too, I mean who won’t be with all that pushing. I just feel the need to get it done and over with will overshadow the pain and love will get in place of the fear and turn us to super women, last last, we’ll overcome lol. And honey, trust me, husband that is right for you won’t be scared away by your phobia, he’ll try to work out a way… Maybe he’ll carry the pregnancy for you, as the man lol


  4. Toluwalope

    Oh! How great it is to know that I’m not alone in this. I thought I had a problem. My major fear about child birth is the sight of so much blood also the pain associated with a CS… May God help us


  5. Pingback: Here's The Truth About post-C-section Body: Never Compare Yourself To Beyoncé - DANG

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